Texts From Last Night

justin01's Favorites Texts:

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  (360): View more from Washington

  he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them

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  (360): he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them http://tfl.nu/8aam
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students

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  (773): somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students http://tfl.nu/zxwh
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.

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  (612): a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest. http://tfl.nu/dtsn
  Replies (40) Good night (3676) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...

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  (519): I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling... http://tfl.nu/p0v8
  Replies (15) Good night (5728) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace

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  (540): The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace http://tfl.nu/i9ng
  Replies (21) Good night (6329) Bad night (592)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena

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  (386): i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena http://tfl.nu/u4d0
  Replies (42) Good night (7366) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.

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  (703): I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts. http://tfl.nu/s7w5
  Replies (12) Good night (537) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
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  (858): View more from California

  I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.

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  (858): I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street. http://tfl.nu/fk7f
  Replies (35) Good night (8391) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa

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  (601): You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa http://tfl.nu/lg9x
  Replies (33) Good night (7492) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.

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  (916): I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike. http://tfl.nu/qggw
  Replies (19) Good night (6507) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands

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  (717): hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands http://tfl.nu/c6ww
  Replies (83) Good night (49051) Bad night (2042) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Could a canary swim?

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Last time I ever let you pet sit.

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  (651): Could a canary swim? (952): Last time I ever let you pet sit. http://tfl.nu/tcs0
  Replies (10) Good night (592) Bad night (3108)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

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  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (248) Good night (66718) Bad night (3007) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.

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  (412): My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him. http://tfl.nu/tue9
  Replies (8) Good night (4153) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?

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  (703): I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans? http://tfl.nu/gwsp
  Replies (19) Good night (3852) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.

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  (217): My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building. http://tfl.nu/he38
  Replies (5) Good night (792) Bad night (1826) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?

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  (313): At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit? http://tfl.nu/h53l
  Replies (19) Good night (1562) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??

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  (361): Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture?? http://tfl.nu/iimu
  Replies (11) Good night (5527) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.

  (415): View more from California

  be there in 3 mins

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  (408): carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit. (415): be there in 3 mins http://tfl.nu/00q0
  Replies (26) Good night (3395) Bad night (500)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

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  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (444) Good night (112228) Bad night (9731) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.

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  (910): so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch. http://tfl.nu/syjm
  Replies (57) Good night (16789) Bad night (1010)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  How bad was it?

  (1-713): View more from Texas

  You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth

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  (713): How bad was it? (1-713): You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth http://tfl.nu/i16m
  Replies (23) Good night (4967) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.

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  (804): You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world. http://tfl.nu/i0as
  Replies (13) Good night (2263) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs

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  (404): dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs http://tfl.nu/cgkd
  Replies (58) Good night (834) Bad night (11997) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.

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  (503): after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success. http://tfl.nu/y8ni
  Replies (15) Good night (5073) Bad night (545)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box

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  (708): you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box http://tfl.nu/v4vm
  Replies (16) Good night (4688) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

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  (516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. http://tfl.nu/hg3t
  Replies (280) Good night (54034) Bad night (4405) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people

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  (541): I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people http://tfl.nu/4uzt
  Replies (16) Good night (3365) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.

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  (678): apparently farting at a cop is considered assault. http://tfl.nu/4f0p
  Replies (24) Good night (1396) Bad night (3679) Order T-Shirt
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab

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  (312): i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab http://tfl.nu/kluh
  Replies (18) Good night (2641) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

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  (703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more http://tfl.nu/zuqw
  Replies (203) Good night (116803) Bad night (3278) Order T-Shirt
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?

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  (319): Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota? http://tfl.nu/4k6s
  Replies (48) Good night (1081) Bad night (3304) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals

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  (954): He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals http://tfl.nu/66nw
  Replies (59) Good night (3509) Bad night (2952) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work

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  (313): These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work http://tfl.nu/lrs5
  Replies (13) Good night (4975) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.

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  (704): i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand. http://tfl.nu/a9f5
  Replies (10) Good night (3957) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.

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  (803): i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move. http://tfl.nu/ml5e
  Replies (15) Good night (1382) Bad night (4380) Order T-Shirt
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.

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  (856): I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch. http://tfl.nu/64iu
  Replies (28) Good night (4843) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

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  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (97) Good night (40140) Bad night (1532)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i cant lie to you.

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  (336): haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal? (919): i cant lie to you. http://tfl.nu/vpro
  Replies (56) Good night (686) Bad night (2854)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.

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  (610): the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing. http://tfl.nu/gyso
  Replies (21) Good night (6055) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'

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  (518): you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!' http://tfl.nu/twcd
  Replies (28) Good night (7361) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town

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  (215): you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town http://tfl.nu/6oiy
  Replies (13) Good night (3946) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.

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  (773): I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader. http://tfl.nu/8khu
  Replies (13) Good night (3698) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.

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  (617): Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street. http://tfl.nu/miwy
  Replies (5) Good night (610) Bad night (3412) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  did you get my message about your dog?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  no... is he ok?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry

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  (248): did you get my message about your dog? (1-248): no... is he ok? (248): no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry http://tfl.nu/keer
  Replies (15) Good night (502) Bad night (2768)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

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  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1628) Good night (168294) Bad night (42168) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

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  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (508) Good night (86085) Bad night (8380)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.

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  (732): i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you. http://tfl.nu/3kwo
  Replies (18) Good night (4979) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt