Texts From Last Night

sailor_man's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM http://tfl.nu/7din
  Replies (9) Good night (1669) Bad night (346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist. http://tfl.nu/1sb8
  Replies (7) Good night (2049) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success! http://tfl.nu/k1zi
  Replies (10) Good night (1601) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good. http://tfl.nu/spab
  Replies (1) Good night (1030) Bad night (422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart. http://tfl.nu/fy2b
  Replies (9) Good night (833) Bad night (337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend http://tfl.nu/ehpb
  Replies (13) Good night (4397) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch. http://tfl.nu/qcd2
  Replies (3) Good night (1582) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going. http://tfl.nu/c63w
  Replies (7) Good night (1419) Bad night (286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad http://tfl.nu/lcu6
  Replies (4) Good night (1511) Bad night (350)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night? http://tfl.nu/eqjw
  Replies (8) Good night (1072) Bad night (305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Why Weren't you wearing pants?

  (647): View more from Ontario

  because pants are for people with no imagination

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Why Weren't you wearing pants? (647): because pants are for people with no imagination http://tfl.nu/baiz
  Replies (6) Good night (2214) Bad night (408)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER! http://tfl.nu/av7d
  Replies (9) Good night (1096) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask?? http://tfl.nu/g9zb
  Replies (17) Good night (1706) Bad night (297) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK http://tfl.nu/1e7j
  Replies (4) Good night (2909) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence? http://tfl.nu/gb31
  Replies (6) Good night (1018) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us.. http://tfl.nu/2996
  Replies (20) Good night (3284) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever http://tfl.nu/iy56
  Replies (51) Good night (10823) Bad night (1082)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast. (704): Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger! http://tfl.nu/sya3
  Replies (8) Good night (1267) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Are you alive?

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Are you alive? (1-204): I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all. http://tfl.nu/y639
  Replies (4) Good night (1400) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him. http://tfl.nu/x8vu
  Replies (9) Good night (2141) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar http://tfl.nu/p9qp
  Replies (6) Good night (2941) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement. http://tfl.nu/1khp
  Replies (2) Good night (1207) Bad night (369)
• Favorite

  (551): View more from New Jersey

  Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (551): Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win. http://tfl.nu/l1vw
  Replies (12) Good night (1296) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (787): Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM http://tfl.nu/4phi
  Replies (17) Good night (1386) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH

  (1-805): View more from California

  budget cuts

  (805): View more from California

  YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS

  (1-805): View more from California

  budget cuts are serious business

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH (1-805): budget cuts (805): YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS (1-805): budget cuts are serious business http://tfl.nu/xrnj
  Replies (14) Good night (3820) Bad night (681)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea. http://tfl.nu/kw7e
  Replies (5) Good night (349) Bad night (1280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body http://tfl.nu/gs9m
  Replies (7) Good night (1318) Bad night (353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Ps I am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now (440): Ps I am http://tfl.nu/ow38
  Replies (8) Good night (2056) Bad night (380)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you. http://tfl.nu/p99c
  Replies (7) Good night (1349) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO. (301): Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever. http://tfl.nu/txh9
  Replies (11) Good night (1849) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now. http://tfl.nu/gaaz
  Replies (29) Good night (3274) Bad night (495)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today. http://tfl.nu/hnp2
  Replies (12) Good night (6202) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire. http://tfl.nu/4291
  Replies (1) Good night (524) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.

  (1-985): View more from Louisiana

  Do I have a choice?

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response. (1-985): Do I have a choice? (985): I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again. http://tfl.nu/kt0k
  Replies (13) Good night (2668) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave http://tfl.nu/h612
  Replies (16) Good night (1489) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  doooooooo herrrrrrrrr

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm out of practice. be my yoda

  (314): View more from Missouri

  put your penis in her you must.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): doooooooo herrrrrrrrr (504): I'm out of practice. be my yoda (314): put your penis in her you must. http://tfl.nu/ti1e
  Replies (58) Good night (17890) Bad night (866)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious. http://tfl.nu/zbxr
  Replies (7) Good night (1354) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS http://tfl.nu/ftff
  Replies (17) Good night (2280) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas. http://tfl.nu/yx8c
  Replies (13) Good night (3943) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome. http://tfl.nu/ktg3
  Replies (5) Good night (1698) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously http://tfl.nu/w3a5
  Replies (3) Good night (1705) Bad night (404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home. http://tfl.nu/3qi1
  Replies (8) Good night (1083) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Lube is flammable

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Who is this??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Lube is flammable (404): Who is this?? http://tfl.nu/y4u7
  Replies (18) Good night (3596) Bad night (549)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably. http://tfl.nu/2r5e
  Replies (10) Good night (1304) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over. http://tfl.nu/xpv9
  Replies (22) Good night (1344) Bad night (1812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could http://tfl.nu/zj3u
  Replies (4) Good night (1535) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser http://tfl.nu/4p89
  Replies (5) Good night (394) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Challenge Accepted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight (440): Challenge Accepted http://tfl.nu/bdzo
  Replies (11) Good night (2276) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I will be naked everywhere

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I will be naked everywhere http://tfl.nu/uvl6
  Replies (4) Good night (1723) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video http://tfl.nu/4318
  Replies (10) Good night (2472) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait. http://tfl.nu/31q4
  Replies (6) Good night (1227) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts... http://tfl.nu/yx0v
  Replies (5) Good night (1070) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready. http://tfl.nu/c6az
  Replies (19) Good night (2127) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan. http://tfl.nu/do61
  Replies (14) Good night (1831) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos. http://tfl.nu/2qr6
  Replies (8) Good night (2905) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta http://tfl.nu/zwtd
  Replies (6) Good night (1114) Bad night (411)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?

  (516): View more from New York

  lol... you weighed it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night? (516): lol... you weighed it? http://tfl.nu/fdcm
  Replies (11) Good night (3822) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff. http://tfl.nu/cfnv
  Replies (2) Good night (1182) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE http://tfl.nu/jqwa
  Replies (18) Good night (4007) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH http://tfl.nu/ef88
  Replies (9) Good night (2012) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it. http://tfl.nu/gdcc
  Replies (20) Good night (4171) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm off the liquor

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I'm off the liquor (1-403): You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick http://tfl.nu/sglp
  Replies (7) Good night (1868) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum. http://tfl.nu/gdla
  Replies (8) Good night (1453) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I want to take my head off and cuddle with it

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I want to take my head off and cuddle with it (832): Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole http://tfl.nu/jldl
  Replies (7) Good night (1016) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  You went to jail last night?!

  (1-910): View more from North Carolina

  Just a little bit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): You went to jail last night?! (1-910): Just a little bit. http://tfl.nu/exzq
  Replies (24) Good night (3705) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...

  (718): View more from New York

  What do herpes have to do with anything?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico... (718): What do herpes have to do with anything? http://tfl.nu/w2v0
  Replies (4) Good night (616) Bad night (1118)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl. http://tfl.nu/e3wo
  Replies (11) Good night (653) Bad night (1273)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever http://tfl.nu/wkge
  Replies (6) Good night (3163) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance. http://tfl.nu/gr0i
  Replies (25) Good night (9085) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied. http://tfl.nu/wnhg
  Replies (13) Good night (4407) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay. http://tfl.nu/tpqf
  Replies (25) Good night (5833) Bad night (625)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond. http://tfl.nu/i1tf
  Replies (12) Good night (2471) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming. http://tfl.nu/2tij
  Replies (6) Good night (3041) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon. http://tfl.nu/hf2o
  Replies (20) Good night (3249) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn. http://tfl.nu/ws8z
  Replies (8) Good night (2554) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome http://tfl.nu/7akx
  Replies (4) Good night (2057) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  It's official drugs can't kill me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): It's official drugs can't kill me http://tfl.nu/v797
  Replies (13) Good night (1963) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god. http://tfl.nu/ci1f
  Replies (10) Good night (6130) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout. http://tfl.nu/q2nt
  Replies (42) Good night (9159) Bad night (1181) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record. http://tfl.nu/1ug5
  Replies (12) Good night (702) Bad night (2725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  Vomiting outside the employee entrance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me? (1-217): Vomiting outside the employee entrance http://tfl.nu/gco9
  Replies (15) Good night (6907) Bad night (1278)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from. http://tfl.nu/yx57
  Replies (11) Good night (2618) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex. http://tfl.nu/opu2
  Replies (11) Good night (3791) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap http://tfl.nu/39t2
  Replies (7) Good night (2388) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America. http://tfl.nu/e8n4
  Replies (3) Good night (1462) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him. http://tfl.nu/aojd
  Replies (10) Good night (2393) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion. http://tfl.nu/easp
  Replies (10) Good night (4861) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something. http://tfl.nu/60sr
  Replies (7) Good night (2033) Bad night (1190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Hopefully she would park on my face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there. (1-919): Hopefully she would park on my face. http://tfl.nu/4722
  Replies (21) Good night (6139) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  Where the hell are you

  (706): View more from Georgia

  He's winning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon. (1-706): Where the hell are you (706): He's winning. http://tfl.nu/bx2u
  Replies (23) Good night (5522) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman http://tfl.nu/wgol
  Replies (11) Good night (3016) Bad night (907)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game. http://tfl.nu/pari
  Replies (22) Good night (2364) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Houston, we have a squirter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Houston, we have a squirter http://tfl.nu/27k8
  Replies (25) Good night (6367) Bad night (1261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  What color are my eyes?

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  Ummmm... 34 C?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): What color are my eyes? (1-519): Ummmm... 34 C? http://tfl.nu/3v5v
  Replies (14) Good night (11438) Bad night (1156) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen. http://tfl.nu/ty3k
  Replies (3) Good night (2382) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent. http://tfl.nu/g0ez
  Replies (21) Good night (6992) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21. http://tfl.nu/keb8
  Replies (6) Good night (4149) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him. http://tfl.nu/q8r5
  Replies (10) Good night (3513) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn http://tfl.nu/fhqp
  Replies (12) Good night (2720) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time. http://tfl.nu/vomf
  Replies (13) Good night (2984) Bad night (1047) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk. http://tfl.nu/fti6
  Replies (9) Good night (2870) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out. http://tfl.nu/isge
  Replies (7) Good night (2647) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one http://tfl.nu/7gmu
  Replies (10) Good night (5927) Bad night (1258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage" http://tfl.nu/fr69
  Replies (16) Good night (8696) Bad night (1015)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs. http://tfl.nu/uj0s
  Replies (19) Good night (7065) Bad night (898)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit http://tfl.nu/yivm
  Replies (14) Good night (1074) Bad night (3566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  What did you cook with whisky?

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We started a fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky. (1-306): What did you cook with whisky? (306): We started a fire. http://tfl.nu/4y3v
  Replies (11) Good night (5827) Bad night (1012)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time. http://tfl.nu/5sl5
  Replies (7) Good night (5174) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good. http://tfl.nu/bj85
  Replies (13) Good night (4482) Bad night (1316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight. http://tfl.nu/4uel
  Replies (7) Good night (2450) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless. http://tfl.nu/abxi
  Replies (11) Good night (4499) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad. http://tfl.nu/5dfv
  Replies (12) Good night (1143) Bad night (3833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/4n1i
  Replies (7) Good night (3394) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley. http://tfl.nu/h7e5
  Replies (15) Good night (2535) Bad night (1391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed. http://tfl.nu/vazj
  Replies (8) Good night (2207) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment http://tfl.nu/9by6
  Replies (3) Good night (2302) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work. http://tfl.nu/4b6j
  Replies (9) Good night (3216) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (51686) Bad night (2730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (152) Good night (65376) Bad night (3435)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out. http://tfl.nu/tea7
  Replies (14) Good night (7725) Bad night (1447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  well its been awhile since I've surfed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol (1-813): well its been awhile since I've surfed http://tfl.nu/lkwy
  Replies (4) Good night (1806) Bad night (376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off. http://tfl.nu/2s4x
  Replies (10) Good night (6576) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed. http://tfl.nu/ytov
  Replies (15) Good night (4870) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted http://tfl.nu/ojyr
  Replies (6) Good night (3406) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour. http://tfl.nu/wtdj
  Replies (9) Good night (4480) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): why is there cat hair all over my deoderant? (1-330): she wanted to smell more freshershest than you. http://tfl.nu/rk6z
  Replies (33) Good night (5625) Bad night (1444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened... http://tfl.nu/unry
  Replies (66) Good night (25123) Bad night (2646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again http://tfl.nu/fzl1
  Replies (25) Good night (6524) Bad night (1090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  how was last night?

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): how was last night? (1-908): i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me. http://tfl.nu/23nl
  Replies (32) Good night (6241) Bad night (2936)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal? http://tfl.nu/y7ty
  Replies (9) Good night (566) Bad night (677)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate http://tfl.nu/fqo5
  Replies (32) Good night (7741) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  The pine trees are waving at me.

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Put the pipe down honey.

  (253): View more from Washington

  Hi trees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): The pine trees are waving at me. (907): Put the pipe down honey. (253): Hi trees. http://tfl.nu/6b23
  Replies (17) Good night (7975) Bad night (1530)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it http://tfl.nu/qght
  Replies (4) Good night (1728) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it! http://tfl.nu/we6e
  Replies (24) Good night (4087) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go? http://tfl.nu/lxh6
  Replies (32) Good night (4641) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  false alarm. still invincible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): false alarm. still invincible. http://tfl.nu/rmc6
  Replies (35) Good night (8195) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms. http://tfl.nu/ibyd
  Replies (13) Good night (5120) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it. http://tfl.nu/e919
  Replies (20) Good night (7649) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over. http://tfl.nu/b7hl
  Replies (62) Good night (7905) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance http://tfl.nu/1kat
  Replies (22) Good night (3534) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner http://tfl.nu/rb90
  Replies (20) Good night (4670) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun http://tfl.nu/5s8r
  Replies (12) Good night (8431) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad. http://tfl.nu/wyhj
  Replies (9) Good night (5723) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny http://tfl.nu/a88g
  Replies (17) Good night (6341) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked. http://tfl.nu/x6u7
  Replies (6) Good night (4447) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car http://tfl.nu/skxr
  Replies (22) Good night (7043) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/xwig
  Replies (33) Good night (14690) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (358) Good night (59112) Bad night (7119) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist. http://tfl.nu/t4io
  Replies (26) Good night (8856) Bad night (1034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm jealous

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  My throat feels like a candle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English. (1-270): I'm jealous (270): My throat feels like a candle. http://tfl.nu/vpw9
  Replies (31) Good night (7514) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint. http://tfl.nu/divk
  Replies (25) Good night (9035) Bad night (1040)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer http://tfl.nu/xxdd
  Replies (31) Good night (10918) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  dude how high are you right now?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground. (1-256): dude how high are you right now? (256): do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves. http://tfl.nu/7ihc
  Replies (40) Good night (11522) Bad night (1103)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish. http://tfl.nu/lwox
  Replies (42) Good night (19854) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high http://tfl.nu/lasc
  Replies (21) Good night (8137) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  bl l w

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): bl l w (201): this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel. http://tfl.nu/4an5
  Replies (63) Good night (8278) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73368) Bad night (2463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Tie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet (908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building (201): Tie http://tfl.nu/a5wy
  Replies (97) Good night (43616) Bad night (1462)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now. http://tfl.nu/y18v
  Replies (160) Good night (13060) Bad night (1629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  :)

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Wipe that smile off your face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): :) (443): Wipe that smile off your face. http://tfl.nu/iqow
  Replies (28) Good night (6026) Bad night (675)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss

  (301): View more from Maryland

  OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?

  (518): View more from New York

  Doritoesssssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss (301): OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with? (518): Doritoesssssss http://tfl.nu/528p
  Replies (41) Good night (13046) Bad night (1172)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  we're chasing vodka with high fives

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): we're chasing vodka with high fives http://tfl.nu/2m9s
  Replies (38) Good night (17145) Bad night (918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Shittttttt.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy. (1-734): Shittttttt. (734): Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy. http://tfl.nu/htfb
  Replies (33) Good night (9684) Bad night (653)