Texts From Last Night

michelleboycee's Favorites Texts:

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?

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  (412): Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am? http://tfl.nu/j782
  Replies (7) Good night (1562) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
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  (771): View more from

  i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.

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  (771): i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey. http://tfl.nu/c3n2
  Replies (11) Good night (414) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass

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  (310): I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass http://tfl.nu/6152
  Replies (6) Good night (1650) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.

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  (814): I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography. http://tfl.nu/gojc
  Replies (4) Good night (1979) Bad night (377)
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  (464): View more from Illinois

  He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.

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  (464): He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit. http://tfl.nu/lyxm
  Replies (10) Good night (2304) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.

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  (502): He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on. http://tfl.nu/ri58
  Replies (7) Good night (1065) Bad night (390) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.

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  (714): I am "lost the control of my head" high right now. http://tfl.nu/ruo5
  Replies (2) Good night (878) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.

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  (541): I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that. http://tfl.nu/zm0m
  Replies (3) Good night (1293) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.

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  (805): No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard. http://tfl.nu/br69
  Replies (5) Good night (2079) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.

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  (770): When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers. http://tfl.nu/iawl
  Replies (7) Good night (1054) Bad night (367) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.

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  (914): Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game. http://tfl.nu/xx77
  Replies (15) Good night (3054) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.

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  (480): I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other. http://tfl.nu/zykp
  Replies (12) Good night (1005) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures

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  (416): But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures http://tfl.nu/emrg
  Replies (2) Good night (1408) Bad night (319) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am

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  (904): I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am http://tfl.nu/dm8p
  Replies (9) Good night (2033) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!

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  (608): WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?! http://tfl.nu/0ru3
  Replies (2) Good night (1610) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.

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  (516): 8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine. http://tfl.nu/fqbx
  Replies (10) Good night (2087) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day

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  (808): I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day http://tfl.nu/wum7
  Replies (9) Good night (1041) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.

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  (303): Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much. http://tfl.nu/2s2x
  Replies (11) Good night (1645) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair

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  (570): I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair http://tfl.nu/vjbt
  Replies (3) Good night (726) Bad night (1188) Order T-Shirt
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  (858): View more from California

  WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.

  (760): View more from California

  You're High aren't you?

  (858): View more from California

  Sooooo high

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  (858): WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service. (760): You're High aren't you? (858): Sooooo high http://tfl.nu/byvy
  Replies (11) Good night (2954) Bad night (470)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.

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  (774): We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot. http://tfl.nu/pm9n
  Replies (7) Good night (1690) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage

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  (201): His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage http://tfl.nu/lo9j
  Replies (5) Good night (1838) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.

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  (740): do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment. http://tfl.nu/04bg
  Replies (12) Good night (2165) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke

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  (201): She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke http://tfl.nu/9cxf
  Replies (1) Good night (1357) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.

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  (254): I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire. http://tfl.nu/x5cn
  Replies (11) Good night (1939) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.

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  (419): WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME. http://tfl.nu/mbtp
  Replies (11) Good night (897) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange

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  (765): The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange http://tfl.nu/tkqz
  Replies (9) Good night (3170) Bad night (463)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.

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  (307): Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness. http://tfl.nu/pn5t
  Replies (0) Good night (939) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.

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  (413): I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR. http://tfl.nu/5elj
  Replies (16) Good night (2792) Bad night (655)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN

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  (715): just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN http://tfl.nu/9tva
  Replies (24) Good night (1949) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.

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  (484): I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive. http://tfl.nu/gosk
  Replies (4) Good night (4185) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.

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  (757): So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real. http://tfl.nu/gd5o
  Replies (14) Good night (3658) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Im calling him

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember

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  (606): Im calling him (606): was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember http://tfl.nu/dfbx
  Replies (1) Good night (970) Bad night (503)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day

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  (240): Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day http://tfl.nu/21po
  Replies (6) Good night (2655) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.

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  (714): I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished. http://tfl.nu/d04x
  Replies (12) Good night (4965) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms

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  (248): Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms http://tfl.nu/jxub
  Replies (4) Good night (3256) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  There are so many Jimmy John's employees here

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  Where are you?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Jimmy John's.

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  (512): There are so many Jimmy John's employees here (1-512): Where are you? (512): Jimmy John's. http://tfl.nu/2l3c
  Replies (10) Good night (5580) Bad night (656)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs

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  (403): Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs http://tfl.nu/f0zi
  Replies (3) Good night (2311) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Why do you think it's a no-pants party?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.

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  (978): Why do you think it's a no-pants party? (603): Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation. http://tfl.nu/hg9g
  Replies (4) Good night (2757) Bad night (448)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  You're fine

  (585): View more from New York

  I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.

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  (772): You're fine (585): I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine. http://tfl.nu/gnen
  Replies (4) Good night (1518) Bad night (768)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.

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  (423): I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud. http://tfl.nu/10lu
  Replies (9) Good night (2665) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"

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  (580): Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying" http://tfl.nu/0sq3
  Replies (4) Good night (3737) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.

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  (815): I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn. http://tfl.nu/iw95
  Replies (1) Good night (1458) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You slow clapped the stripper last night.

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  (215): You slow clapped the stripper last night. http://tfl.nu/fdwr
  Replies (4) Good night (2915) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god

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  (845): you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god http://tfl.nu/778n
  Replies (10) Good night (2562) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.

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  (301): I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now. http://tfl.nu/ln6x
  Replies (8) Good night (2164) Bad night (1045) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...

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  (614): not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin... http://tfl.nu/5fas
  Replies (29) Good night (2853) Bad night (676)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?

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  (816): We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right? http://tfl.nu/k62y
  Replies (3) Good night (1664) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice

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  (908): I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice http://tfl.nu/gs1d
  Replies (6) Good night (1135) Bad night (1689)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle

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  (267): my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle http://tfl.nu/n0zg
  Replies (14) Good night (4718) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.

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  (503): If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit. http://tfl.nu/71x6
  Replies (11) Good night (2000) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.

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  (814): My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order. http://tfl.nu/pxpo
  Replies (21) Good night (2540) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.

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  (859): if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it. http://tfl.nu/6uvx
  Replies (10) Good night (2601) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Dude. Do it.

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?

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  (678): So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out. (770): Dude. Do it. (678): Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober? http://tfl.nu/58ew
  Replies (15) Good night (4253) Bad night (557)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"

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  (712): That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time" http://tfl.nu/be6i
  Replies (11) Good night (4218) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore

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  (401): um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore http://tfl.nu/seg6
  Replies (11) Good night (688) Bad night (2229)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.

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  (985): If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable. http://tfl.nu/fbq8
  Replies (12) Good night (5358) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  oh. my. god. yes.

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  (360): i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life. (1-360): oh. my. god. yes. http://tfl.nu/jrnd
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me

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  (978): literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me http://tfl.nu/9ayb
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.

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  (765): i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER. http://tfl.nu/2z74
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.

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  (203): he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him. http://tfl.nu/z649
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  (818): View more from California

  I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter

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  (818): I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter http://tfl.nu/u1op
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice

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  (865): we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door (865): and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice http://tfl.nu/lffl
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...

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  (757): I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want... http://tfl.nu/xmvr
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.

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  (405): I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost. http://tfl.nu/voez
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?

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  (856): He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs? http://tfl.nu/ic15
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.

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  (403): Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now. http://tfl.nu/qiaj
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style

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  (314): I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style http://tfl.nu/rcp4
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  what did you do?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i asked her out. that's so hot.

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  (203): she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex. (860): what did you do? (203): i asked her out. that's so hot. http://tfl.nu/dg3d
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.

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  (608): sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself. http://tfl.nu/6c7w
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  (904): View more from Florida

  pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.

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  (904): pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking. http://tfl.nu/eg7z
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.

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  (269): I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police. http://tfl.nu/uj8w
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  (916): View more from California

  Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash

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  (916): Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash http://tfl.nu/rtwe
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.

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  (256): Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby. http://tfl.nu/s0x6
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  (310): View more from California

  Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide

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  (310): Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide http://tfl.nu/450d
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  (209): View more from California

  Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!

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  (209): Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country! http://tfl.nu/zlp4
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.

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  (603): I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob. http://tfl.nu/3ajr
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for

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  (540): Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for http://tfl.nu/c110
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.

  (1-304): View more from West Virginia

  Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.

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  (304): I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us. (1-304): Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat? (304): No there was a goat. I gave it a donut. http://tfl.nu/bds8
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school

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  (360): Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school http://tfl.nu/4t6a
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  (914): View more from New York

  Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem

  (914): View more from New York

  Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.

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  (914): Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem (914): Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty. http://tfl.nu/8j05
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.

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  (410): She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her. http://tfl.nu/tg03
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.

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  (256): He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front. http://tfl.nu/08qp
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals

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  (660): i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals http://tfl.nu/iisz
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.

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  (215): Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT. http://tfl.nu/2ngi
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.

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  (970): you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you. http://tfl.nu/kcuf
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