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youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
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