Texts From Last Night

jerm69anl's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had. http://tfl.nu/a9pp
  Replies (7) Good night (366) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me. http://tfl.nu/h8vm
  Replies (5) Good night (1318) Bad night (161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears. http://tfl.nu/uyth
  Replies (3) Good night (725) Bad night (199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else http://tfl.nu/pyqa
  Replies (4) Good night (431) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina http://tfl.nu/bksp
  Replies (6) Good night (1575) Bad night (109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it http://tfl.nu/orze
  Replies (7) Good night (815) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success. http://tfl.nu/f7f6
  Replies (12) Good night (2584) Bad night (195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked. http://tfl.nu/gydy
  Replies (5) Good night (1208) Bad night (207) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking http://tfl.nu/tpd8
  Replies (9) Good night (1372) Bad night (229) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked. http://tfl.nu/50u7
  Replies (8) Good night (1819) Bad night (177) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM http://tfl.nu/jp0v
  Replies (6) Good night (2122) Bad night (146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best http://tfl.nu/gccv
  Replies (6) Good night (1188) Bad night (307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up http://tfl.nu/xoz1
  Replies (9) Good night (1558) Bad night (175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan http://tfl.nu/f98a
  Replies (12) Good night (1689) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him. http://tfl.nu/6jaw
  Replies (8) Good night (2146) Bad night (182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies http://tfl.nu/wv5q
  Replies (4) Good night (1036) Bad night (331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine. http://tfl.nu/qt1j
  Replies (11) Good night (2054) Bad night (192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Can we agree to not tell mom about this?

  (303): View more from Colorado

  This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Can we agree to not tell mom about this? (303): This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you. http://tfl.nu/ipdw
  Replies (1) Good night (1192) Bad night (245)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though. http://tfl.nu/pqgx
  Replies (18) Good night (2787) Bad night (241) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Solid. Can't put a price on good times

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You can and it's called a liver.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): Solid. Can't put a price on good times (978): You can and it's called a liver. http://tfl.nu/hzws
  Replies (3) Good night (1284) Bad night (207)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test http://tfl.nu/ucs5
  Replies (4) Good night (1529) Bad night (165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex. 

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.  http://tfl.nu/s4m2
  Replies (7) Good night (778) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex http://tfl.nu/1qp3
  Replies (5) Good night (1224) Bad night (177) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned http://tfl.nu/rsut
  Replies (12) Good night (1420) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s http://tfl.nu/9pu3
  Replies (13) Good night (986) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test. http://tfl.nu/gs8m
  Replies (3) Good night (305) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I am lonely and I want to touch your beard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I am lonely and I want to touch your beard http://tfl.nu/xi4z
  Replies (6) Good night (1254) Bad night (298) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like http://tfl.nu/fep0
  Replies (18) Good night (2817) Bad night (338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.." http://tfl.nu/em6p
  Replies (5) Good night (3907) Bad night (194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life... http://tfl.nu/ae71
  Replies (5) Good night (521) Bad night (1090)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.

  (1-605): View more from South Dakota

  Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability. (1-605): Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit. http://tfl.nu/l83k
  Replies (9) Good night (448) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot. http://tfl.nu/pm9n
  Replies (7) Good night (1431) Bad night (279) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties. http://tfl.nu/dlxy
  Replies (10) Good night (1298) Bad night (262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  My bed is full of blood and feathers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): My bed is full of blood and feathers http://tfl.nu/0j2w
  Replies (10) Good night (267) Bad night (1079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise. http://tfl.nu/awbv
  Replies (4) Good night (1026) Bad night (183) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is. (1-402): Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors. http://tfl.nu/lcrs
  Replies (5) Good night (1329) Bad night (237)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk. http://tfl.nu/8anb
  Replies (11) Good night (2468) Bad night (341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with? http://tfl.nu/z4e7
  Replies (28) Good night (274) Bad night (2038) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge. http://tfl.nu/n4av
  Replies (7) Good night (929) Bad night (265) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow? http://tfl.nu/9403
  Replies (5) Good night (1279) Bad night (253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Did it work?

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over. (336): Did it work? (918): Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door. http://tfl.nu/swzf
  Replies (8) Good night (2469) Bad night (203)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home. http://tfl.nu/yjx8
  Replies (12) Good night (1307) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same. http://tfl.nu/7gpg
  Replies (6) Good night (838) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions http://tfl.nu/6v32
  Replies (3) Good night (1123) Bad night (301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it. http://tfl.nu/6vuz
  Replies (6) Good night (2688) Bad night (216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards." http://tfl.nu/tgkg
  Replies (6) Good night (1442) Bad night (311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him http://tfl.nu/nlke
  Replies (2) Good night (1262) Bad night (217) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  Ooooh. Get funfetti

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me. (1-413): Ooooh. Get funfetti http://tfl.nu/46m2
  Replies (7) Good night (2354) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him http://tfl.nu/2wji
  Replies (15) Good night (1723) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera? http://tfl.nu/jfva
  Replies (9) Good night (1622) Bad night (263) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma http://tfl.nu/4ovd
  Replies (11) Good night (756) Bad night (1264)
• Favorite

  (280): View more from

  So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (280): So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on. http://tfl.nu/vkfv
  Replies (12) Good night (1841) Bad night (251)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.

  (206): View more from Washington

  Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack. (1-206): Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on. (206): Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together. http://tfl.nu/xcw6
  Replies (11) Good night (1791) Bad night (243)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  ...that shit cray.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet. (248): ...that shit cray. http://tfl.nu/b6yz
  Replies (14) Good night (4163) Bad night (310)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck. http://tfl.nu/cvbc
  Replies (7) Good night (1502) Bad night (191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm hungry

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I'm hungry (1-215): Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex http://tfl.nu/pt2l
  Replies (4) Good night (1626) Bad night (175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating. http://tfl.nu/5a1l
  Replies (10) Good night (2031) Bad night (279)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore. http://tfl.nu/ai56
  Replies (5) Good night (2510) Bad night (268) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor. http://tfl.nu/beb7
  Replies (12) Good night (1438) Bad night (832)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever. http://tfl.nu/j10b
  Replies (13) Good night (427) Bad night (3273) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): It's fine...I've done worse things to better people. http://tfl.nu/e0kr
  Replies (3) Good night (1306) Bad night (306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone. http://tfl.nu/u0bu
  Replies (4) Good night (1125) Bad night (249) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon http://tfl.nu/msr7
  Replies (5) Good night (1143) Bad night (240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life. http://tfl.nu/3f3y
  Replies (12) Good night (955) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever http://tfl.nu/4zua
  Replies (6) Good night (1115) Bad night (308)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I thought you were single?

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I thought you were single? (1-262): I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick. http://tfl.nu/pt5v
  Replies (6) Good night (1364) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by... http://tfl.nu/g8gw
  Replies (9) Good night (3147) Bad night (341)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus. http://tfl.nu/c88k
  Replies (8) Good night (2631) Bad night (271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable http://tfl.nu/70go
  Replies (9) Good night (1203) Bad night (296) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all. http://tfl.nu/of60
  Replies (4) Good night (896) Bad night (294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.

  (360): View more from Washington

  DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid. (360): DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY. http://tfl.nu/38em
  Replies (8) Good night (2135) Bad night (205)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship. http://tfl.nu/02yh
  Replies (3) Good night (1056) Bad night (261)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?

  (613): View more from Ontario

  you're kidding right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow? (613): you're kidding right? http://tfl.nu/5c4n
  Replies (7) Good night (2311) Bad night (251)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits. http://tfl.nu/umk6
  Replies (9) Good night (484) Bad night (817)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend. http://tfl.nu/2nlp
  Replies (2) Good night (1654) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters..... http://tfl.nu/8dbk
  Replies (5) Good night (1446) Bad night (361)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win. http://tfl.nu/omjw
  Replies (2) Good night (1157) Bad night (217) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity 

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity  http://tfl.nu/rf36
  Replies (1) Good night (956) Bad night (218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated. http://tfl.nu/dcl8
  Replies (6) Good night (1457) Bad night (449)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on http://tfl.nu/xayw
  Replies (10) Good night (1024) Bad night (226) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment. http://tfl.nu/yahz
  Replies (2) Good night (1284) Bad night (288)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012. http://tfl.nu/u0sr
  Replies (2) Good night (961) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all. http://tfl.nu/5qpa
  Replies (12) Good night (1811) Bad night (313)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight. http://tfl.nu/c8kn
  Replies (6) Good night (849) Bad night (373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning http://tfl.nu/fy90
  Replies (10) Good night (442) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes. http://tfl.nu/g3e8
  Replies (4) Good night (797) Bad night (222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas. http://tfl.nu/ufwf
  Replies (26) Good night (3543) Bad night (326)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience. http://tfl.nu/3o6t
  Replies (7) Good night (393) Bad night (1224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now. http://tfl.nu/2zl0
  Replies (5) Good night (1765) Bad night (274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today. (603): Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me. http://tfl.nu/6wu2
  Replies (3) Good night (2287) Bad night (292)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass. http://tfl.nu/p1y3
  Replies (19) Good night (2390) Bad night (258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage http://tfl.nu/ka66
  Replies (9) Good night (1700) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic. http://tfl.nu/fuww
  Replies (11) Good night (1697) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over http://tfl.nu/or3u
  Replies (2) Good night (1977) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): It would have been the trifecta of dick for her. http://tfl.nu/7ntl
  Replies (7) Good night (570) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over http://tfl.nu/83z5
  Replies (10) Good night (1383) Bad night (293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate. http://tfl.nu/plc2
  Replies (2) Good night (1462) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals. http://tfl.nu/whom
  Replies (11) Good night (1361) Bad night (297) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think http://tfl.nu/7fbd
  Replies (20) Good night (579) Bad night (1641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me. http://tfl.nu/clpj
  Replies (7) Good night (1269) Bad night (754)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed http://tfl.nu/ggi5
  Replies (13) Good night (1743) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25% http://tfl.nu/4mvy
  Replies (5) Good night (850) Bad night (361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil. http://tfl.nu/r5gy
  Replies (1) Good night (1579) Bad night (297) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts http://tfl.nu/krja
  Replies (9) Good night (1518) Bad night (328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home http://tfl.nu/1sb0
  Replies (8) Good night (2403) Bad night (325) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart... http://tfl.nu/9gca
  Replies (6) Good night (434) Bad night (1160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them. http://tfl.nu/nsss
  Replies (8) Good night (1378) Bad night (331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought http://tfl.nu/rg7p
  Replies (11) Good night (1660) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them. http://tfl.nu/ubes
  Replies (3) Good night (943) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings. http://tfl.nu/iq9m
  Replies (4) Good night (1219) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day http://tfl.nu/21po
  Replies (6) Good night (2399) Bad night (302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity. http://tfl.nu/u9jp
  Replies (8) Good night (1555) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Think I pulled my pelvic muscle. (416): I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle. http://tfl.nu/mzl9
  Replies (6) Good night (1640) Bad night (333)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot http://tfl.nu/f236
  Replies (5) Good night (1513) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed! http://tfl.nu/vwkc
  Replies (6) Good night (1370) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands. http://tfl.nu/vf34
  Replies (5) Good night (2552) Bad night (267) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book. http://tfl.nu/boxy
  Replies (15) Good night (2772) Bad night (246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed. http://tfl.nu/aml6
  Replies (14) Good night (418) Bad night (1148) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out. http://tfl.nu/m1u8
  Replies (8) Good night (1777) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  since 2006

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship? (1-207): since 2006 http://tfl.nu/9t6c
  Replies (7) Good night (1894) Bad night (321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging. http://tfl.nu/1enr
  Replies (17) Good night (609) Bad night (3431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends. http://tfl.nu/ncfq
  Replies (7) Good night (2344) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides http://tfl.nu/z2rz
  Replies (2) Good night (1440) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max. http://tfl.nu/42dn
  Replies (11) Good night (901) Bad night (1725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day. http://tfl.nu/y889
  Replies (7) Good night (552) Bad night (1380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you." http://tfl.nu/oa2r
  Replies (12) Good night (3474) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem http://tfl.nu/yh4o
  Replies (3) Good night (1076) Bad night (318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos. http://tfl.nu/nbvf
  Replies (13) Good night (1531) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage http://tfl.nu/vba1
  Replies (5) Good night (943) Bad night (333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover.. http://tfl.nu/al9t
  Replies (9) Good night (1298) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN. http://tfl.nu/d5pr
  Replies (12) Good night (2102) Bad night (321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?" (774): It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?" http://tfl.nu/cbil
  Replies (8) Good night (2249) Bad night (357)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food http://tfl.nu/q8kr
  Replies (7) Good night (837) Bad night (1123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council. http://tfl.nu/w0zb
  Replies (7) Good night (2465) Bad night (362)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer. http://tfl.nu/dw2q
  Replies (27) Good night (2686) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  At least you have booty calls.

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): At least you have booty calls. (1-901): True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china http://tfl.nu/6dg2
  Replies (7) Good night (1225) Bad night (291)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work. http://tfl.nu/ixce
  Replies (4) Good night (1285) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved. http://tfl.nu/9gud
  Replies (7) Good night (1515) Bad night (346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you. http://tfl.nu/cw12
  Replies (26) Good night (5042) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  He won't sleep with me again until I commit...

  (1-320): View more from Minnesota

  Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): He won't sleep with me again until I commit... (1-320): Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick. http://tfl.nu/wb9n
  Replies (11) Good night (1722) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome. http://tfl.nu/71bx
  Replies (15) Good night (624) Bad night (1916)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends? http://tfl.nu/kqn5
  Replies (5) Good night (2625) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating. http://tfl.nu/k0kr
  Replies (14) Good night (1931) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  And by one day I mean once every two weeks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob. (604): And by one day I mean once every two weeks. http://tfl.nu/w0wa
  Replies (14) Good night (2641) Bad night (387)
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April. http://tfl.nu/hy0p
  Replies (5) Good night (1183) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl http://tfl.nu/mt8s
  Replies (7) Good night (1327) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love. http://tfl.nu/12sb
  Replies (7) Good night (3190) Bad night (308)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.

  (770): View more from Georgia

  That's the only definition of lonely that I know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely. (770): That's the only definition of lonely that I know. http://tfl.nu/dtij
  Replies (8) Good night (1815) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (107): View more from

  That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (107): That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog. http://tfl.nu/02iq
  Replies (7) Good night (1025) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment. http://tfl.nu/b3si
  Replies (13) Good night (950) Bad night (294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina. http://tfl.nu/djvg
  Replies (7) Good night (2354) Bad night (357) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early. http://tfl.nu/6dqv
  Replies (7) Good night (1050) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob http://tfl.nu/pg2m
  Replies (13) Good night (2389) Bad night (327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo http://tfl.nu/a9s7
  Replies (6) Good night (1095) Bad night (308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified. http://tfl.nu/imja
  Replies (11) Good night (482) Bad night (1607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now http://tfl.nu/xehl
  Replies (9) Good night (2235) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied. http://tfl.nu/2f2b
  Replies (11) Good night (2266) Bad night (338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"? (505): yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win. http://tfl.nu/lwrt
  Replies (3) Good night (1620) Bad night (380)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness http://tfl.nu/l65r
  Replies (17) Good night (2778) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome. http://tfl.nu/fygk
  Replies (4) Good night (365) Bad night (1651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet http://tfl.nu/4ir7
  Replies (7) Good night (2221) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up. http://tfl.nu/mqfc
  Replies (6) Good night (1383) Bad night (333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever. http://tfl.nu/tyrw
  Replies (9) Good night (521) Bad night (1737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich? http://tfl.nu/f2jm
  Replies (12) Good night (2080) Bad night (1548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's? http://tfl.nu/cp3t
  Replies (13) Good night (2159) Bad night (330) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  What are you doing and how can I add sex in there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): What are you doing and how can I add sex in there http://tfl.nu/rphe
  Replies (5) Good night (2625) Bad night (306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious. http://tfl.nu/wv8w
  Replies (6) Good night (372) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine. http://tfl.nu/qnhv
  Replies (20) Good night (2377) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway. http://tfl.nu/bxvu
  Replies (8) Good night (2131) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all http://tfl.nu/skme
  Replies (6) Good night (593) Bad night (1350) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime http://tfl.nu/biqg
  Replies (9) Good night (1826) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway. http://tfl.nu/fbtk
  Replies (13) Good night (3058) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Marry him. Now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight. (1-570): Marry him. Now. http://tfl.nu/5wky
  Replies (13) Good night (3553) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I could have done it in 2

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts. (978): I could have done it in 2 http://tfl.nu/64hz
  Replies (7) Good night (2842) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas! http://tfl.nu/ak8o
  Replies (1) Good night (858) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions. http://tfl.nu/alli
  Replies (8) Good night (1576) Bad night (422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!! http://tfl.nu/d5pb
  Replies (18) Good night (2864) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order. http://tfl.nu/pxpo
  Replies (21) Good night (2378) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time" http://tfl.nu/be6i
  Replies (11) Good night (3930) Bad night (317) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic. http://tfl.nu/b5pl
  Replies (2) Good night (1554) Bad night (333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world. http://tfl.nu/8eb4
  Replies (8) Good night (2480) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth? http://tfl.nu/108c
  Replies (7) Good night (1137) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice http://tfl.nu/gs1d
  Replies (6) Good night (977) Bad night (1500)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt? http://tfl.nu/w4he
  Replies (15) Good night (2927) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex." http://tfl.nu/1pf1
  Replies (20) Good night (2466) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me. http://tfl.nu/rflf
  Replies (10) Good night (3266) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me. http://tfl.nu/z9vp
  Replies (6) Good night (2792) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Soooo, coming over soon?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner (503): Soooo, coming over soon? http://tfl.nu/cs7r
  Replies (22) Good night (3075) Bad night (336)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday" http://tfl.nu/cbpt
  Replies (4) Good night (1976) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore http://tfl.nu/r45j
  Replies (14) Good night (2380) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy. http://tfl.nu/oiln
  Replies (8) Good night (2760) Bad night (369)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina. http://tfl.nu/hpd0
  Replies (36) Good night (2385) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck? http://tfl.nu/3986
  Replies (25) Good night (512) Bad night (3068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): 5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina http://tfl.nu/2med
  Replies (16) Good night (1608) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  you are way too vulgar to be a girl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION? (410): you are way too vulgar to be a girl http://tfl.nu/3shx
  Replies (20) Good night (7386) Bad night (507)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did. http://tfl.nu/hz33
  Replies (4) Good night (1486) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick http://tfl.nu/ka5e
  Replies (20) Good night (1472) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (567): View more from Ohio

  For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (567): For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts. http://tfl.nu/swyw
  Replies (10) Good night (1674) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth. http://tfl.nu/rtd2
  Replies (11) Good night (874) Bad night (1933)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing". http://tfl.nu/0ckl
  Replies (17) Good night (5972) Bad night (930)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned". http://tfl.nu/rmju
  Replies (36) Good night (4457) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious. http://tfl.nu/gquc
  Replies (2) Good night (2361) Bad night (328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us. http://tfl.nu/xpf1
  Replies (28) Good night (1816) Bad night (419) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws. http://tfl.nu/qwnl
  Replies (12) Good night (980) Bad night (553)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose. http://tfl.nu/n06v
  Replies (6) Good night (1249) Bad night (317) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes http://tfl.nu/04zg
  Replies (10) Good night (943) Bad night (386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy http://tfl.nu/feuw
  Replies (14) Good night (1703) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate. http://tfl.nu/13a6
  Replies (15) Good night (3527) Bad night (564)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable. http://tfl.nu/22ca
  Replies (19) Good night (3757) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  He likes bondage and spanking and shit.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): He likes bondage and spanking and shit. (508): Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that. http://tfl.nu/4784
  Replies (9) Good night (2795) Bad night (368)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love http://tfl.nu/0ny7
  Replies (20) Good night (3221) Bad night (338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like http://tfl.nu/re6o
  Replies (3) Good night (4508) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no? http://tfl.nu/2hle
  Replies (4) Good night (2248) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library http://tfl.nu/areb
  Replies (5) Good night (1922) Bad night (299) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Why didn't I see you last night!?

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Why didn't I see you last night!? (1-203): We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you. http://tfl.nu/iqgq
  Replies (6) Good night (4792) Bad night (404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar". http://tfl.nu/r1q0
  Replies (6) Good night (1941) Bad night (329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro http://tfl.nu/hanl
  Replies (11) Good night (1414) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail. http://tfl.nu/722m
  Replies (8) Good night (1333) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well. http://tfl.nu/39wu
  Replies (20) Good night (6980) Bad night (360)
• Favorite

  (+52): View more from Mexico

  she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+52): she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico. http://tfl.nu/9tjl
  Replies (11) Good night (2037) Bad night (300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever. http://tfl.nu/t5e0
  Replies (18) Good night (4995) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed? http://tfl.nu/l7cc
  Replies (19) Good night (1530) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years. http://tfl.nu/h8vw
  Replies (8) Good night (1692) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball. http://tfl.nu/n9al
  Replies (4) Good night (1069) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore." http://tfl.nu/zlen
  Replies (22) Good night (3351) Bad night (1460)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related. http://tfl.nu/sl34
  Replies (5) Good night (2083) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."? http://tfl.nu/ptvq
  Replies (18) Good night (2227) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential http://tfl.nu/2o4m
  Replies (5) Good night (2971) Bad night (314) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass. http://tfl.nu/hhxz
  Replies (18) Good night (830) Bad night (2825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight." http://tfl.nu/7mfw
  Replies (21) Good night (1898) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+27): View more from South Africa

  i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+27): i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please http://tfl.nu/h9fq
  Replies (3) Good night (514) Bad night (997)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals http://tfl.nu/i9zu
  Replies (12) Good night (1763) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub (1-519): I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first. http://tfl.nu/l0a0
  Replies (5) Good night (1388) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway. http://tfl.nu/zfm5
  Replies (1) Good night (2164) Bad night (378)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are? http://tfl.nu/u6le
  Replies (6) Good night (2039) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal. http://tfl.nu/tm9u
  Replies (12) Good night (871) Bad night (3063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday. http://tfl.nu/jn9w
  Replies (4) Good night (1925) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met. http://tfl.nu/7r98
  Replies (3) Good night (2180) Bad night (390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  But you wear shame so well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group (1-303): But you wear shame so well http://tfl.nu/l3oh
  Replies (4) Good night (2478) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion. http://tfl.nu/8mpu
  Replies (10) Good night (1835) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse. http://tfl.nu/gbkz
  Replies (3) Good night (487) Bad night (1469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having. http://tfl.nu/dhko
  Replies (6) Good night (440) Bad night (1401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning. http://tfl.nu/olim
  Replies (7) Good night (2087) Bad night (345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day. http://tfl.nu/olid
  Replies (23) Good night (4314) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Sorry. Im on my way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face. (262): Sorry. Im on my way. http://tfl.nu/us1r
  Replies (22) Good night (5534) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough. http://tfl.nu/qsaq
  Replies (12) Good night (2821) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :) http://tfl.nu/j8zz
  Replies (20) Good night (3497) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference. http://tfl.nu/9fcx
  Replies (7) Good night (2010) Bad night (950)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes. http://tfl.nu/cpyt
  Replies (8) Good night (1999) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard

  (1-510): View more from California

  Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard (1-510): Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening. http://tfl.nu/lvw9
  Replies (5) Good night (2104) Bad night (472)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future. http://tfl.nu/bxh5
  Replies (7) Good night (1261) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth. http://tfl.nu/nr8v
  Replies (12) Good night (2598) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg. http://tfl.nu/2hwi
  Replies (11) Good night (2204) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick. http://tfl.nu/p5hu
  Replies (22) Good night (3429) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Show him your tits if he says no

  (1-209): View more from California

  They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Show him your tits if he says no (1-209): They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits. http://tfl.nu/0j62
  Replies (8) Good night (1775) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties http://tfl.nu/lvqb
  Replies (12) Good night (2143) Bad night (325) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here http://tfl.nu/v34u
  Replies (2) Good night (1447) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night? http://tfl.nu/3tox
  Replies (6) Good night (1648) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely. http://tfl.nu/i6l6
  Replies (5) Good night (2911) Bad night (320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs" http://tfl.nu/uf2c
  Replies (7) Good night (2248) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore. http://tfl.nu/9hf8
  Replies (5) Good night (1586) Bad night (373)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself. http://tfl.nu/jcct
  Replies (5) Good night (1013) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk http://tfl.nu/kqu6
  Replies (6) Good night (2054) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha. http://tfl.nu/8wtq
  Replies (13) Good night (3065) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach. http://tfl.nu/2w13
  Replies (8) Good night (2295) Bad night (390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum http://tfl.nu/egi2
  Replies (10) Good night (2661) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  You're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes. (1-541): You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/axhz
  Replies (6) Good night (1910) Bad night (313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future... http://tfl.nu/18be
  Replies (5) Good night (1426) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are. http://tfl.nu/448e
  Replies (10) Good night (1403) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis http://tfl.nu/68pm
  Replies (5) Good night (2206) Bad night (337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out http://tfl.nu/2vfe
  Replies (23) Good night (3263) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.

  (1-334): View more from Alabama

  Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does. (1-334): Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers. http://tfl.nu/3563
  Replies (21) Good night (4213) Bad night (469)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language. http://tfl.nu/0hum
  Replies (3) Good night (2383) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA http://tfl.nu/xnrm
  Replies (6) Good night (627) Bad night (1780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  His new job just became new places to have sex at.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): His new job just became new places to have sex at. http://tfl.nu/ezs0
  Replies (7) Good night (1470) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face. http://tfl.nu/v2r4
  Replies (13) Good night (1620) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea". http://tfl.nu/c66k
  Replies (5) Good night (1985) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Threesome in a minivan. New low

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Threesome in a minivan. New low http://tfl.nu/igpy
  Replies (14) Good night (1546) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone http://tfl.nu/kic6
  Replies (16) Good night (3258) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish. http://tfl.nu/tpdo
  Replies (14) Good night (694) Bad night (3382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war http://tfl.nu/yle2
  Replies (11) Good night (2321) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather. http://tfl.nu/kdej
  Replies (10) Good night (2631) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised? (860): Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time http://tfl.nu/9nef
  Replies (2) Good night (1891) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis. http://tfl.nu/q40e
  Replies (15) Good night (4536) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel. http://tfl.nu/uvlc
  Replies (10) Good night (2340) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver. http://tfl.nu/plce
  Replies (8) Good night (1875) Bad night (327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Your friend and I already don't get along

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend. (734): Your friend and I already don't get along http://tfl.nu/d3pe
  Replies (4) Good night (2991) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  you goin out tonight?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  who is this.

  (302): View more from Delaware

  your orgasm for tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): you goin out tonight? (267): who is this. (302): your orgasm for tonight http://tfl.nu/bzdn
  Replies (12) Good night (4580) Bad night (489)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  this is not real life

  (1-267): View more from Pennsylvania

  it never is. after midnight never counts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): this is not real life (1-267): it never is. after midnight never counts. http://tfl.nu/o5xm
  Replies (5) Good night (1585) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers http://tfl.nu/2b5k
  Replies (9) Good night (1476) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra. http://tfl.nu/riuo
  Replies (4) Good night (1829) Bad night (307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility. http://tfl.nu/wqgl
  Replies (13) Good night (2365) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore http://tfl.nu/tias
  Replies (6) Good night (803) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life. http://tfl.nu/zkml
  Replies (6) Good night (543) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that. http://tfl.nu/fwoy
  Replies (1) Good night (848) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation. http://tfl.nu/3fs0
  Replies (3) Good night (1380) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached. http://tfl.nu/gtou
  Replies (3) Good night (1328) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW. http://tfl.nu/hy3p
  Replies (6) Good night (2092) Bad night (700)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  the wall and i were having dominance issues.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): the wall and i were having dominance issues. http://tfl.nu/itlm
  Replies (7) Good night (1782) Bad night (1128) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded. http://tfl.nu/om7e
  Replies (9) Good night (2719) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy? http://tfl.nu/waaq
  Replies (14) Good night (2615) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself. http://tfl.nu/70br
  Replies (13) Good night (2908) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice. http://tfl.nu/enx3
  Replies (3) Good night (1313) Bad night (291)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium. http://tfl.nu/lfpo
  Replies (8) Good night (4264) Bad night (464)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are. http://tfl.nu/uo40
  Replies (3) Good night (1272) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding. http://tfl.nu/zvb5
  Replies (1) Good night (1307) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  not the best booty call

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  did she squirt?

  (217): View more from Illinois

  only if tears count

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): not the best booty call (1-217): did she squirt? (217): only if tears count http://tfl.nu/kmd7
  Replies (7) Good night (538) Bad night (2946)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit. http://tfl.nu/yb12
  Replies (26) Good night (4083) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship http://tfl.nu/e8ub
  Replies (5) Good night (1725) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true. http://tfl.nu/azt6
  Replies (5) Good night (2374) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments. http://tfl.nu/8p58
  Replies (6) Good night (2435) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device. http://tfl.nu/3o4n
  Replies (14) Good night (1838) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?

  (325): View more from Texas

  Jail. That could go wrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong? (325): Jail. That could go wrong. http://tfl.nu/f51a
  Replies (5) Good night (1842) Bad night (387)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten. http://tfl.nu/1asa
  Replies (12) Good night (5137) Bad night (420)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  it is a toga and you are a goddess.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted (1-615): it is a toga and you are a goddess. http://tfl.nu/2t04
  Replies (15) Good night (4357) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading. http://tfl.nu/kxg6
  Replies (10) Good night (2229) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm. http://tfl.nu/s8ta
  Replies (4) Good night (1590) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point. http://tfl.nu/mbzv
  Replies (10) Good night (1797) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth http://tfl.nu/emd7
  Replies (9) Good night (1772) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea. http://tfl.nu/ggoy
  Replies (7) Good night (1629) Bad night (1018)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend http://tfl.nu/wdl5
  Replies (13) Good night (2977) Bad night (404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun. http://tfl.nu/gl1b
  Replies (6) Good night (1362) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  370HSSV 0773H read that upside down

  (1-925): View more from California

  what are you doing with your life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): 370HSSV 0773H read that upside down (1-925): what are you doing with your life http://tfl.nu/25tc
  Replies (18) Good night (4482) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/o9nw
  Replies (12) Good night (2105) Bad night (1041)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you. http://tfl.nu/6h34
  Replies (17) Good night (1736) Bad night (2160)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN. http://tfl.nu/5n63
  Replies (11) Good night (2281) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it? http://tfl.nu/t3fk
  Replies (9) Good night (1851) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way. http://tfl.nu/vhtx
  Replies (12) Good night (1886) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open. http://tfl.nu/2rgi
  Replies (6) Good night (2218) Bad night (422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained. http://tfl.nu/iy0m
  Replies (11) Good night (1532) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs. http://tfl.nu/fbru
  Replies (9) Good night (3255) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever. http://tfl.nu/lkx6
  Replies (19) Good night (1253) Bad night (2848)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October" http://tfl.nu/8ift
  Replies (8) Good night (3646) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this. http://tfl.nu/gsh2
  Replies (3) Good night (1251) Bad night (459)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it. http://tfl.nu/a4tp
  Replies (6) Good night (2270) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife. http://tfl.nu/jnj1
  Replies (7) Good night (2739) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Glad to hear you raised your standards

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Not even desperate vagina wants small cock. (303): Glad to hear you raised your standards http://tfl.nu/lulg
  Replies (8) Good night (2518) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do http://tfl.nu/m83n
  Replies (29) Good night (2969) Bad night (1290)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head" http://tfl.nu/dap3
  Replies (8) Good night (2404) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice http://tfl.nu/wkbo
  Replies (6) Good night (526) Bad night (1786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby". http://tfl.nu/v0w5
  Replies (14) Good night (3863) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner. http://tfl.nu/auiz
  Replies (5) Good night (4352) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy. http://tfl.nu/orpn
  Replies (16) Good night (2459) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome. http://tfl.nu/wbzs
  Replies (23) Good night (3834) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave? http://tfl.nu/9xty
  Replies (16) Good night (1461) Bad night (2144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him. http://tfl.nu/on87
  Replies (5) Good night (2889) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now? http://tfl.nu/s9tm
  Replies (11) Good night (3673) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers? http://tfl.nu/ohng
  Replies (6) Good night (2046) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl. http://tfl.nu/csya
  Replies (15) Good night (2699) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): 3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year. http://tfl.nu/9uak
  Replies (9) Good night (2334) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe. http://tfl.nu/2cd4
  Replies (4) Good night (1476) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes. http://tfl.nu/phpt
  Replies (1) Good night (1360) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever. http://tfl.nu/qjci
  Replies (1) Good night (1379) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos. http://tfl.nu/t7k7
  Replies (11) Good night (4076) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition. http://tfl.nu/mkq9
  Replies (16) Good night (5018) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done

  (760): View more from California

  Victory lap

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done (760): Victory lap http://tfl.nu/nhvd
  Replies (5) Good night (2641) Bad night (452)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again. http://tfl.nu/vh8b
  Replies (7) Good night (786) Bad night (3385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts. http://tfl.nu/jof7
  Replies (8) Good night (770) Bad night (1402)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime. http://tfl.nu/y0wv
  Replies (8) Good night (1868) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride http://tfl.nu/vufa
  Replies (23) Good night (4655) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now. http://tfl.nu/pagz
  Replies (7) Good night (3668) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  can you blow me for old times sake

  (951): View more from California

  only for old times sake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): can you blow me for old times sake (951): only for old times sake http://tfl.nu/ab6d
  Replies (9) Good night (3424) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night. http://tfl.nu/6nit
  Replies (10) Good night (2005) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I miss the smell of you or some shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I miss the smell of you or some shit. http://tfl.nu/h6lu
  Replies (23) Good night (2551) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship? http://tfl.nu/9ufc
  Replies (12) Good night (3587) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job... http://tfl.nu/0251
  Replies (5) Good night (1933) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved http://tfl.nu/iajb
  Replies (3) Good night (2230) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen? http://tfl.nu/tjza
  Replies (20) Good night (5688) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet" http://tfl.nu/9891
  Replies (2) Good night (3284) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos? http://tfl.nu/di91
  Replies (14) Good night (3323) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer. http://tfl.nu/dnae
  Replies (7) Good night (2401) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months http://tfl.nu/4w1o
  Replies (3) Good night (1397) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me. http://tfl.nu/x609
  Replies (5) Good night (2186) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30. http://tfl.nu/4yw7
  Replies (8) Good night (2243) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food. http://tfl.nu/5019
  Replies (19) Good night (3010) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag. http://tfl.nu/wos6
  Replies (3) Good night (2172) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex. http://tfl.nu/kqx4
  Replies (7) Good night (3331) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds http://tfl.nu/ogvx
  Replies (6) Good night (2037) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame. http://tfl.nu/5mgk
  Replies (6) Good night (1323) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me. http://tfl.nu/ecsp
  Replies (13) Good night (2552) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table http://tfl.nu/jkfk
  Replies (5) Good night (2110) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again? http://tfl.nu/p959
  Replies (14) Good night (4280) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood. http://tfl.nu/nrod
  Replies (9) Good night (2181) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/p7x9
  Replies (6) Good night (2088) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face. http://tfl.nu/gk53
  Replies (10) Good night (783) Bad night (1975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow. http://tfl.nu/syuy
  Replies (8) Good night (2393) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go. http://tfl.nu/ktl8
  Replies (14) Good night (1708) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How???? http://tfl.nu/5jk2
  Replies (20) Good night (2074) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am http://tfl.nu/oz9f
  Replies (5) Good night (2372) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer http://tfl.nu/j23z
  Replies (15) Good night (786) Bad night (1542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here. http://tfl.nu/yssz
  Replies (19) Good night (3246) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works." http://tfl.nu/3ym3
  Replies (7) Good night (3266) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes. http://tfl.nu/2xtl
  Replies (6) Good night (2544) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs. http://tfl.nu/f5jy
  Replies (15) Good night (2291) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  sleazy september. first one with mono loses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): sleazy september. first one with mono loses. http://tfl.nu/eipu
  Replies (11) Good night (2228) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?! http://tfl.nu/3uuq
  Replies (18) Good night (950) Bad night (3374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary. http://tfl.nu/t36d
  Replies (3) Good night (2125) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another. http://tfl.nu/23d2
  Replies (10) Good night (894) Bad night (1637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So squirting runs in the family.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): So squirting runs in the family. http://tfl.nu/x29o
  Replies (15) Good night (3522) Bad night (1110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar http://tfl.nu/3k40
  Replies (17) Good night (1138) Bad night (2310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home. http://tfl.nu/pssh
  Replies (35) Good night (2082) Bad night (1084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon http://tfl.nu/1u8n
  Replies (12) Good night (3633) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete http://tfl.nu/3qb5
  Replies (8) Good night (2582) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year http://tfl.nu/dryh
  Replies (3) Good night (1452) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight. http://tfl.nu/0gxd
  Replies (11) Good night (1879) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you http://tfl.nu/lizp
  Replies (7) Good night (2365) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that. http://tfl.nu/qgn9
  Replies (8) Good night (2045) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives http://tfl.nu/2jnq
  Replies (7) Good night (1630) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin. http://tfl.nu/a8q9
  Replies (4) Good night (1763) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there. http://tfl.nu/94gv
  Replies (16) Good night (826) Bad night (3045) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you. http://tfl.nu/qq0g
  Replies (15) Good night (2124) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys. http://tfl.nu/ay7v
  Replies (7) Good night (2029) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (340): View more from US Virgin Islands

  I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (340): I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen. http://tfl.nu/cees
  Replies (25) Good night (3457) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast? http://tfl.nu/9c24
  Replies (33) Good night (3363) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins. http://tfl.nu/k74l
  Replies (8) Good night (2218) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after. http://tfl.nu/ay86
  Replies (17) Good night (4180) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Im just a social blackout drinker.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): Im just a social blackout drinker. http://tfl.nu/yfwk
  Replies (6) Good night (2440) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas! http://tfl.nu/f207
  Replies (9) Good night (2984) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after? http://tfl.nu/ibkm
  Replies (16) Good night (3206) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described http://tfl.nu/ywvl
  Replies (7) Good night (1484) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  The key to alley sex is drunkeness.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): The key to alley sex is drunkeness. http://tfl.nu/zhh3
  Replies (7) Good night (1917) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him.. http://tfl.nu/o0zu
  Replies (12) Good night (1084) Bad night (1927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): 98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk http://tfl.nu/zq8d
  Replies (3) Good night (1389) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that. http://tfl.nu/z9b7
  Replies (16) Good night (2994) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love http://tfl.nu/30hf
  Replies (17) Good night (6044) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right? http://tfl.nu/00h0
  Replies (12) Good night (2834) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me. http://tfl.nu/zpby
  Replies (6) Good night (2552) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head. http://tfl.nu/n0gh
  Replies (32) Good night (911) Bad night (2503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  "bouncy castle"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl" (1-919): "bouncy castle" http://tfl.nu/3vde
  Replies (5) Good night (3591) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either. http://tfl.nu/w5pa
  Replies (7) Good night (644) Bad night (1928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me. http://tfl.nu/s2pe
  Replies (20) Good night (1198) Bad night (4473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating. http://tfl.nu/3b9t
  Replies (5) Good night (2286) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob http://tfl.nu/ha8t
  Replies (9) Good night (2565) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking. http://tfl.nu/77kz
  Replies (9) Good night (2758) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers. http://tfl.nu/kub0
  Replies (3) Good night (1916) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer http://tfl.nu/4g9e
  Replies (5) Good night (2097) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete. http://tfl.nu/0fk8
  Replies (4) Good night (2509) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."?? http://tfl.nu/h07e
  Replies (25) Good night (1128) Bad night (2326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it http://tfl.nu/h3ck
  Replies (6) Good night (3806) Bad night (1274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+64): I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked. http://tfl.nu/59qo
  Replies (5) Good night (3195) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too. http://tfl.nu/ej6j
  Replies (8) Good night (4257) Bad night (628)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule. http://tfl.nu/c0gm
  Replies (11) Good night (2736) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7 http://tfl.nu/thj7
  Replies (14) Good night (5809) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being. http://tfl.nu/247a
  Replies (13) Good night (3298) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving... http://tfl.nu/0z2j
  Replies (16) Good night (1307) Bad night (1453)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name http://tfl.nu/48t9
  Replies (3) Good night (2886) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper. http://tfl.nu/6jx2
  Replies (14) Good night (2584) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever. http://tfl.nu/5js7
  Replies (8) Good night (3751) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine. http://tfl.nu/2wf3
  Replies (11) Good night (1023) Bad night (2766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines http://tfl.nu/hhep
  Replies (26) Good night (3311) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/hp91
  Replies (11) Good night (2142) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.

  (214): View more from Texas

  Does it taste like semen?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it. (214): Does it taste like semen? http://tfl.nu/qasv
  Replies (10) Good night (3831) Bad night (960)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina. http://tfl.nu/6dr6
  Replies (7) Good night (2788) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person. http://tfl.nu/hjb8
  Replies (6) Good night (2288) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind. http://tfl.nu/h3pw
  Replies (8) Good night (4768) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style. http://tfl.nu/gn5p
  Replies (9) Good night (3202) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka. (443): do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob? http://tfl.nu/qeeu
  Replies (17) Good night (4397) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?! http://tfl.nu/z97b
  Replies (11) Good night (2726) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident. http://tfl.nu/iw55
  Replies (7) Good night (2674) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs. http://tfl.nu/zkx1
  Replies (13) Good night (2502) Bad night (1813)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I believe some people would call last night an orgy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I believe some people would call last night an orgy. http://tfl.nu/5qwc
  Replies (7) Good night (3469) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame. http://tfl.nu/9g9e
  Replies (6) Good night (1993) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned. http://tfl.nu/fz01
  Replies (5) Good night (1518) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit. http://tfl.nu/1p19
  Replies (4) Good night (2218) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE http://tfl.nu/2u36
  Replies (11) Good night (989) Bad night (2349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed. http://tfl.nu/3phj
  Replies (8) Good night (2849) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college. http://tfl.nu/e8jb
  Replies (4) Good night (2062) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it http://tfl.nu/wltj
  Replies (6) Good night (2460) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation. http://tfl.nu/sh4c
  Replies (19) Good night (2772) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later. http://tfl.nu/qtru
  Replies (9) Good night (2012) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him. http://tfl.nu/ayo2
  Replies (8) Good night (2091) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen." http://tfl.nu/2yxx
  Replies (11) Good night (3695) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know http://tfl.nu/g581
  Replies (7) Good night (1829) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend. http://tfl.nu/rr39
  Replies (9) Good night (780) Bad night (1761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you. http://tfl.nu/3vuw
  Replies (6) Good night (1866) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices http://tfl.nu/xsk4
  Replies (3) Good night (1616) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on http://tfl.nu/6fw7
  Replies (4) Good night (2304) Bad night (1112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My vibrator challenges you to a duel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): My vibrator challenges you to a duel. http://tfl.nu/fz14
  Replies (17) Good night (3544) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life http://tfl.nu/pypl
  Replies (13) Good night (2411) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this http://tfl.nu/qp1v
  Replies (9) Good night (560) Bad night (3246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me. http://tfl.nu/y0cn
  Replies (4) Good night (2842) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence http://tfl.nu/sug8
  Replies (15) Good night (2617) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx. http://tfl.nu/t703
  Replies (21) Good night (3162) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  where the hell would u of bought a deer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it (1-717): where the hell would u of bought a deer http://tfl.nu/semf
  Replies (9) Good night (2522) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee. http://tfl.nu/mp6b
  Replies (4) Good night (731) Bad night (1449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time. http://tfl.nu/7nlf
  Replies (10) Good night (2773) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Hopefully she would park on my face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there. (1-919): Hopefully she would park on my face. http://tfl.nu/4722
  Replies (21) Good night (5840) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer http://tfl.nu/3cgt
  Replies (6) Good night (1200) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (380): View more from Ohio

  She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (380): She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time http://tfl.nu/cp8c
  Replies (5) Good night (831) Bad night (2306)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  My lips are sealed. Both pairs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): My lips are sealed. Both pairs. http://tfl.nu/26rg
  Replies (11) Good night (2879) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner? http://tfl.nu/iojv
  Replies (18) Good night (618) Bad night (3410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink? http://tfl.nu/6hyx
  Replies (6) Good night (1951) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours? http://tfl.nu/ajza
  Replies (12) Good night (2188) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night http://tfl.nu/h2y4
  Replies (6) Good night (2344) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night... (317): Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even http://tfl.nu/pe86
  Replies (7) Good night (2479) Bad night (466)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!" http://tfl.nu/kmdw
  Replies (6) Good night (2249) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours. http://tfl.nu/p1m2
  Replies (13) Good night (2431) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock http://tfl.nu/gdx6
  Replies (16) Good night (641) Bad night (4694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light http://tfl.nu/8hcx
  Replies (7) Good night (1203) Bad night (1686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I? http://tfl.nu/nbwe
  Replies (8) Good night (636) Bad night (2347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off http://tfl.nu/qflt
  Replies (10) Good night (3053) Bad night (1000) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look. http://tfl.nu/oye1
  Replies (9) Good night (2734) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes? http://tfl.nu/o98x
  Replies (9) Good night (5270) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world. http://tfl.nu/7olx
  Replies (16) Good night (2408) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box? http://tfl.nu/cd3c
  Replies (10) Good night (2792) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down http://tfl.nu/7vyc
  Replies (4) Good night (2484) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job http://tfl.nu/tafk
  Replies (7) Good night (2611) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement. http://tfl.nu/xw5k
  Replies (14) Good night (4072) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed. http://tfl.nu/abj9
  Replies (7) Good night (742) Bad night (4370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition http://tfl.nu/31mo
  Replies (4) Good night (1619) Bad night (1091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody http://tfl.nu/wrf2
  Replies (12) Good night (2388) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap" http://tfl.nu/nk79
  Replies (6) Good night (3565) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise. http://tfl.nu/xykk
  Replies (5) Good night (1796) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week? http://tfl.nu/361o
  Replies (12) Good night (3701) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice. http://tfl.nu/ciw3
  Replies (5) Good night (1982) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk. http://tfl.nu/y7ij
  Replies (6) Good night (2813) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week http://tfl.nu/vfml
  Replies (12) Good night (2709) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day. http://tfl.nu/phv5
  Replies (4) Good night (2203) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra? http://tfl.nu/estf
  Replies (10) Good night (2398) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (276): I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences. http://tfl.nu/f9jw
  Replies (8) Good night (2881) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth. http://tfl.nu/cj8d
  Replies (8) Good night (2437) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex http://tfl.nu/zwof
  Replies (9) Good night (2735) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school.... http://tfl.nu/i9vj
  Replies (15) Good night (5128) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday http://tfl.nu/kg71
  Replies (8) Good night (2342) Bad night (1262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game. http://tfl.nu/pari
  Replies (22) Good night (2217) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister. http://tfl.nu/d8xo
  Replies (32) Good night (3208) Bad night (2696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency". http://tfl.nu/5vs5
  Replies (7) Good night (2846) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year. http://tfl.nu/lez5
  Replies (27) Good night (2803) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude http://tfl.nu/0pzh
  Replies (9) Good night (1985) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that. http://tfl.nu/dgzr
  Replies (6) Good night (1439) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore. http://tfl.nu/m8nz
  Replies (8) Good night (2534) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks. http://tfl.nu/fb5x
  Replies (7) Good night (2403) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again http://tfl.nu/h58y
  Replies (18) Good night (1575) Bad night (1222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine. http://tfl.nu/zg3z
  Replies (9) Good night (3401) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology. http://tfl.nu/d4l9
  Replies (14) Good night (2740) Bad night (1171)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that. http://tfl.nu/tu47
  Replies (6) Good night (1345) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time. http://tfl.nu/4w7h
  Replies (21) Good night (2413) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship. http://tfl.nu/wcss
  Replies (7) Good night (1705) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories" http://tfl.nu/dbqw
  Replies (6) Good night (2406) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy http://tfl.nu/3nw9
  Replies (3) Good night (732) Bad night (3131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird? http://tfl.nu/hpqu
  Replies (7) Good night (2705) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices". http://tfl.nu/tgpv
  Replies (4) Good night (2618) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me http://tfl.nu/3xgn
  Replies (20) Good night (1775) Bad night (3400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered http://tfl.nu/sriz
  Replies (8) Good night (3087) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it. http://tfl.nu/prf6
  Replies (14) Good night (4477) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home. http://tfl.nu/jfgz
  Replies (10) Good night (2986) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive. http://tfl.nu/cw9i
  Replies (9) Good night (1745) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Houston, we have a squirter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Houston, we have a squirter http://tfl.nu/27k8
  Replies (24) Good night (6011) Bad night (1041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon http://tfl.nu/xy8w
  Replies (5) Good night (3039) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady. http://tfl.nu/nlis
  Replies (8) Good night (3424) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP http://tfl.nu/camw
  Replies (11) Good night (4482) Bad night (1072) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night. http://tfl.nu/hauh
  Replies (8) Good night (1899) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride http://tfl.nu/xs6r
  Replies (9) Good night (2979) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version? http://tfl.nu/niwx
  Replies (6) Good night (2320) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I stole so many things from the ER last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I stole so many things from the ER last night. http://tfl.nu/lt6b
  Replies (10) Good night (2278) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team. http://tfl.nu/1zge
  Replies (7) Good night (2400) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex. http://tfl.nu/wrcv
  Replies (13) Good night (3147) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment. http://tfl.nu/d367
  Replies (10) Good night (2432) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good. http://tfl.nu/2il8
  Replies (12) Good night (2281) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity http://tfl.nu/xz3u
  Replies (6) Good night (1581) Bad night (554)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA http://tfl.nu/ppt3
  Replies (23) Good night (2679) Bad night (1064) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here http://tfl.nu/dmaq
  Replies (18) Good night (1336) Bad night (2049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places http://tfl.nu/q4g8
  Replies (7) Good night (5176) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  my self respect just called, its having a good time without me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): my self respect just called, its having a good time without me http://tfl.nu/iprn
  Replies (9) Good night (2731) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far? http://tfl.nu/e2iz
  Replies (7) Good night (2304) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel http://tfl.nu/4p3k
  Replies (6) Good night (2667) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work http://tfl.nu/e66y
  Replies (11) Good night (3537) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila? http://tfl.nu/957o
  Replies (17) Good night (2187) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother http://tfl.nu/4v9d
  Replies (11) Good night (1777) Bad night (2529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted. http://tfl.nu/nzx6
  Replies (15) Good night (4620) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants? http://tfl.nu/rdvq
  Replies (9) Good night (2491) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes. http://tfl.nu/7z3e
  Replies (8) Good night (2774) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore http://tfl.nu/ro2x
  Replies (5) Good night (1186) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo. http://tfl.nu/dqo9
  Replies (19) Good night (3094) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits. http://tfl.nu/bqj0
  Replies (12) Good night (3076) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out. http://tfl.nu/gq5i
  Replies (9) Good night (2217) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester. http://tfl.nu/ge44
  Replies (9) Good night (1890) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way http://tfl.nu/8wap
  Replies (5) Good night (2032) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk. http://tfl.nu/fti6
  Replies (9) Good night (2674) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes. http://tfl.nu/hbc7
  Replies (8) Good night (2834) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now. http://tfl.nu/w3yg
  Replies (7) Good night (4004) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads?? http://tfl.nu/sqt6
  Replies (21) Good night (1659) Bad night (2399)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls http://tfl.nu/ympq
  Replies (3) Good night (1368) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon. http://tfl.nu/dn2m
  Replies (15) Good night (1076) Bad night (1383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave? http://tfl.nu/yd5g
  Replies (4) Good night (2454) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.

  (607): View more from New York

  way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour. (607): way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses http://tfl.nu/5by3
  Replies (10) Good night (4165) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  "thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): "thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups. http://tfl.nu/qpz7
  Replies (17) Good night (2796) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass http://tfl.nu/s4so
  Replies (11) Good night (1449) Bad night (4717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra? http://tfl.nu/rm09
  Replies (26) Good night (1242) Bad night (3200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single. http://tfl.nu/lqam
  Replies (7) Good night (959) Bad night (2961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt. http://tfl.nu/gd2e
  Replies (11) Good night (631) Bad night (4056) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on http://tfl.nu/7n7l
  Replies (9) Good night (2552) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case" http://tfl.nu/zxvf
  Replies (15) Good night (4039) Bad night (3587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes http://tfl.nu/t8pf
  Replies (7) Good night (796) Bad night (2401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us. http://tfl.nu/2qw1
  Replies (11) Good night (4440) Bad night (641)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines http://tfl.nu/icc2
  Replies (8) Good night (2551) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere http://tfl.nu/fh2k
  Replies (4) Good night (2301) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked http://tfl.nu/fbnh
  Replies (3) Good night (2320) Bad night (390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy. http://tfl.nu/1qel
  Replies (20) Good night (5642) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret. http://tfl.nu/fyhz
  Replies (13) Good night (1732) Bad night (1450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!' http://tfl.nu/emq3
  Replies (12) Good night (4199) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD http://tfl.nu/5vxn
  Replies (20) Good night (627) Bad night (5426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now. http://tfl.nu/r0t6
  Replies (12) Good night (2436) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week http://tfl.nu/ig19
  Replies (7) Good night (2725) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point. http://tfl.nu/tew1
  Replies (19) Good night (3776) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses. http://tfl.nu/vaq0
  Replies (16) Good night (3856) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad http://tfl.nu/hc4q
  Replies (9) Good night (3549) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody. http://tfl.nu/w6pt
  Replies (11) Good night (2701) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face http://tfl.nu/kk03
  Replies (27) Good night (3804) Bad night (1135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta http://tfl.nu/cr5h
  Replies (7) Good night (3359) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens http://tfl.nu/da7z
  Replies (5) Good night (3355) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Semen is not good for contacts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Semen is not good for contacts. http://tfl.nu/krg1
  Replies (10) Good night (789) Bad night (2945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am. http://tfl.nu/mfa3
  Replies (16) Good night (4651) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be http://tfl.nu/xbn0
  Replies (10) Good night (4202) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper http://tfl.nu/xgjg
  Replies (16) Good night (3138) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar. http://tfl.nu/j1fg
  Replies (12) Good night (4429) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past. http://tfl.nu/fh9a
  Replies (4) Good night (1664) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar. http://tfl.nu/31fg
  Replies (13) Good night (5623) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage" http://tfl.nu/fr69
  Replies (16) Good night (8153) Bad night (741)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too http://tfl.nu/j3jp
  Replies (8) Good night (2742) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project http://tfl.nu/g4w5
  Replies (6) Good night (2321) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car http://tfl.nu/wr7k
  Replies (9) Good night (1630) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable http://tfl.nu/8shm
  Replies (13) Good night (3350) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier http://tfl.nu/54o9
  Replies (5) Good night (2227) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify. http://tfl.nu/zod7
  Replies (5) Good night (3865) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas. http://tfl.nu/7s9z
  Replies (14) Good night (4043) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life. http://tfl.nu/b77w
  Replies (11) Good night (1993) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again. http://tfl.nu/iwek
  Replies (31) Good night (3981) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice. http://tfl.nu/9vs4
  Replies (9) Good night (2524) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  how do you feel about lunch break shots ?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): how do you feel about lunch break shots ? http://tfl.nu/05qu
  Replies (7) Good night (2898) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere. http://tfl.nu/ui38
  Replies (20) Good night (1077) Bad night (3358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies http://tfl.nu/62p5
  Replies (12) Good night (3768) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend http://tfl.nu/6ul7
  Replies (5) Good night (3441) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy. http://tfl.nu/yj0s
  Replies (5) Good night (3716) Bad night (1161)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out. http://tfl.nu/9xp5
  Replies (19) Good night (3437) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started http://tfl.nu/q84m
  Replies (15) Good night (4037) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket. http://tfl.nu/y613
  Replies (23) Good night (4278) Bad night (2077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (578): View more from

  You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (578): You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide" http://tfl.nu/y8fp
  Replies (5) Good night (2732) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers http://tfl.nu/nh9s
  Replies (19) Good night (3850) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here? http://tfl.nu/lydo
  Replies (20) Good night (4033) Bad night (1642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame. http://tfl.nu/c14x
  Replies (5) Good night (685) Bad night (2137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.

  (623): View more from Arizona

  and by single i mean slutty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single. (623): and by single i mean slutty http://tfl.nu/aczn
  Replies (11) Good night (3182) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that. http://tfl.nu/b2u0
  Replies (14) Good night (522) Bad night (2934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me. http://tfl.nu/nfi8
  Replies (8) Good night (4713) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend. http://tfl.nu/fzd9
  Replies (7) Good night (3044) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks http://tfl.nu/c3q4
  Replies (8) Good night (759) Bad night (2238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to. http://tfl.nu/jfhh
  Replies (10) Good night (770) Bad night (2920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex. http://tfl.nu/fp8n
  Replies (6) Good night (2402) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to. http://tfl.nu/orps
  Replies (9) Good night (2606) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed. http://tfl.nu/rw7p
  Replies (4) Good night (2838) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won. http://tfl.nu/dkj1
  Replies (3) Good night (2347) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS. http://tfl.nu/utzb
  Replies (30) Good night (1086) Bad night (5812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long http://tfl.nu/8pgr
  Replies (8) Good night (3035) Bad night (1056) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good. http://tfl.nu/bj85
  Replies (13) Good night (4168) Bad night (1133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass. http://tfl.nu/spz3
  Replies (24) Good night (6048) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with. http://tfl.nu/33qn
  Replies (7) Good night (2712) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore http://tfl.nu/7jsm
  Replies (11) Good night (3329) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me http://tfl.nu/vfre
  Replies (13) Good night (2943) Bad night (1452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right? http://tfl.nu/zhkv
  Replies (7) Good night (2428) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles. http://tfl.nu/5ga0
  Replies (12) Good night (2852) Bad night (1131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed. http://tfl.nu/si5q
  Replies (8) Good night (4235) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up. http://tfl.nu/2vsu
  Replies (4) Good night (2613) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in? http://tfl.nu/3561
  Replies (18) Good night (5660) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/xa7u
  Replies (31) Good night (502) Bad night (6986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success. http://tfl.nu/6b9r
  Replies (11) Good night (2177) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone... http://tfl.nu/2d2g
  Replies (12) Good night (4126) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week. http://tfl.nu/d9gv
  Replies (21) Good night (6303) Bad night (732)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you? http://tfl.nu/o13h
  Replies (7) Good night (3225) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you http://tfl.nu/hg35
  Replies (9) Good night (4803) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis. http://tfl.nu/5xg0
  Replies (5) Good night (1602) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship. http://tfl.nu/12c3
  Replies (6) Good night (2660) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter. http://tfl.nu/57tz
  Replies (10) Good night (1013) Bad night (3355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that. http://tfl.nu/i43f
  Replies (24) Good night (4610) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  we already have meals planned for the weekend.

  (1-864): View more from South Carolina

  SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): we already have meals planned for the weekend. (1-864): SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL. http://tfl.nu/xo3s
  Replies (13) Good night (4572) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex http://tfl.nu/xtt5
  Replies (20) Good night (3028) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): 3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight http://tfl.nu/lsa5
  Replies (3) Good night (2134) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night http://tfl.nu/v5ja
  Replies (8) Good night (1816) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me. http://tfl.nu/uneh
  Replies (14) Good night (877) Bad night (2939) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job. http://tfl.nu/jru8
  Replies (6) Good night (2845) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can. http://tfl.nu/4vuk
  Replies (4) Good night (875) Bad night (2402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure http://tfl.nu/8ozd
  Replies (5) Good night (2153) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision. http://tfl.nu/ny2a
  Replies (11) Good night (2520) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic. http://tfl.nu/gchg
  Replies (5) Good night (3950) Bad night (1252)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again http://tfl.nu/1mb1
  Replies (13) Good night (5685) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it. http://tfl.nu/gp6s
  Replies (7) Good night (2688) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this. http://tfl.nu/j53e
  Replies (6) Good night (978) Bad night (1906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me. http://tfl.nu/wdvy
  Replies (15) Good night (7461) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes http://tfl.nu/frgb
  Replies (9) Good night (3742) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning. http://tfl.nu/hea7
  Replies (8) Good night (2882) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves http://tfl.nu/kwdc
  Replies (28) Good night (4774) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is. http://tfl.nu/mbfy
  Replies (6) Good night (3222) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged http://tfl.nu/78pb
  Replies (16) Good night (4273) Bad night (2355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit. http://tfl.nu/4gp7
  Replies (26) Good night (1016) Bad night (6849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret http://tfl.nu/ksru
  Replies (53) Good night (1243) Bad night (2125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard. http://tfl.nu/kick
  Replies (9) Good night (3828) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom. http://tfl.nu/iz3f
  Replies (23) Good night (661) Bad night (4309) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much? http://tfl.nu/63ru
  Replies (10) Good night (2982) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am http://tfl.nu/vths
  Replies (21) Good night (1088) Bad night (3254) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me. http://tfl.nu/s06p
  Replies (16) Good night (3288) Bad night (1650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks. http://tfl.nu/1pi3
  Replies (5) Good night (2202) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!! http://tfl.nu/96d4
  Replies (24) Good night (3396) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good. http://tfl.nu/7ot5
  Replies (2) Good night (2916) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I feel like my teeth are sweating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I feel like my teeth are sweating. http://tfl.nu/98tq
  Replies (9) Good night (847) Bad night (1761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  "lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): "lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning" http://tfl.nu/szov
  Replies (16) Good night (6924) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  ...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): ...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified. http://tfl.nu/6dxz
  Replies (7) Good night (1946) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon. http://tfl.nu/dsce
  Replies (8) Good night (808) Bad night (1974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway. http://tfl.nu/6dio
  Replies (8) Good night (2478) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide? http://tfl.nu/adm7
  Replies (14) Good night (2139) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life http://tfl.nu/cbjj
  Replies (24) Good night (4919) Bad night (2002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain. http://tfl.nu/mvaw
  Replies (6) Good night (1981) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/dkbw
  Replies (24) Good night (1215) Bad night (2714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline. http://tfl.nu/1m8c
  Replies (23) Good night (3385) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in. http://tfl.nu/o2x8
  Replies (8) Good night (1026) Bad night (2085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask? http://tfl.nu/y41y
  Replies (17) Good night (5818) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo? http://tfl.nu/aefb
  Replies (11) Good night (3964) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest. http://tfl.nu/68lv
  Replies (22) Good night (5066) Bad night (2903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling. http://tfl.nu/koe0
  Replies (8) Good night (679) Bad night (2101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star. http://tfl.nu/6ohf
  Replies (19) Good night (5107) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up. http://tfl.nu/4lr7
  Replies (6) Good night (3229) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had. http://tfl.nu/2xlf
  Replies (28) Good night (7325) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me. http://tfl.nu/tasz
  Replies (22) Good night (1050) Bad night (3889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife. http://tfl.nu/uqm2
  Replies (13) Good night (1110) Bad night (4924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I can feel the alcohol in my calves

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I can feel the alcohol in my calves http://tfl.nu/p5wf
  Replies (3) Good night (2528) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone" http://tfl.nu/ni9u
  Replies (16) Good night (793) Bad night (3213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction. http://tfl.nu/hu5n
  Replies (11) Good night (3722) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  and now there are teeth marks on my dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): and now there are teeth marks on my dick. http://tfl.nu/97y3
  Replies (17) Good night (948) Bad night (5279) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): the best sex is "duke just lost" sex. http://tfl.nu/zw67
  Replies (32) Good night (5745) Bad night (1089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy http://tfl.nu/ftf6
  Replies (1) Good night (2164) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed. http://tfl.nu/50l6
  Replies (11) Good night (6429) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again. http://tfl.nu/k33f
  Replies (4) Good night (1014) Bad night (2125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship. http://tfl.nu/y8rh
  Replies (21) Good night (5035) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure. http://tfl.nu/up4h
  Replies (11) Good night (2245) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis. http://tfl.nu/oi4a
  Replies (30) Good night (6256) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad. http://tfl.nu/nyqb
  Replies (5) Good night (753) Bad night (2444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me http://tfl.nu/gpjb
  Replies (19) Good night (972) Bad night (4807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him. http://tfl.nu/3rzj
  Replies (10) Good night (1159) Bad night (2462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose http://tfl.nu/7c4h
  Replies (5) Good night (2739) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine?? http://tfl.nu/98s1
  Replies (6) Good night (2082) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading http://tfl.nu/eqt2
  Replies (8) Good night (1891) Bad night (617)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it http://tfl.nu/9sa0
  Replies (15) Good night (2447) Bad night (1510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week. http://tfl.nu/2lhm
  Replies (18) Good night (830) Bad night (2310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does. http://tfl.nu/2dp5
  Replies (4) Good night (2659) Bad night (1068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold. http://tfl.nu/zmz2
  Replies (16) Good night (3295) Bad night (1014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas http://tfl.nu/uer1
  Replies (2) Good night (2434) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  he tried to breastfeed my turtle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): he tried to breastfeed my turtle http://tfl.nu/mp5f
  Replies (15) Good night (1305) Bad night (2402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup. http://tfl.nu/y9af
  Replies (15) Good night (5192) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due. http://tfl.nu/nv78
  Replies (26) Good night (6501) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there. http://tfl.nu/s3qt
  Replies (22) Good night (3649) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays. http://tfl.nu/8dlv
  Replies (4) Good night (2323) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins. http://tfl.nu/oy0i
  Replies (9) Good night (1898) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently? http://tfl.nu/merx
  Replies (7) Good night (3155) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice. http://tfl.nu/aht5
  Replies (14) Good night (4817) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud. http://tfl.nu/pl89
  Replies (19) Good night (3610) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting http://tfl.nu/9m8j
  Replies (5) Good night (3620) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth. http://tfl.nu/0yym
  Replies (7) Good night (3065) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany. http://tfl.nu/1100
  Replies (3) Good night (702) Bad night (1747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back. http://tfl.nu/jjtt
  Replies (8) Good night (2203) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back? http://tfl.nu/dswq
  Replies (12) Good night (564) Bad night (2241) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project? http://tfl.nu/mcoi
  Replies (11) Good night (3013) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday... http://tfl.nu/8w3z
  Replies (3) Good night (2196) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt http://tfl.nu/ilc7
  Replies (27) Good night (2457) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex. http://tfl.nu/iosj
  Replies (25) Good night (5090) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing http://tfl.nu/c7lz
  Replies (23) Good night (5564) Bad night (1131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this. http://tfl.nu/0oyt
  Replies (12) Good night (2009) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job. http://tfl.nu/hof0
  Replies (15) Good night (2586) Bad night (1191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend http://tfl.nu/u4us
  Replies (46) Good night (3865) Bad night (2538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had http://tfl.nu/fpfu
  Replies (26) Good night (1256) Bad night (3658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  It was like getting head from an anaconda

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): It was like getting head from an anaconda http://tfl.nu/fnhr
  Replies (23) Good night (2754) Bad night (1831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy. http://tfl.nu/amvl
  Replies (13) Good night (669) Bad night (3706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point. http://tfl.nu/fff7
  Replies (19) Good night (2223) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees. http://tfl.nu/d0ki
  Replies (11) Good night (3849) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS? http://tfl.nu/0qn8
  Replies (25) Good night (1552) Bad night (3827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything. http://tfl.nu/cxc9
  Replies (9) Good night (1654) Bad night (1828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?" http://tfl.nu/5mox
  Replies (19) Good night (3121) Bad night (943) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks. http://tfl.nu/6rdh
  Replies (6) Good night (3101) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer. http://tfl.nu/11oh
  Replies (16) Good night (2872) Bad night (1011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people? http://tfl.nu/g8mb
  Replies (15) Good night (4642) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks http://tfl.nu/r3ru
  Replies (5) Good night (1374) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale http://tfl.nu/27tf
  Replies (8) Good night (1903) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name. http://tfl.nu/xkiq
  Replies (22) Good night (3872) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right http://tfl.nu/du0e
  Replies (24) Good night (5782) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex. http://tfl.nu/gy7w
  Replies (13) Good night (3178) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy http://tfl.nu/hobw
  Replies (7) Good night (845) Bad night (2260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006 http://tfl.nu/o4mq
  Replies (9) Good night (821) Bad night (2340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real. http://tfl.nu/3nu3
  Replies (31) Good night (1927) Bad night (6004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine" http://tfl.nu/u1m0
  Replies (22) Good night (920) Bad night (3454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas. http://tfl.nu/1h9b
  Replies (14) Good night (5561) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button http://tfl.nu/tmep
  Replies (49) Good night (8738) Bad night (2518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex. http://tfl.nu/sntw
  Replies (14) Good night (1195) Bad night (3055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  There is a pube in my fucking eyeball

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): There is a pube in my fucking eyeball http://tfl.nu/0eb2
  Replies (14) Good night (630) Bad night (4857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life. http://tfl.nu/wu6z
  Replies (7) Good night (2697) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time http://tfl.nu/8x6u
  Replies (6) Good night (2729) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever http://tfl.nu/qxjf
  Replies (17) Good night (3855) Bad night (1028) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock. http://tfl.nu/nmgr
  Replies (15) Good night (3445) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night.. http://tfl.nu/1tnp
  Replies (6) Good night (2579) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation. http://tfl.nu/5z11
  Replies (21) Good night (1103) Bad night (4914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top. http://tfl.nu/vbez
  Replies (19) Good night (4634) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night? http://tfl.nu/sgi1
  Replies (13) Good night (710) Bad night (2529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it... http://tfl.nu/w07g
  Replies (20) Good night (2923) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience http://tfl.nu/nrax
  Replies (8) Good night (2360) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY. http://tfl.nu/zzc9
  Replies (5) Good night (2792) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions? http://tfl.nu/z9u9
  Replies (14) Good night (2952) Bad night (1394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman? http://tfl.nu/4t4b
  Replies (9) Good night (3413) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl" http://tfl.nu/soyj
  Replies (17) Good night (940) Bad night (3767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch. http://tfl.nu/lo8i
  Replies (4) Good night (2094) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"... http://tfl.nu/z8ro
  Replies (19) Good night (2983) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave... http://tfl.nu/jtzo
  Replies (8) Good night (2494) Bad night (2100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week? http://tfl.nu/bve2
  Replies (9) Good night (2967) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward. http://tfl.nu/2euk
  Replies (5) Good night (1972) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  ugh yes i love our date nights

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey (1-814): ugh yes i love our date nights http://tfl.nu/d1p8
  Replies (4) Good night (2763) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now. http://tfl.nu/ph35
  Replies (15) Good night (713) Bad night (2658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past. http://tfl.nu/eita
  Replies (4) Good night (1847) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl http://tfl.nu/t2ss
  Replies (3) Good night (1869) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight. http://tfl.nu/4pnr
  Replies (11) Good night (3067) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick. http://tfl.nu/ma7b
  Replies (14) Good night (2582) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen http://tfl.nu/4avg
  Replies (9) Good night (1897) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask. http://tfl.nu/zsyi
  Replies (1) Good night (696) Bad night (2155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer. http://tfl.nu/o1pz
  Replies (12) Good night (1137) Bad night (2381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis. http://tfl.nu/uw51
  Replies (5) Good night (1957) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after. http://tfl.nu/e8fo
  Replies (9) Good night (720) Bad night (2017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying. http://tfl.nu/fnbb
  Replies (9) Good night (3121) Bad night (1239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina. http://tfl.nu/1q7d
  Replies (15) Good night (4087) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here http://tfl.nu/czu0
  Replies (13) Good night (2889) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP. http://tfl.nu/4ge4
  Replies (21) Good night (5979) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...? http://tfl.nu/0j4d
  Replies (20) Good night (3039) Bad night (1902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin. http://tfl.nu/i4o4
  Replies (14) Good night (2062) Bad night (1488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress. http://tfl.nu/xjnu
  Replies (14) Good night (6677) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance. http://tfl.nu/4x77
  Replies (8) Good night (719) Bad night (2249) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight. http://tfl.nu/6ch9
  Replies (47) Good night (1535) Bad night (6654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+31): bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left. http://tfl.nu/sy8j
  Replies (18) Good night (1123) Bad night (5984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people http://tfl.nu/xprr
  Replies (8) Good night (3827) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon

  (703): View more from Virginia

  she was in a cheetah costume

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon (703): she was in a cheetah costume http://tfl.nu/slro
  Replies (13) Good night (4305) Bad night (657)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with. http://tfl.nu/jmfl
  Replies (13) Good night (5161) Bad night (918)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  He made me a "booty call of the year" award.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): He made me a "booty call of the year" award. http://tfl.nu/7b1z
  Replies (15) Good night (3516) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall. http://tfl.nu/z0q7
  Replies (9) Good night (3992) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person. http://tfl.nu/v0my
  Replies (12) Good night (3827) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP. http://tfl.nu/xvnv
  Replies (4) Good night (3851) Bad night (839)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge http://tfl.nu/8cfm
  Replies (15) Good night (3515) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me. http://tfl.nu/ey2n
  Replies (16) Good night (5315) Bad night (1453)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this. http://tfl.nu/o8j2
  Replies (6) Good night (2006) Bad night (1134) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever. http://tfl.nu/md7w
  Replies (29) Good night (11254) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+75): View more from

  It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+75): It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more http://tfl.nu/60s4
  Replies (11) Good night (470) Bad night (1909)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!" http://tfl.nu/rdw8
  Replies (9) Good night (1018) Bad night (2710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me. http://tfl.nu/grro
  Replies (11) Good night (5086) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning. http://tfl.nu/6rsw
  Replies (17) Good night (3525) Bad night (1530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day. http://tfl.nu/xzll
  Replies (25) Good night (4783) Bad night (1962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes. http://tfl.nu/ng3j
  Replies (4) Good night (2646) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises. http://tfl.nu/ybn2
  Replies (14) Good night (2526) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups. http://tfl.nu/oj47
  Replies (13) Good night (3242) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it. http://tfl.nu/i4yi
  Replies (13) Good night (3768) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator? http://tfl.nu/y95u
  Replies (35) Good night (6275) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome http://tfl.nu/8vj5
  Replies (8) Good night (4679) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish http://tfl.nu/yvgk
  Replies (14) Good night (4039) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis. http://tfl.nu/m2ek
  Replies (15) Good night (5750) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it http://tfl.nu/ocmo
  Replies (13) Good night (1376) Bad night (2908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times http://tfl.nu/rglo
  Replies (7) Good night (2738) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed http://tfl.nu/42qb
  Replies (6) Good night (3422) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present? http://tfl.nu/yubn
  Replies (25) Good night (3896) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me http://tfl.nu/123e
  Replies (6) Good night (918) Bad night (2640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever. http://tfl.nu/klad
  Replies (20) Good night (6851) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine http://tfl.nu/h16d
  Replies (15) Good night (3160) Bad night (1136) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever. http://tfl.nu/fx8m
  Replies (21) Good night (4231) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work http://tfl.nu/ffxc
  Replies (19) Good night (1563) Bad night (2948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious. http://tfl.nu/uku0
  Replies (16) Good night (1378) Bad night (3036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit http://tfl.nu/4m5n
  Replies (4) Good night (523) Bad night (2023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add http://tfl.nu/yo24
  Replies (6) Good night (2805) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor http://tfl.nu/o59i
  Replies (25) Good night (3778) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it. http://tfl.nu/voj2
  Replies (6) Good night (1923) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge. http://tfl.nu/qm3g
  Replies (21) Good night (3124) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata http://tfl.nu/65h3
  Replies (4) Good night (2020) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/4n1i
  Replies (7) Good night (3229) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them http://tfl.nu/vxlz
  Replies (10) Good night (5033) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho http://tfl.nu/j100
  Replies (3) Good night (2646) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (61): View more from Australia

  who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (61): who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class http://tfl.nu/g4lj
  Replies (6) Good night (4124) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): 1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey http://tfl.nu/ks1h
  Replies (3) Good night (3594) Bad night (498)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes http://tfl.nu/a563
  Replies (18) Good night (3160) Bad night (1329)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex. http://tfl.nu/bvr1
  Replies (18) Good night (5346) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck. http://tfl.nu/z7fe
  Replies (21) Good night (7863) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover http://tfl.nu/mxp0
  Replies (15) Good night (4844) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like. http://tfl.nu/8dbs
  Replies (10) Good night (2937) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila? http://tfl.nu/e4mt
  Replies (7) Good night (3136) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth http://tfl.nu/ml2x
  Replies (7) Good night (815) Bad night (3580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick http://tfl.nu/35jp
  Replies (11) Good night (4635) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex. http://tfl.nu/exbo
  Replies (23) Good night (3967) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season http://tfl.nu/bvhl
  Replies (4) Good night (2184) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club. http://tfl.nu/af62
  Replies (5) Good night (2770) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+45): View more from Denmark

  You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+45): You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right? http://tfl.nu/cwve
  Replies (9) Good night (3686) Bad night (1414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste. http://tfl.nu/fckj
  Replies (32) Good night (5250) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :( http://tfl.nu/fasb
  Replies (8) Good night (803) Bad night (2768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley. http://tfl.nu/h7e5
  Replies (15) Good night (2389) Bad night (1243) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that. http://tfl.nu/tpz4
  Replies (20) Good night (2474) Bad night (3215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems http://tfl.nu/61dr
  Replies (13) Good night (957) Bad night (2677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again. http://tfl.nu/gudi
  Replies (16) Good night (2467) Bad night (1315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out http://tfl.nu/ng5c
  Replies (10) Good night (1050) Bad night (2447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine. http://tfl.nu/flen
  Replies (6) Good night (3309) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him http://tfl.nu/3qi4
  Replies (9) Good night (771) Bad night (3562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me. http://tfl.nu/yrie
  Replies (9) Good night (2500) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand. http://tfl.nu/0bxb
  Replies (10) Good night (2662) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/0v77
  Replies (11) Good night (682) Bad night (2586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah" http://tfl.nu/ebyl
  Replies (14) Good night (4995) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this. http://tfl.nu/g4cn
  Replies (8) Good night (4097) Bad night (1337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back. http://tfl.nu/wq3e
  Replies (10) Good night (3924) Bad night (1223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses http://tfl.nu/vxdn
  Replies (4) Good night (4743) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone http://tfl.nu/1ml1
  Replies (20) Good night (810) Bad night (5856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes". http://tfl.nu/tjre
  Replies (3) Good night (564) Bad night (2593)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything. http://tfl.nu/kqmn
  Replies (14) Good night (4998) Bad night (1242)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me http://tfl.nu/9tpu
  Replies (15) Good night (5916) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight http://tfl.nu/tvrj
  Replies (30) Good night (6254) Bad night (1366)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup http://tfl.nu/a67v
  Replies (21) Good night (943) Bad night (8495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me. http://tfl.nu/hmc1
  Replies (11) Good night (3677) Bad night (1564)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence. http://tfl.nu/pvbz
  Replies (11) Good night (4912) Bad night (475)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time? http://tfl.nu/50jt
  Replies (14) Good night (3543) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think. http://tfl.nu/wg4r
  Replies (20) Good night (3781) Bad night (957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage. http://tfl.nu/1an1
  Replies (3) Good night (2094) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead. http://tfl.nu/ixsn
  Replies (3) Good night (2274) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities? http://tfl.nu/5gd1
  Replies (33) Good night (736) Bad night (6699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles. http://tfl.nu/pzt3
  Replies (19) Good night (1489) Bad night (5881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in. http://tfl.nu/zr2p
  Replies (5) Good night (2790) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help. http://tfl.nu/37hn
  Replies (3) Good night (1990) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ http://tfl.nu/txmt
  Replies (16) Good night (4544) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal http://tfl.nu/lnon
  Replies (20) Good night (3593) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays. http://tfl.nu/t82v
  Replies (8) Good night (4640) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair" http://tfl.nu/0q2o
  Replies (13) Good night (802) Bad night (3739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted. http://tfl.nu/yox0
  Replies (26) Good night (7583) Bad night (805)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend? http://tfl.nu/qj9q
  Replies (10) Good night (1439) Bad night (2744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place. http://tfl.nu/ev8p
  Replies (15) Good night (1333) Bad night (4254) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen. http://tfl.nu/y9fq
  Replies (30) Good night (5700) Bad night (1385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home. http://tfl.nu/nin0
  Replies (12) Good night (8193) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  he seriously made his penis a facebook.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): he seriously made his penis a facebook. http://tfl.nu/bto1
  Replies (15) Good night (4055) Bad night (1579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom http://tfl.nu/vj7o
  Replies (11) Good night (2410) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that http://tfl.nu/zg2p
  Replies (4) Good night (3395) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered. http://tfl.nu/j70b
  Replies (10) Good night (7258) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong? http://tfl.nu/lzrs
  Replies (13) Good night (2616) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out http://tfl.nu/n0iw
  Replies (9) Good night (733) Bad night (3280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up? http://tfl.nu/cmpo
  Replies (30) Good night (2633) Bad night (3200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you. http://tfl.nu/jro0
  Replies (9) Good night (3349) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate. http://tfl.nu/opcy
  Replies (8) Good night (888) Bad night (2897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference... http://tfl.nu/jx5w
  Replies (13) Good night (6793) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower. http://tfl.nu/3pc6
  Replies (15) Good night (4145) Bad night (1604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately. http://tfl.nu/bi26
  Replies (3) Good night (2331) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time http://tfl.nu/kzmt
  Replies (10) Good night (3133) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I slept with him to see his dog one last time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I slept with him to see his dog one last time http://tfl.nu/kvlf
  Replies (22) Good night (4060) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music. http://tfl.nu/oyb0
  Replies (24) Good night (7431) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person. http://tfl.nu/80cc
  Replies (40) Good night (5391) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome. http://tfl.nu/6uzt
  Replies (18) Good night (3547) Bad night (1063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend? http://tfl.nu/hvyw
  Replies (11) Good night (4901) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas (810): I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick" http://tfl.nu/jn94
  Replies (9) Good night (3454) Bad night (1198)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far. http://tfl.nu/ba65
  Replies (6) Good night (3478) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all. http://tfl.nu/v9t7
  Replies (6) Good night (2742) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  How come I never meet celebrities?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield" (1-410): How come I never meet celebrities? http://tfl.nu/j09q
  Replies (7) Good night (3248) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now http://tfl.nu/i71d
  Replies (13) Good night (561) Bad night (4218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice. http://tfl.nu/vbsf
  Replies (28) Good night (4510) Bad night (3293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process. http://tfl.nu/qg86
  Replies (10) Good night (4406) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life? http://tfl.nu/un84
  Replies (4) Good night (2757) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face. http://tfl.nu/jlmy
  Replies (6) Good night (3432) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj http://tfl.nu/kgi8
  Replies (22) Good night (5181) Bad night (1499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side. http://tfl.nu/rosc
  Replies (12) Good night (7400) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever. http://tfl.nu/i189
  Replies (60) Good night (1408) Bad night (10463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable... http://tfl.nu/8m1y
  Replies (12) Good night (2843) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing http://tfl.nu/o77s
  Replies (18) Good night (2373) Bad night (1269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months http://tfl.nu/8o8f
  Replies (10) Good night (2591) Bad night (3276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs. http://tfl.nu/rxnt
  Replies (18) Good night (4231) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys http://tfl.nu/pzx8
  Replies (4) Good night (833) Bad night (2121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate http://tfl.nu/n9pe
  Replies (7) Good night (3590) Bad night (1096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was. http://tfl.nu/uwpx
  Replies (24) Good night (815) Bad night (5336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use. http://tfl.nu/kk0h
  Replies (12) Good night (6386) Bad night (650)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk http://tfl.nu/jram
  Replies (6) Good night (4848) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill. http://tfl.nu/mtxw
  Replies (6) Good night (3061) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner. http://tfl.nu/pwti
  Replies (7) Good night (3254) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out. http://tfl.nu/tea7
  Replies (14) Good night (7382) Bad night (1239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it? http://tfl.nu/e2vj
  Replies (11) Good night (1066) Bad night (4001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food. http://tfl.nu/i6sw
  Replies (14) Good night (3588) Bad night (1631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered. http://tfl.nu/5t2g
  Replies (15) Good night (3730) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life. http://tfl.nu/j431
  Replies (54) Good night (6670) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room http://tfl.nu/exa4
  Replies (15) Good night (3657) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar. http://tfl.nu/7dw6
  Replies (5) Good night (2192) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement? http://tfl.nu/mmb3
  Replies (21) Good night (3780) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests http://tfl.nu/7t18
  Replies (9) Good night (3082) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina. http://tfl.nu/y3xd
  Replies (19) Good night (7032) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car. http://tfl.nu/2mw2
  Replies (15) Good night (5325) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives. http://tfl.nu/qq5e
  Replies (21) Good night (4230) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete http://tfl.nu/s3e3
  Replies (6) Good night (2540) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar. http://tfl.nu/wjyf
  Replies (8) Good night (3302) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral. http://tfl.nu/3rm8
  Replies (5) Good night (1031) Bad night (3671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance http://tfl.nu/l7ly
  Replies (7) Good night (898) Bad night (3047) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  he got a rim job in the basement.

  (716): View more from New York

  apparently i was the one who gave it to him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): he got a rim job in the basement. (716): apparently i was the one who gave it to him. http://tfl.nu/gzx7
  Replies (10) Good night (854) Bad night (4175)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09 http://tfl.nu/7ioy
  Replies (3) Good night (658) Bad night (4002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand http://tfl.nu/mvpq
  Replies (10) Good night (1929) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake http://tfl.nu/x5vz
  Replies (22) Good night (1526) Bad night (4317) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened. http://tfl.nu/5edl
  Replies (4) Good night (2375) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks http://tfl.nu/8135
  Replies (11) Good night (4066) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well http://tfl.nu/ng2b
  Replies (8) Good night (2924) Bad night (1212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing. http://tfl.nu/nkz8
  Replies (10) Good night (828) Bad night (2917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there http://tfl.nu/a5ka
  Replies (14) Good night (943) Bad night (2784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends? http://tfl.nu/7e4n
  Replies (20) Good night (2199) Bad night (2156) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed. http://tfl.nu/eogf
  Replies (3) Good night (2792) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college... http://tfl.nu/a15y
  Replies (23) Good night (11079) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone? http://tfl.nu/fjjr
  Replies (10) Good night (3305) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (345): View more from Cayman Islands

  Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (345): Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful http://tfl.nu/njho
  Replies (8) Good night (3141) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked. http://tfl.nu/py4z
  Replies (7) Good night (3615) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there. http://tfl.nu/497c
  Replies (8) Good night (3026) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program. http://tfl.nu/l90z
  Replies (12) Good night (3157) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW. http://tfl.nu/o3ak
  Replies (9) Good night (3468) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this. http://tfl.nu/0xw5
  Replies (7) Good night (2805) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work. http://tfl.nu/wbkv
  Replies (18) Good night (5408) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman. http://tfl.nu/z41q
  Replies (15) Good night (6786) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair http://tfl.nu/bwcm
  Replies (21) Good night (6847) Bad night (900)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?" http://tfl.nu/11uf
  Replies (27) Good night (6791) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you? http://tfl.nu/0iy8
  Replies (18) Good night (5386) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk. http://tfl.nu/ersv
  Replies (2) Good night (3376) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson. http://tfl.nu/7vwr
  Replies (16) Good night (848) Bad night (4251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night http://tfl.nu/p9mu
  Replies (5) Good night (921) Bad night (2153) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day. http://tfl.nu/yh3a
  Replies (20) Good night (9498) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard http://tfl.nu/sbl9
  Replies (10) Good night (926) Bad night (2975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie. http://tfl.nu/3ijz
  Replies (18) Good night (7138) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine http://tfl.nu/n0tq
  Replies (20) Good night (5257) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm" http://tfl.nu/evrk
  Replies (7) Good night (648) Bad night (2670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive? http://tfl.nu/un6m
  Replies (9) Good night (4271) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up. http://tfl.nu/ktvf
  Replies (17) Good night (4763) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should. http://tfl.nu/b27t
  Replies (45) Good night (8444) Bad night (2179)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever. http://tfl.nu/sr0q
  Replies (15) Good night (4447) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end http://tfl.nu/x0of
  Replies (12) Good night (2968) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way. http://tfl.nu/qq0o
  Replies (7) Good night (977) Bad night (4373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people. http://tfl.nu/5ebd
  Replies (9) Good night (3258) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame? http://tfl.nu/ixm6
  Replies (29) Good night (1317) Bad night (3567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now... http://tfl.nu/kqc9
  Replies (12) Good night (4829) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!? http://tfl.nu/d0je
  Replies (6) Good night (682) Bad night (2464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity. http://tfl.nu/ob6h
  Replies (21) Good night (7775) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress http://tfl.nu/yb5l
  Replies (16) Good night (5286) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it" http://tfl.nu/tnve
  Replies (39) Good night (4972) Bad night (4754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN http://tfl.nu/nyld
  Replies (15) Good night (6713) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night. http://tfl.nu/uc8q
  Replies (4) Good night (6674) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster http://tfl.nu/imtg
  Replies (13) Good night (777) Bad night (3199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing http://tfl.nu/38nr
  Replies (2) Good night (2924) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think. http://tfl.nu/r53a
  Replies (7) Good night (951) Bad night (2464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop http://tfl.nu/m1fy
  Replies (13) Good night (5874) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots. http://tfl.nu/xikz
  Replies (25) Good night (3010) Bad night (1289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night. http://tfl.nu/e7sj
  Replies (14) Good night (6164) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving. http://tfl.nu/oull
  Replies (26) Good night (7060) Bad night (1340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly http://tfl.nu/ipod
  Replies (10) Good night (4596) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage. http://tfl.nu/bqw6
  Replies (22) Good night (1482) Bad night (8066)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out http://tfl.nu/unz9
  Replies (16) Good night (886) Bad night (5681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount http://tfl.nu/tdiu
  Replies (9) Good night (3074) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display http://tfl.nu/m1ar
  Replies (7) Good night (3353) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things. http://tfl.nu/ox9y
  Replies (16) Good night (967) Bad night (2662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes http://tfl.nu/y66v
  Replies (26) Good night (4479) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka http://tfl.nu/i4zm
  Replies (6) Good night (7558) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying. http://tfl.nu/un4v
  Replies (24) Good night (987) Bad night (9243)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking. http://tfl.nu/91x5
  Replies (17) Good night (1601) Bad night (5173) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to... http://tfl.nu/okbj
  Replies (29) Good night (3720) Bad night (1170) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call" http://tfl.nu/v8oa
  Replies (28) Good night (4570) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick? http://tfl.nu/a1dv
  Replies (22) Good night (2945) Bad night (1145) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech http://tfl.nu/b8ee
  Replies (18) Good night (3615) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family http://tfl.nu/olwi
  Replies (7) Good night (3093) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me http://tfl.nu/feez
  Replies (14) Good night (716) Bad night (1894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom." http://tfl.nu/5uyu
  Replies (20) Good night (4471) Bad night (1497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico http://tfl.nu/p58l
  Replies (28) Good night (3264) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is http://tfl.nu/2h7o
  Replies (6) Good night (5672) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14. http://tfl.nu/nc65
  Replies (8) Good night (3630) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about http://tfl.nu/rnip
  Replies (3) Good night (3329) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis http://tfl.nu/7q4s
  Replies (13) Good night (3275) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT! http://tfl.nu/n28b
  Replies (22) Good night (1459) Bad night (5617)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there. http://tfl.nu/6dln
  Replies (2) Good night (1699) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard. http://tfl.nu/cjsq
  Replies (9) Good night (2560) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): 2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year http://tfl.nu/2ypx
  Replies (7) Good night (1659) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here (601): on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends http://tfl.nu/r706
  Replies (6) Good night (2658) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool. http://tfl.nu/q5rs
  Replies (11) Good night (4214) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives. http://tfl.nu/wwoi
  Replies (5) Good night (3682) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks. http://tfl.nu/xy6a
  Replies (5) Good night (3096) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis http://tfl.nu/41ot
  Replies (14) Good night (4947) Bad night (1358)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes. http://tfl.nu/823v
  Replies (12) Good night (2673) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex http://tfl.nu/ckpn
  Replies (15) Good night (3071) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him http://tfl.nu/ohx4
  Replies (4) Good night (2066) Bad night (1437) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation http://tfl.nu/dl0f
  Replies (24) Good night (790) Bad night (4561)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one. http://tfl.nu/lrd9
  Replies (6) Good night (3565) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program. http://tfl.nu/1rj5
  Replies (14) Good night (4735) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely http://tfl.nu/qwih
  Replies (6) Good night (2589) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house? http://tfl.nu/bc2r
  Replies (13) Good night (8942) Bad night (1932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss. http://tfl.nu/1ntp
  Replies (10) Good night (5033) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back http://tfl.nu/nfcm
  Replies (6) Good night (3333) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good. http://tfl.nu/6afw
  Replies (30) Good night (7764) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer http://tfl.nu/2v54
  Replies (26) Good night (4501) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches." http://tfl.nu/amaz
  Replies (5) Good night (2533) Bad night (1315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance. http://tfl.nu/3nuq
  Replies (3) Good night (2821) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal. http://tfl.nu/dcp1
  Replies (15) Good night (2838) Bad night (1638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund http://tfl.nu/czuk
  Replies (8) Good night (2358) Bad night (1137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him http://tfl.nu/tu5w
  Replies (4) Good night (767) Bad night (1685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother. http://tfl.nu/s7ce
  Replies (7) Good night (3970) Bad night (742)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight. http://tfl.nu/l9kd
  Replies (5) Good night (3758) Bad night (590)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us? http://tfl.nu/gp4k
  Replies (5) Good night (3809) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar. http://tfl.nu/fw94
  Replies (13) Good night (5541) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship http://tfl.nu/zpw1
  Replies (12) Good night (871) Bad night (3238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is. http://tfl.nu/q4lm
  Replies (4) Good night (4353) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface? http://tfl.nu/c14f
  Replies (4) Good night (2685) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious http://tfl.nu/6jx4
  Replies (10) Good night (3436) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter. http://tfl.nu/8xy5
  Replies (4) Good night (2929) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did. http://tfl.nu/3qcv
  Replies (7) Good night (7442) Bad night (1748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): i told you the emergency thong was a good idea. http://tfl.nu/5gc7
  Replies (3) Good night (2938) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/e3sn
  Replies (18) Good night (6994) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs http://tfl.nu/h0qb
  Replies (9) Good night (3006) Bad night (1453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her. http://tfl.nu/6ypm
  Replies (48) Good night (16497) Bad night (711)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him. http://tfl.nu/9mdh
  Replies (23) Good night (5655) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.

  (925): View more from California

  "half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up. (925): "half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking. http://tfl.nu/v25q
  Replies (3) Good night (2563) Bad night (633)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/tadi
  Replies (11) Good night (8314) Bad night (1606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season. http://tfl.nu/nsh1
  Replies (5) Good night (2446) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule http://tfl.nu/gp5a
  Replies (8) Good night (3333) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve. http://tfl.nu/oxx2
  Replies (3) Good night (3196) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home. http://tfl.nu/7itp
  Replies (2) Good night (1941) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast. http://tfl.nu/5wgc
  Replies (45) Good night (7061) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out. http://tfl.nu/gjqc
  Replies (5) Good night (7879) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up http://tfl.nu/nnr4
  Replies (5) Good night (3291) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  My vagina agrees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again. (614): My vagina agrees. http://tfl.nu/ii41
  Replies (20) Good night (5878) Bad night (533)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral. http://tfl.nu/5sn1
  Replies (14) Good night (654) Bad night (4284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later? http://tfl.nu/w8i3
  Replies (16) Good night (5498) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication. http://tfl.nu/d8fz
  Replies (3) Good night (1673) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her. http://tfl.nu/r8ko
  Replies (26) Good night (6832) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory? http://tfl.nu/3lqg
  Replies (18) Good night (3946) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate http://tfl.nu/vubl
  Replies (16) Good night (5689) Bad night (634)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together. http://tfl.nu/rbls
  Replies (4) Good night (3531) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding? http://tfl.nu/9jac
  Replies (11) Good night (4409) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied.. http://tfl.nu/zapu
  Replies (6) Good night (3552) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy. http://tfl.nu/ugyo
  Replies (3) Good night (3019) Bad night (882)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous http://tfl.nu/zfcd
  Replies (10) Good night (4666) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall... http://tfl.nu/myki
  Replies (18) Good night (9353) Bad night (1802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/w5jl
  Replies (5) Good night (3937) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective. http://tfl.nu/c9ng
  Replies (3) Good night (3547) Bad night (586)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending. http://tfl.nu/khho
  Replies (6) Good night (4284) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother. http://tfl.nu/cizt
  Replies (24) Good night (1048) Bad night (6881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays http://tfl.nu/k4b9
  Replies (3) Good night (3731) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved. http://tfl.nu/shxy
  Replies (10) Good night (6044) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies. http://tfl.nu/qg5x
  Replies (10) Good night (4295) Bad night (1461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge. http://tfl.nu/j5wy
  Replies (8) Good night (4116) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't. http://tfl.nu/avqq
  Replies (5) Good night (2396) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class' http://tfl.nu/85i4
  Replies (38) Good night (1366) Bad night (5892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with. http://tfl.nu/tzze
  Replies (36) Good night (12923) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition. http://tfl.nu/wjlr
  Replies (4) Good night (3210) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (894): View more from

  just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (894): just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit http://tfl.nu/2422
  Replies (16) Good night (6836) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad. http://tfl.nu/l0uz
  Replies (11) Good night (691) Bad night (4593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet. http://tfl.nu/7a74
  Replies (15) Good night (8628) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused." http://tfl.nu/qcvq
  Replies (12) Good night (10951) Bad night (709)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun? http://tfl.nu/ilq6
  Replies (3) Good night (2574) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking. http://tfl.nu/amrn
  Replies (5) Good night (4514) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week http://tfl.nu/o67r
  Replies (2) Good night (3243) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence

  (415): View more from California

  shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence (415): shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy. http://tfl.nu/3ya6
  Replies (12) Good night (7999) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls? http://tfl.nu/dqbw
  Replies (17) Good night (4746) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos. http://tfl.nu/fazf
  Replies (5) Good night (2278) Bad night (1555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops http://tfl.nu/xgyz
  Replies (9) Good night (3513) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me. http://tfl.nu/y2u9
  Replies (10) Good night (709) Bad night (2964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive. http://tfl.nu/za3k
  Replies (7) Good night (2939) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together. http://tfl.nu/l7kg
  Replies (34) Good night (2735) Bad night (9385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary. http://tfl.nu/s27x
  Replies (2) Good night (2432) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry. http://tfl.nu/gi6e
  Replies (26) Good night (7677) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower. http://tfl.nu/ei3p
  Replies (4) Good night (1931) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that. http://tfl.nu/u3z8
  Replies (7) Good night (2103) Bad night (1160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation. http://tfl.nu/0izo
  Replies (5) Good night (795) Bad night (1711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked. http://tfl.nu/a12i
  Replies (9) Good night (4530) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on. http://tfl.nu/d9b8
  Replies (9) Good night (1115) Bad night (3533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck. http://tfl.nu/69rd
  Replies (16) Good night (7381) Bad night (1686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this. http://tfl.nu/g847
  Replies (16) Good night (3411) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges http://tfl.nu/3nw2
  Replies (24) Good night (1099) Bad night (6153)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink http://tfl.nu/i8us
  Replies (9) Good night (5928) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world. http://tfl.nu/k8j3
  Replies (13) Good night (740) Bad night (2704)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina http://tfl.nu/gfgs
  Replies (12) Good night (1034) Bad night (2606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement. http://tfl.nu/8kf2
  Replies (13) Good night (4062) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time http://tfl.nu/arsj
  Replies (18) Good night (3240) Bad night (1445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid. http://tfl.nu/3gm4
  Replies (9) Good night (2315) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week http://tfl.nu/o3oo
  Replies (14) Good night (718) Bad night (3744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!" http://tfl.nu/eczk
  Replies (4) Good night (3535) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle. http://tfl.nu/3luk
  Replies (25) Good night (5893) Bad night (1588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job http://tfl.nu/3g10
  Replies (8) Good night (591) Bad night (3437) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son. http://tfl.nu/kmmn
  Replies (5) Good night (4411) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by" http://tfl.nu/6dm5
  Replies (12) Good night (862) Bad night (2241) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad. http://tfl.nu/jajh
  Replies (5) Good night (581) Bad night (5096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep. http://tfl.nu/gby7
  Replies (25) Good night (8814) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this. http://tfl.nu/rcac
  Replies (25) Good night (1421) Bad night (5411)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep. http://tfl.nu/qpw1
  Replies (15) Good night (1373) Bad night (4019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today? http://tfl.nu/r6wg
  Replies (6) Good night (2766) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them. http://tfl.nu/edqp
  Replies (9) Good night (4492) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew. http://tfl.nu/1b9c
  Replies (28) Good night (7640) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life. http://tfl.nu/v2uu
  Replies (5) Good night (925) Bad night (2429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow. http://tfl.nu/o1qn
  Replies (11) Good night (4051) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation? http://tfl.nu/oofw
  Replies (17) Good night (5421) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade. http://tfl.nu/xjtk
  Replies (6) Good night (4175) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis http://tfl.nu/b4c1
  Replies (18) Good night (1083) Bad night (2293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan http://tfl.nu/pxmf
  Replies (15) Good night (2253) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me. http://tfl.nu/pldx
  Replies (14) Good night (2411) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up. http://tfl.nu/8mdh
  Replies (4) Good night (3223) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks? http://tfl.nu/o217
  Replies (5) Good night (3024) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card. http://tfl.nu/ujy9
  Replies (11) Good night (7693) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america http://tfl.nu/uvbf
  Replies (23) Good night (1377) Bad night (4574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means. http://tfl.nu/woys
  Replies (9) Good night (3521) Bad night (642)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success. http://tfl.nu/klpq
  Replies (8) Good night (3215) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen http://tfl.nu/5vux
  Replies (25) Good night (2077) Bad night (10535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted. http://tfl.nu/bshy
  Replies (46) Good night (6156) Bad night (2467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain". http://tfl.nu/ukpa
  Replies (25) Good night (13795) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard http://tfl.nu/jjpz
  Replies (7) Good night (658) Bad night (2433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window. http://tfl.nu/6pvh
  Replies (35) Good night (1300) Bad night (8173) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm http://tfl.nu/u7vv
  Replies (13) Good night (2604) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob. http://tfl.nu/pavi
  Replies (16) Good night (1613) Bad night (3741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week. http://tfl.nu/qgby
  Replies (35) Good night (3558) Bad night (1365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy http://tfl.nu/6i8p
  Replies (18) Good night (809) Bad night (1742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like http://tfl.nu/tmn6
  Replies (25) Good night (448) Bad night (1865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period http://tfl.nu/2c6q
  Replies (33) Good night (2261) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned? (443): I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me" http://tfl.nu/og83
  Replies (72) Good night (447) Bad night (3554)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?

  (845): View more from New York

  Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one? (845): Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides. http://tfl.nu/6dzh
  Replies (125) Good night (4531) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?

  (1-302): View more from Delaware

  That's okay, it's all protein anyway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!? (1-302): That's okay, it's all protein anyway. http://tfl.nu/dhny
  Replies (68) Good night (3380) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?" http://tfl.nu/v4rw
  Replies (27) Good night (6289) Bad night (1842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit http://tfl.nu/61qr
  Replies (13) Good night (6351) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn. http://tfl.nu/nwzi
  Replies (45) Good night (4626) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing http://tfl.nu/ldmu
  Replies (16) Good night (812) Bad night (4057) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that. http://tfl.nu/9h2q
  Replies (11) Good night (5191) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.

  (1-302): View more from Delaware

  he's 29.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son. (1-302): he's 29. http://tfl.nu/ab19
  Replies (16) Good night (1286) Bad night (4477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn http://tfl.nu/trfc
  Replies (14) Good night (5071) Bad night (1093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official http://tfl.nu/mdan
  Replies (15) Good night (4334) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  We're doing a case race on Saturday.

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): We're doing a case race on Saturday. (302): I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism" http://tfl.nu/1jnr
  Replies (5) Good night (3720) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am http://tfl.nu/qmyh
  Replies (5) Good night (2159) Bad night (1193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard http://tfl.nu/y6ds
  Replies (12) Good night (4743) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her. http://tfl.nu/dsg0
  Replies (17) Good night (3955) Bad night (1471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back. http://tfl.nu/cqa8
  Replies (38) Good night (4847) Bad night (1373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb http://tfl.nu/zgfq
  Replies (23) Good night (3974) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm. http://tfl.nu/hugj
  Replies (10) Good night (4871) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation. http://tfl.nu/ifsj
  Replies (11) Good night (4620) Bad night (1514)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag? http://tfl.nu/x8h9
  Replies (22) Good night (4311) Bad night (825)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night? http://tfl.nu/rwph
  Replies (19) Good night (1296) Bad night (4677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES. http://tfl.nu/3o3r
  Replies (9) Good night (1040) Bad night (3551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency http://tfl.nu/qlw6
  Replies (18) Good night (2614) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant. http://tfl.nu/uvpb
  Replies (13) Good night (2932) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive. http://tfl.nu/ejtq
  Replies (19) Good night (3810) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick http://tfl.nu/s4cq
  Replies (17) Good night (8924) Bad night (1198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  It was just a squirrel

  (253): View more from Washington

  You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): It was just a squirrel (253): You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar http://tfl.nu/smls
  Replies (11) Good night (5369) Bad night (608)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower. http://tfl.nu/wwsw
  Replies (9) Good night (2386) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it. http://tfl.nu/d7me
  Replies (13) Good night (827) Bad night (3587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here. http://tfl.nu/viom
  Replies (25) Good night (7297) Bad night (1171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other http://tfl.nu/ii3b
  Replies (10) Good night (1294) Bad night (2515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?! http://tfl.nu/1fx5
  Replies (12) Good night (6290) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex? http://tfl.nu/9pxt
  Replies (11) Good night (4794) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night. http://tfl.nu/t8p9
  Replies (6) Good night (2767) Bad night (1402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me http://tfl.nu/qd03
  Replies (44) Good night (1202) Bad night (5502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks. http://tfl.nu/ahni
  Replies (32) Good night (3632) Bad night (1491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever http://tfl.nu/615b
  Replies (11) Good night (5431) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS. http://tfl.nu/26xz
  Replies (37) Good night (9269) Bad night (1828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun. http://tfl.nu/h48x
  Replies (21) Good night (3628) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours. http://tfl.nu/gzj7
  Replies (5) Good night (4784) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you http://tfl.nu/pwks
  Replies (11) Good night (5179) Bad night (1160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages... http://tfl.nu/0g83
  Replies (12) Good night (4164) Bad night (1321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+86): View more from China

  Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+86): Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported. http://tfl.nu/uoj6
  Replies (9) Good night (5345) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple http://tfl.nu/5qs4
  Replies (9) Good night (3702) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life? http://tfl.nu/1n7v
  Replies (14) Good night (3754) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome. http://tfl.nu/nwqx
  Replies (13) Good night (2077) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year. http://tfl.nu/yrzl
  Replies (10) Good night (1567) Bad night (2915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser. http://tfl.nu/agjn
  Replies (32) Good night (3285) Bad night (1216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine http://tfl.nu/t8mm
  Replies (21) Good night (3248) Bad night (1474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house. http://tfl.nu/ztm5
  Replies (9) Good night (3129) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i would one night stand the shit outta him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i would one night stand the shit outta him http://tfl.nu/aljg
  Replies (11) Good night (5289) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive' http://tfl.nu/7wwl
  Replies (3) Good night (545) Bad night (2371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands. http://tfl.nu/q7ak
  Replies (13) Good night (794) Bad night (2398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year. http://tfl.nu/8zt2
  Replies (9) Good night (836) Bad night (3746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her. http://tfl.nu/yn7x
  Replies (15) Good night (4724) Bad night (1475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good. http://tfl.nu/t7su
  Replies (7) Good night (2650) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm. http://tfl.nu/k80u
  Replies (5) Good night (2993) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation. http://tfl.nu/yqu2
  Replies (8) Good night (3443) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him. http://tfl.nu/k4ub
  Replies (21) Good night (3798) Bad night (1571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull. http://tfl.nu/uent
  Replies (15) Good night (3744) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home. http://tfl.nu/i7zp
  Replies (5) Good night (2080) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad. http://tfl.nu/3nvp
  Replies (32) Good night (706) Bad night (6610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it. http://tfl.nu/o1jt
  Replies (8) Good night (3700) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/pl4c
  Replies (17) Good night (2990) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood http://tfl.nu/t6a5
  Replies (13) Good night (821) Bad night (3505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf http://tfl.nu/yxjw
  Replies (6) Good night (3417) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay http://tfl.nu/hwso
  Replies (13) Good night (2980) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner. http://tfl.nu/rtus
  Replies (22) Good night (3131) Bad night (1566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night. http://tfl.nu/f2qw
  Replies (8) Good night (3401) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD. http://tfl.nu/b7tw
  Replies (13) Good night (1108) Bad night (2734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed. http://tfl.nu/7kwk
  Replies (10) Good night (2929) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina. http://tfl.nu/dm8r
  Replies (9) Good night (3812) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.' http://tfl.nu/h44o
  Replies (58) Good night (4137) Bad night (1771)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/y5mn
  Replies (7) Good night (3959) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals http://tfl.nu/d194
  Replies (4) Good night (2318) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork. http://tfl.nu/ogci
  Replies (16) Good night (878) Bad night (2506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  we're about an hour out, how's the weather?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): we're about an hour out, how's the weather? (720): cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home. http://tfl.nu/na0o
  Replies (14) Good night (5706) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant. http://tfl.nu/96oo
  Replies (26) Good night (796) Bad night (8122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad. http://tfl.nu/m8mw
  Replies (13) Good night (5029) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major... http://tfl.nu/yhqh
  Replies (9) Good night (2472) Bad night (936)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss. http://tfl.nu/sd0l
  Replies (11) Good night (4474) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened. http://tfl.nu/mg5e
  Replies (21) Good night (5528) Bad night (1209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference. http://tfl.nu/wkzw
  Replies (12) Good night (4103) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  and then ....

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas. (1-215): and then .... (215): he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut. http://tfl.nu/qu6h
  Replies (23) Good night (5621) Bad night (1216)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage. http://tfl.nu/7s6f
  Replies (12) Good night (4145) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK. http://tfl.nu/7sxv
  Replies (9) Good night (6310) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning. http://tfl.nu/65kx
  Replies (4) Good night (2978) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls. http://tfl.nu/jpdx
  Replies (15) Good night (3055) Bad night (1081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up... http://tfl.nu/nkqy
  Replies (13) Good night (2666) Bad night (2298) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed http://tfl.nu/xlf6
  Replies (8) Good night (3504) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god. http://tfl.nu/gzqy
  Replies (22) Good night (5160) Bad night (2042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him http://tfl.nu/f43y
  Replies (18) Good night (1231) Bad night (2911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine http://tfl.nu/x929
  Replies (15) Good night (3683) Bad night (1208) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles http://tfl.nu/qmb2
  Replies (8) Good night (1091) Bad night (2195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off? http://tfl.nu/j7cy
  Replies (15) Good night (4382) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!? http://tfl.nu/2mg7
  Replies (19) Good night (4223) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good http://tfl.nu/mlgi
  Replies (6) Good night (4418) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home. http://tfl.nu/aglq
  Replies (9) Good night (3196) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together. http://tfl.nu/69iq
  Replies (15) Good night (2594) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now http://tfl.nu/b5gc
  Replies (9) Good night (1657) Bad night (3221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?" http://tfl.nu/lotk
  Replies (10) Good night (2998) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive. http://tfl.nu/xg7u
  Replies (4) Good night (2354) Bad night (1158) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil. http://tfl.nu/vn3b
  Replies (3) Good night (1279) Bad night (1704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  He likes Jesus. Game over.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): He likes Jesus. Game over. (804): Oooh wait, he just told me he was high. http://tfl.nu/lcdj
  Replies (14) Good night (4491) Bad night (1171)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas. http://tfl.nu/h7nj
  Replies (4) Good night (3785) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends.. http://tfl.nu/k6dk
  Replies (16) Good night (811) Bad night (2872)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.

  (1-516): View more from New York

  yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.

  (516): View more from New York

  Do you have to put it that way?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him. (1-516): yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him. (516): Do you have to put it that way? http://tfl.nu/hbgy
  Replies (21) Good night (5799) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone... http://tfl.nu/g061
  Replies (15) Good night (1197) Bad night (5649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean. http://tfl.nu/5uk0
  Replies (6) Good night (3965) Bad night (1029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point. http://tfl.nu/wyuo
  Replies (15) Good night (4258) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud

  (917): View more from New York City

  it's sad that this is a milestone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud (917): it's sad that this is a milestone http://tfl.nu/b89x
  Replies (11) Good night (1569) Bad night (2361)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties. http://tfl.nu/q6j5
  Replies (5) Good night (2519) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat http://tfl.nu/80p4
  Replies (19) Good night (6442) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing. http://tfl.nu/wqpy
  Replies (7) Good night (3912) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise. http://tfl.nu/lz74
  Replies (9) Good night (3667) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism http://tfl.nu/7zps
  Replies (8) Good night (4008) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid http://tfl.nu/99tk
  Replies (3) Good night (4365) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful http://tfl.nu/jkok
  Replies (6) Good night (3741) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check http://tfl.nu/dzvq
  Replies (7) Good night (3789) Bad night (1075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him? http://tfl.nu/um4o
  Replies (30) Good night (2871) Bad night (4712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true. http://tfl.nu/2syb
  Replies (33) Good night (5844) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend http://tfl.nu/gyj1
  Replies (22) Good night (841) Bad night (2494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real. http://tfl.nu/qt2q
  Replies (18) Good night (4432) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver. http://tfl.nu/zig6
  Replies (6) Good night (908) Bad night (2003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's. http://tfl.nu/922r
  Replies (8) Good night (3877) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun http://tfl.nu/8fzd
  Replies (4) Good night (2497) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it http://tfl.nu/l3eq
  Replies (4) Good night (1907) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone http://tfl.nu/gzqw
  Replies (12) Good night (4231) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella. http://tfl.nu/o5ml
  Replies (14) Good night (5053) Bad night (2264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again. http://tfl.nu/g2lj
  Replies (9) Good night (688) Bad night (3889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  bad decision saturdays are such a good decision

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): bad decision saturdays are such a good decision http://tfl.nu/ffui
  Replies (3) Good night (3349) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.

  (928): View more from Arizona

  wow.

  (815): View more from Illinois

  But it's a REALLY good back rub.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub. (928): wow. (815): But it's a REALLY good back rub. http://tfl.nu/3vfg
  Replies (27) Good night (4790) Bad night (646)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night. http://tfl.nu/phgw
  Replies (73) Good night (8125) Bad night (1148) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship http://tfl.nu/9ygn
  Replies (5) Good night (2129) Bad night (1698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump http://tfl.nu/on8v
  Replies (11) Good night (5570) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that. http://tfl.nu/a94h
  Replies (16) Good night (1403) Bad night (3703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook. http://tfl.nu/f57q
  Replies (12) Good night (3409) Bad night (1153) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line. http://tfl.nu/pwiz
  Replies (6) Good night (831) Bad night (2853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling? http://tfl.nu/xujd
  Replies (7) Good night (4432) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth http://tfl.nu/es05
  Replies (24) Good night (1441) Bad night (3164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers. http://tfl.nu/gf42
  Replies (8) Good night (3430) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill. http://tfl.nu/1t9o
  Replies (9) Good night (3033) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday http://tfl.nu/gbim
  Replies (8) Good night (4929) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day. http://tfl.nu/nryu
  Replies (6) Good night (2306) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk. http://tfl.nu/vlxs
  Replies (11) Good night (3625) Bad night (1344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts? http://tfl.nu/1591
  Replies (14) Good night (1038) Bad night (3798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED. http://tfl.nu/xnx5
  Replies (8) Good night (2830) Bad night (1321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT http://tfl.nu/lhuy
  Replies (3) Good night (2152) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin http://tfl.nu/ftsd
  Replies (3) Good night (2803) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues. http://tfl.nu/ux3u
  Replies (19) Good night (8015) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in http://tfl.nu/b3qn
  Replies (15) Good night (6985) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night" http://tfl.nu/prxk
  Replies (20) Good night (8115) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore. http://tfl.nu/nzed
  Replies (16) Good night (575) Bad night (2829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15. http://tfl.nu/cktg
  Replies (24) Good night (1045) Bad night (4042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I hate freshman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them. (205): I hate freshman. http://tfl.nu/44or
  Replies (23) Good night (1620) Bad night (5028)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink http://tfl.nu/5oo7
  Replies (17) Good night (3156) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly! http://tfl.nu/tm2j
  Replies (63) Good night (7752) Bad night (2950)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall http://tfl.nu/fpdq
  Replies (36) Good night (7927) Bad night (590)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah

  (415): View more from California

  and she bought it?!?

  (650): View more from California

  yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah (415): and she bought it?!? (650): yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes http://tfl.nu/zwxp
  Replies (28) Good night (7849) Bad night (474)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon. http://tfl.nu/zm69
  Replies (34) Good night (7823) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover? http://tfl.nu/ok2o
  Replies (13) Good night (7774) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one http://tfl.nu/284v
  Replies (25) Good night (7711) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury.. http://tfl.nu/rawt
  Replies (39) Good night (7689) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out. http://tfl.nu/i2ji
  Replies (18) Good night (7911) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved http://tfl.nu/t5ge
  Replies (32) Good night (7782) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight. http://tfl.nu/wlf9
  Replies (37) Good night (7690) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets http://tfl.nu/3y00
  Replies (65) Good night (7843) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant??? http://tfl.nu/mp1l
  Replies (53) Good night (7829) Bad night (2058) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics (1-402): you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys. http://tfl.nu/veft
  Replies (18) Good night (8114) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle. http://tfl.nu/il9h
  Replies (33) Good night (7720) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask. http://tfl.nu/r7za
  Replies (8) Good night (7773) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj . http://tfl.nu/vtaw
  Replies (17) Good night (7795) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  i wish semen tasted like chocolate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): i wish semen tasted like chocolate http://tfl.nu/nknz
  Replies (61) Good night (7769) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis" http://tfl.nu/xzec
  Replies (27) Good night (7921) Bad night (1341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son. http://tfl.nu/kdpy
  Replies (27) Good night (7823) Bad night (1169)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I wish they made sweatshirts for legs

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  you mean pants?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I wish they made sweatshirts for legs (1-602): you mean pants? http://tfl.nu/ceop
  Replies (38) Good night (8146) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer. http://tfl.nu/54ng
  Replies (19) Good night (7727) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  found the other keg... it's in the tree

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): found the other keg... it's in the tree http://tfl.nu/nyfo
  Replies (15) Good night (7726) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  The police scanner is talking about you again....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): The police scanner is talking about you again.... http://tfl.nu/f6sk
  Replies (16) Good night (8117) Bad night (983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I love boston

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH (781): I love boston http://tfl.nu/jz0y
  Replies (37) Good night (7955) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup http://tfl.nu/zlwx
  Replies (19) Good night (7680) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely. http://tfl.nu/77c9
  Replies (57) Good night (7918) Bad night (1726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be http://tfl.nu/0ihg
  Replies (59) Good night (7829) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is. http://tfl.nu/gvpy
  Replies (15) Good night (7849) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!? http://tfl.nu/nh7f
  Replies (39) Good night (7925) Bad night (562)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle. http://tfl.nu/lcrv
  Replies (30) Good night (7826) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (876): View more from Jamaica

  After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (876): After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone http://tfl.nu/ammv
  Replies (32) Good night (7985) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew. http://tfl.nu/qfs0
  Replies (35) Good night (7958) Bad night (1540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them. http://tfl.nu/9puy
  Replies (22) Good night (7848) Bad night (437) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer" http://tfl.nu/i0t9
  Replies (33) Good night (7894) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it. http://tfl.nu/5i1a
  Replies (12) Good night (7867) Bad night (777)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit http://tfl.nu/qpl1
  Replies (71) Good night (7659) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  This explains a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner.... (732): This explains a lot. http://tfl.nu/s7a0
  Replies (24) Good night (8170) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years http://tfl.nu/cjjj
  Replies (27) Good night (8054) Bad night (1279)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying. http://tfl.nu/rtdk
  Replies (41) Good night (7914) Bad night (1573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES http://tfl.nu/axvy
  Replies (37) Good night (7738) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him. http://tfl.nu/iiv7
  Replies (15) Good night (7812) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures http://tfl.nu/psn6
  Replies (24) Good night (7873) Bad night (567)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date. http://tfl.nu/xryi
  Replies (43) Good night (7853) Bad night (437) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old http://tfl.nu/b9xq
  Replies (33) Good night (8023) Bad night (1020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies http://tfl.nu/u66b
  Replies (25) Good night (7717) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free. http://tfl.nu/j1zd
  Replies (20) Good night (7973) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style. http://tfl.nu/uxcc
  Replies (60) Good night (7895) Bad night (1385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut? http://tfl.nu/0rrw
  Replies (37) Good night (7901) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america http://tfl.nu/n1lq
  Replies (27) Good night (7900) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person http://tfl.nu/xc27
  Replies (25) Good night (7818) Bad night (421)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk

  (415): View more from California

  yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk (415): yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts http://tfl.nu/5sxt
  Replies (49) Good night (8021) Bad night (946)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here. http://tfl.nu/eefr
  Replies (30) Good night (7774) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph? http://tfl.nu/h05l
  Replies (42) Good night (7942) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed http://tfl.nu/a070
  Replies (20) Good night (7887) Bad night (1103) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button http://tfl.nu/86ps
  Replies (22) Good night (7852) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually http://tfl.nu/zmvh
  Replies (19) Good night (7691) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in. http://tfl.nu/awzl
  Replies (12) Good night (7964) Bad night (625)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I. http://tfl.nu/orkf
  Replies (37) Good night (8054) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in. http://tfl.nu/ogcc
  Replies (59) Good night (7774) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense http://tfl.nu/p2yr
  Replies (26) Good night (7970) Bad night (918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud. http://tfl.nu/mlmc
  Replies (20) Good night (8408) Bad night (978)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors. http://tfl.nu/tkq1
  Replies (20) Good night (8030) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter http://tfl.nu/j5l8
  Replies (13) Good night (7914) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel. http://tfl.nu/jndo
  Replies (56) Good night (7951) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo http://tfl.nu/4j6u
  Replies (22) Good night (7818) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization. http://tfl.nu/1m6d
  Replies (16) Good night (8125) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun http://tfl.nu/5s8r
  Replies (12) Good night (8137) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  sarcasm needs its own font

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): sarcasm needs its own font http://tfl.nu/5kc7
  Replies (55) Good night (7998) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen" http://tfl.nu/kas3
  Replies (20) Good night (7891) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins. http://tfl.nu/qxz4
  Replies (38) Good night (7953) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO. http://tfl.nu/ip2n
  Replies (27) Good night (8012) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy. http://tfl.nu/6xxv
  Replies (25) Good night (8018) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever" http://tfl.nu/wsl5
  Replies (41) Good night (7796) Bad night (1096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me. http://tfl.nu/fshf
  Replies (24) Good night (8178) Bad night (1546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point. http://tfl.nu/zypj
  Replies (21) Good night (8075) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars. http://tfl.nu/f73b
  Replies (14) Good night (8006) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister. http://tfl.nu/9ks8
  Replies (37) Good night (7893) Bad night (422)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face. http://tfl.nu/vz1o
  Replies (79) Good night (8078) Bad night (2373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time http://tfl.nu/rajz
  Replies (21) Good night (7957) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn. http://tfl.nu/hrhg
  Replies (18) Good night (7888) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas http://tfl.nu/5abk
  Replies (22) Good night (7879) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist. http://tfl.nu/hmuv
  Replies (37) Good night (7887) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night. http://tfl.nu/piwb
  Replies (12) Good night (7814) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically http://tfl.nu/zfwj
  Replies (27) Good night (7960) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life. http://tfl.nu/cd1e
  Replies (36) Good night (8149) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus

  (1-409): View more from Texas

  How are you texting me from 1998?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus (1-409): How are you texting me from 1998? http://tfl.nu/t1vq
  Replies (27) Good night (8129) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome

  (301): View more from Maryland

  we agree. completely

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing (1-301): that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome (301): we agree. completely http://tfl.nu/eynh
  Replies (31) Good night (7999) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high http://tfl.nu/lasc
  Replies (21) Good night (7888) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone? http://tfl.nu/bgt3
  Replies (22) Good night (7854) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads. http://tfl.nu/xmw8
  Replies (33) Good night (7933) Bad night (341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i have a dinosaur tramp stamp

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i have a dinosaur tramp stamp http://tfl.nu/rh7q
  Replies (60) Good night (7908) Bad night (1827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  How am I a tease?

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.

  (813): View more from Florida

  ONLY PART OF IT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): How am I a tease? (1-813): Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away. (813): ONLY PART OF IT. http://tfl.nu/b7xa
  Replies (44) Good night (7969) Bad night (1294)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET http://tfl.nu/az0w
  Replies (76) Good night (7932) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky http://tfl.nu/6tb5
  Replies (21) Good night (8212) Bad night (978) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish http://tfl.nu/f18y
  Replies (17) Good night (7949) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible. http://tfl.nu/nz5p
  Replies (32) Good night (8086) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow http://tfl.nu/mex5
  Replies (66) Good night (8021) Bad night (1671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier. http://tfl.nu/rjab
  Replies (81) Good night (7938) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+54): View more from

  My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+54): My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed http://tfl.nu/m32v
  Replies (29) Good night (7934) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants. http://tfl.nu/v3dq
  Replies (51) Good night (8197) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat. http://tfl.nu/4rv6
  Replies (9) Good night (7977) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them. http://tfl.nu/jd8a
  Replies (21) Good night (7955) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like http://tfl.nu/masc
  Replies (81) Good night (8258) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding. http://tfl.nu/4b44
  Replies (16) Good night (7940) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost". http://tfl.nu/8ltm
  Replies (38) Good night (7794) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this". http://tfl.nu/puns
  Replies (37) Good night (7975) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  false alarm. still invincible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): false alarm. still invincible. http://tfl.nu/rmc6
  Replies (35) Good night (7939) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!) http://tfl.nu/z6cg
  Replies (49) Good night (7849) Bad night (983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials." http://tfl.nu/vm6j
  Replies (20) Good night (8355) Bad night (1204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid http://tfl.nu/fpm2
  Replies (26) Good night (7981) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had. http://tfl.nu/4hqu
  Replies (30) Good night (7957) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win http://tfl.nu/nyog
  Replies (14) Good night (7949) Bad night (373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.

  (323): View more from California

  Sounds like a plan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him. (323): Sounds like a plan. http://tfl.nu/lnib
  Replies (33) Good night (8044) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time (732): no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution. http://tfl.nu/6mq6
  Replies (23) Good night (8216) Bad night (860)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore" http://tfl.nu/r6vm
  Replies (71) Good night (8060) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch! (508): because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking. http://tfl.nu/qlq5
  Replies (19) Good night (8577) Bad night (897)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible http://tfl.nu/my4k
  Replies (17) Good night (7949) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world http://tfl.nu/tdpx
  Replies (70) Good night (7920) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone. http://tfl.nu/hjip
  Replies (21) Good night (8021) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is . http://tfl.nu/3c24
  Replies (43) Good night (7806) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox http://tfl.nu/t30w
  Replies (38) Good night (8034) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth. http://tfl.nu/ap45
  Replies (38) Good night (8073) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one? http://tfl.nu/k16y
  Replies (15) Good night (8304) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night. http://tfl.nu/2trw
  Replies (47) Good night (8142) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling." http://tfl.nu/73er
  Replies (20) Good night (8223) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.

  (1-337): View more from Louisiana

  so you admit it was good then??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600. (1-337): so you admit it was good then?? http://tfl.nu/xl9i
  Replies (26) Good night (8208) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Clothes are such an inconvenience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Clothes are such an inconvenience. http://tfl.nu/1jcm
  Replies (22) Good night (8021) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls. http://tfl.nu/57re
  Replies (23) Good night (7941) Bad night (1237) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon. http://tfl.nu/7cpz
  Replies (56) Good night (8100) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home http://tfl.nu/jyep
  Replies (15) Good night (8093) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian http://tfl.nu/6wog
  Replies (62) Good night (8151) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever. http://tfl.nu/bxy4
  Replies (17) Good night (8090) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life. http://tfl.nu/7cvo
  Replies (21) Good night (8227) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle.. http://tfl.nu/lwyr
  Replies (15) Good night (8068) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out. http://tfl.nu/anew
  Replies (22) Good night (8276) Bad night (901)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  we've started having sober sex

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you really do like him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): we've started having sober sex (203): you really do like him http://tfl.nu/ocmd
  Replies (19) Good night (8253) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine. http://tfl.nu/e72g
  Replies (25) Good night (8063) Bad night (716)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away. http://tfl.nu/2pvy
  Replies (31) Good night (8148) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever. http://tfl.nu/p80i
  Replies (11) Good night (8203) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out" http://tfl.nu/blqb
  Replies (29) Good night (8196) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love. http://tfl.nu/ta1g
  Replies (56) Good night (8027) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs? http://tfl.nu/ic15
  Replies (31) Good night (8150) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand. http://tfl.nu/sj9u
  Replies (31) Good night (8099) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life. http://tfl.nu/ggva
  Replies (14) Good night (8149) Bad night (720)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me" http://tfl.nu/l7cf
  Replies (130) Good night (8178) Bad night (2872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  bitches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!? (740): bitches. http://tfl.nu/evq4
  Replies (58) Good night (8364) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester. http://tfl.nu/t9ow
  Replies (16) Good night (8017) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on. (217): Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder. http://tfl.nu/huht
  Replies (13) Good night (8410) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year http://tfl.nu/tikr
  Replies (19) Good night (8150) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?" http://tfl.nu/xq6v
  Replies (43) Good night (8248) Bad night (1074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer http://tfl.nu/zm3w
  Replies (24) Good night (8041) Bad night (1118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out. http://tfl.nu/nbi4
  Replies (11) Good night (8295) Bad night (1176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You're dead to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up? (812): You're dead to me. http://tfl.nu/331c
  Replies (48) Good night (8448) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  We need to talk about our relationship.

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): We need to talk about our relationship. (403): I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes http://tfl.nu/0ub4
  Replies (20) Good night (8449) Bad night (1068)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  ill be there in 5.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife. (847): ill be there in 5. http://tfl.nu/y9p2
  Replies (26) Good night (8319) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined http://tfl.nu/11oi
  Replies (15) Good night (8102) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win. http://tfl.nu/r148
  Replies (13) Good night (8303) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to? http://tfl.nu/fqx3
  Replies (51) Good night (8195) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets". http://tfl.nu/hqdk
  Replies (15) Good night (8209) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies" http://tfl.nu/wh5q
  Replies (24) Good night (9972) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave

  (703): View more from Virginia

  and miss being on the news....no way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave (703): and miss being on the news....no way http://tfl.nu/gtrx
  Replies (21) Good night (8300) Bad night (783)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow. http://tfl.nu/7vty
  Replies (271) Good night (8216) Bad night (1158) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done. http://tfl.nu/i81l
  Replies (18) Good night (8275) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers http://tfl.nu/anad
  Replies (33) Good night (7991) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Decisions, decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you." (319): Decisions, decisions. http://tfl.nu/1ou5
  Replies (45) Good night (8299) Bad night (732)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home. http://tfl.nu/gpi6
  Replies (32) Good night (8001) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night. http://tfl.nu/yws8
  Replies (9) Good night (8170) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic http://tfl.nu/3cem
  Replies (94) Good night (8357) Bad night (1801)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago

  (404): View more from Georgia

  so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago (404): so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me? http://tfl.nu/o0wy
  Replies (30) Good night (8254) Bad night (796)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss http://tfl.nu/yqt0
  Replies (17) Good night (8198) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever. http://tfl.nu/d1ay
  Replies (21) Good night (8340) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life http://tfl.nu/x73d
  Replies (45) Good night (8132) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head. http://tfl.nu/0n78
  Replies (114) Good night (8296) Bad night (1013)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals http://tfl.nu/h68j
  Replies (33) Good night (8315) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ. http://tfl.nu/9pde
  Replies (58) Good night (8078) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college. http://tfl.nu/456d
  Replies (47) Good night (8360) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis. http://tfl.nu/3s19
  Replies (45) Good night (8301) Bad night (1814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god. http://tfl.nu/ww51
  Replies (22) Good night (8113) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.

  (1-785): View more from Kansas

  But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him. (1-785): But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed. http://tfl.nu/9pjf
  Replies (26) Good night (8282) Bad night (633)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry. http://tfl.nu/ss0l
  Replies (13) Good night (8241) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight. http://tfl.nu/qr87
  Replies (20) Good night (8926) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me http://tfl.nu/is24
  Replies (81) Good night (8234) Bad night (731)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Are you talking about my vagina?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it (919): Are you talking about my vagina? http://tfl.nu/sfmr
  Replies (29) Good night (8376) Bad night (554)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh http://tfl.nu/j9ko
  Replies (41) Good night (8271) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  We need to rekindle our bromance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): We need to rekindle our bromance http://tfl.nu/aprz
  Replies (47) Good night (8209) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar http://tfl.nu/nzkd
  Replies (21) Good night (8177) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one. http://tfl.nu/fj7c
  Replies (7) Good night (8252) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry. http://tfl.nu/0btw
  Replies (13) Good night (8357) Bad night (711)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk

  (1-914): View more from New York

  It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk (1-914): It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you http://tfl.nu/bgwq
  Replies (55) Good night (8270) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish? http://tfl.nu/wvgn
  Replies (28) Good night (8272) Bad night (1169) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian. http://tfl.nu/kify
  Replies (58) Good night (8369) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head. http://tfl.nu/4ro8
  Replies (27) Good night (8314) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator. http://tfl.nu/lq0c
  Replies (30) Good night (8409) Bad night (1188)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring. http://tfl.nu/wizw
  Replies (24) Good night (8309) Bad night (1159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Why was I handcuffed to the roof?

  (518): View more from New York

  It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Why was I handcuffed to the roof? (518): It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly http://tfl.nu/nk88
  Replies (27) Good night (8737) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get" http://tfl.nu/yg96
  Replies (23) Good night (8436) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma http://tfl.nu/lc92
  Replies (24) Good night (8723) Bad night (1129)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before. http://tfl.nu/zkf3
  Replies (52) Good night (8293) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am. http://tfl.nu/8xi2
  Replies (15) Good night (8452) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest. http://tfl.nu/apc8
  Replies (36) Good night (8427) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen. http://tfl.nu/oi0t
  Replies (26) Good night (8586) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now. http://tfl.nu/qiaj
  Replies (39) Good night (8420) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops. http://tfl.nu/1v8v
  Replies (37) Good night (8428) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate. http://tfl.nu/z0ff
  Replies (10) Good night (8381) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood http://tfl.nu/vfy0
  Replies (12) Good night (8644) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?" http://tfl.nu/c0v9
  Replies (12) Good night (8473) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him. http://tfl.nu/b6v7
  Replies (49) Good night (8436) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone just got laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness? (774): Someone just got laid. http://tfl.nu/ub8q
  Replies (17) Good night (8715) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public. http://tfl.nu/0h1o
  Replies (34) Good night (8483) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister. http://tfl.nu/fqyo
  Replies (26) Good night (8587) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was! http://tfl.nu/nt2c
  Replies (13) Good night (8331) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me. http://tfl.nu/oae8
  Replies (26) Good night (8402) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now http://tfl.nu/173b
  Replies (25) Good night (8473) Bad night (1017)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)

  (1-714): View more from California

  i'm so jealous of you right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;) (1-714): i'm so jealous of you right now. http://tfl.nu/egrq
  Replies (56) Good night (8517) Bad night (1204)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location http://tfl.nu/jdkq
  Replies (16) Good night (8815) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do? http://tfl.nu/tx29
  Replies (46) Good night (8408) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me. http://tfl.nu/zahg
  Replies (14) Good night (8567) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl. http://tfl.nu/oaik
  Replies (47) Good night (8396) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying... http://tfl.nu/9slh
  Replies (46) Good night (8415) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone. http://tfl.nu/g122
  Replies (23) Good night (8547) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day. http://tfl.nu/k8ur
  Replies (15) Good night (8426) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed. http://tfl.nu/rvfy
  Replies (38) Good night (8412) Bad night (1518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?

  (1-218): View more from Minnesota

  Both?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants? (1-218): Both? http://tfl.nu/yr9r
  Replies (21) Good night (8782) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and by charming I mean he has a horse cock. http://tfl.nu/nr21
  Replies (40) Good night (8457) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you. http://tfl.nu/jbfy
  Replies (27) Good night (8560) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol. http://tfl.nu/qjw2
  Replies (10) Good night (8643) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+? http://tfl.nu/fsug
  Replies (15) Good night (8566) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it. http://tfl.nu/6xls
  Replies (38) Good night (8318) Bad night (1168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you. http://tfl.nu/1wju
  Replies (55) Good night (8348) Bad night (956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Thanks for getting me home last night.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Thanks for getting me home last night. (832): No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa. http://tfl.nu/wftp
  Replies (29) Good night (8569) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome http://tfl.nu/lk4z
  Replies (37) Good night (8489) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome. http://tfl.nu/a48x
  Replies (32) Good night (8509) Bad night (1420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here." http://tfl.nu/dk13
  Replies (20) Good night (8602) Bad night (1443)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her http://tfl.nu/rdgr
  Replies (24) Good night (8592) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing. http://tfl.nu/y30j
  Replies (20) Good night (8495) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers. http://tfl.nu/7b3u
  Replies (46) Good night (8414) Bad night (1375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day http://tfl.nu/20xi
  Replies (14) Good night (8532) Bad night (993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home http://tfl.nu/dqj3
  Replies (29) Good night (8545) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night? http://tfl.nu/z8ke
  Replies (22) Good night (8359) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  mine is 'the'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'. (703): mine is 'the'. http://tfl.nu/v1g1
  Replies (32) Good night (8651) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes. http://tfl.nu/56a9
  Replies (19) Good night (8547) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man. http://tfl.nu/1swk
  Replies (35) Good night (8507) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying. http://tfl.nu/u472
  Replies (30) Good night (8585) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat. http://tfl.nu/ob9t
  Replies (28) Good night (8649) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win. http://tfl.nu/bjq4
  Replies (17) Good night (8572) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem http://tfl.nu/l5fk
  Replies (50) Good night (8408) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event. http://tfl.nu/eg4k
  Replies (22) Good night (8387) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock" http://tfl.nu/hksp
  Replies (30) Good night (8664) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners." (423): Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A. (814): No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay. http://tfl.nu/o5wb
  Replies (23) Good night (8801) Bad night (908)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up http://tfl.nu/1mju
  Replies (19) Good night (8500) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do. http://tfl.nu/xze3
  Replies (22) Good night (8526) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"

  (616): View more from Michigan

  He did it well too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): His pickup line was "I'll eat you out" (616): He did it well too http://tfl.nu/h6lm
  Replies (57) Good night (8486) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS. http://tfl.nu/97yj
  Replies (85) Good night (8550) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write http://tfl.nu/1t11
  Replies (48) Good night (8567) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break http://tfl.nu/u8kr
  Replies (38) Good night (8707) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint. http://tfl.nu/divk
  Replies (25) Good night (8721) Bad night (831)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice http://tfl.nu/dh5p
  Replies (94) Good night (8577) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever. http://tfl.nu/bza6
  Replies (29) Good night (8615) Bad night (1230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister http://tfl.nu/4kg0
  Replies (56) Good night (8652) Bad night (2161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high? http://tfl.nu/2d1b
  Replies (38) Good night (8442) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision. http://tfl.nu/h6vg
  Replies (17) Good night (8456) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud? http://tfl.nu/6q2n
  Replies (30) Good night (8692) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me. http://tfl.nu/z6ig
  Replies (20) Good night (8927) Bad night (1074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.

  (907): View more from Alaska

  well done

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter. (907): well done http://tfl.nu/po76
  Replies (34) Good night (8578) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.

  (1-321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  no his phone, idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot. (1-321): he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn. (321): no his phone, idiot. http://tfl.nu/beyf
  Replies (43) Good night (8971) Bad night (576)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car http://tfl.nu/9e8r
  Replies (38) Good night (8611) Bad night (1651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college http://tfl.nu/6h6z
  Replies (30) Good night (8551) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now http://tfl.nu/tgtb
  Replies (27) Good night (8545) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication http://tfl.nu/40rd
  Replies (16) Good night (8634) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack http://tfl.nu/aa3v
  Replies (87) Good night (8581) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike. http://tfl.nu/fre7
  Replies (47) Good night (8515) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  You should've just screamed yes we can!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad. (1-270): You should've just screamed yes we can! http://tfl.nu/ng19
  Replies (52) Good night (8604) Bad night (1223)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin! http://tfl.nu/gtgt
  Replies (14) Good night (8794) Bad night (1283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating http://tfl.nu/axfv
  Replies (24) Good night (8530) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex. http://tfl.nu/iyvz
  Replies (17) Good night (8805) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Any little, cute, petite blondes with you? (1-248): Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though. http://tfl.nu/s8t4
  Replies (41) Good night (8892) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside http://tfl.nu/d6yu
  Replies (13) Good night (8845) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame http://tfl.nu/i2ht
  Replies (48) Good night (8601) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before. http://tfl.nu/hdcs
  Replies (35) Good night (8494) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents http://tfl.nu/wxlb
  Replies (46) Good night (8588) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie. http://tfl.nu/cht2
  Replies (53) Good night (8775) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i just stepped in cum. i hate you.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Thats what happens when you don't swallow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i just stepped in cum. i hate you. (603): Thats what happens when you don't swallow. http://tfl.nu/7phl
  Replies (86) Good night (8964) Bad night (2446)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree. http://tfl.nu/wbc5
  Replies (86) Good night (8748) Bad night (4030) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate http://tfl.nu/r0av
  Replies (22) Good night (8621) Bad night (1018) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated. http://tfl.nu/km5l
  Replies (27) Good night (8503) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  If you're joking I'm going to be sad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's. (919): If you're joking I'm going to be sad http://tfl.nu/jh0h
  Replies (39) Good night (8622) Bad night (554)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  "I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head. (309): "I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night. http://tfl.nu/9065
  Replies (62) Good night (8652) Bad night (634)
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood http://tfl.nu/j2rr
  Replies (57) Good night (8710) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob. http://tfl.nu/6ugt
  Replies (56) Good night (8524) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier. http://tfl.nu/o9ed
  Replies (19) Good night (8814) Bad night (1084)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left. http://tfl.nu/94x2
  Replies (19) Good night (8676) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  If you die in college, do you die in real life?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): If you die in college, do you die in real life? http://tfl.nu/s9pw
  Replies (42) Good night (8856) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here? http://tfl.nu/rbfc
  Replies (26) Good night (8616) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was... http://tfl.nu/mlza
  Replies (82) Good night (8661) Bad night (2187) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records. http://tfl.nu/dlha
  Replies (41) Good night (8653) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  there needs to be a build-a-bong store...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): there needs to be a build-a-bong store... http://tfl.nu/zpe9
  Replies (53) Good night (8783) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed http://tfl.nu/eq1c
  Replies (89) Good night (8770) Bad night (1351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous http://tfl.nu/ia7j
  Replies (28) Good night (8664) Bad night (758)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester http://tfl.nu/u653
  Replies (10) Good night (9014) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially. http://tfl.nu/gw0l
  Replies (24) Good night (8703) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox. http://tfl.nu/v0mm
  Replies (45) Good night (8754) Bad night (2451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  This house was built for laser tag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): This house was built for laser tag. http://tfl.nu/32ag
  Replies (14) Good night (8594) Bad night (387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like. http://tfl.nu/sasf
  Replies (25) Good night (8846) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  how was your day?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): how was your day? (404): fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i? http://tfl.nu/0urf
  Replies (20) Good night (8838) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it http://tfl.nu/o2df
  Replies (33) Good night (8766) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along. http://tfl.nu/kf9k
  Replies (34) Good night (8718) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man. http://tfl.nu/8qmy
  Replies (73) Good night (8718) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before. http://tfl.nu/yrqt
  Replies (81) Good night (8885) Bad night (943) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot. http://tfl.nu/sr3w
  Replies (19) Good night (8977) Bad night (1000)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast. http://tfl.nu/nqf8
  Replies (16) Good night (8799) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers http://tfl.nu/4ij8
  Replies (64) Good night (8702) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  just woke up in my neighbors garage.

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): just woke up in my neighbors garage. (931): scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage. http://tfl.nu/x40j
  Replies (21) Good night (8881) Bad night (982)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight. http://tfl.nu/ioqv
  Replies (29) Good night (8950) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style http://tfl.nu/rcp4
  Replies (103) Good night (8806) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear." http://tfl.nu/uaxy
  Replies (19) Good night (8815) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  Marry him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song. (1-503): Marry him http://tfl.nu/vquy
  Replies (39) Good night (8843) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer. http://tfl.nu/u1k3
  Replies (17) Good night (9052) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard http://tfl.nu/hbi3
  Replies (36) Good night (8533) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end. http://tfl.nu/e1gy
  Replies (56) Good night (8568) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture

  (1-336): View more from North Carolina

  Glad to see your being a lady about this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture (1-336): Glad to see your being a lady about this http://tfl.nu/pcgd
  Replies (49) Good night (8898) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag. http://tfl.nu/s1z9
  Replies (17) Good night (8789) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference. http://tfl.nu/xg4w
  Replies (51) Good night (8617) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you. http://tfl.nu/p3o8
  Replies (15) Good night (9038) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it. http://tfl.nu/hjdx
  Replies (79) Good night (8837) Bad night (2537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm http://tfl.nu/hl7i
  Replies (37) Good night (8796) Bad night (1318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby. http://tfl.nu/udcn
  Replies (51) Good night (8913) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do http://tfl.nu/o1hg
  Replies (35) Good night (9016) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things. http://tfl.nu/e6ox
  Replies (36) Good night (8847) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score. http://tfl.nu/p406
  Replies (26) Good night (8851) Bad night (522)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  Me specifically?

  (903): View more from Texas

  Yep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Today in psych we learned that you are a whore. (1-314): Me specifically? (903): Yep. http://tfl.nu/w818
  Replies (44) Good night (9118) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He felt like a one man threesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): He felt like a one man threesome http://tfl.nu/1ehs
  Replies (17) Good night (8736) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you? http://tfl.nu/4jb3
  Replies (22) Good night (8980) Bad night (5921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college. http://tfl.nu/99x7
  Replies (50) Good night (8889) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes http://tfl.nu/edsk
  Replies (31) Good night (8845) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea? http://tfl.nu/h6xa
  Replies (42) Good night (8903) Bad night (2036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you. http://tfl.nu/6q4j
  Replies (14) Good night (8864) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase http://tfl.nu/jdu6
  Replies (24) Good night (8863) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"

  (314): View more from Missouri

  did it work

  (573): View more from Missouri

  that's not the point...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?" (314): did it work (573): that's not the point... http://tfl.nu/fjqb
  Replies (74) Good night (9090) Bad night (717)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out" http://tfl.nu/bp43
  Replies (30) Good night (8885) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss http://tfl.nu/d23g
  Replies (43) Good night (8974) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  my sombrero is too big for the bathroom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): my sombrero is too big for the bathroom http://tfl.nu/okhq
  Replies (25) Good night (8857) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened. http://tfl.nu/qapw
  Replies (20) Good night (8955) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Who won?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  All of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away. (504): Who won? (225): All of them. http://tfl.nu/xlra
  Replies (81) Good night (9029) Bad night (1423)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that http://tfl.nu/ymub
  Replies (20) Good night (8900) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken... http://tfl.nu/8g1q
  Replies (55) Good night (9090) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people. http://tfl.nu/k0xd
  Replies (110) Good night (8947) Bad night (1860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina. http://tfl.nu/hg6l
  Replies (37) Good night (8872) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit http://tfl.nu/6wkt
  Replies (12) Good night (9112) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it http://tfl.nu/jk9d
  Replies (18) Good night (9228) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber" http://tfl.nu/jvct
  Replies (48) Good night (8956) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5. http://tfl.nu/1dnu
  Replies (22) Good night (8977) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance. http://tfl.nu/3lur
  Replies (32) Good night (9043) Bad night (1565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  whats a bus flip?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  idk but apparently i invented it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip (1-225): whats a bus flip? (225): idk but apparently i invented it http://tfl.nu/n87k
  Replies (23) Good night (9142) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  you guys were way drunker than both of me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): you guys were way drunker than both of me http://tfl.nu/x140
  Replies (11) Good night (8951) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!? http://tfl.nu/ozc5
  Replies (30) Good night (9143) Bad night (724)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob. http://tfl.nu/zgkj
  Replies (33) Good night (8782) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i have to get rid of the hedgehog.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Does it come with a cage?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  yes. and food and toys.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  i'll trade you an 8th for it

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  deal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): i have to get rid of the hedgehog. (765): Does it come with a cage? (201): yes. and food and toys. (765): i'll trade you an 8th for it (201): deal. http://tfl.nu/2d4g
  Replies (26) Good night (9221) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket" http://tfl.nu/imu3
  Replies (13) Good night (8852) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one. http://tfl.nu/wrt6
  Replies (34) Good night (8958) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled. http://tfl.nu/1807
  Replies (164) Good night (8809) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob. http://tfl.nu/xbl2
  Replies (25) Good night (9128) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder. http://tfl.nu/f12p
  Replies (21) Good night (9033) Bad night (1064)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  what did you do?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i asked her out. that's so hot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex. (860): what did you do? (203): i asked her out. that's so hot. http://tfl.nu/dg3d
  Replies (56) Good night (9108) Bad night (603)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah. http://tfl.nu/1uyt
  Replies (30) Good night (9079) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker http://tfl.nu/o91j
  Replies (14) Good night (8901) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance. http://tfl.nu/gr0i
  Replies (25) Good night (8858) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  ...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  That was a text you sent me last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I think I'd do Clint Eastwood. (440): ...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now. (513): That was a text you sent me last night. http://tfl.nu/tvw9
  Replies (36) Good night (9440) Bad night (687)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit. http://tfl.nu/fc4g
  Replies (35) Good night (8770) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.

  (714): View more from California

  Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Doctor said I have sports induced asthma. (714): Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape." http://tfl.nu/hfcj
  Replies (37) Good night (9272) Bad night (1195)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  bring the vodka.

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?

  (904): View more from Florida

  we are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): bring the vodka. (1-904): i thought we were going to mcdonalds..? (904): we are. http://tfl.nu/1144
  Replies (32) Good night (9166) Bad night (770)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes. http://tfl.nu/bjrk
  Replies (48) Good night (8906) Bad night (1035) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We call that spaghetti Os

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it (617): We call that spaghetti Os http://tfl.nu/dgrn
  Replies (33) Good night (9641) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again. http://tfl.nu/a40p
  Replies (35) Good night (9280) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical http://tfl.nu/u7u5
  Replies (18) Good night (9040) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room. http://tfl.nu/3ukp
  Replies (27) Good night (9243) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building. http://tfl.nu/xm6j
  Replies (12) Good night (9050) Bad night (1236) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey man your outta milk

  (541): View more from Oregon

  How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Hey man your outta milk (541): How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?! http://tfl.nu/1x3m
  Replies (17) Good night (9701) Bad night (1091)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  Best pick-up line ever!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck." (1-806): Best pick-up line ever! http://tfl.nu/plrf
  Replies (35) Good night (9194) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now http://tfl.nu/squr
  Replies (40) Good night (8877) Bad night (1035) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays? http://tfl.nu/wnqx
  Replies (24) Good night (8850) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  what is college for if not random hookup sex?

  (951): View more from California

  learning.

  (209): View more from California

  i would literally fuck learning if i could.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): what is college for if not random hookup sex? (951): learning. (209): i would literally fuck learning if i could. http://tfl.nu/3rtk
  Replies (50) Good night (9100) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement. http://tfl.nu/rfma
  Replies (25) Good night (9119) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."

  (949): View more from California

  little did she know i was taping her the whole time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket." (949): little did she know i was taping her the whole time. http://tfl.nu/jcur
  Replies (53) Good night (9083) Bad night (2142)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar. (1-519): You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make. http://tfl.nu/j6t1
  Replies (12) Good night (9450) Bad night (786)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home. http://tfl.nu/7njn
  Replies (29) Good night (10034) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog. http://tfl.nu/8mg1
  Replies (18) Good night (9388) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of. http://tfl.nu/c6bd
  Replies (21) Good night (9204) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation. http://tfl.nu/9spz
  Replies (14) Good night (9059) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won. http://tfl.nu/1h1c
  Replies (39) Good night (8867) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night. http://tfl.nu/2xhx
  Replies (18) Good night (9101) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me http://tfl.nu/uytx
  Replies (63) Good night (9070) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties. http://tfl.nu/2id3
  Replies (23) Good night (9504) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  so no drinking for you?

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  don't be silly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party (423): so no drinking for you? (615): don't be silly http://tfl.nu/xiol
  Replies (50) Good night (9176) Bad night (581)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  I respect that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice (1-508): I respect that http://tfl.nu/enis
  Replies (53) Good night (9288) Bad night (720)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.' http://tfl.nu/2fkm
  Replies (17) Good night (9081) Bad night (1190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"? http://tfl.nu/9rca
  Replies (29) Good night (9255) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra http://tfl.nu/y9he
  Replies (62) Good night (9215) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free. http://tfl.nu/2six
  Replies (42) Good night (9305) Bad night (1280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy. http://tfl.nu/5u2t
  Replies (78) Good night (9116) Bad night (1148) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk http://tfl.nu/o6oo
  Replies (63) Good night (9082) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right. http://tfl.nu/ehig
  Replies (11) Good night (9390) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask http://tfl.nu/pl36
  Replies (31) Good night (9348) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  come over i need a lifeguard for my shower

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): come over i need a lifeguard for my shower http://tfl.nu/1qns
  Replies (29) Good night (9237) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Are you still giving blowjobs?

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Who is this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Are you still giving blowjobs? (1-850): Who is this? http://tfl.nu/iq9v
  Replies (29) Good night (9236) Bad night (1858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS http://tfl.nu/mc97
  Replies (40) Good night (9056) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower http://tfl.nu/74dl
  Replies (21) Good night (9073) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know. http://tfl.nu/ro3k
  Replies (68) Good night (9140) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo http://tfl.nu/loae
  Replies (18) Good night (9479) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'd give my left nut to see you

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  don't do that. I like the set

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I'd give my left nut to see you (609): don't do that. I like the set http://tfl.nu/41nb
  Replies (12) Good night (9329) Bad night (477)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard. http://tfl.nu/gkmc
  Replies (62) Good night (9218) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning http://tfl.nu/f3jq
  Replies (33) Good night (9276) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  So glad I found your sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find. (443): So glad I found your sister. http://tfl.nu/p3yp
  Replies (36) Good night (9396) Bad night (941)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road? http://tfl.nu/ir52
  Replies (22) Good night (9529) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen. http://tfl.nu/7g0m
  Replies (51) Good night (9109) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet. http://tfl.nu/swmp
  Replies (18) Good night (9475) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible. http://tfl.nu/qot7
  Replies (31) Good night (9738) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better. http://tfl.nu/c7ty
  Replies (23) Good night (9329) Bad night (1945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night http://tfl.nu/m2bf
  Replies (13) Good night (9443) Bad night (520)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7 http://tfl.nu/z3hr
  Replies (47) Good night (9384) Bad night (338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God." http://tfl.nu/1oy5
  Replies (20) Good night (9663) Bad night (1107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning? http://tfl.nu/weqo
  Replies (22) Good night (9586) Bad night (793)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first

  (206): View more from Washington

  You are the luckiest man alive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first (206): You are the luckiest man alive http://tfl.nu/uh0h
  Replies (16) Good night (9951) Bad night (1001)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass. http://tfl.nu/mex7
  Replies (12) Good night (9286) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition. http://tfl.nu/fwuo
  Replies (13) Good night (9380) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is.. http://tfl.nu/mon5
  Replies (14) Good night (9313) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends. (1-630): if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs... http://tfl.nu/id4n
  Replies (51) Good night (9962) Bad night (1173)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight. http://tfl.nu/3ozf
  Replies (53) Good night (9366) Bad night (1068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave http://tfl.nu/vjg2
  Replies (33) Good night (9558) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix. http://tfl.nu/c1od
  Replies (43) Good night (9398) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation. http://tfl.nu/fvna
  Replies (21) Good night (9475) Bad night (991)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume. http://tfl.nu/l5xu
  Replies (31) Good night (9596) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit. (416): Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?! http://tfl.nu/iavy
  Replies (39) Good night (9759) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat. http://tfl.nu/jbsx
  Replies (62) Good night (9459) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty. http://tfl.nu/vy3j
  Replies (78) Good night (9747) Bad night (2568)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it

  (917): View more from New York City

  the suitcase or the dildo?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it (917): the suitcase or the dildo? http://tfl.nu/j1en
  Replies (39) Good night (9689) Bad night (1220)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on. http://tfl.nu/5fm3
  Replies (30) Good night (9747) Bad night (1237) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class http://tfl.nu/440m
  Replies (29) Good night (9545) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  I ordered a moonbounce.

  (813): View more from Florida

  Fuck, you win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party. (1-813): I ordered a moonbounce. (813): Fuck, you win. http://tfl.nu/qedv
  Replies (38) Good night (9830) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome http://tfl.nu/01jd
  Replies (36) Good night (9354) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  6 min

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers (1-215): 6 min http://tfl.nu/dx1s
  Replies (64) Good night (9727) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year? http://tfl.nu/9o4d
  Replies (58) Good night (9495) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight? http://tfl.nu/82sl
  Replies (73) Good night (9374) Bad night (1903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven. http://tfl.nu/24p0
  Replies (42) Good night (9463) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  3some

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You're right, stupid question.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms? (503): 3some (541): You're right, stupid question. http://tfl.nu/lx7x
  Replies (21) Good night (9751) Bad night (793)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often. http://tfl.nu/6bnz
  Replies (31) Good night (9943) Bad night (832)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome. http://tfl.nu/9kjh
  Replies (27) Good night (9513) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Come find me please? Im in a ditch.

  (1-604): View more from British Columbia

  That doesn't help me much...

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm right under the moon!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Come find me please? Im in a ditch. (1-604): That doesn't help me much... (604): I'm right under the moon! http://tfl.nu/u7hc
  Replies (15) Good night (12974) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on http://tfl.nu/x4cw
  Replies (54) Good night (9616) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing. http://tfl.nu/x35s
  Replies (51) Good night (9617) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Really.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you (580): Really. http://tfl.nu/kw5b
  Replies (100) Good night (9761) Bad night (2577)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days http://tfl.nu/ngst
  Replies (21) Good night (9546) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say. http://tfl.nu/fs2e
  Replies (70) Good night (9812) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology. http://tfl.nu/sp8t
  Replies (32) Good night (9522) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian? http://tfl.nu/oazh
  Replies (42) Good night (9710) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  so how was last night?

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): so how was last night? (1-586): got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages. http://tfl.nu/4xoa
  Replies (21) Good night (9806) Bad night (725)
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later" http://tfl.nu/lryz
  Replies (19) Good night (9808) Bad night (1384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school http://tfl.nu/ysoe
  Replies (59) Good night (9750) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever. http://tfl.nu/ykgr
  Replies (64) Good night (9472) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am the drunkest girl in the tree.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I am the drunkest girl in the tree. http://tfl.nu/zje1
  Replies (15) Good night (9854) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed http://tfl.nu/38z7
  Replies (25) Good night (10041) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs http://tfl.nu/yswk
  Replies (18) Good night (9958) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs http://tfl.nu/sqwd
  Replies (32) Good night (9597) Bad night (1514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for http://tfl.nu/goo7
  Replies (26) Good night (9714) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make http://tfl.nu/gmr8
  Replies (59) Good night (9744) Bad night (586)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/vi3x
  Replies (32) Good night (9689) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up. http://tfl.nu/juwj
  Replies (24) Good night (9708) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh http://tfl.nu/x346
  Replies (29) Good night (9783) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much http://tfl.nu/3dmn
  Replies (26) Good night (9886) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job. http://tfl.nu/jeil
  Replies (56) Good night (9622) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean. http://tfl.nu/fik0
  Replies (44) Good night (9679) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go. http://tfl.nu/b20y
  Replies (37) Good night (9734) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch. http://tfl.nu/88o7
  Replies (20) Good night (9789) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay. http://tfl.nu/hfdj
  Replies (19) Good night (10011) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!' http://tfl.nu/7tsr
  Replies (24) Good night (10050) Bad night (440)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal http://tfl.nu/pmv6
  Replies (23) Good night (9847) Bad night (710)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME" http://tfl.nu/3lzs
  Replies (39) Good night (9765) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit. http://tfl.nu/s2aa
  Replies (33) Good night (10073) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you. http://tfl.nu/zyub
  Replies (33) Good night (9927) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you should get a family discount.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer. (404): you should get a family discount. http://tfl.nu/bl35
  Replies (33) Good night (10262) Bad night (1045)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?" http://tfl.nu/0sa8
  Replies (19) Good night (10133) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  i don't want you to think of me as your TA

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): i don't want you to think of me as your TA http://tfl.nu/7pvf
  Replies (26) Good night (9658) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break. http://tfl.nu/35mv
  Replies (65) Good night (9486) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully" http://tfl.nu/lw3x
  Replies (12) Good night (10069) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line http://tfl.nu/rmxl
  Replies (51) Good night (9944) Bad night (1195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch. http://tfl.nu/4x1m
  Replies (73) Good night (10155) Bad night (2132) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Everybody was literally kung fu fighting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Everybody was literally kung fu fighting http://tfl.nu/75ca
  Replies (33) Good night (10033) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever http://tfl.nu/iy56
  Replies (51) Good night (10406) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents. http://tfl.nu/6leg
  Replies (33) Good night (10228) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ..So we should take it off Youtube?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you. (816): ..So we should take it off Youtube? http://tfl.nu/93os
  Replies (28) Good night (10450) Bad night (1284)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths. http://tfl.nu/2srv
  Replies (38) Good night (9956) Bad night (1725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store http://tfl.nu/cjt7
  Replies (23) Good night (9966) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it. http://tfl.nu/8hng
  Replies (28) Good night (9857) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way http://tfl.nu/pn6a
  Replies (20) Good night (9898) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace. http://tfl.nu/fcle
  Replies (20) Good night (10035) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases http://tfl.nu/ns4i
  Replies (53) Good night (9834) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever. http://tfl.nu/64bh
  Replies (85) Good night (10241) Bad night (2111)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon?? http://tfl.nu/c1fp
  Replies (33) Good night (10206) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good. http://tfl.nu/b46x
  Replies (44) Good night (9721) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  I absolutely love you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it. (1-360): I absolutely love you. http://tfl.nu/vd5p
  Replies (39) Good night (10147) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one http://tfl.nu/jlbe
  Replies (53) Good night (10389) Bad night (970)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer http://tfl.nu/xxdd
  Replies (31) Good night (10507) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors. http://tfl.nu/cath
  Replies (10) Good night (10503) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?

  (573): View more from Missouri

  pat the guy you slept with

  (314): View more from Missouri

  still need a last name

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this? (573): pat the guy you slept with (314): still need a last name http://tfl.nu/e97s
  Replies (53) Good night (10134) Bad night (1442)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night. http://tfl.nu/upkg
  Replies (24) Good night (10061) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  was that a mass text??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing. (571): was that a mass text?? http://tfl.nu/0791
  Replies (60) Good night (10416) Bad night (1944)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  thanks it was an honor just to be nominated

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met (1-319): thanks it was an honor just to be nominated http://tfl.nu/yswc
  Replies (36) Good night (10334) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo http://tfl.nu/dqpo
  Replies (25) Good night (10111) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out http://tfl.nu/t2x9
  Replies (41) Good night (10347) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing http://tfl.nu/99kd
  Replies (17) Good night (10273) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me. http://tfl.nu/6qnx
  Replies (23) Good night (10681) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser http://tfl.nu/r42a
  Replies (30) Good night (10258) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles. http://tfl.nu/duc8
  Replies (37) Good night (10181) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style. http://tfl.nu/lnre
  Replies (30) Good night (10315) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper. http://tfl.nu/lg2v
  Replies (26) Good night (10260) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me. http://tfl.nu/hmco
  Replies (58) Good night (9931) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference! http://tfl.nu/5ptk
  Replies (50) Good night (10106) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody. http://tfl.nu/blud
  Replies (55) Good night (10485) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"? (1-954): Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards. http://tfl.nu/k91c
  Replies (72) Good night (10279) Bad night (954)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out? http://tfl.nu/1nw7
  Replies (69) Good night (9963) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it. http://tfl.nu/dv65
  Replies (45) Good night (10481) Bad night (2277)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.

  (810): View more from Michigan

  You're 20.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  IT'S BUILD A BEAR!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear. (810): You're 20. (734): IT'S BUILD A BEAR! http://tfl.nu/k2jt
  Replies (148) Good night (10876) Bad night (1812)
• Favorite

  (551): View more from New Jersey

  She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (551): She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does http://tfl.nu/519t
  Replies (26) Good night (9989) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him. http://tfl.nu/xg0w
  Replies (23) Good night (10219) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Let's make jello shots for tomorrow

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  What's going on tomorrow?

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Nothing, it's Wednesday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Let's make jello shots for tomorrow (1-913): What's going on tomorrow? (913): Nothing, it's Wednesday http://tfl.nu/pnp1
  Replies (29) Good night (10278) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera. http://tfl.nu/yx0c
  Replies (36) Good night (10324) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1. http://tfl.nu/a49b
  Replies (59) Good night (10576) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad http://tfl.nu/6zrt
  Replies (20) Good night (10498) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her http://tfl.nu/8ahn
  Replies (19) Good night (10569) Bad night (1037)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left. http://tfl.nu/77za
  Replies (62) Good night (10245) Bad night (1291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"? http://tfl.nu/vaok
  Replies (29) Good night (10398) Bad night (889)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer http://tfl.nu/c3p9
  Replies (32) Good night (10503) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She tied me up with her honor cords...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): She tied me up with her honor cords... http://tfl.nu/y0v2
  Replies (29) Good night (10529) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds http://tfl.nu/p9wa
  Replies (26) Good night (10940) Bad night (1145) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams. http://tfl.nu/ox7r
  Replies (47) Good night (10323) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground http://tfl.nu/2c7r
  Replies (40) Good night (10417) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  You guys make me sad

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You misspelled jealous there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone. (540): You guys make me sad (703): You misspelled jealous there http://tfl.nu/wtst
  Replies (23) Good night (10973) Bad night (950)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits" http://tfl.nu/79pd
  Replies (40) Good night (10754) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok. http://tfl.nu/svs8
  Replies (20) Good night (10637) Bad night (1077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good http://tfl.nu/bhfg
  Replies (73) Good night (10469) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical. http://tfl.nu/d9c8
  Replies (29) Good night (10653) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory http://tfl.nu/t9t2
  Replies (21) Good night (10532) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis. http://tfl.nu/x2kt
  Replies (66) Good night (10449) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party. http://tfl.nu/a5ld
  Replies (33) Good night (10907) Bad night (2702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight] http://tfl.nu/2cq7
  Replies (29) Good night (10877) Bad night (2108) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger http://tfl.nu/nen0
  Replies (32) Good night (10757) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed http://tfl.nu/x5dq
  Replies (52) Good night (10878) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave. http://tfl.nu/m7xq
  Replies (16) Good night (11127) Bad night (585)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday. http://tfl.nu/tetw
  Replies (73) Good night (10565) Bad night (1283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry" http://tfl.nu/fk1l
  Replies (21) Good night (10899) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him. http://tfl.nu/d3m1
  Replies (31) Good night (10901) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"

  (678): View more from Georgia

  So... What happend then?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating" (678): So... What happend then? (404): We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM. http://tfl.nu/3t62
  Replies (49) Good night (10745) Bad night (2185)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you. (1-250): I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this. http://tfl.nu/x6e9
  Replies (25) Good night (11162) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins. http://tfl.nu/5ao1
  Replies (23) Good night (10956) Bad night (613)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued. http://tfl.nu/19hy
  Replies (40) Good night (10636) Bad night (2699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it http://tfl.nu/18g9
  Replies (23) Good night (10615) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR http://tfl.nu/ynfk
  Replies (42) Good night (10632) Bad night (1000) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot http://tfl.nu/rl8p
  Replies (87) Good night (10587) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv' http://tfl.nu/bicf
  Replies (49) Good night (10581) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later. http://tfl.nu/9zcr
  Replies (33) Good night (10654) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Party in the USA is so catchy!

  (863): View more from Florida

  Yea, so is AIDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Party in the USA is so catchy! (863): Yea, so is AIDS. http://tfl.nu/nzzd
  Replies (86) Good night (10932) Bad night (1613)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n http://tfl.nu/pe4m
  Replies (20) Good night (11341) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen. http://tfl.nu/1m72
  Replies (47) Good night (11051) Bad night (1909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!" http://tfl.nu/rb09
  Replies (23) Good night (10995) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high http://tfl.nu/0yq2
  Replies (89) Good night (11420) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens. http://tfl.nu/pxin
  Replies (31) Good night (10887) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you... http://tfl.nu/2hf7
  Replies (59) Good night (10916) Bad night (1200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  yes! wait why?

  (240): View more from Maryland

  because i found it in my pocket this morning...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): were you wearing a green and blue thong last night? (301): yes! wait why? (240): because i found it in my pocket this morning... http://tfl.nu/rs9c
  Replies (39) Good night (10899) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday. http://tfl.nu/86uh
  Replies (42) Good night (10926) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe. http://tfl.nu/4iki
  Replies (50) Good night (10573) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan. http://tfl.nu/jf6q
  Replies (41) Good night (11143) Bad night (1627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list http://tfl.nu/8owq
  Replies (20) Good night (11011) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Life is so much better after having sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Life is so much better after having sex. http://tfl.nu/blju
  Replies (39) Good night (10856) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock... (1-816): Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings. (816): that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it. http://tfl.nu/66g0
  Replies (35) Good night (11601) Bad night (1036)
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield. http://tfl.nu/bpsu
  Replies (45) Good night (10818) Bad night (2210) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved. http://tfl.nu/jbvc
  Replies (30) Good night (11288) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train. http://tfl.nu/vfk6
  Replies (23) Good night (10989) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic. http://tfl.nu/4dpi
  Replies (38) Good night (11418) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas. http://tfl.nu/b72z
  Replies (30) Good night (11353) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said

  (770): View more from Georgia

  she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You KNEW her power was out...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said (770): she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to (404): You KNEW her power was out... http://tfl.nu/ggzc
  Replies (39) Good night (11258) Bad night (710)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is sufficient.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living (1-412): bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug (412): This is sufficient. http://tfl.nu/p15m
  Replies (72) Good night (11553) Bad night (561)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them http://tfl.nu/fxdr
  Replies (33) Good night (11144) Bad night (1945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty. http://tfl.nu/kgia
  Replies (34) Good night (11162) Bad night (1109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity http://tfl.nu/qinl
  Replies (67) Good night (11332) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up http://tfl.nu/jdv3
  Replies (23) Good night (11253) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless http://tfl.nu/jzwl
  Replies (105) Good night (11180) Bad night (1052)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this... http://tfl.nu/h8y9
  Replies (49) Good night (11507) Bad night (1239)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing. http://tfl.nu/ex7a
  Replies (115) Good night (11083) Bad night (1547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads http://tfl.nu/gove
  Replies (40) Good night (11283) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home. http://tfl.nu/096s
  Replies (33) Good night (11603) Bad night (935)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in http://tfl.nu/gix0
  Replies (30) Good night (11105) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch. http://tfl.nu/v1iz
  Replies (47) Good night (11462) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad http://tfl.nu/bnzk
  Replies (74) Good night (11379) Bad night (3083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/nxz1
  Replies (35) Good night (11405) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place http://tfl.nu/sgjx
  Replies (29) Good night (11766) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/f26o
  Replies (42) Good night (11306) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl. http://tfl.nu/b8qp
  Replies (35) Good night (11270) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment. http://tfl.nu/tuh7
  Replies (39) Good night (11379) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator http://tfl.nu/8mwn
  Replies (32) Good night (11374) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home. http://tfl.nu/c9s9
  Replies (45) Good night (11369) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant. http://tfl.nu/yb46
  Replies (37) Good night (11187) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday. http://tfl.nu/pumo
  Replies (30) Good night (11481) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes

  (905): View more from Ontario

  You're fat. Stop making excuses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes (905): You're fat. Stop making excuses http://tfl.nu/rdmk
  Replies (69) Good night (12281) Bad night (4891)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  and what did he say?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world. (1-614): and what did he say? (614): there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning. http://tfl.nu/xi47
  Replies (50) Good night (12051) Bad night (761)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material. http://tfl.nu/r91w
  Replies (15) Good night (11384) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people. http://tfl.nu/iaht
  Replies (12) Good night (12533) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool. http://tfl.nu/0qcg
  Replies (42) Good night (11690) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel. http://tfl.nu/bqxg
  Replies (26) Good night (12116) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love http://tfl.nu/knwu
  Replies (35) Good night (11778) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :) http://tfl.nu/0k31
  Replies (53) Good night (11408) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): 2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing. http://tfl.nu/jq9y
  Replies (74) Good night (11334) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  You are an asshole

  (574): View more from Indiana

  haha sleeping beauty awakes.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Where did you find this costume?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): You are an asshole (574): haha sleeping beauty awakes. (616): Where did you find this costume? http://tfl.nu/m4ai
  Replies (31) Good night (11787) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends. http://tfl.nu/iv37
  Replies (45) Good night (11323) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying http://tfl.nu/diyu
  Replies (28) Good night (11548) Bad night (369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur http://tfl.nu/hhzt
  Replies (36) Good night (11374) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please? (443): he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag? http://tfl.nu/5o6h
  Replies (132) Good night (12118) Bad night (24649)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now. http://tfl.nu/4hn1
  Replies (33) Good night (12000) Bad night (1030)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night. http://tfl.nu/n33w
  Replies (21) Good night (11416) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours http://tfl.nu/1nv0
  Replies (15) Good night (12360) Bad night (728)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper http://tfl.nu/swmc
  Replies (54) Good night (11630) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep. http://tfl.nu/o54g
  Replies (36) Good night (12099) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever. http://tfl.nu/2hpf
  Replies (37) Good night (12204) Bad night (1064) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

  (949): View more from California

  I gave it to your brother to give to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it? (949): I gave it to your brother to give to you. http://tfl.nu/fwxt
  Replies (55) Good night (12888) Bad night (4747)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once. http://tfl.nu/u86e
  Replies (71) Good night (11679) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Why am I in a dog kennel?

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  It was for your own safety

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Why am I in a dog kennel? (1-803): It was for your own safety http://tfl.nu/w7ni
  Replies (27) Good night (12285) Bad night (1077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch http://tfl.nu/y65i
  Replies (78) Good night (11971) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!" http://tfl.nu/94sw
  Replies (84) Good night (12501) Bad night (1293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  im getting a BJ in a closet

  (205): View more from Alabama

  and a penguin just handed me a bong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): im getting a BJ in a closet (205): and a penguin just handed me a bong http://tfl.nu/oarm
  Replies (60) Good night (11775) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?! http://tfl.nu/vv8e
  Replies (26) Good night (11863) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  True romance of the 21st century.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too. (1-410): True romance of the 21st century. http://tfl.nu/laza
  Replies (61) Good night (12453) Bad night (871)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night. http://tfl.nu/5ggy
  Replies (30) Good night (11373) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden? http://tfl.nu/x4ab
  Replies (110) Good night (11810) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever http://tfl.nu/n0rq
  Replies (53) Good night (11934) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen. http://tfl.nu/gj69
  Replies (38) Good night (12208) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind. http://tfl.nu/8l0m
  Replies (57) Good night (11886) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i fucked a milf yesterday.

  (619): View more from California

  i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i fucked a milf yesterday. (619): i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old. http://tfl.nu/l3df
  Replies (28) Good night (12654) Bad night (1414)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like http://tfl.nu/ol8k
  Replies (72) Good night (12118) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this. http://tfl.nu/o1x8
  Replies (51) Good night (12066) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina http://tfl.nu/y9lz
  Replies (104) Good night (11833) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella http://tfl.nu/27sq
  Replies (31) Good night (11889) Bad night (1192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again. http://tfl.nu/nv5y
  Replies (28) Good night (12516) Bad night (1580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order" http://tfl.nu/htwe
  Replies (17) Good night (12232) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Previous statement retracted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay. (828): Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner (864): Previous statement retracted. http://tfl.nu/e7pe
  Replies (46) Good night (12568) Bad night (888)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i can't find my house

  (1-845): View more from New York

  we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.

  (845): View more from New York

  i'm pretty sure my house moved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): i can't find my house (1-845): we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago. (845): i'm pretty sure my house moved. http://tfl.nu/nzng
  Replies (50) Good night (12891) Bad night (1024)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party http://tfl.nu/47pk
  Replies (33) Good night (11951) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty. http://tfl.nu/9wi8
  Replies (99) Good night (11812) Bad night (1530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!" http://tfl.nu/62xo
  Replies (32) Good night (11746) Bad night (1304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even? http://tfl.nu/nzpq
  Replies (52) Good night (11834) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked. http://tfl.nu/pme2
  Replies (34) Good night (11686) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud. http://tfl.nu/fmdm
  Replies (96) Good night (12640) Bad night (1867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (226): This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon http://tfl.nu/4pbx
  Replies (43) Good night (13021) Bad night (1445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight http://tfl.nu/nfvu
  Replies (48) Good night (12353) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it. http://tfl.nu/hzy8
  Replies (33) Good night (12112) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  New charity walk idea!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished. (202): New charity walk idea! http://tfl.nu/skxt
  Replies (31) Good night (12468) Bad night (540)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus http://tfl.nu/rl2v
  Replies (37) Good night (12258) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  And that worked?

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night. (1-919): And that worked? (919): 9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards. http://tfl.nu/moso
  Replies (68) Good night (12746) Bad night (1132)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ask politely.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thats good enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Ask politely. (610): Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you? (484): Thats good enough. http://tfl.nu/nxir
  Replies (61) Good night (12680) Bad night (830)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing http://tfl.nu/tarj
  Replies (71) Good night (12186) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER. http://tfl.nu/9rv5
  Replies (58) Good night (12257) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left http://tfl.nu/gb7d
  Replies (56) Good night (12625) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used. http://tfl.nu/jpfz
  Replies (55) Good night (12650) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  what happened last night?

  (917): View more from New York City

  u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style

  (718): View more from New York

  that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): what happened last night? (917): u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style (718): that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left http://tfl.nu/i3a9
  Replies (39) Good night (13342) Bad night (668)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ. http://tfl.nu/s7ef
  Replies (30) Good night (12887) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this? http://tfl.nu/o9lt
  Replies (37) Good night (12800) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country... http://tfl.nu/c11y
  Replies (47) Good night (13190) Bad night (1151) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties. http://tfl.nu/jpbi
  Replies (25) Good night (12412) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home http://tfl.nu/gzni
  Replies (26) Good night (12799) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now. http://tfl.nu/y18v
  Replies (160) Good night (12661) Bad night (1441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it" http://tfl.nu/fy2z
  Replies (40) Good night (12994) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her http://tfl.nu/ofex
  Replies (65) Good night (13076) Bad night (2307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party? http://tfl.nu/rikb
  Replies (52) Good night (12296) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon! http://tfl.nu/1aph
  Replies (92) Good night (13081) Bad night (1247) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?

  (708): View more from Illinois

  We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday? (708): We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us. http://tfl.nu/9z48
  Replies (47) Good night (13224) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before. http://tfl.nu/b7oy
  Replies (21) Good night (13374) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone. http://tfl.nu/vfbd
  Replies (40) Good night (13467) Bad night (1184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN. http://tfl.nu/2o4b
  Replies (32) Good night (13645) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell.. http://tfl.nu/hsjq
  Replies (37) Good night (12885) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  we just fucked in the mcds parking lot

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  wasnt he a virgin

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  yes we got celebratory milkshakes after

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): we just fucked in the mcds parking lot (1-732): wasnt he a virgin (732): yes we got celebratory milkshakes after http://tfl.nu/wnnd
  Replies (60) Good night (12847) Bad night (841)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex. http://tfl.nu/aztc
  Replies (89) Good night (12900) Bad night (1274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink. http://tfl.nu/ugbw
  Replies (60) Good night (13229) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent. http://tfl.nu/jxt2
  Replies (108) Good night (13207) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung http://tfl.nu/rtj3
  Replies (47) Good night (12931) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went? http://tfl.nu/99g1
  Replies (78) Good night (13549) Bad night (1906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose http://tfl.nu/p9h0
  Replies (32) Good night (12733) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed. http://tfl.nu/mbr1
  Replies (152) Good night (12571) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR. http://tfl.nu/oyj0
  Replies (15) Good night (13098) Bad night (390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing. http://tfl.nu/gzcy
  Replies (26) Good night (13101) Bad night (807)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight. http://tfl.nu/18md
  Replies (83) Good night (13159) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?

  (1-559): View more from California

  That depends on who this is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true? (1-559): That depends on who this is. http://tfl.nu/a6jm
  Replies (42) Good night (13718) Bad night (1579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick http://tfl.nu/778x
  Replies (69) Good night (13663) Bad night (3302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades? http://tfl.nu/s5wu
  Replies (76) Good night (14649) Bad night (2373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa http://tfl.nu/4mlw
  Replies (79) Good night (13437) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month. http://tfl.nu/7dyi
  Replies (29) Good night (13945) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  what was i wearing?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nothing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress' (508): what was i wearing? (203): nothing http://tfl.nu/2bg6
  Replies (21) Good night (13996) Bad night (765)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston, we have a problem

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  where are u?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Houston, we have a problem (781): where are u? (617): Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here. http://tfl.nu/zyw6
  Replies (43) Good night (14186) Bad night (970)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us. http://tfl.nu/ztab
  Replies (30) Good night (13254) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS. http://tfl.nu/pf4u
  Replies (57) Good night (13961) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried http://tfl.nu/9dr3
  Replies (49) Good night (14385) Bad night (3321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?

  (818): View more from California

  by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA? (818): by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ http://tfl.nu/5i2r
  Replies (43) Good night (13399) Bad night (730)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me. http://tfl.nu/mwnt
  Replies (57) Good night (13740) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date http://tfl.nu/ynms
  Replies (29) Good night (13770) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box? http://tfl.nu/nvmk
  Replies (59) Good night (13903) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after http://tfl.nu/tns7
  Replies (38) Good night (13927) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17. http://tfl.nu/5ely
  Replies (79) Good night (13688) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch. http://tfl.nu/dpne
  Replies (24) Good night (13851) Bad night (1201) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight http://tfl.nu/2em9
  Replies (20) Good night (13450) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically. http://tfl.nu/76cj
  Replies (25) Good night (13498) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere http://tfl.nu/2ys4
  Replies (58) Good night (14051) Bad night (1021)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius? http://tfl.nu/ei5s
  Replies (150) Good night (14034) Bad night (2985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back. http://tfl.nu/st6c
  Replies (35) Good night (14532) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best. http://tfl.nu/u0y2
  Replies (104) Good night (13635) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he. http://tfl.nu/52vb
  Replies (50) Good night (14290) Bad night (1986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them http://tfl.nu/2uni
  Replies (41) Good night (14113) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity http://tfl.nu/4zrt
  Replies (44) Good night (14642) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way. http://tfl.nu/w85x
  Replies (26) Good night (14150) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand. http://tfl.nu/nkg8
  Replies (44) Good night (14967) Bad night (1250) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.

  (1-480): View more from Arizona

  i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.

  (480): View more from Arizona

  k i'll be over in 5.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds. (1-480): i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice. (480): k i'll be over in 5. http://tfl.nu/rkxl
  Replies (101) Good night (14047) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy http://tfl.nu/8awt
  Replies (110) Good night (14152) Bad night (1020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just got to costco. Where are you?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Liquor aisle, bring another cart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just got to costco. Where are you? (602): Liquor aisle, bring another cart. http://tfl.nu/c1j1
  Replies (31) Good night (14642) Bad night (505)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog

  (716): View more from New York

  do you not see the irony in that??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog (716): do you not see the irony in that?? http://tfl.nu/h8wi
  Replies (72) Good night (15123) Bad night (748)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting" http://tfl.nu/dmjy
  Replies (25) Good night (14535) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Who goes to Church hungover

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Who goes to Church hungover (717): Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk http://tfl.nu/g7sy
  Replies (42) Good night (14112) Bad night (1041)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours. http://tfl.nu/f53e
  Replies (40) Good night (14133) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat http://tfl.nu/ast4
  Replies (56) Good night (14969) Bad night (1201) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center (1-917): you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth http://tfl.nu/ukvm
  Replies (77) Good night (14662) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now. http://tfl.nu/wxpj
  Replies (33) Good night (14548) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles. http://tfl.nu/jmsm
  Replies (32) Good night (14380) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning. http://tfl.nu/odgl
  Replies (57) Good night (15399) Bad night (3102)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house http://tfl.nu/yyye
  Replies (50) Good night (14051) Bad night (1593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log. http://tfl.nu/ft0h
  Replies (46) Good night (14504) Bad night (493)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ" http://tfl.nu/pk0t
  Replies (41) Good night (14362) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic http://tfl.nu/lvdi
  Replies (16) Good night (15031) Bad night (851)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer. http://tfl.nu/2j6i
  Replies (76) Good night (14817) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich. http://tfl.nu/hmr5
  Replies (26) Good night (15617) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position http://tfl.nu/vjj2
  Replies (34) Good night (14692) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace. http://tfl.nu/irh2
  Replies (39) Good night (15448) Bad night (980)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store http://tfl.nu/25ph
  Replies (86) Good night (14126) Bad night (2091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"? http://tfl.nu/3j2r
  Replies (31) Good night (16183) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire. http://tfl.nu/37qo
  Replies (30) Good night (15010) Bad night (1270) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all. http://tfl.nu/2iln
  Replies (125) Good night (14594) Bad night (999)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over. http://tfl.nu/nwsy
  Replies (40) Good night (15229) Bad night (1810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out. http://tfl.nu/f1nl
  Replies (43) Good night (16016) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  did u really fuck my little sister???

  (706): View more from Georgia

  im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): did u really fuck my little sister??? (706): im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess" http://tfl.nu/dz4c
  Replies (155) Good night (15021) Bad night (1412)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You mean bread?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast? (404): You mean bread? http://tfl.nu/0bp8
  Replies (60) Good night (16083) Bad night (985)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest. http://tfl.nu/ndz5
  Replies (52) Good night (15286) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal. http://tfl.nu/qev8
  Replies (26) Good night (16462) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (15586) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name. http://tfl.nu/s3qy
  Replies (52) Good night (16286) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things http://tfl.nu/w4id
  Replies (39) Good night (14861) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car http://tfl.nu/l192
  Replies (191) Good night (15301) Bad night (1956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby. http://tfl.nu/f0c2
  Replies (96) Good night (15936) Bad night (977)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way" http://tfl.nu/86gt
  Replies (36) Good night (15438) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom? http://tfl.nu/cirg
  Replies (72) Good night (16816) Bad night (2257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  youve hit the jackpot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out (803): youve hit the jackpot http://tfl.nu/tr3l
  Replies (50) Good night (15657) Bad night (509)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo." http://tfl.nu/u5wa
  Replies (44) Good night (15973) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating. http://tfl.nu/umg8
  Replies (34) Good night (16407) Bad night (1141) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated. http://tfl.nu/xw0x
  Replies (17) Good night (16124) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit" http://tfl.nu/bodh
  Replies (71) Good night (15790) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music http://tfl.nu/f2pv
  Replies (48) Good night (16977) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder. http://tfl.nu/7khc
  Replies (81) Good night (15957) Bad night (2335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards? http://tfl.nu/ktqz
  Replies (66) Good night (16429) Bad night (1686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick http://tfl.nu/i68n
  Replies (71) Good night (17650) Bad night (3269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack.. http://tfl.nu/nf69
  Replies (61) Good night (16700) Bad night (705)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.

  (1-931): View more from Tennessee

  Wtf? What happened?

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other. (1-931): Wtf? What happened? (931): Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home. http://tfl.nu/q0zo
  Replies (41) Good night (16658) Bad night (659)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever." http://tfl.nu/4fcm
  Replies (49) Good night (16734) Bad night (1357) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook. http://tfl.nu/7oed
  Replies (54) Good night (17727) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet. http://tfl.nu/ix9e
  Replies (67) Good night (17214) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker" http://tfl.nu/30jj
  Replies (44) Good night (17192) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps. http://tfl.nu/jawa
  Replies (51) Good night (16881) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..

  (1-905): View more from Toronto

  With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina.. (1-905): With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there. http://tfl.nu/fkqx
  Replies (33) Good night (18467) Bad night (1732)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since. http://tfl.nu/s9zv
  Replies (61) Good night (17815) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is. http://tfl.nu/41jw
  Replies (24) Good night (17217) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake". http://tfl.nu/w0jz
  Replies (77) Good night (17713) Bad night (2148) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.

  (1-801): View more from Utah

  There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.

  (801): View more from Utah

  alright see you in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house. (1-801): There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen. (801): alright see you in the morning. http://tfl.nu/gnes
  Replies (47) Good night (17791) Bad night (487)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head. http://tfl.nu/lfdj
  Replies (103) Good night (17050) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): my mother just offered to pay for my fake id. http://tfl.nu/7t8s
  Replies (48) Good night (17096) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?

  (1-212): View more from New York

  this is Aaron, hi

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud? (1-212): this is Aaron, hi http://tfl.nu/ackd
  Replies (48) Good night (19434) Bad night (1767)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex". http://tfl.nu/cd1v
  Replies (40) Good night (18637) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it. http://tfl.nu/t9xf
  Replies (30) Good night (18874) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints. http://tfl.nu/3trl
  Replies (37) Good night (18590) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon. http://tfl.nu/tzl9
  Replies (57) Good night (19252) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!" http://tfl.nu/kl2h
  Replies (37) Good night (18312) Bad night (1096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Redeem this text for a blowjob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): Redeem this text for a blowjob http://tfl.nu/3lns
  Replies (44) Good night (17929) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week." http://tfl.nu/whj8
  Replies (86) Good night (19355) Bad night (1197) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass. http://tfl.nu/xi9h
  Replies (61) Good night (19550) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you http://tfl.nu/8puo
  Replies (38) Good night (18739) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be http://tfl.nu/8bju
  Replies (208) Good night (18864) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale. http://tfl.nu/y4yj
  Replies (48) Good night (19744) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test http://tfl.nu/616n
  Replies (130) Good night (19399) Bad night (1776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  hey. who tried to drive me home last night?

  (904): View more from Florida

  not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?

  (850): View more from Florida

  i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): hey. who tried to drive me home last night? (904): not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"? (850): i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants. http://tfl.nu/wk6x
  Replies (33) Good night (20200) Bad night (1682)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (21120) Bad night (1197)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE! http://tfl.nu/deur
  Replies (140) Good night (18918) Bad night (2001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall http://tfl.nu/8iwm
  Replies (37) Good night (20214) Bad night (1518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me http://tfl.nu/5ujc
  Replies (43) Good night (20180) Bad night (750)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you? http://tfl.nu/lfio
  Replies (72) Good night (20038) Bad night (3289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy." http://tfl.nu/a1we
  Replies (91) Good night (20546) Bad night (2706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won. http://tfl.nu/tu5d
  Replies (36) Good night (20417) Bad night (2641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Yup.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Yup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then? (636): Yup. (314): Yup. http://tfl.nu/bp2u
  Replies (70) Good night (23385) Bad night (1427)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again. http://tfl.nu/1qgn
  Replies (75) Good night (20707) Bad night (997)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice. http://tfl.nu/fg4t
  Replies (43) Good night (19788) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever? http://tfl.nu/67g4
  Replies (74) Good night (19917) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will." http://tfl.nu/pn0l
  Replies (35) Good night (20844) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win. http://tfl.nu/almv
  Replies (47) Good night (20959) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out http://tfl.nu/fsk9
  Replies (106) Good night (20462) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half. http://tfl.nu/fs6e
  Replies (83) Good night (21425) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML? http://tfl.nu/ajh1
  Replies (104) Good night (21772) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off? http://tfl.nu/zq3l
  Replies (112) Good night (22996) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.

  (1-972): View more from Texas

  I want to be a cop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party. (1-972): I want to be a cop. http://tfl.nu/ucz6
  Replies (104) Good night (22414) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Get out of your relationship and into my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Get out of your relationship and into my pants. http://tfl.nu/sn5l
  Replies (45) Good night (22263) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (117) Good night (25265) Bad night (3895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm so horny!

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm so hungry

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  For your pussy...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I'm so horny! (781): I'm so hungry (508): WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY! (781): For your pussy... http://tfl.nu/7j50
  Replies (63) Good night (22916) Bad night (1204)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain. http://tfl.nu/vwtj
  Replies (51) Good night (24286) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Heyyyy darlin are you busy?

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Heyyyy darlin are you busy? (1-319): Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night. http://tfl.nu/pwb0
  Replies (34) Good night (23950) Bad night (1285)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck. http://tfl.nu/f2m7
  Replies (44) Good night (24310) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp
  Replies (87) Good night (24618) Bad night (3939)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love http://tfl.nu/13ff
  Replies (78) Good night (24649) Bad night (2669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life. http://tfl.nu/paqh
  Replies (71) Good night (24603) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (64) Good night (26317) Bad night (1500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!" http://tfl.nu/ttkj
  Replies (99) Good night (25073) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers http://tfl.nu/97ey
  Replies (15) Good night (23477) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra. http://tfl.nu/ga1u
  Replies (66) Good night (26390) Bad night (1432)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything. http://tfl.nu/pmpx
  Replies (76) Good night (26513) Bad night (1348)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic. http://tfl.nu/sxvb
  Replies (78) Good night (29260) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home http://tfl.nu/32l0
  Replies (53) Good night (26379) Bad night (2224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock. http://tfl.nu/njgo
  Replies (166) Good night (27081) Bad night (2258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse. http://tfl.nu/nlhf
  Replies (41) Good night (29509) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me http://tfl.nu/ry9s
  Replies (35) Good night (28673) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex. http://tfl.nu/adpf
  Replies (155) Good night (29999) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good http://tfl.nu/k903
  Replies (111) Good night (28127) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed? (540): you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets. http://tfl.nu/2g4o
  Replies (42) Good night (27418) Bad night (1082)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever. http://tfl.nu/2p77
  Replies (283) Good night (28492) Bad night (12383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you? http://tfl.nu/ocb5
  Replies (131) Good night (30683) Bad night (1943) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me. http://tfl.nu/61es
  Replies (97) Good night (30796) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me". http://tfl.nu/jl9f
  Replies (210) Good night (30359) Bad night (2541)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland. http://tfl.nu/ca0n
  Replies (71) Good night (28613) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund. http://tfl.nu/xrnk
  Replies (160) Good night (30477) Bad night (1612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  How do you jack off and text at the same time?

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  On my iPhone they have an app for that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): How do you jack off and text at the same time? (1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that http://tfl.nu/2tk7
  Replies (84) Good night (30523) Bad night (1477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day. http://tfl.nu/b0xj
  Replies (29) Good night (32188) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer. http://tfl.nu/jibz
  Replies (50) Good night (34986) Bad night (1364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
  Replies (109) Good night (36323) Bad night (2645)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians. http://tfl.nu/rppl
  Replies (117) Good night (36118) Bad night (1046)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/zfm0
  Replies (73) Good night (38060) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
  Replies (76) Good night (41815) Bad night (1330) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room. http://tfl.nu/3nsa
  Replies (83) Good night (38070) Bad night (1657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero http://tfl.nu/4z5t
  Replies (68) Good night (37802) Bad night (1238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich.... http://tfl.nu/i7fe
  Replies (99) Good night (36552) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  You're the best girlfriend ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat. (1-913): You're the best girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/imen
  Replies (141) Good night (38493) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (121) Good night (44001) Bad night (1348)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Guess she heard her killer coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear. (1-973): Guess she heard her killer coming http://tfl.nu/u45m
  Replies (114) Good night (43990) Bad night (1626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd

  (443): View more from Maryland

  wasted?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  im pocohantasssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd (443): wasted? (410): im pocohantasssss http://tfl.nu/gql6
  Replies (109) Good night (42189) Bad night (1629)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (178) Good night (48603) Bad night (1809)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart http://tfl.nu/al7w
  Replies (175) Good night (48944) Bad night (1504)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I faked it too. I just spit on your bed. http://tfl.nu/1pbs
  Replies (19) Good night (1857) Bad night (6435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  he just put it in my mouth and said "go"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): he just put it in my mouth and said "go" http://tfl.nu/nvzb
  Replies (64) Good night (2248) Bad night (4961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system. http://tfl.nu/mobk
  Replies (13) Good night (834) Bad night (329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;) http://tfl.nu/s5za
  Replies (14) Good night (1994) Bad night (327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot http://tfl.nu/xdnv
  Replies (27) Good night (6681) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance http://tfl.nu/wpko
  Replies (10) Good night (5993) Bad night (1029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'

  (810): View more from Michigan

  needless to say i wont be back home tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?' (810): needless to say i wont be back home tonight http://tfl.nu/wf6u
  Replies (38) Good night (4628) Bad night (324)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Don't forget I'm 20 now

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  I liked you more when you were 19

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Don't forget I'm 20 now (1-586): I liked you more when you were 19 http://tfl.nu/sj6s
  Replies (1) Good night (415) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to. http://tfl.nu/5t0r
  Replies (22) Good night (4337) Bad night (1879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status. http://tfl.nu/kzoi
  Replies (42) Good night (14171) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack http://tfl.nu/hvnz
  Replies (6) Good night (2945) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet. http://tfl.nu/zopf
  Replies (13) Good night (3124) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall. http://tfl.nu/weml
  Replies (24) Good night (5746) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!" http://tfl.nu/wp1u
  Replies (29) Good night (7856) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year http://tfl.nu/bdbv
  Replies (9) Good night (5765) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense http://tfl.nu/aaqg
  Replies (20) Good night (7680) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range http://tfl.nu/j5nd
  Replies (11) Good night (610) Bad night (2111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs." http://tfl.nu/aazi
  Replies (7) Good night (781) Bad night (3412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch http://tfl.nu/zban
  Replies (28) Good night (8290) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  wanna hang out tonight and remember it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): wanna hang out tonight and remember it? http://tfl.nu/5q3c
  Replies (18) Good night (5700) Bad night (1318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date. http://tfl.nu/pynx
  Replies (36) Good night (718) Bad night (3980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out. http://tfl.nu/9z0j
  Replies (19) Good night (2345) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to

  (1-845): View more from New York

  i wanted you to too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to (1-845): i wanted you to too http://tfl.nu/498i
  Replies (15) Good night (508) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us! http://tfl.nu/rgw4
  Replies (31) Good night (7735) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now. http://tfl.nu/2hw3
  Replies (36) Good night (4144) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day? http://tfl.nu/b9nt
  Replies (180) Good night (20237) Bad night (2383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way? http://tfl.nu/rhdn
  Replies (25) Good night (2370) Bad night (304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow http://tfl.nu/5dzd
  Replies (11) Good night (698) Bad night (3734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately. http://tfl.nu/h16j
  Replies (11) Good night (5352) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval. http://tfl.nu/2acf
  Replies (16) Good night (6165) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option. http://tfl.nu/dknj
  Replies (22) Good night (5957) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week. http://tfl.nu/mv1q
  Replies (64) Good night (781) Bad night (10413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  my professor just said "the power of the situation"

  (216): View more from Ohio

  drink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): my professor just said "the power of the situation" (216): drink http://tfl.nu/g82n
  Replies (17) Good night (4940) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable http://tfl.nu/zwpt
  Replies (50) Good night (4604) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am. http://tfl.nu/w1ts
  Replies (34) Good night (4367) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you http://tfl.nu/n6kx
  Replies (20) Good night (5922) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone http://tfl.nu/hyr8
  Replies (240) Good night (1754) Bad night (7981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college. http://tfl.nu/169r
  Replies (81) Good night (7968) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital. http://tfl.nu/94uz
  Replies (38) Good night (5773) Bad night (2635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill http://tfl.nu/y326
  Replies (12) Good night (312) Bad night (2737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards http://tfl.nu/kggv
  Replies (7) Good night (2598) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  wanna go halves on a baby?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): wanna go halves on a baby? http://tfl.nu/z3oe
  Replies (18) Good night (870) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave. http://tfl.nu/avq0
  Replies (18) Good night (940) Bad night (4110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting. http://tfl.nu/uotz
  Replies (10) Good night (4454) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze. http://tfl.nu/rr46
  Replies (27) Good night (5514) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building. http://tfl.nu/he38
  Replies (5) Good night (507) Bad night (1617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid. http://tfl.nu/t711
  Replies (33) Good night (8304) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk. http://tfl.nu/exk9
  Replies (25) Good night (6312) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed http://tfl.nu/39rg
  Replies (42) Good night (10442) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume? http://tfl.nu/7evx
  Replies (10) Good night (2678) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train! http://tfl.nu/ural
  Replies (6) Good night (1748) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law. http://tfl.nu/o7ax
  Replies (7) Good night (3345) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand? http://tfl.nu/srza
  Replies (9) Good night (4754) Bad night (1465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (498): View more from

  You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (498): You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/rks2
  Replies (7) Good night (3002) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again http://tfl.nu/n0xl
  Replies (5) Good night (2885) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday". http://tfl.nu/bzic
  Replies (8) Good night (6767) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke. http://tfl.nu/o9qp
  Replies (5) Good night (4351) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight. http://tfl.nu/g16n
  Replies (10) Good night (3238) Bad night (1381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting. http://tfl.nu/ejol
  Replies (15) Good night (5531) Bad night (1162) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it? http://tfl.nu/x3ze
  Replies (4) Good night (2441) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job. http://tfl.nu/4wpv
  Replies (10) Good night (3340) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science. (1-616): Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world! http://tfl.nu/0fvx
  Replies (10) Good night (4747) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids http://tfl.nu/g564
  Replies (19) Good night (4056) Bad night (1060) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day http://tfl.nu/hrk3
  Replies (7) Good night (9483) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers http://tfl.nu/9dwx
  Replies (1) Good night (1925) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy http://tfl.nu/uhwk
  Replies (13) Good night (3341) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it. http://tfl.nu/htjg
  Replies (10) Good night (2830) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there.... http://tfl.nu/ypb5
  Replies (10) Good night (5443) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume. http://tfl.nu/d17l
  Replies (4) Good night (1767) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart. http://tfl.nu/72dk
  Replies (14) Good night (2782) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  "Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): "Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea. http://tfl.nu/i0ux
  Replies (9) Good night (2662) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you http://tfl.nu/x3pe
  Replies (14) Good night (2931) Bad night (1071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants? http://tfl.nu/24sn
  Replies (7) Good night (3361) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar. http://tfl.nu/cp66
  Replies (10) Good night (5809) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses

  (1-316): View more from Kansas

  That sounds dangerous

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses (1-316): That sounds dangerous (316): Don't worry......were wearing oven mits. http://tfl.nu/woxn
  Replies (9) Good night (4184) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure http://tfl.nu/itoo
  Replies (6) Good night (3627) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour. http://tfl.nu/xxvi
  Replies (38) Good night (11261) Bad night (988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step http://tfl.nu/7m4i
  Replies (7) Good night (4260) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser. http://tfl.nu/y4fk
  Replies (16) Good night (5393) Bad night (1096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead, http://tfl.nu/tjky
  Replies (11) Good night (4168) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester http://tfl.nu/7fwg
  Replies (19) Good night (756) Bad night (4379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake http://tfl.nu/es8r
  Replies (12) Good night (356) Bad night (1186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often. http://tfl.nu/3lpk
  Replies (40) Good night (5461) Bad night (1511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke http://tfl.nu/6ss8
  Replies (16) Good night (2862) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities. http://tfl.nu/3lte
  Replies (17) Good night (6878) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took http://tfl.nu/2ren
  Replies (47) Good night (6657) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted. http://tfl.nu/d3cr
  Replies (12) Good night (4942) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend

  (301): View more from Maryland

  1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend (301): 1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps http://tfl.nu/019j
  Replies (29) Good night (3487) Bad night (509)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that? http://tfl.nu/8vi3
  Replies (5) Good night (2712) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle. http://tfl.nu/jhbj
  Replies (7) Good night (2764) Bad night (1264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Am i fat?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Well i wouldnt let you on top

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Am i fat? (1-248): Well i wouldnt let you on top http://tfl.nu/1yk2
  Replies (36) Good night (1361) Bad night (8907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands. http://tfl.nu/9x0j
  Replies (22) Good night (6119) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird. http://tfl.nu/h1yk
  Replies (8) Good night (2781) Bad night (1346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids. http://tfl.nu/z0hh
  Replies (29) Good night (4166) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets. http://tfl.nu/n0nj
  Replies (8) Good night (4428) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid? http://tfl.nu/a3m4
  Replies (49) Good night (364) Bad night (3684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter http://tfl.nu/l06j
  Replies (3) Good night (1045) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings http://tfl.nu/n8bz
  Replies (24) Good night (3940) Bad night (470)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now http://tfl.nu/fzln
  Replies (59) Good night (602) Bad night (4387)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed. http://tfl.nu/fhfj
  Replies (33) Good night (5752) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!" http://tfl.nu/jby7
  Replies (37) Good night (17747) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra. http://tfl.nu/7xhn
  Replies (51) Good night (9290) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish http://tfl.nu/fhjl
  Replies (5) Good night (3696) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser! http://tfl.nu/qe5c
  Replies (36) Good night (735) Bad night (4759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford http://tfl.nu/pdng
  Replies (108) Good night (3960) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags. http://tfl.nu/hgni
  Replies (18) Good night (5879) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do. http://tfl.nu/0i65
  Replies (13) Good night (6230) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever. http://tfl.nu/u46n
  Replies (21) Good night (4821) Bad night (1577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere http://tfl.nu/b03s
  Replies (10) Good night (3132) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday http://tfl.nu/fl8q
  Replies (2) Good night (2912) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave. http://tfl.nu/6huv
  Replies (13) Good night (5101) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see.. http://tfl.nu/ubpf
  Replies (9) Good night (3840) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things. http://tfl.nu/x5j7
  Replies (3) Good night (3489) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  You could give me a blowjob later? :)

  (1-321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I meant do something romantic..

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Blowjob In the moonlight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): You could give me a blowjob later? :) (1-321): I meant do something romantic.. (321): Blowjob In the moonlight? http://tfl.nu/na1u
  Replies (12) Good night (5809) Bad night (1088)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact? http://tfl.nu/ny5t
  Replies (30) Good night (1491) Bad night (7064) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face http://tfl.nu/9y4h
  Replies (53) Good night (20579) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date http://tfl.nu/sjjn
  Replies (18) Good night (4903) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over. http://tfl.nu/n0ys
  Replies (14) Good night (8074) Bad night (823)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them http://tfl.nu/300a
  Replies (25) Good night (4441) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college. http://tfl.nu/sy1r
  Replies (19) Good night (3883) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka. http://tfl.nu/l16y
  Replies (11) Good night (4741) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful http://tfl.nu/3xv5
  Replies (4) Good night (944) Bad night (2835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob http://tfl.nu/cycw
  Replies (28) Good night (1700) Bad night (4668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac? http://tfl.nu/67cg
  Replies (84) Good night (7040) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday http://tfl.nu/xsly
  Replies (11) Good night (3564) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): 260 beers this month. I need a new hobby. http://tfl.nu/ixdv
  Replies (37) Good night (3465) Bad night (1159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian http://tfl.nu/9eu3
  Replies (29) Good night (6371) Bad night (2402)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur http://tfl.nu/33k4
  Replies (42) Good night (1736) Bad night (7589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it http://tfl.nu/8mat
  Replies (6) Good night (2536) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome http://tfl.nu/6r0p
  Replies (7) Good night (3742) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet... http://tfl.nu/na2h
  Replies (9) Good night (2999) Bad night (1475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie. http://tfl.nu/xhiw
  Replies (14) Good night (3943) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Missed another period

  (1-239): View more from Florida

  I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): Missed another period (1-239): I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair. http://tfl.nu/33ef
  Replies (10) Good night (986) Bad night (3400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids. http://tfl.nu/tjbu
  Replies (4) Good night (4283) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt