kenziebby33's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out http://tfl.nu/zt8v
  Replies (3) Good night (1593) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex... http://tfl.nu/9y7e
  Replies (6) Good night (550) Bad night (855)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations. http://tfl.nu/2l5l
  Replies (14) Good night (1343) Bad night (287) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in? http://tfl.nu/31ig
  Replies (2) Good night (1006) Bad night (206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment http://tfl.nu/nqpl
  Replies (1) Good night (831) Bad night (189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night. http://tfl.nu/nub3
  Replies (6) Good night (628) Bad night (286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores http://tfl.nu/za4f
  Replies (3) Good night (857) Bad night (229) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER (1-319): THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL http://tfl.nu/179q
  Replies (12) Good night (2706) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow. http://tfl.nu/dkso
  Replies (7) Good night (1236) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT

  (440): View more from Ohio

  COME TO THE BLANKET FORT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT (440): COME TO THE BLANKET FORT http://tfl.nu/1mvf
  Replies (4) Good night (1216) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket http://tfl.nu/0lhc
  Replies (11) Good night (1347) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me. http://tfl.nu/pw4l
  Replies (8) Good night (1624) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience. http://tfl.nu/6ty7
  Replies (11) Good night (1443) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem. http://tfl.nu/85aq
  Replies (4) Good night (2026) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity.. http://tfl.nu/e3ua
  Replies (16) Good night (2106) Bad night (4697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right? http://tfl.nu/k62y
  Replies (3) Good night (1673) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits? http://tfl.nu/6yhs
  Replies (83) Good night (1352) Bad night (10796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot. http://tfl.nu/7dw2
  Replies (12) Good night (1932) Bad night (909)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed http://tfl.nu/ippt
  Replies (9) Good night (2430) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  handjob tips. give me some.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): handjob tips. give me some. http://tfl.nu/678j
  Replies (76) Good night (4200) Bad night (1489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex. http://tfl.nu/iosj
  Replies (26) Good night (5347) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now http://tfl.nu/4n6q
  Replies (13) Good night (1277) Bad night (1976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone. http://tfl.nu/cxjj
  Replies (33) Good night (1041) Bad night (4252) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement... http://tfl.nu/jgil
  Replies (13) Good night (773) Bad night (5003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): 130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/aorw
  Replies (3) Good night (2076) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night http://tfl.nu/jx5s
  Replies (13) Good night (6389) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party http://tfl.nu/vtss
  Replies (8) Good night (3746) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW. http://tfl.nu/fz7p
  Replies (9) Good night (1086) Bad night (3876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask? http://tfl.nu/wsyz
  Replies (12) Good night (2236) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this http://tfl.nu/291a
  Replies (27) Good night (934) Bad night (8062)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73545) Bad night (2506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date. (215): You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds. http://tfl.nu/2p7v
  Replies (38) Good night (5857) Bad night (979)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever. http://tfl.nu/w4kd
  Replies (7) Good night (2487) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me. http://tfl.nu/m19j
  Replies (5) Good night (1550) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption. http://tfl.nu/d2pl
  Replies (6) Good night (1100) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE http://tfl.nu/zykk
  Replies (8) Good night (1981) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass http://tfl.nu/6hj6
  Replies (29) Good night (5802) Bad night (1076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): 3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa. http://tfl.nu/7ujo
  Replies (2) Good night (1322) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries... http://tfl.nu/iebn
  Replies (11) Good night (1907) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks. http://tfl.nu/rprq
  Replies (4) Good night (2138) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D http://tfl.nu/3txw
  Replies (15) Good night (2346) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit. http://tfl.nu/yb12
  Replies (27) Good night (4333) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs http://tfl.nu/e5lz
  Replies (8) Good night (1900) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  At least we don't have one night stands

  (1-765): View more from Indiana

  True that. We sink our claws in our men.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): At least we don't have one night stands (1-765): True that. We sink our claws in our men. http://tfl.nu/8zkt
  Replies (8) Good night (2312) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right. http://tfl.nu/8nul
  Replies (37) Good night (5925) Bad night (1346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod. http://tfl.nu/vf6z
  Replies (29) Good night (1329) Bad night (8228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck. http://tfl.nu/ib4p
  Replies (4) Good night (2002) Bad night (1356)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again. http://tfl.nu/84mk
  Replies (23) Good night (1025) Bad night (3822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one http://tfl.nu/ihc6
  Replies (22) Good night (879) Bad night (11122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeeah thank god

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant... (1-816): Yeeah thank god (816): Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million. http://tfl.nu/pevw
  Replies (54) Good night (1967) Bad night (15340)
• Favorite

  (754): View more from Florida

  I feel like the other woman.

  (954): View more from Florida

  You ARE the other woman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (754): I feel like the other woman. (954): You ARE the other woman. http://tfl.nu/ryi3
  Replies (19) Good night (3051) Bad night (1561)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on? http://tfl.nu/pffh
  Replies (54) Good night (9920) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck. http://tfl.nu/q2n8
  Replies (80) Good night (777) Bad night (5749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before. http://tfl.nu/hdcs
  Replies (35) Good night (8711) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation. http://tfl.nu/qmhd
  Replies (10) Good night (2208) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it. http://tfl.nu/1ffs
  Replies (11) Good night (2560) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench http://tfl.nu/ch9j
  Replies (3) Good night (1770) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (554): View more from

  No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (554): No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted http://tfl.nu/praq
  Replies (12) Good night (2150) Bad night (943) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight http://tfl.nu/pekh
  Replies (14) Good night (1782) Bad night (1071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie http://tfl.nu/901f
  Replies (3) Good night (2349) Bad night (680)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro. http://tfl.nu/i908
  Replies (1) Good night (1969) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Why is there bacon braided in my hair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Why is there bacon braided in my hair http://tfl.nu/324s
  Replies (15) Good night (3222) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers. http://tfl.nu/h62s
  Replies (4) Good night (1737) Bad night (1045) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college http://tfl.nu/6h6z
  Replies (30) Good night (8789) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY http://tfl.nu/y320
  Replies (22) Good night (4222) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  DRUNK CANOEING

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Please text me if you survive.

  (207): View more from Maine

  LAND HO BITCH

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): DRUNK CANOEING (804): Please text me if you survive. (207): LAND HO BITCH http://tfl.nu/6y3l
  Replies (27) Good night (10020) Bad night (766)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.

  (352): View more from Florida

  teach me your ways.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it. (352): teach me your ways. http://tfl.nu/5pat
  Replies (6) Good night (2865) Bad night (719)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night. http://tfl.nu/nvwn
  Replies (10) Good night (1104) Bad night (1808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me. http://tfl.nu/bsmu
  Replies (8) Good night (2452) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her http://tfl.nu/hm02
  Replies (108) Good night (3930) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire http://tfl.nu/rfl8
  Replies (6) Good night (5648) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it. http://tfl.nu/a4xo
  Replies (9) Good night (912) Bad night (1738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car... http://tfl.nu/7kdq
  Replies (5) Good night (2374) Bad night (1176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day. http://tfl.nu/q3s7
  Replies (20) Good night (3985) Bad night (1545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'... http://tfl.nu/26q5
  Replies (15) Good night (3857) Bad night (1176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck http://tfl.nu/dsuf
  Replies (8) Good night (1936) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne. http://tfl.nu/lh1l
  Replies (14) Good night (957) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night. http://tfl.nu/710a
  Replies (20) Good night (1028) Bad night (1474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time http://tfl.nu/ixfn
  Replies (44) Good night (7211) Bad night (3912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up http://tfl.nu/m2d3
  Replies (78) Good night (1080) Bad night (4879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle. http://tfl.nu/uuu6
  Replies (15) Good night (6372) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples http://tfl.nu/ak9g
  Replies (4) Good night (2417) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian. http://tfl.nu/n8zg
  Replies (32) Good night (7402) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+31): Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes http://tfl.nu/ymlt
  Replies (6) Good night (840) Bad night (3520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being. http://tfl.nu/247a
  Replies (13) Good night (3555) Bad night (1216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine. http://tfl.nu/2wf3
  Replies (13) Good night (1236) Bad night (2987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella. http://tfl.nu/jiup
  Replies (35) Good night (2984) Bad night (1457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night. http://tfl.nu/b0w0
  Replies (4) Good night (2331) Bad night (1102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after http://tfl.nu/0llh
  Replies (11) Good night (4423) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous http://tfl.nu/kdtt
  Replies (11) Good night (807) Bad night (3775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me. http://tfl.nu/s2pe
  Replies (20) Good night (1354) Bad night (4743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty http://tfl.nu/dl5w
  Replies (29) Good night (1423) Bad night (4040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin. http://tfl.nu/cu5c
  Replies (83) Good night (4529) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.

  (1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You need to find a taint.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between. (1-724): You need to find a taint. http://tfl.nu/752x
  Replies (24) Good night (2508) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student http://tfl.nu/4vc9
  Replies (38) Good night (18537) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Aren't I supposed to sit on your face? http://tfl.nu/tzlx
  Replies (19) Good night (3252) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout. http://tfl.nu/q2nt
  Replies (42) Good night (9189) Bad night (1204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex http://tfl.nu/eh60
  Replies (16) Good night (5501) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex... http://tfl.nu/vx0w
  Replies (51) Good night (637) Bad night (5486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I wanna come home

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  And do what?

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I wanna come home (1-270): And do what? (270): Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat. http://tfl.nu/i6u9
  Replies (4) Good night (2210) Bad night (409)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken. http://tfl.nu/um57
  Replies (1) Good night (970) Bad night (2581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever. http://tfl.nu/e0dp
  Replies (33) Good night (5526) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  so how does one go about finding a summer fling?

  (214): View more from Texas

  take advantage of an intern

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): so how does one go about finding a summer fling? (214): take advantage of an intern http://tfl.nu/k22l
  Replies (18) Good night (2606) Bad night (408)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Did you bedazzle the elevator?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Did you bedazzle the elevator? http://tfl.nu/4rct
  Replies (2) Good night (3251) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part. http://tfl.nu/6s9f
  Replies (7) Good night (2309) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt. http://tfl.nu/toh0
  Replies (22) Good night (2927) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile http://tfl.nu/t48c
  Replies (5) Good night (2270) Bad night (1149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate http://tfl.nu/n9pe
  Replies (8) Good night (3763) Bad night (1257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now. http://tfl.nu/d3l4
  Replies (5) Good night (3005) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  $35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): $35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively. http://tfl.nu/sa2o
  Replies (6) Good night (1177) Bad night (493)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked. http://tfl.nu/py4z
  Replies (7) Good night (3797) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/6bqy
  Replies (16) Good night (4771) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs. http://tfl.nu/zjd4
  Replies (5) Good night (1966) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame. http://tfl.nu/9g9e
  Replies (6) Good night (2224) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix. http://tfl.nu/3okt
  Replies (13) Good night (714) Bad night (4988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house? http://tfl.nu/bc2r
  Replies (14) Good night (9391) Bad night (2198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week. http://tfl.nu/8le3
  Replies (14) Good night (6922) Bad night (1378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever http://tfl.nu/l0sc
  Replies (7) Good night (1996) Bad night (857)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  and trust me i need no booty pop lessons

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): and trust me i need no booty pop lessons http://tfl.nu/h5fy
  Replies (2) Good night (1654) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon. http://tfl.nu/q628
  Replies (8) Good night (3554) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run." http://tfl.nu/6vvj
  Replies (17) Good night (6883) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition. http://tfl.nu/zjox
  Replies (9) Good night (4844) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  she could've warned me his penis was curved

  (708): View more from Illinois

  ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): she could've warned me his penis was curved (708): ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/vp5d
  Replies (14) Good night (1586) Bad night (4543)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in. http://tfl.nu/9rsk
  Replies (14) Good night (2968) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would. http://tfl.nu/oc0p
  Replies (3) Good night (1715) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village. http://tfl.nu/cmft
  Replies (16) Good night (5276) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon. http://tfl.nu/d58s
  Replies (39) Good night (9063) Bad night (1154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch. http://tfl.nu/axjt
  Replies (31) Good night (5977) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP. http://tfl.nu/bqsy
  Replies (20) Good night (883) Bad night (6416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss http://tfl.nu/d23g
  Replies (43) Good night (9274) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex. http://tfl.nu/07s4
  Replies (9) Good night (3434) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show" http://tfl.nu/r6m2
  Replies (7) Good night (2726) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight. http://tfl.nu/6hnz
  Replies (12) Good night (2990) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab http://tfl.nu/8keh
  Replies (9) Good night (1747) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time. http://tfl.nu/4w7h
  Replies (21) Good night (2565) Bad night (1105) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school.... http://tfl.nu/i9vj
  Replies (15) Good night (5397) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister. http://tfl.nu/d8xo
  Replies (34) Good night (3448) Bad night (2964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY! http://tfl.nu/jz8m
  Replies (21) Good night (753) Bad night (4029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you. http://tfl.nu/weck
  Replies (18) Good night (5190) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you. http://tfl.nu/o9a4
  Replies (3) Good night (1235) Bad night (2927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me http://tfl.nu/f0ty
  Replies (15) Good night (4309) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS. http://tfl.nu/26xz
  Replies (37) Good night (9647) Bad night (2036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie http://tfl.nu/7ez3
  Replies (14) Good night (1788) Bad night (3744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  dude are you serious?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I know you already have a pic on your phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave (617): dude are you serious? (978): I know you already have a pic on your phone http://tfl.nu/k6lt
  Replies (95) Good night (2441) Bad night (2965)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you. http://tfl.nu/6oks
  Replies (11) Good night (3197) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over. http://tfl.nu/i8gt
  Replies (10) Good night (617) Bad night (3605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole! http://tfl.nu/ivhw
  Replies (45) Good night (5758) Bad night (1186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (234): View more from Ohio

  No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.

  (387): View more from

  I don't know what to judge you more for.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (234): No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods. (387): I don't know what to judge you more for. http://tfl.nu/wm5k
  Replies (18) Good night (3916) Bad night (1081)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend? http://tfl.nu/qj9q
  Replies (10) Good night (1599) Bad night (2915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes. http://tfl.nu/wpyi
  Replies (5) Good night (627) Bad night (2118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  What happened to the watermelon?

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  You fucked it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): What happened to the watermelon? (1-314): You fucked it. http://tfl.nu/pk7c
  Replies (15) Good night (2105) Bad night (4410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was http://tfl.nu/89k6
  Replies (21) Good night (3210) Bad night (1104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You're such a slut.

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I prefer opportunist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): You're such a slut. (318): I prefer opportunist. http://tfl.nu/49c1
  Replies (27) Good night (6418) Bad night (830)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in http://tfl.nu/axx9
  Replies (12) Good night (563) Bad night (4352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th? http://tfl.nu/27j9
  Replies (12) Good night (3172) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting. http://tfl.nu/c1w6
  Replies (139) Good night (43993) Bad night (9357)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (508) Good night (86211) Bad night (8428)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes. http://tfl.nu/41f8
  Replies (48) Good night (5949) Bad night (1135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does http://tfl.nu/6lq0
  Replies (6) Good night (2142) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people? http://tfl.nu/km81
  Replies (9) Good night (922) Bad night (3147) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift http://tfl.nu/rkcx
  Replies (52) Good night (5727) Bad night (1790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy. http://tfl.nu/an4v
  Replies (30) Good night (1748) Bad night (5892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again. http://tfl.nu/14ik
  Replies (24) Good night (5644) Bad night (1090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after http://tfl.nu/tns7
  Replies (39) Good night (14441) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position http://tfl.nu/vjj2
  Replies (34) Good night (15187) Bad night (1051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos. http://tfl.nu/15bf
  Replies (74) Good night (17461) Bad night (1329)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks. http://tfl.nu/8eyu
  Replies (46) Good night (19224) Bad night (1416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?

  (850): View more from Florida

  I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave? (850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife http://tfl.nu/5iik
  Replies (85) Good night (38178) Bad night (1645)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them... http://tfl.nu/vyz1
  Replies (63) Good night (747) Bad night (9393)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba. http://tfl.nu/mbtr
  Replies (7) Good night (2721) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night. http://tfl.nu/yws8
  Replies (9) Good night (8404) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life http://tfl.nu/cbjj
  Replies (24) Good night (5223) Bad night (2219) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here. http://tfl.nu/bgry
  Replies (11) Good night (2662) Bad night (1312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars http://tfl.nu/ue2i
  Replies (4) Good night (3030) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen? http://tfl.nu/shhx
  Replies (25) Good night (2100) Bad night (2055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon http://tfl.nu/mdvf
  Replies (16) Good night (834) Bad night (4634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking http://tfl.nu/y5lt
  Replies (10) Good night (2603) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes. http://tfl.nu/b96e
  Replies (2) Good night (1982) Bad night (831)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing http://tfl.nu/m3tl
  Replies (8) Good night (2116) Bad night (741)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA http://tfl.nu/ppt3
  Replies (23) Good night (2963) Bad night (1278) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend http://tfl.nu/82q6
  Replies (5) Good night (2555) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup. http://tfl.nu/pyk9
  Replies (3) Good night (1577) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships. http://tfl.nu/unsu
  Replies (36) Good night (860) Bad night (5305)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  He violated my cat. I was not impressed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): He violated my cat. I was not impressed. http://tfl.nu/2ip6
  Replies (22) Good night (823) Bad night (5649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers. http://tfl.nu/zz2j
  Replies (4) Good night (1790) Bad night (1278) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street. http://tfl.nu/q42w
  Replies (14) Good night (2466) Bad night (1089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us. http://tfl.nu/uz8z
  Replies (10) Good night (2911) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached. http://tfl.nu/7q2p
  Replies (3) Good night (1493) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine. http://tfl.nu/l8j9
  Replies (19) Good night (1252) Bad night (2726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices". http://tfl.nu/tgpv
  Replies (4) Good night (2886) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...? http://tfl.nu/cucy
  Replies (15) Good night (6528) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his. http://tfl.nu/sru1
  Replies (5) Good night (2238) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar. http://tfl.nu/j1fg
  Replies (12) Good night (4700) Bad night (1297) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  Oh God. You're going to jail

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals. (1-352): Oh God. You're going to jail http://tfl.nu/m7qu
  Replies (30) Good night (5907) Bad night (1410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor? http://tfl.nu/b721
  Replies (13) Good night (501) Bad night (3744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub... http://tfl.nu/665a
  Replies (9) Good night (6040) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday. http://tfl.nu/tetw
  Replies (73) Good night (10877) Bad night (1458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/yr6e
  Replies (18) Good night (1404) Bad night (2722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother http://tfl.nu/4v9d
  Replies (11) Good night (1981) Bad night (2740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in http://tfl.nu/1vzn
  Replies (17) Good night (6081) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well. http://tfl.nu/7lvz
  Replies (143) Good night (4233) Bad night (782)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina. http://tfl.nu/y3xd
  Replies (20) Good night (7265) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really. http://tfl.nu/ok73
  Replies (11) Good night (3432) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls <3 http://tfl.nu/wgu0
  Replies (73) Good night (1494) Bad night (3948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you. http://tfl.nu/iycg
  Replies (12) Good night (2369) Bad night (1776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up http://tfl.nu/89z7
  Replies (27) Good night (2596) Bad night (4805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me (1-425): Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about. http://tfl.nu/mflc
  Replies (39) Good night (2313) Bad night (4850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise. http://tfl.nu/jq04
  Replies (8) Good night (4337) Bad night (1333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place http://tfl.nu/zqzf
  Replies (8) Good night (5923) Bad night (1164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high. http://tfl.nu/dl85
  Replies (63) Good night (7943) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick. http://tfl.nu/emch
  Replies (6) Good night (4141) Bad night (1405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1. http://tfl.nu/ep6p
  Replies (14) Good night (4211) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque. http://tfl.nu/62jx
  Replies (4) Good night (723) Bad night (3539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain. http://tfl.nu/8aml
  Replies (12) Good night (5551) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer http://tfl.nu/2v54
  Replies (26) Good night (4674) Bad night (1044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  remember, YOU ARE A WINNER

  (410): View more from Maryland

  my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): remember, YOU ARE A WINNER (410): my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice. http://tfl.nu/siqr
  Replies (11) Good night (1241) Bad night (2968)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I just want to hang out with her.

  (916): View more from California

  You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I just want to hang out with her. (916): You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you. http://tfl.nu/9qvp
  Replies (24) Good night (1701) Bad night (3645)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it. http://tfl.nu/7sbn
  Replies (11) Good night (4425) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  you want me

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i'd rather choke on a dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): you want me (978): i'd rather choke on a dick. http://tfl.nu/nrvz
  Replies (3) Good night (807) Bad night (1485)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine http://tfl.nu/d0ou
  Replies (23) Good night (2799) Bad night (1228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere http://tfl.nu/ed23
  Replies (7) Good night (2339) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo. http://tfl.nu/dqo9
  Replies (20) Good night (3337) Bad night (1270) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process. http://tfl.nu/0h10
  Replies (5) Good night (1671) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex. http://tfl.nu/bu7g
  Replies (6) Good night (505) Bad night (3412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/0mbm
  Replies (20) Good night (5120) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill? http://tfl.nu/kp4x
  Replies (7) Good night (2033) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me http://tfl.nu/nasi
  Replies (23) Good night (6011) Bad night (1561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade. http://tfl.nu/8ipj
  Replies (11) Good night (3241) Bad night (1303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell. http://tfl.nu/xu8z
  Replies (10) Good night (5498) Bad night (745)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun. http://tfl.nu/x8cc
  Replies (13) Good night (2537) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  We took shots in honor of Shark Week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): We took shots in honor of Shark Week. http://tfl.nu/tloc
  Replies (19) Good night (7544) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day. http://tfl.nu/nvhr
  Replies (53) Good night (3513) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?! http://tfl.nu/6u5e
  Replies (12) Good night (4100) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants. http://tfl.nu/m7ij
  Replies (10) Good night (2335) Bad night (1162) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw. http://tfl.nu/90j8
  Replies (6) Good night (2920) Bad night (1087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it? http://tfl.nu/a6bf
  Replies (92) Good night (2414) Bad night (3171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me http://tfl.nu/7scv
  Replies (47) Good night (578) Bad night (1365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  What did you even date her?

  (214): View more from Texas

  because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): What did you even date her? (214): because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed. http://tfl.nu/g42u
  Replies (38) Good night (4771) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  .....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): .....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate http://tfl.nu/8kdy
  Replies (4) Good night (466) Bad night (3858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!" http://tfl.nu/ttkj
  Replies (99) Good night (26326) Bad night (1188) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip. http://tfl.nu/kp6r
  Replies (10) Good night (3318) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (731): He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars.... http://tfl.nu/aa23
  Replies (15) Good night (1168) Bad night (8093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Talk to you next week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (731): I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period. (601): Talk to you next week http://tfl.nu/n6cb
  Replies (29) Good night (751) Bad night (1651)
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (731): who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you. http://tfl.nu/e0pj
  Replies (39) Good night (5104) Bad night (2115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter http://tfl.nu/a4jz
  Replies (30) Good night (5234) Bad night (1290) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina. http://tfl.nu/8v08
  Replies (16) Good night (5327) Bad night (1431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance. http://tfl.nu/4x77
  Replies (8) Good night (880) Bad night (2473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now http://tfl.nu/184c
  Replies (45) Good night (1285) Bad night (7822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college http://tfl.nu/vjhh
  Replies (37) Good night (6692) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke? http://tfl.nu/8orw
  Replies (19) Good night (3818) Bad night (1176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob. http://tfl.nu/r7qm
  Replies (9) Good night (643) Bad night (3696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact. http://tfl.nu/ir67
  Replies (12) Good night (2031) Bad night (850)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well. http://tfl.nu/l70h
  Replies (17) Good night (859) Bad night (5444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway http://tfl.nu/yca2
  Replies (2) Good night (1977) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding. http://tfl.nu/nbx9
  Replies (2) Good night (2107) Bad night (1119) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!! (717): Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly. http://tfl.nu/0dyl
  Replies (22) Good night (1378) Bad night (3150)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week http://tfl.nu/fflq
  Replies (5) Good night (3027) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade http://tfl.nu/ve1a
  Replies (22) Good night (1832) Bad night (3185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out http://tfl.nu/guh4
  Replies (33) Good night (10979) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/614c
  Replies (10) Good night (3936) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you. http://tfl.nu/ru1c
  Replies (4) Good night (3140) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out. (1-703): You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend. http://tfl.nu/y4qo
  Replies (24) Good night (5177) Bad night (908)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch! (508): because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking. http://tfl.nu/qlq5
  Replies (19) Good night (8957) Bad night (1135)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall. http://tfl.nu/lpwz
  Replies (14) Good night (4410) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked. http://tfl.nu/qprr
  Replies (22) Good night (6854) Bad night (1408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions http://tfl.nu/060m
  Replies (6) Good night (2312) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  since when the fuck is that glamorous?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected (1-843): since when the fuck is that glamorous? http://tfl.nu/4ixl
  Replies (8) Good night (1349) Bad night (3240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE. http://tfl.nu/7oeu
  Replies (9) Good night (1187) Bad night (2139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne http://tfl.nu/z1js
  Replies (7) Good night (1615) Bad night (1164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done. http://tfl.nu/315y
  Replies (19) Good night (4127) Bad night (2437) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter. http://tfl.nu/ayzd
  Replies (26) Good night (658) Bad night (3689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.

  (207): View more from Maine

  welcome to maine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade. (207): welcome to maine. http://tfl.nu/bd8m
  Replies (47) Good night (676) Bad night (2687)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk. http://tfl.nu/dswf
  Replies (9) Good night (793) Bad night (2203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants. http://tfl.nu/d477
  Replies (14) Good night (577) Bad night (3428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me? http://tfl.nu/cdq0
  Replies (18) Good night (3888) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave. http://tfl.nu/udrq
  Replies (4) Good night (2070) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok http://tfl.nu/ez1i
  Replies (6) Good night (1222) Bad night (2311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU. http://tfl.nu/rhle
  Replies (16) Good night (5214) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style. http://tfl.nu/liij
  Replies (2) Good night (2004) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut. http://tfl.nu/c78l
  Replies (3) Good night (3853) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music http://tfl.nu/tzqo
  Replies (7) Good night (2695) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned. http://tfl.nu/dk6w
  Replies (18) Good night (2791) Bad night (1759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom http://tfl.nu/am8n
  Replies (11) Good night (5289) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card. http://tfl.nu/ujy9
  Replies (11) Good night (7999) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (97) Good night (40220) Bad night (1546)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.." http://tfl.nu/yyzh
  Replies (124) Good night (40898) Bad night (2633)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman? http://tfl.nu/4t4b
  Replies (9) Good night (3579) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer. http://tfl.nu/fxe4
  Replies (31) Good night (513) Bad night (8426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell http://tfl.nu/2gyi
  Replies (12) Good night (6131) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy. http://tfl.nu/zkq5
  Replies (24) Good night (2054) Bad night (4452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): 21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion. http://tfl.nu/915q
  Replies (6) Good night (3427) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!! (404): you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship. http://tfl.nu/9p9t
  Replies (36) Good night (6440) Bad night (1313)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA. http://tfl.nu/q47o
  Replies (31) Good night (1354) Bad night (5233) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid. http://tfl.nu/xyt3
  Replies (37) Good night (7057) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together? http://tfl.nu/es97
  Replies (64) Good night (1377) Bad night (4515)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight. (773): You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal http://tfl.nu/9vmu
  Replies (9) Good night (1578) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom. http://tfl.nu/lxr2
  Replies (18) Good night (1211) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college http://tfl.nu/somi
  Replies (79) Good night (1673) Bad night (3601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend. (1-773): Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you. http://tfl.nu/z52z
  Replies (28) Good night (654) Bad night (2540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box. http://tfl.nu/8utv
  Replies (7) Good night (2225) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am. http://tfl.nu/mfa3
  Replies (16) Good night (4941) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna. http://tfl.nu/5wvv
  Replies (16) Good night (4620) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now. http://tfl.nu/olha
  Replies (8) Good night (3373) Bad night (1157)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive? http://tfl.nu/dksl
  Replies (3) Good night (1758) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  no. you cant fuck a burger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house (1-215): no. you cant fuck a burger. http://tfl.nu/5325
  Replies (9) Good night (2483) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww http://tfl.nu/e98y
  Replies (13) Good night (3699) Bad night (1123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP" http://tfl.nu/bthl
  Replies (20) Good night (3621) Bad night (1116) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect. http://tfl.nu/l0ek
  Replies (58) Good night (9085) Bad night (595)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days. http://tfl.nu/iucs
  Replies (16) Good night (1420) Bad night (5448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot (770): Your boyfriend has good rhythm though. http://tfl.nu/p3nu
  Replies (15) Good night (4969) Bad night (418)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon http://tfl.nu/eqby
  Replies (5) Good night (4798) Bad night (1225) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party. http://tfl.nu/uacy
  Replies (15) Good night (3884) Bad night (1060) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  didnt we say no more talking to eachother

  (906): View more from Michigan

  it will help you get over me i promise

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  im horny

  (906): View more from Michigan

  ok i will unlock the door

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): didnt we say no more talking to eachother (906): it will help you get over me i promise (414): im horny (906): ok i will unlock the door http://tfl.nu/m6ae
  Replies (16) Good night (2478) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you. http://tfl.nu/saac
  Replies (6) Good night (3579) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be http://tfl.nu/xbn0
  Replies (10) Good night (4699) Bad night (1266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF http://tfl.nu/bxu6
  Replies (12) Good night (2133) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate. http://tfl.nu/leco
  Replies (8) Good night (715) Bad night (2841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together. http://tfl.nu/48v7
  Replies (20) Good night (5844) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues. http://tfl.nu/beiy
  Replies (13) Good night (846) Bad night (2647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive. http://tfl.nu/ya8a
  Replies (13) Good night (649) Bad night (3286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan http://tfl.nu/otnu
  Replies (44) Good night (6281) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!" http://tfl.nu/qjvm
  Replies (41) Good night (2676) Bad night (9327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree. http://tfl.nu/ljt4
  Replies (16) Good night (2768) Bad night (1435)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again. http://tfl.nu/gudi
  Replies (16) Good night (2625) Bad night (1451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  i had confetti in my bra

  (1-210): View more from Texas

  i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): i had confetti in my bra (1-210): i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me http://tfl.nu/08sl
  Replies (25) Good night (3937) Bad night (918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline. http://tfl.nu/1m8c
  Replies (23) Good night (3592) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids http://tfl.nu/xnc7
  Replies (19) Good night (6842) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine. http://tfl.nu/zb6r
  Replies (18) Good night (1491) Bad night (3203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself. http://tfl.nu/vif9
  Replies (55) Good night (10729) Bad night (1260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  This is god's gift to the unemployed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING. (336): This is god's gift to the unemployed. http://tfl.nu/uhcy
  Replies (47) Good night (4270) Bad night (765)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  school has made you so classy.

  (514): View more from Quebec

  that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): school has made you so classy. (514): that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884. http://tfl.nu/r8mz
  Replies (45) Good night (4074) Bad night (545)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension http://tfl.nu/bl0j
  Replies (46) Good night (1619) Bad night (5044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no http://tfl.nu/jen9
  Replies (15) Good night (2507) Bad night (1208)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis. http://tfl.nu/5wmm
  Replies (27) Good night (5567) Bad night (1038) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011. http://tfl.nu/1xss
  Replies (4) Good night (1557) Bad night (1119) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.

  (254): View more from Texas

  Tornado warnings are fun!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows. (254): Tornado warnings are fun! http://tfl.nu/9sqb
  Replies (13) Good night (3183) Bad night (925)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I get to be your mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth? (312): I get to be your mom. http://tfl.nu/nmh7
  Replies (11) Good night (3623) Bad night (1238)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  :O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): :O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out" http://tfl.nu/uf6x
  Replies (30) Good night (753) Bad night (11421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets. http://tfl.nu/gp9t
  Replies (21) Good night (8150) Bad night (1036)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!" http://tfl.nu/xs9f
  Replies (3) Good night (2529) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was. http://tfl.nu/vzii
  Replies (9) Good night (1010) Bad night (2138) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie http://tfl.nu/b4xy
  Replies (24) Good night (3856) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just barfed on his mom.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I just barfed on his mom. (404): You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault. http://tfl.nu/yh5a
  Replies (8) Good night (659) Bad night (1183)
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge http://tfl.nu/uife
  Replies (12) Good night (975) Bad night (3976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket. http://tfl.nu/y613
  Replies (23) Good night (4536) Bad night (2353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro. http://tfl.nu/5jtw
  Replies (8) Good night (3443) Bad night (1196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable. http://tfl.nu/pqak
  Replies (16) Good night (5016) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety http://tfl.nu/vghu
  Replies (4) Good night (1987) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED. http://tfl.nu/dr1s
  Replies (13) Good night (2107) Bad night (1329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant http://tfl.nu/765y
  Replies (32) Good night (6042) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend http://tfl.nu/ek7z
  Replies (2) Good night (2450) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark. http://tfl.nu/qvx8
  Replies (7) Good night (4084) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them. http://tfl.nu/5z6d
  Replies (37) Good night (6589) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case". http://tfl.nu/rki3
  Replies (22) Good night (3670) Bad night (1234) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb http://tfl.nu/benk
  Replies (34) Good night (4073) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault. http://tfl.nu/1m55
  Replies (11) Good night (4691) Bad night (1397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ. http://tfl.nu/rtl1
  Replies (25) Good night (9312) Bad night (828)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!" http://tfl.nu/d3gl
  Replies (22) Good night (5014) Bad night (1530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with. http://tfl.nu/33qn
  Replies (8) Good night (3022) Bad night (961)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame. http://tfl.nu/c14x
  Replies (5) Good night (856) Bad night (2332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains. http://tfl.nu/wys7
  Replies (7) Good night (2419) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today. http://tfl.nu/bpyv
  Replies (5) Good night (882) Bad night (1856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening. http://tfl.nu/p9mo
  Replies (7) Good night (3708) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate. http://tfl.nu/lhje
  Replies (4) Good night (2640) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them? http://tfl.nu/br07
  Replies (99) Good night (1664) Bad night (5504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex. http://tfl.nu/q0wq
  Replies (8) Good night (1020) Bad night (2980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first. http://tfl.nu/qnn2
  Replies (11) Good night (1203) Bad night (5420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  thanks it was an honor just to be nominated

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met (1-319): thanks it was an honor just to be nominated http://tfl.nu/yswc
  Replies (37) Good night (10719) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  oh my god i'm in a crawl space

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): oh my god i'm in a crawl space http://tfl.nu/mjlz
  Replies (16) Good night (2624) Bad night (1203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex. http://tfl.nu/fp8n
  Replies (6) Good night (2555) Bad night (943) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  You hurt me so bad and it feels so good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (424): You hurt me so bad and it feels so good http://tfl.nu/hvpg
  Replies (4) Good night (1364) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny http://tfl.nu/iixy
  Replies (22) Good night (5661) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter http://tfl.nu/ep47
  Replies (7) Good night (3134) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll. http://tfl.nu/0tct
  Replies (4) Good night (1063) Bad night (2425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night? http://tfl.nu/ookm
  Replies (2) Good night (2195) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it. http://tfl.nu/gp6s
  Replies (7) Good night (2995) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me. http://tfl.nu/wdvy
  Replies (15) Good night (7936) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends. http://tfl.nu/6utj
  Replies (11) Good night (1279) Bad night (2768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries. http://tfl.nu/mz24
  Replies (3) Good night (3659) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed? (540): you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets. http://tfl.nu/2g4o
  Replies (42) Good night (28358) Bad night (1339)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex. http://tfl.nu/crgk
  Replies (63) Good night (21485) Bad night (1119) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Restraining orders are what college is about.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it. (856): Restraining orders are what college is about. http://tfl.nu/sfmu
  Replies (25) Good night (698) Bad night (5312)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train. http://tfl.nu/vfk6
  Replies (24) Good night (11393) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (567): View more from Ohio

  we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (567): we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life. http://tfl.nu/qh9b
  Replies (33) Good night (6384) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend. http://tfl.nu/ihwe
  Replies (27) Good night (13054) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish. http://tfl.nu/zg18
  Replies (25) Good night (4771) Bad night (1041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  college has opened so many doors for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him (1-281): college has opened so many doors for you http://tfl.nu/e6am
  Replies (44) Good night (4389) Bad night (759)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Playoffs. This shit is serious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight. (440): I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over. (248): Playoffs. This shit is serious. http://tfl.nu/txqi
  Replies (60) Good night (6733) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out? (1-402): WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE http://tfl.nu/6ukn
  Replies (25) Good night (5276) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high http://tfl.nu/9wko
  Replies (23) Good night (1128) Bad night (6374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her. http://tfl.nu/kc95
  Replies (16) Good night (4108) Bad night (1640) Order T-Shirt