Texts From Last Night

polishkid's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former. http://tfl.nu/bzj0
  Replies (2) Good night (1271) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system. http://tfl.nu/cus3
  Replies (14) Good night (1907) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out. http://tfl.nu/k7xk
  Replies (8) Good night (4498) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Breakfast tacos?

  (1-832): View more from Houston, Texas

  YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Breakfast tacos? (1-832): YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS http://tfl.nu/haxw
  Replies (17) Good night (2811) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding. http://tfl.nu/zvb5
  Replies (1) Good night (1496) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem. http://tfl.nu/6woq
  Replies (3) Good night (2641) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes. http://tfl.nu/1odp
  Replies (0) Good night (1322) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested. http://tfl.nu/rwnz
  Replies (1) Good night (1820) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME? http://tfl.nu/y4zz
  Replies (7) Good night (2649) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Did you get your crutches off the street sign?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Did you get your crutches off the street sign? http://tfl.nu/v5z3
  Replies (2) Good night (1271) Bad night (948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars

  (1-252): View more from North Carolina

  I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars (1-252): I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers http://tfl.nu/w67j
  Replies (6) Good night (1941) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here. http://tfl.nu/lskr
  Replies (3) Good night (1447) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  You're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits. (414): You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/kntv
  Replies (9) Good night (1987) Bad night (960)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  You working tonight?

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): You working tonight? (856): Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess http://tfl.nu/kicb
  Replies (9) Good night (2365) Bad night (1447)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true. http://tfl.nu/azt6
  Replies (5) Good night (2539) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds. http://tfl.nu/dlpp
  Replies (5) Good night (1307) Bad night (857)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate? (816): um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan http://tfl.nu/0tla
  Replies (11) Good night (7660) Bad night (918)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten. http://tfl.nu/1asa
  Replies (13) Good night (5509) Bad night (625)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet http://tfl.nu/w7lt
  Replies (3) Good night (1860) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?

  (325): View more from Texas

  Jail. That could go wrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong? (325): Jail. That could go wrong. http://tfl.nu/f51a
  Replies (5) Good night (2058) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters. http://tfl.nu/m77a
  Replies (10) Good night (2698) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (428): View more from

  she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (428): she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report. http://tfl.nu/mjah
  Replies (3) Good night (1818) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it. http://tfl.nu/6xw0
  Replies (15) Good night (1291) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out http://tfl.nu/x67i
  Replies (2) Good night (1824) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day. http://tfl.nu/y8lp
  Replies (9) Good night (2683) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music... http://tfl.nu/dqnk
  Replies (7) Good night (2582) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV

  (802): View more from Vermont

  you're the only one i would trust to do that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV (802): you're the only one i would trust to do that http://tfl.nu/yrsp
  Replies (8) Good night (2446) Bad night (716)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!" http://tfl.nu/fs29
  Replies (11) Good night (3711) Bad night (940)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings. http://tfl.nu/mygm
  Replies (6) Good night (1594) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.

  (254): View more from Texas

  He's majoring in Religion

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka. (254): He's majoring in Religion http://tfl.nu/gx54
  Replies (9) Good night (2366) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car. http://tfl.nu/qdlm
  Replies (9) Good night (2015) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  pants will make it better? really?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand. (1-804): pants will make it better? really? http://tfl.nu/cx1r
  Replies (7) Good night (2195) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking. http://tfl.nu/t4jf
  Replies (11) Good night (4782) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze. http://tfl.nu/em9r
  Replies (6) Good night (1937) Bad night (1245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again. http://tfl.nu/e05t
  Replies (2) Good night (1998) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment http://tfl.nu/wq23
  Replies (10) Good night (2230) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits... http://tfl.nu/sn6g
  Replies (6) Good night (1727) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats http://tfl.nu/x34n
  Replies (2) Good night (1298) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!! http://tfl.nu/y0d6
  Replies (4) Good night (2135) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child http://tfl.nu/htew
  Replies (8) Good night (1820) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk. http://tfl.nu/38ru
  Replies (9) Good night (1932) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs. http://tfl.nu/fbru
  Replies (9) Good night (3506) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase. http://tfl.nu/thr7
  Replies (11) Good night (1019) Bad night (1853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level. http://tfl.nu/1en2
  Replies (12) Good night (3376) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex. http://tfl.nu/mg10
  Replies (6) Good night (2048) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life. http://tfl.nu/34re
  Replies (12) Good night (3506) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro http://tfl.nu/z3ei
  Replies (10) Good night (2870) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus. http://tfl.nu/i1nm
  Replies (4) Good night (1659) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays http://tfl.nu/fevr
  Replies (9) Good night (3587) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless http://tfl.nu/jzwl
  Replies (105) Good night (11560) Bad night (1205)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point http://tfl.nu/celc
  Replies (40) Good night (1820) Bad night (7020)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans. http://tfl.nu/20x0
  Replies (6) Good night (2341) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore http://tfl.nu/3p2d
  Replies (10) Good night (1899) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (754): View more from Florida

  I feel like the other woman.

  (954): View more from Florida

  You ARE the other woman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (754): I feel like the other woman. (954): You ARE the other woman. http://tfl.nu/ryi3
  Replies (19) Good night (3039) Bad night (1547)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not. http://tfl.nu/n7ii
  Replies (12) Good night (2987) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there. http://tfl.nu/vwmy
  Replies (3) Good night (1629) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever. http://tfl.nu/ir44
  Replies (7) Good night (3149) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card. http://tfl.nu/7db5
  Replies (6) Good night (2729) Bad night (553)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics

  (416): View more from Toronto

  But that's half the fun of it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics (416): But that's half the fun of it http://tfl.nu/vf29
  Replies (6) Good night (2297) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences? http://tfl.nu/kgto
  Replies (8) Good night (1285) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3. http://tfl.nu/3wgo
  Replies (4) Good night (1976) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend. http://tfl.nu/yswq
  Replies (2) Good night (1850) Bad night (1152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today http://tfl.nu/s99h
  Replies (2) Good night (2110) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost. http://tfl.nu/w01g
  Replies (17) Good night (7138) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?

  (313): View more from Michigan

  death...100% death...what r u planning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip? (313): death...100% death...what r u planning. http://tfl.nu/azwl
  Replies (9) Good night (1168) Bad night (1616)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die. http://tfl.nu/75m1
  Replies (10) Good night (1988) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder. http://tfl.nu/f12p
  Replies (21) Good night (9319) Bad night (1233)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  My entire life is one complicated drinking game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): My entire life is one complicated drinking game http://tfl.nu/hoza
  Replies (19) Good night (4095) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life http://tfl.nu/5boh
  Replies (6) Good night (2736) Bad night (1308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up http://tfl.nu/ccq8
  Replies (5) Good night (2527) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): 1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame? http://tfl.nu/zg21
  Replies (23) Good night (7456) Bad night (986)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people. http://tfl.nu/uumz
  Replies (24) Good night (5868) Bad night (1041)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star.. http://tfl.nu/hv80
  Replies (9) Good night (2075) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please. http://tfl.nu/vb3l
  Replies (9) Good night (4340) Bad night (870)