Texts From Last Night

kaspa87's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful. http://tfl.nu/lc1g
  Replies (2) Good night (574) Bad night (284)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims. http://tfl.nu/mqeu
  Replies (16) Good night (2259) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas. http://tfl.nu/cu8d
  Replies (4) Good night (1185) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head http://tfl.nu/nc7k
  Replies (6) Good night (3094) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life. http://tfl.nu/bwnh
  Replies (3) Good night (439) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it. http://tfl.nu/u2s4
  Replies (3) Good night (1110) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not. http://tfl.nu/3f1l
  Replies (4) Good night (1711) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th! http://tfl.nu/5xz8
  Replies (0) Good night (966) Bad night (409)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away? http://tfl.nu/h2kh
  Replies (10) Good night (3030) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house

  (713): View more from Texas

  So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house (713): So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh? http://tfl.nu/xori
  Replies (15) Good night (3750) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years http://tfl.nu/w11g
  Replies (2) Good night (1054) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10? http://tfl.nu/6lgd
  Replies (9) Good night (1515) Bad night (1146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong? http://tfl.nu/074u
  Replies (58) Good night (1186) Bad night (3426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (175) Good night (51785) Bad night (5726)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  None

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards (1-515): None http://tfl.nu/5j7f
  Replies (17) Good night (3222) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  3some

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You're right, stupid question.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms? (503): 3some (541): You're right, stupid question. http://tfl.nu/lx7x
  Replies (21) Good night (10165) Bad night (1033)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village. http://tfl.nu/cmft
  Replies (16) Good night (5276) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories. http://tfl.nu/emk4
  Replies (11) Good night (5602) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me." http://tfl.nu/89qv
  Replies (14) Good night (1712) Bad night (4727)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon http://tfl.nu/s25m
  Replies (5) Good night (4523) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York. http://tfl.nu/ptqc
  Replies (34) Good night (7637) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born http://tfl.nu/de9t
  Replies (17) Good night (1572) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier. http://tfl.nu/kkf1
  Replies (16) Good night (1801) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied. http://tfl.nu/w7qp
  Replies (17) Good night (792) Bad night (5936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.

  (510): View more from California

  YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it. (510): YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/7kxq
  Replies (133) Good night (1105) Bad night (29399)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer http://tfl.nu/eltm
  Replies (30) Good night (5649) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?

  (940): View more from Texas

  homeless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy? (940): homeless. http://tfl.nu/iz6y
  Replies (17) Good night (4657) Bad night (957)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus http://tfl.nu/qqxc
  Replies (37) Good night (1141) Bad night (3992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  false alarm. still invincible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): false alarm. still invincible. http://tfl.nu/rmc6
  Replies (35) Good night (8207) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won. http://tfl.nu/tu5d
  Replies (36) Good night (21372) Bad night (3005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  booty call

  (925): View more from California

  i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): booty call (925): i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy. http://tfl.nu/xuna
  Replies (60) Good night (1070) Bad night (5800)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.

  (1405): View more from

  I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie. (1405): I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes? http://tfl.nu/u9sc
  Replies (47) Good night (10042) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move (617): that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame http://tfl.nu/79g6
  Replies (15) Good night (6510) Bad night (618)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  dude. I'm so drunk.

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is bryce's mom

  (214): View more from Texas

  I can't wait to have my cock in your ass

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is still bryce's mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): dude. I'm so drunk. (972): pete, this is bryce's mom (214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass (972): pete, this is still bryce's mom http://tfl.nu/lat0
  Replies (180) Good night (36536) Bad night (5022)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway. http://tfl.nu/j8p7
  Replies (28) Good night (1224) Bad night (9557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it. http://tfl.nu/t9xf
  Replies (30) Good night (19856) Bad night (1269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS. http://tfl.nu/51z5
  Replies (24) Good night (5018) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt. http://tfl.nu/ymql
  Replies (17) Good night (4552) Bad night (540)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo. http://tfl.nu/gbo1
  Replies (44) Good night (2247) Bad night (5150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x http://tfl.nu/rt6u
  Replies (10) Good night (7791) Bad night (1055)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse http://tfl.nu/30t8
  Replies (14) Good night (4628) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7 http://tfl.nu/lyiq
  Replies (3) Good night (2541) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night. http://tfl.nu/r7p2
  Replies (7) Good night (5472) Bad night (1011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately? http://tfl.nu/eqo5
  Replies (6) Good night (2204) Bad night (1292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  nevermind....I'm on the way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high (808): worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave (814): nevermind....I'm on the way http://tfl.nu/dzeu
  Replies (70) Good night (10135) Bad night (820)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder? http://tfl.nu/zxu8
  Replies (105) Good night (1631) Bad night (1787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do. http://tfl.nu/fu0w
  Replies (21) Good night (7089) Bad night (1500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  are you high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers (1-402): are you high? http://tfl.nu/fjf1
  Replies (36) Good night (12211) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd

  (443): View more from Maryland

  wasted?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  im pocohantasssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd (443): wasted? (410): im pocohantasssss http://tfl.nu/gql6
  Replies (109) Good night (43997) Bad night (2016)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high. http://tfl.nu/38z6
  Replies (24) Good night (4249) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine http://tfl.nu/x929
  Replies (15) Good night (3884) Bad night (1357) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us? http://tfl.nu/bgpp
  Replies (8) Good night (1225) Bad night (420)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever http://tfl.nu/g4y3
  Replies (11) Good night (3436) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee (1-440): please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation http://tfl.nu/gydk
  Replies (78) Good night (6234) Bad night (6725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.

  (972): View more from Texas

  I worry about you sometimes...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT. (972): I worry about you sometimes... http://tfl.nu/k7ay
  Replies (22) Good night (4989) Bad night (711)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her. http://tfl.nu/f1tk
  Replies (7) Good night (4275) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this. http://tfl.nu/29p7
  Replies (13) Good night (4227) Bad night (1191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Haha did she know what fisting meant?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that. (1-734): Haha did she know what fisting meant? (734): Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself http://tfl.nu/kykk
  Replies (21) Good night (1222) Bad night (5215)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  condoms and good judgment

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Can I buy both of those at the same store?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice? (1-614): condoms and good judgment (614): Can I buy both of those at the same store? http://tfl.nu/qy9b
  Replies (0) Good night (3862) Bad night (478)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself http://tfl.nu/yahv
  Replies (3) Good night (839) Bad night (1809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit http://tfl.nu/yivm
  Replies (14) Good night (1087) Bad night (3578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?

  (1-870): View more from Arkansas

  well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  what chic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight? (1-870): well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic (870): what chic? http://tfl.nu/m2xn
  Replies (21) Good night (1327) Bad night (1751)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt http://tfl.nu/x2m1
  Replies (35) Good night (3201) Bad night (6594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  My astrological sign? Vagitarius.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): My astrological sign? Vagitarius. http://tfl.nu/0z0j
  Replies (20) Good night (3469) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Why are my keys in the refrigerator?

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  This explains so much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Why are my keys in the refrigerator? (1-205): You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you. (205): This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/ouwy
  Replies (30) Good night (17940) Bad night (902)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..

  (703): View more from Virginia

  this can't be going anywhere good

  (571): View more from Virginia

  nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah.. (703): this can't be going anywhere good (571): nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\ http://tfl.nu/4i13
  Replies (196) Good night (1791) Bad night (26547)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks. http://tfl.nu/pli4
  Replies (27) Good night (3915) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  which gay bar do you need a ride home from?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you. (1-405): which gay bar do you need a ride home from? http://tfl.nu/2t13
  Replies (14) Good night (1415) Bad night (4762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt http://tfl.nu/0t60
  Replies (45) Good night (4658) Bad night (1465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting. http://tfl.nu/yl2c
  Replies (13) Good night (5925) Bad night (1018) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead. http://tfl.nu/xiio
  Replies (14) Good night (1964) Bad night (7464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant... http://tfl.nu/4jrj
  Replies (17) Good night (3932) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes. http://tfl.nu/41f8
  Replies (48) Good night (5949) Bad night (1135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)

  (1-714): View more from California

  i'm so jealous of you right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;) (1-714): i'm so jealous of you right now. http://tfl.nu/egrq
  Replies (57) Good night (8820) Bad night (1399)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor

  (1-516): View more from New York

  did you bang her?

  (516): View more from New York

  seriously?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor (1-516): did you bang her? (516): seriously? http://tfl.nu/fyme
  Replies (25) Good night (1773) Bad night (6194)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs? http://tfl.nu/a2dd
  Replies (38) Good night (2175) Bad night (3397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb

  (209): View more from California

  it's ELEVEN

  (310): View more from California

  thirty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb (209): it's ELEVEN (310): thirty http://tfl.nu/ukrj
  Replies (32) Good night (4573) Bad night (527)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society. http://tfl.nu/p2lg
  Replies (74) Good night (693) Bad night (2625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2. http://tfl.nu/m96w
  Replies (84) Good night (27606) Bad night (1035)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars (910): IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT http://tfl.nu/70k5
  Replies (82) Good night (39648) Bad night (1961)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting http://tfl.nu/p4gt
  Replies (14) Good night (6429) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me. http://tfl.nu/i71i
  Replies (13) Good night (975) Bad night (4537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench. http://tfl.nu/bsle
  Replies (9) Good night (3168) Bad night (875) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you. http://tfl.nu/unr3
  Replies (10) Good night (4715) Bad night (827)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned. http://tfl.nu/94k0
  Replies (15) Good night (6561) Bad night (1993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision. http://tfl.nu/nkkw
  Replies (28) Good night (4357) Bad night (1223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth. http://tfl.nu/f5s8
  Replies (116) Good night (6554) Bad night (1406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?

  (1-574): View more from Indiana

  Predator. Straight up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator? (1-574): Predator. Straight up. http://tfl.nu/63zz
  Replies (5) Good night (631) Bad night (2968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl http://tfl.nu/i1d7
  Replies (15) Good night (819) Bad night (4938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico. http://tfl.nu/evuy
  Replies (13) Good night (5504) Bad night (988)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running. http://tfl.nu/jcc8
  Replies (76) Good night (16227) Bad night (1864)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking. http://tfl.nu/3yj1
  Replies (10) Good night (5492) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again. http://tfl.nu/xtmx
  Replies (9) Good night (4816) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin http://tfl.nu/pqe0
  Replies (26) Good night (5000) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (681): View more from West Virginia

  Where are I am going home with Ryan

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (681): Where are I am going home with Ryan (601): I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it http://tfl.nu/l22z
  Replies (18) Good night (1736) Bad night (2385)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said http://tfl.nu/s0mp
  Replies (21) Good night (4573) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis http://tfl.nu/41ot
  Replies (14) Good night (5194) Bad night (1523)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist. http://tfl.nu/vfvp
  Replies (33) Good night (5498) Bad night (1316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer. http://tfl.nu/bdc9
  Replies (37) Good night (2078) Bad night (711)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night. http://tfl.nu/lmn5
  Replies (14) Good night (1148) Bad night (4273) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now. http://tfl.nu/52n8
  Replies (19) Good night (3419) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (560): View more from

  I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (560): I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time? http://tfl.nu/wzlt
  Replies (71) Good night (1063) Bad night (21344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  @ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): @ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu <3 (1-248): please stop breathing. http://tfl.nu/7uu5
  Replies (36) Good night (656) Bad night (4909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers http://tfl.nu/mvp5
  Replies (30) Good night (7767) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself. http://tfl.nu/r7wv
  Replies (7) Good night (5696) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop? http://tfl.nu/8g34
  Replies (22) Good night (6075) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass. http://tfl.nu/spz3
  Replies (24) Good night (6489) Bad night (1312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed. http://tfl.nu/aqi9
  Replies (6) Good night (3620) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times. http://tfl.nu/nwwj
  Replies (18) Good night (7270) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night. http://tfl.nu/6of9
  Replies (11) Good night (6136) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  ...there is blood under my fingernails.

  (515): View more from Iowa

  ...I hope my roomates are okay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): ...there is blood under my fingernails. (515): ...I hope my roomates are okay. http://tfl.nu/jgvb
  Replies (7) Good night (876) Bad night (3238)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success. http://tfl.nu/7k1i
  Replies (12) Good night (2273) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals. http://tfl.nu/ise6
  Replies (9) Good night (4275) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin. http://tfl.nu/cawx
  Replies (3) Good night (1264) Bad night (412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I think we should see other people.

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  Already working on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I think we should see other people. (1-207): Already working on it. http://tfl.nu/a8l6
  Replies (12) Good night (5809) Bad night (1473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  maybe i'll see you again later :)

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'd rather shit a knife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): maybe i'll see you again later :) (774): I'd rather shit a knife. http://tfl.nu/qge0
  Replies (50) Good night (1738) Bad night (10762)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now? http://tfl.nu/9ud5
  Replies (57) Good night (2743) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  you better fuck at least one or both of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes. (1-970): you better fuck at least one or both of them. http://tfl.nu/eeo0
  Replies (12) Good night (4965) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil http://tfl.nu/oyvg
  Replies (19) Good night (8539) Bad night (1741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions. http://tfl.nu/8qmh
  Replies (23) Good night (3602) Bad night (613)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Apparently you chose the latter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour. (416): Apparently you chose the latter. http://tfl.nu/xdpl
  Replies (29) Good night (3627) Bad night (572)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes

  (905): View more from Ontario

  You're fat. Stop making excuses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes (905): You're fat. Stop making excuses http://tfl.nu/rdmk
  Replies (70) Good night (13053) Bad night (5300)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (139) Good night (38606) Bad night (1482)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here. http://tfl.nu/k9so
  Replies (33) Good night (2346) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me http://tfl.nu/rey7
  Replies (22) Good night (6581) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face? http://tfl.nu/dot3
  Replies (57) Good night (4007) Bad night (1559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death http://tfl.nu/7rv2
  Replies (9) Good night (2834) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.

  (415): View more from California

  What...you let him do that?

  (650): View more from California

  It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow. (415): What...you let him do that? (650): It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow http://tfl.nu/aum0
  Replies (72) Good night (5355) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high. http://tfl.nu/gyij
  Replies (20) Good night (5925) Bad night (1155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer http://tfl.nu/pfui
  Replies (16) Good night (5499) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  "Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): "Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization. http://tfl.nu/xva8
  Replies (24) Good night (3972) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  rhymes with "ouble enetration"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): rhymes with "ouble enetration" http://tfl.nu/bg50
  Replies (33) Good night (3850) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Succeeded.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life? (503): Succeeded. http://tfl.nu/i020
  Replies (7) Good night (4472) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun. http://tfl.nu/h48x
  Replies (21) Good night (3766) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger. http://tfl.nu/3qkv
  Replies (90) Good night (1601) Bad night (12651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas http://tfl.nu/0wvi
  Replies (65) Good night (1892) Bad night (15890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out. http://tfl.nu/rr3m
  Replies (91) Good night (4114) Bad night (16277) Order T-Shirt