Texts From Last Night

rebecka's Favorites Texts:

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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell

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  (270): I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell http://tfl.nu/jfse
  Replies (17) Good night (5706) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players

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  (770): he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players http://tfl.nu/ani7
  Replies (36) Good night (1292) Bad night (6266) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend

  (1-210): View more from Texas

  I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.

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  (210): drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend (1-210): I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning. http://tfl.nu/558s
  Replies (26) Good night (2002) Bad night (5076)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."

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  (248): you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion." http://tfl.nu/tkud
  Replies (12) Good night (5436) Bad night (1084) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.

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  (904): Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is. http://tfl.nu/v4zj
  Replies (49) Good night (9108) Bad night (1234) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."

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  (512): You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you." http://tfl.nu/7ipp
  Replies (9) Good night (4124) Bad night (1604) Order T-Shirt
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  The police scanner is talking about you again....

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  (712): The police scanner is talking about you again.... http://tfl.nu/f6sk
  Replies (16) Good night (8454) Bad night (1189) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball

  (419): View more from Ohio

  And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity

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  (419): We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball (419): And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity http://tfl.nu/7q0o
  Replies (35) Good night (5332) Bad night (1600)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.

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  (514): His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn. http://tfl.nu/voym
  Replies (44) Good night (10207) Bad night (1669) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.

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  (954): tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"? (1-954): Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards. http://tfl.nu/k91c
  Replies (72) Good night (10683) Bad night (1196)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.

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  (334): she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/rmvr
  Replies (39) Good night (1317) Bad night (5466) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.

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  (410): i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job. http://tfl.nu/i6fk
  Replies (33) Good night (4364) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.

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  (563): I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever. http://tfl.nu/ydd6
  Replies (20) Good night (908) Bad night (4447) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  who is canola oil?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're an idiot.

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  (610): can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans (1-610): who is canola oil? (610): you're an idiot. http://tfl.nu/vy3c
  Replies (64) Good night (2958) Bad night (731)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension

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  (303): friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension http://tfl.nu/bl0j
  Replies (46) Good night (1615) Bad night (5037) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.

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  (610): I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families (570): That statement alone makes me laugh so hard. http://tfl.nu/jdb3
  Replies (7) Good night (6113) Bad night (957)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh

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  (206): If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh http://tfl.nu/j9ko
  Replies (41) Good night (8524) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.

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  (320): That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying. http://tfl.nu/lgsw
  Replies (30) Good night (3924) Bad night (939) Order T-Shirt
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".

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  (705): You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this". http://tfl.nu/puns
  Replies (39) Good night (8227) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
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  (718): View more from New York

  what happened last night?

  (917): View more from New York City

  u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style

  (718): View more from New York

  that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left

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  (718): what happened last night? (917): u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style (718): that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left http://tfl.nu/i3a9
  Replies (39) Good night (13971) Bad night (903)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.

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  (804): I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work. http://tfl.nu/4b6j
  Replies (9) Good night (3216) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night

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  (270): It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night http://tfl.nu/y9wt
  Replies (19) Good night (3824) Bad night (1092) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic

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  (317): The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic http://tfl.nu/lvdi
  Replies (17) Good night (15691) Bad night (1089)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.

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  (204): Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now. http://tfl.nu/lhag
  Replies (41) Good night (1280) Bad night (5874) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.

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  (302): I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn. http://tfl.nu/nwzi
  Replies (45) Good night (4777) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car

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  (973): Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car http://tfl.nu/9e8r
  Replies (38) Good night (8894) Bad night (1843) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'

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  (732): I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.' http://tfl.nu/iq97
  Replies (27) Good night (1391) Bad night (5076) Order T-Shirt
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.

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  (807): I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order. http://tfl.nu/8dgh
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once

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  (417): I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka (479): I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once http://tfl.nu/xq51
  Replies (10) Good night (5879) Bad night (716)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?

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  (239): I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise? http://tfl.nu/0r1q
  Replies (25) Good night (6861) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree

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  (561): Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree http://tfl.nu/oe6w
  Replies (32) Good night (7882) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.

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  (954): thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much. http://tfl.nu/ll22
  Replies (27) Good night (7388) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much

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  (248): today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much http://tfl.nu/3dmn
  Replies (26) Good night (10249) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

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  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (25469) Bad night (1344)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

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  (617): just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole http://tfl.nu/otvq
  Replies (434) Good night (54932) Bad night (6425) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.

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  (847): I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note. http://tfl.nu/4rpl
  Replies (47) Good night (13788) Bad night (1229)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.

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  (941): thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated. http://tfl.nu/xw0x
  Replies (17) Good night (16761) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg

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  (423): my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg http://tfl.nu/cjr9
  Replies (65) Good night (18323) Bad night (1128) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not

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  (302): They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not http://tfl.nu/juyk
  Replies (12) Good night (1047) Bad night (4245) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.

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  (708): I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you. http://tfl.nu/rvgi
  Replies (15) Good night (1575) Bad night (4353) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!

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  (519): Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit. (416): Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?! http://tfl.nu/iavy
  Replies (39) Good night (10184) Bad night (1057)
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  (716): View more from New York

  She's like a pop up book from hell.

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  (716): She's like a pop up book from hell. http://tfl.nu/grf5
  Replies (18) Good night (905) Bad night (3945) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.

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  (248): If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme. http://tfl.nu/8vj2
  Replies (12) Good night (7685) Bad night (1200) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.

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  (207): Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present. http://tfl.nu/yqaq
  Replies (21) Good night (4351) Bad night (1164) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Dont! You were just serving you country

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  (770): So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now... (404): Dont! You were just serving you country http://tfl.nu/lcsl
  Replies (71) Good night (6648) Bad night (2264)
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  (518): View more from New York

  She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.

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  (518): She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change. http://tfl.nu/rlg4
  Replies (16) Good night (1746) Bad night (5641) Order T-Shirt
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.

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  (636): A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it. http://tfl.nu/t9xf
  Replies (30) Good night (19820) Bad night (1250) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.

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  (440): he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life. http://tfl.nu/ggva
  Replies (14) Good night (8387) Bad night (886)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.

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  (219): I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives. http://tfl.nu/v9m4
  Replies (11) Good night (7632) Bad night (1151) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.

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  (608): sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself. http://tfl.nu/6c7w
  Replies (26) Good night (9830) Bad night (1526) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b

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  (314): The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b http://tfl.nu/enbb
  Replies (9) Good night (765) Bad night (4427) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.

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  (631): It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom. http://tfl.nu/aix7
  Replies (48) Good night (6253) Bad night (1698)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  no, that is not a typo

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday

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  (401): i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night (401): no, that is not a typo (401): i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday http://tfl.nu/nleu
  Replies (50) Good night (6526) Bad night (2069)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I can't believe he would be such an ass

  (1-561): View more from Florida

  Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.

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  (561): I can't believe he would be such an ass (1-561): Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything. http://tfl.nu/zk45
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them

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  (336): you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them http://tfl.nu/fxdr
  Replies (33) Good night (11552) Bad night (2133) Order T-Shirt
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  (646): View more from New York

  it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there

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  (646): it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there http://tfl.nu/bxrn
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  (845): View more from New York

  They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.

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  (845): They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids. http://tfl.nu/mgv1
  Replies (48) Good night (1347) Bad night (5434) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later

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  (715): We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later http://tfl.nu/4xtv
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.

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  (814): dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out. http://tfl.nu/nbi4
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night

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  (905): i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night http://tfl.nu/m366
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.

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  (319): Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk. http://tfl.nu/a04b
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.

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  (304): You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me. http://tfl.nu/fshf
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  (716): View more from New York

  Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.

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  (716): Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten. http://tfl.nu/4lci
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  (210): View more from Texas

  happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.

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  (210): happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal. http://tfl.nu/4nij
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.

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  (847): Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels. http://tfl.nu/hv8u
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  whats a bus flip?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  idk but apparently i invented it

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  (225): i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip (1-225): whats a bus flip? (225): idk but apparently i invented it http://tfl.nu/n87k
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.

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  (856): part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty. http://tfl.nu/jt5n
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I did the walk of shame to church this morning.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  hooker boots and all?

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.

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  (313): I did the walk of shame to church this morning. (734): hooker boots and all? (313): Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway. http://tfl.nu/9ht9
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  hows the party?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ists fjcssing insceredle

  (913): View more from Kansas

  be there in 10

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  (913): hows the party? (816): ists fjcssing insceredle (913): be there in 10 http://tfl.nu/innz
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am the drunkest girl in the tree.

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  (484): I am the drunkest girl in the tree. http://tfl.nu/zje1
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.

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  (970): I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it. http://tfl.nu/8hng
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?

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  (857): So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month? http://tfl.nu/9rfa
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  Soulmates.

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  (301): He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?" (1-301): Soulmates. http://tfl.nu/8tiz
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  (631): View more from New York

  This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.

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  (631): This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her. http://tfl.nu/wxz7
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  (716): View more from New York

  You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...

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  (716): You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am... http://tfl.nu/rcas
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.

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  (313): Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ. http://tfl.nu/xfic
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  (936): View more from Texas

  You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.

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  (936): You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that. http://tfl.nu/w7w8
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  (518): View more from New York

  you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"

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  (518): you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!" http://tfl.nu/jby7
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.

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  (540): I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here. http://tfl.nu/rnyh
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  (646): View more from New York

  You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.

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  (646): You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward. http://tfl.nu/aqj7
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?

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  (704): We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You? http://tfl.nu/j4cx
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  (713): View more from Texas

  If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.

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  (713): If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free. http://tfl.nu/xcq7
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.

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  (313): So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial. http://tfl.nu/zbd1
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you should get a family discount.

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  (770): I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer. (404): you should get a family discount. http://tfl.nu/bl35
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.

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  (610): The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices. http://tfl.nu/tdjd
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.

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  (847): I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking. http://tfl.nu/ou65
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"

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  (614): Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge" http://tfl.nu/439j
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"

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  (514): i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon" http://tfl.nu/hj7f
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over

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  (740): He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over http://tfl.nu/br0o
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off

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  (215): the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off http://tfl.nu/gmrh
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?

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  (612): When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder? http://tfl.nu/3y9l
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  (561): View more from Florida

  i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.

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  (561): i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks. http://tfl.nu/2sae
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

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  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

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  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow

  (1-269): View more from Michigan

  Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10

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  (269): So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow (1-269): Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10 http://tfl.nu/n472
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

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  (604): She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking. http://tfl.nu/ilmx
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?

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  (215): How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers? http://tfl.nu/g3e9
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