Texts From Last Night

muireann04's Favorites Texts:

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.

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  (410): Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops. http://tfl.nu/wmir
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.

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  (480): Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan. http://tfl.nu/ryui
  Replies (5) Good night (3118) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!

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  (425): Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue! http://tfl.nu/4b94
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.

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  (215): Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me. http://tfl.nu/119t
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again

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  (708): if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again http://tfl.nu/p1ce
  Replies (14) Good night (6864) Bad night (1180) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.

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  (315): The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/v27u
  Replies (3) Good night (2707) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.

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  (256): Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence. http://tfl.nu/20hw
  Replies (6) Good night (2275) Bad night (946)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.

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  (203): Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor. http://tfl.nu/o6bb
  Replies (54) Good night (1743) Bad night (5364) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.

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  (917): Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree. http://tfl.nu/ljt4
  Replies (16) Good night (2768) Bad night (1434)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"

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  (262): He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage" http://tfl.nu/fr69
  Replies (16) Good night (8719) Bad night (1034)
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  (650): View more from California

  guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?

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  (650): guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina? http://tfl.nu/cd8y
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  (425): View more from Washington

  the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition

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  (425): the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition http://tfl.nu/w42o
  Replies (11) Good night (4010) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...

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  (727): I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real... http://tfl.nu/t9kl
  Replies (14) Good night (1026) Bad night (4323) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON

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  (843): REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON http://tfl.nu/qqb2
  Replies (12) Good night (1231) Bad night (2462) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.

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  (815): There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed. http://tfl.nu/rw7p
  Replies (4) Good night (3057) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.

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  (952): I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing. http://tfl.nu/jvox
  Replies (25) Good night (1547) Bad night (3449) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  oh my god i'm in a crawl space

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  (715): oh my god i'm in a crawl space http://tfl.nu/mjlz
  Replies (16) Good night (2624) Bad night (1203) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.

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  (805): He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/k960
  Replies (23) Good night (1493) Bad night (2122) Order T-Shirt
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  (789): View more from

  Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.

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  (789): Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back. http://tfl.nu/mvrr
  Replies (4) Good night (2101) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
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  (727): View more from Florida

  its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics

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  (727): its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics http://tfl.nu/k6wq
  Replies (22) Good night (4000) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.

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  (828): Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me. http://tfl.nu/wdvy
  Replies (15) Good night (7936) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.

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  (617): Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns. http://tfl.nu/g37i
  Replies (28) Good night (4643) Bad night (1378) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.

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  (702): Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom. http://tfl.nu/iz3f
  Replies (23) Good night (881) Bad night (4556) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.

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  (917): Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea. http://tfl.nu/2kaw
  Replies (12) Good night (1716) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....

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  (770): his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me.... http://tfl.nu/rsl7
  Replies (32) Good night (1350) Bad night (3111) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.

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  (423): I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats. http://tfl.nu/9par
  Replies (6) Good night (1790) Bad night (2404) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.

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  (925): This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong. http://tfl.nu/nz0q
  Replies (16) Good night (3271) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.

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  (512): In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian. http://tfl.nu/ew8b
  Replies (7) Good night (2302) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."

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  (717): She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen." http://tfl.nu/c7q3
  Replies (32) Good night (9273) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?

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  (614): Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team? http://tfl.nu/idfg
  Replies (12) Good night (3512) Bad night (1074) Order T-Shirt
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.

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  (580): You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose. http://tfl.nu/41p8
  Replies (37) Good night (9023) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  well now I have to

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  (405): I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home. (1-405): well now I have to http://tfl.nu/4hfb
  Replies (9) Good night (3653) Bad night (1651) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.

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  (732): It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes. http://tfl.nu/jz1i
  Replies (11) Good night (802) Bad night (2747) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right

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  (920): Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right http://tfl.nu/du0e
  Replies (24) Good night (6040) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!

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  (724): who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?! http://tfl.nu/teth
  Replies (13) Good night (2595) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp

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  (443): and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp http://tfl.nu/f0ut
  Replies (32) Good night (1808) Bad night (4302) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now

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  (570): Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now http://tfl.nu/f08u
  Replies (20) Good night (2831) Bad night (1247)
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  (310): View more from California

  We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.

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  (310): We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened. http://tfl.nu/spf0
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  (214): View more from Texas

  What do you think it is?

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.

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  (214): What do you think it is? (615): It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow. http://tfl.nu/3ng4
  Replies (12) Good night (4898) Bad night (1459)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.

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  (337): Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times. http://tfl.nu/ao6t
  Replies (30) Good night (9329) Bad night (993)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.

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  (281): I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked. http://tfl.nu/jbhc
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  (512): View more from Texas

  want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.

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  (512): want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase. http://tfl.nu/ejib
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.

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  (316): Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her. http://tfl.nu/l2pb
  Replies (31) Good night (4457) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt