jasboo's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses http://tfl.nu/zlmy
  Replies (8) Good night (1492) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year. http://tfl.nu/sxhu
  Replies (10) Good night (2280) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked. http://tfl.nu/t6e6
  Replies (7) Good night (567) Bad night (1585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you. http://tfl.nu/d78n
  Replies (8) Good night (2387) Bad night (674)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there http://tfl.nu/ehji
  Replies (16) Good night (2665) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo http://tfl.nu/5szi
  Replies (8) Good night (3376) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me http://tfl.nu/ir9q
  Replies (4) Good night (897) Bad night (1910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt http://tfl.nu/0h7j
  Replies (8) Good night (924) Bad night (2715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex. http://tfl.nu/b52l
  Replies (10) Good night (2628) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/47xz
  Replies (8) Good night (1409) Bad night (1940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out http://tfl.nu/g5nx
  Replies (9) Good night (4176) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over http://tfl.nu/j0uq
  Replies (5) Good night (1705) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel. http://tfl.nu/lqer
  Replies (9) Good night (2966) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  The strip club called, they have your shoe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): The strip club called, they have your shoe. http://tfl.nu/kbp6
  Replies (13) Good night (3642) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye. http://tfl.nu/5hfu
  Replies (20) Good night (1343) Bad night (2743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?! http://tfl.nu/4ghk
  Replies (20) Good night (2827) Bad night (4637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly. http://tfl.nu/8ih5
  Replies (45) Good night (9786) Bad night (1105) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so. http://tfl.nu/nluj
  Replies (7) Good night (3276) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult. http://tfl.nu/s4nn
  Replies (8) Good night (2791) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice. http://tfl.nu/unne
  Replies (7) Good night (3355) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class. http://tfl.nu/5suq
  Replies (7) Good night (2624) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage, http://tfl.nu/ten2
  Replies (15) Good night (4442) Bad night (792)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/boyq
  Replies (21) Good night (5643) Bad night (1374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that. http://tfl.nu/i43f
  Replies (24) Good night (4865) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job. http://tfl.nu/jru8
  Replies (6) Good night (3075) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint? http://tfl.nu/8n36
  Replies (11) Good night (4320) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me.... http://tfl.nu/rsl7
  Replies (32) Good night (1350) Bad night (3112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me. http://tfl.nu/s06p
  Replies (16) Good night (3557) Bad night (1877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  you inspire me to be a worse person

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): you inspire me to be a worse person http://tfl.nu/en33
  Replies (6) Good night (3256) Bad night (1063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important. http://tfl.nu/ehih
  Replies (18) Good night (2359) Bad night (2593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol http://tfl.nu/lr14
  Replies (7) Good night (2932) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents? http://tfl.nu/8kv6
  Replies (20) Good night (2410) Bad night (1227) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system http://tfl.nu/uwvr
  Replies (12) Good night (2623) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work? http://tfl.nu/5z5c
  Replies (10) Good night (3068) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window. http://tfl.nu/dr4o
  Replies (5) Good night (3135) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid. http://tfl.nu/geoy
  Replies (31) Good night (975) Bad night (5654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated. http://tfl.nu/1crf
  Replies (21) Good night (1980) Bad night (2864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class http://tfl.nu/fiu2
  Replies (12) Good night (4247) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes? http://tfl.nu/qlm2
  Replies (22) Good night (5105) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly. http://tfl.nu/l2e8
  Replies (14) Good night (4701) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken http://tfl.nu/q0nt
  Replies (18) Good night (1593) Bad night (4134) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper http://tfl.nu/pzfa
  Replies (21) Good night (4566) Bad night (1306)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart http://tfl.nu/4nfy
  Replies (21) Good night (5140) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock http://tfl.nu/9mlf
  Replies (9) Good night (6360) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package" http://tfl.nu/jnsz
  Replies (13) Good night (1767) Bad night (4183) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/laj1
  Replies (28) Good night (991) Bad night (6916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies. http://tfl.nu/v70e
  Replies (8) Good night (4022) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam.. http://tfl.nu/opqs
  Replies (30) Good night (3256) Bad night (2075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning. http://tfl.nu/u08e
  Replies (7) Good night (3237) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person. http://tfl.nu/80cc
  Replies (41) Good night (5606) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage. http://tfl.nu/bqw6
  Replies (22) Good night (1730) Bad night (8370)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room. http://tfl.nu/4omc
  Replies (10) Good night (2752) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'. http://tfl.nu/u94d
  Replies (9) Good night (6841) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve. http://tfl.nu/a52b
  Replies (2) Good night (2175) Bad night (1394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes. http://tfl.nu/823v
  Replies (12) Good night (2835) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): 24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good. http://tfl.nu/55h0
  Replies (13) Good night (6970) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night http://tfl.nu/nrlr
  Replies (12) Good night (6927) Bad night (783)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Either way, he made a blog for his cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Either way, he made a blog for his cat. http://tfl.nu/y9xq
  Replies (4) Good night (1178) Bad night (3346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast. http://tfl.nu/5wgc
  Replies (45) Good night (7342) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside. http://tfl.nu/wpt8
  Replies (11) Good night (2835) Bad night (1577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone. http://tfl.nu/t9of
  Replies (8) Good night (4197) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts. http://tfl.nu/ngvo
  Replies (54) Good night (8543) Bad night (1494)
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number. http://tfl.nu/oux0
  Replies (11) Good night (5920) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila http://tfl.nu/mhdt
  Replies (8) Good night (1755) Bad night (2366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it. http://tfl.nu/dkuo
  Replies (14) Good night (3543) Bad night (1202) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation? http://tfl.nu/oofw
  Replies (17) Good night (5641) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people. http://tfl.nu/g4iv
  Replies (6) Good night (3533) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts. http://tfl.nu/k2p7
  Replies (18) Good night (6398) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen http://tfl.nu/quuc
  Replies (11) Good night (3603) Bad night (1302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me. http://tfl.nu/0b6p
  Replies (6) Good night (3168) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones http://tfl.nu/lwep
  Replies (8) Good night (2755) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house http://tfl.nu/d9cn
  Replies (14) Good night (3141) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet. http://tfl.nu/v7qv
  Replies (10) Good night (968) Bad night (3486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck. http://tfl.nu/b4ti
  Replies (31) Good night (1390) Bad night (5969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed? http://tfl.nu/pvwt
  Replies (8) Good night (3791) Bad night (1194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would http://tfl.nu/dfsx
  Replies (7) Good night (3441) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice http://tfl.nu/bo72
  Replies (15) Good night (5643) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick http://tfl.nu/j5fw
  Replies (22) Good night (5482) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  My grandma had to be escorted out by police.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): My grandma had to be escorted out by police. http://tfl.nu/ipgw
  Replies (18) Good night (6828) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants. http://tfl.nu/wgp8
  Replies (17) Good night (1548) Bad night (3677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma http://tfl.nu/d8kr
  Replies (9) Good night (808) Bad night (3160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday". http://tfl.nu/bzic
  Replies (8) Good night (7043) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume. http://tfl.nu/d17l
  Replies (5) Good night (1923) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere http://tfl.nu/b03s
  Replies (10) Good night (3301) Bad night (1160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried http://tfl.nu/ujpo
  Replies (6) Good night (3433) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute http://tfl.nu/yhtx
  Replies (8) Good night (1365) Bad night (3990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing. http://tfl.nu/i0xb
  Replies (5) Good night (2909) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do http://tfl.nu/8wsa
  Replies (24) Good night (1317) Bad night (4189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing. http://tfl.nu/i263
  Replies (10) Good night (3110) Bad night (748)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved http://tfl.nu/ox8t
  Replies (7) Good night (960) Bad night (2301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America http://tfl.nu/nfrq
  Replies (24) Good night (6595) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up? http://tfl.nu/ciml
  Replies (25) Good night (964) Bad night (3155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for? http://tfl.nu/2cqu
  Replies (5) Good night (3521) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor. http://tfl.nu/8ie3
  Replies (10) Good night (1702) Bad night (3508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight. http://tfl.nu/b4oz
  Replies (10) Good night (2629) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing. http://tfl.nu/5987
  Replies (20) Good night (6589) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her. http://tfl.nu/zc22
  Replies (25) Good night (1170) Bad night (4644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride. http://tfl.nu/6akp
  Replies (4) Good night (6607) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset. http://tfl.nu/s72o
  Replies (7) Good night (3836) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest http://tfl.nu/b35x
  Replies (20) Good night (5253) Bad night (1877)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking http://tfl.nu/kntc
  Replies (17) Good night (5219) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin! http://tfl.nu/ygvu
  Replies (18) Good night (5441) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever http://tfl.nu/gvxq
  Replies (21) Good night (10444) Bad night (1861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life. http://tfl.nu/cn7c
  Replies (15) Good night (6288) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar. http://tfl.nu/ucur
  Replies (15) Good night (5121) Bad night (1209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls? http://tfl.nu/pmwm
  Replies (11) Good night (4958) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin http://tfl.nu/oy4z
  Replies (19) Good night (1034) Bad night (4309) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Thats like the definition of a good friend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me. (630): Thats like the definition of a good friend http://tfl.nu/1tf7
  Replies (4) Good night (4879) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  That's why there are breakfast margaritas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): That's why there are breakfast margaritas. http://tfl.nu/dzi9
  Replies (3) Good night (3140) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning. http://tfl.nu/a0no
  Replies (8) Good night (3530) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything? http://tfl.nu/hmy2
  Replies (7) Good night (814) Bad night (4387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop. http://tfl.nu/xdpv
  Replies (19) Good night (5957) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks' http://tfl.nu/njwf
  Replies (14) Good night (5063) Bad night (1164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name http://tfl.nu/x1lq
  Replies (20) Good night (2332) Bad night (4334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us http://tfl.nu/fe65
  Replies (16) Good night (3668) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  She's never allowed to turn 21 again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): She's never allowed to turn 21 again http://tfl.nu/eyqp
  Replies (9) Good night (4522) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh. http://tfl.nu/s2cz
  Replies (40) Good night (4225) Bad night (1144)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable. http://tfl.nu/h65h
  Replies (4) Good night (3383) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means. http://tfl.nu/u00p
  Replies (7) Good night (3696) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.. http://tfl.nu/zyk4
  Replies (9) Good night (2464) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer. http://tfl.nu/9xay
  Replies (11) Good night (3323) Bad night (1948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world" http://tfl.nu/15ms
  Replies (14) Good night (6514) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain http://tfl.nu/an1d
  Replies (3) Good night (3684) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now http://tfl.nu/plpv
  Replies (27) Good night (5076) Bad night (1189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween http://tfl.nu/fww2
  Replies (38) Good night (6133) Bad night (1071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea. http://tfl.nu/at1w
  Replies (16) Good night (1037) Bad night (2708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant. http://tfl.nu/2b7s
  Replies (6) Good night (4089) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career http://tfl.nu/ywum
  Replies (5) Good night (2683) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people http://tfl.nu/8cwf
  Replies (28) Good night (1176) Bad night (5321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love http://tfl.nu/m0fg
  Replies (15) Good night (5332) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself http://tfl.nu/03x0
  Replies (9) Good night (963) Bad night (3586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him http://tfl.nu/busx
  Replies (14) Good night (5740) Bad night (1395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza http://tfl.nu/2a0o
  Replies (13) Good night (4697) Bad night (2014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  this will be a night to untag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): this will be a night to untag. http://tfl.nu/f6xw
  Replies (6) Good night (7659) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/7nbz
  Replies (28) Good night (4967) Bad night (2099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab... http://tfl.nu/at31
  Replies (14) Good night (1063) Bad night (3074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too. http://tfl.nu/lk4d
  Replies (3) Good night (712) Bad night (2753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it http://tfl.nu/gf74
  Replies (7) Good night (4045) Bad night (1312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment. http://tfl.nu/v3fi
  Replies (11) Good night (4305) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob. http://tfl.nu/v79f
  Replies (26) Good night (1184) Bad night (6915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street. http://tfl.nu/tq30
  Replies (7) Good night (2908) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her? http://tfl.nu/wt2f
  Replies (31) Good night (1678) Bad night (3928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex http://tfl.nu/jq0b
  Replies (12) Good night (7524) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night http://tfl.nu/nbdz
  Replies (13) Good night (1463) Bad night (4204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules. http://tfl.nu/2gj5
  Replies (16) Good night (6310) Bad night (867)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave. http://tfl.nu/d944
  Replies (23) Good night (5381) Bad night (1014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself. http://tfl.nu/i4wo
  Replies (14) Good night (1651) Bad night (5623)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today. http://tfl.nu/g96b
  Replies (10) Good night (3323) Bad night (1295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me. http://tfl.nu/1k6h
  Replies (19) Good night (1088) Bad night (3326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation. http://tfl.nu/l508
  Replies (6) Good night (1633) Bad night (3301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation... http://tfl.nu/uas5
  Replies (24) Good night (4477) Bad night (1354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days. http://tfl.nu/quks
  Replies (42) Good night (5558) Bad night (1346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes? http://tfl.nu/wyhr
  Replies (11) Good night (1489) Bad night (3955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe. http://tfl.nu/k42a
  Replies (5) Good night (2527) Bad night (1236) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex.... http://tfl.nu/n100
  Replies (15) Good night (2994) Bad night (1508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut http://tfl.nu/7c6t
  Replies (19) Good night (5578) Bad night (1111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that. (905): I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory. http://tfl.nu/dnea
  Replies (8) Good night (4617) Bad night (1088)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music. http://tfl.nu/9pnm
  Replies (31) Good night (7673) Bad night (1182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  this is really not the time to pretend we have morals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): this is really not the time to pretend we have morals http://tfl.nu/j8ot
  Replies (10) Good night (4728) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance http://tfl.nu/8uw4
  Replies (38) Good night (1866) Bad night (9774)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night http://tfl.nu/pds9
  Replies (9) Good night (4194) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me. http://tfl.nu/bb44
  Replies (23) Good night (1412) Bad night (5208) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning. http://tfl.nu/8wyf
  Replies (15) Good night (6613) Bad night (1304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate http://tfl.nu/io2z
  Replies (20) Good night (1176) Bad night (3289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple." http://tfl.nu/0gie
  Replies (4) Good night (5147) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury http://tfl.nu/7ksy
  Replies (17) Good night (5309) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again http://tfl.nu/1sak
  Replies (15) Good night (1044) Bad night (4688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable. http://tfl.nu/352a
  Replies (25) Good night (1087) Bad night (5024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason... http://tfl.nu/n9s7
  Replies (17) Good night (5070) Bad night (1796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming. http://tfl.nu/nho3
  Replies (12) Good night (6793) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice http://tfl.nu/slww
  Replies (24) Good night (6907) Bad night (1260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call. http://tfl.nu/u2ur
  Replies (8) Good night (1209) Bad night (3968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her. http://tfl.nu/1rnx
  Replies (10) Good night (5894) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again... http://tfl.nu/jy0r
  Replies (18) Good night (4743) Bad night (1261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper". http://tfl.nu/bpaf
  Replies (10) Good night (1142) Bad night (4084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man. http://tfl.nu/3qrw
  Replies (8) Good night (4922) Bad night (1745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free. http://tfl.nu/5dnh
  Replies (17) Good night (3515) Bad night (1297) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight http://tfl.nu/k1ij
  Replies (7) Good night (3593) Bad night (1176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n http://tfl.nu/pe4m
  Replies (21) Good night (11896) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation. http://tfl.nu/lz4o
  Replies (17) Good night (3985) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now http://tfl.nu/xdsb
  Replies (15) Good night (5440) Bad night (1500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck. http://tfl.nu/gj91
  Replies (23) Good night (1365) Bad night (4549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich? http://tfl.nu/66qn
  Replies (25) Good night (5305) Bad night (1128) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple http://tfl.nu/1j5u
  Replies (14) Good night (4191) Bad night (1378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night http://tfl.nu/eoys
  Replies (16) Good night (1454) Bad night (3890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober. http://tfl.nu/bh32
  Replies (11) Good night (3195) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real. http://tfl.nu/s47d
  Replies (13) Good night (6838) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina". http://tfl.nu/tnih
  Replies (17) Good night (7542) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking. http://tfl.nu/uhxv
  Replies (15) Good night (1502) Bad night (5051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way? http://tfl.nu/2yix
  Replies (7) Good night (4091) Bad night (1531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes. http://tfl.nu/3m35
  Replies (20) Good night (4854) Bad night (1257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  There is too much vodka and too much dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): There is too much vodka and too much dick. http://tfl.nu/9jud
  Replies (25) Good night (3509) Bad night (1610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way. http://tfl.nu/jfrt
  Replies (36) Good night (7186) Bad night (1133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream. http://tfl.nu/rule
  Replies (12) Good night (5164) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school

  (1-914): View more from New York

  oh right the one that ends on your bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school (1-914): oh right the one that ends on your bed http://tfl.nu/wrnw
  Replies (8) Good night (6117) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having. http://tfl.nu/q5k9
  Replies (17) Good night (3603) Bad night (1335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral... http://tfl.nu/9wf7
  Replies (28) Good night (5122) Bad night (1371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation http://tfl.nu/fra5
  Replies (15) Good night (4182) Bad night (1030) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis. http://tfl.nu/c5pc
  Replies (9) Good night (1213) Bad night (3292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy. http://tfl.nu/kmxm
  Replies (36) Good night (1664) Bad night (4736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them. http://tfl.nu/w51l
  Replies (21) Good night (3683) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store http://tfl.nu/iz0y
  Replies (8) Good night (6039) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon http://tfl.nu/xv5b
  Replies (12) Good night (1857) Bad night (2404)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I take back everything I said about communal showers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): I take back everything I said about communal showers http://tfl.nu/iybg
  Replies (5) Good night (3546) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass http://tfl.nu/ckyi
  Replies (39) Good night (4904) Bad night (2637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten. http://tfl.nu/8y7f
  Replies (21) Good night (5929) Bad night (1709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with. http://tfl.nu/84m6
  Replies (23) Good night (6311) Bad night (1630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame. http://tfl.nu/0khd
  Replies (23) Good night (4433) Bad night (1176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Decisions, decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you." (319): Decisions, decisions. http://tfl.nu/1ou5
  Replies (46) Good night (8631) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever. http://tfl.nu/8cfr
  Replies (23) Good night (5062) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on? http://tfl.nu/ru4x
  Replies (20) Good night (3579) Bad night (1240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it. http://tfl.nu/6y9b
  Replies (36) Good night (5610) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places. http://tfl.nu/fel2
  Replies (81) Good night (6719) Bad night (1122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl. http://tfl.nu/a7t2
  Replies (13) Good night (6905) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding.. http://tfl.nu/h93z
  Replies (16) Good night (1379) Bad night (5428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you http://tfl.nu/jkt1
  Replies (20) Good night (4959) Bad night (939) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears. http://tfl.nu/ziqy
  Replies (31) Good night (8242) Bad night (1439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other. http://tfl.nu/nigv
  Replies (29) Good night (6723) Bad night (1378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends http://tfl.nu/aaz6
  Replies (40) Good night (2134) Bad night (5960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed http://tfl.nu/1p3v
  Replies (24) Good night (743) Bad night (5643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me http://tfl.nu/mmr9
  Replies (17) Good night (1048) Bad night (3059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up". http://tfl.nu/5shs
  Replies (39) Good night (11100) Bad night (1686)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back. http://tfl.nu/st6c
  Replies (36) Good night (15262) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days. http://tfl.nu/nw4c
  Replies (10) Good night (606) Bad night (4239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs http://tfl.nu/q2ol
  Replies (15) Good night (3644) Bad night (1529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good http://tfl.nu/hwo6
  Replies (14) Good night (4862) Bad night (1070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me http://tfl.nu/uytx
  Replies (63) Good night (9355) Bad night (1052) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  i don't really know how much tequila is too much

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): i don't really know how much tequila is too much http://tfl.nu/p5o7
  Replies (16) Good night (4296) Bad night (1522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out. http://tfl.nu/w208
  Replies (17) Good night (1284) Bad night (8810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.

  (214): View more from Texas

  Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.

  (817): View more from Texas

  You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): They asked me to help them shop for lingerie. (214): Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better. (817): You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for. http://tfl.nu/hqk4
  Replies (35) Good night (10287) Bad night (1164)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  there was naked duck duck goose

  (703): View more from Virginia

  how does that even get suggested?!

  (815): View more from Illinois

  after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): there was naked duck duck goose (703): how does that even get suggested?! (815): after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal http://tfl.nu/ykdy
  Replies (20) Good night (7566) Bad night (902)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel. http://tfl.nu/bqxg
  Replies (26) Good night (12751) Bad night (1084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life http://tfl.nu/2cua
  Replies (27) Good night (6518) Bad night (1076)
• Favorite

  (+47): View more from Norway

  i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+47): i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls http://tfl.nu/1fkx
  Replies (48) Good night (10427) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward. http://tfl.nu/9nr4
  Replies (27) Good night (912) Bad night (7397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii http://tfl.nu/lbrx
  Replies (22) Good night (8961) Bad night (1258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed". http://tfl.nu/0nax
  Replies (40) Good night (999) Bad night (5161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): why is there cat hair all over my deoderant? (1-330): she wanted to smell more freshershest than you. http://tfl.nu/rk6z
  Replies (33) Good night (5641) Bad night (1455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it, (702): Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch. http://tfl.nu/x8zx
  Replies (116) Good night (6333) Bad night (11964)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful. http://tfl.nu/07fw
  Replies (13) Good night (4234) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history. http://tfl.nu/nchu
  Replies (13) Good night (1176) Bad night (3001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw... http://tfl.nu/24ry
  Replies (26) Good night (1232) Bad night (5018) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk http://tfl.nu/i7vt
  Replies (44) Good night (5497) Bad night (1213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fuck now we have to have sex

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  What?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  In a bet, need to win

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Fuck now we have to have sex (1-203): What? (203): In a bet, need to win http://tfl.nu/ejzn
  Replies (20) Good night (5330) Bad night (1021)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college. http://tfl.nu/tulo
  Replies (40) Good night (6344) Bad night (1390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Why are you covered in frosting?

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): Why are you covered in frosting? (262): Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy. http://tfl.nu/9hct
  Replies (24) Good night (6270) Bad night (829)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny." http://tfl.nu/6v00
  Replies (8) Good night (955) Bad night (5834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair http://tfl.nu/7ypz
  Replies (36) Good night (4538) Bad night (1244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out. http://tfl.nu/n9rj
  Replies (17) Good night (5939) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged. http://tfl.nu/p1l3
  Replies (31) Good night (7431) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank. http://tfl.nu/gxu8
  Replies (10) Good night (5022) Bad night (966) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion. http://tfl.nu/1y37
  Replies (23) Good night (5108) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  what was i wearing?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nothing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress' (508): what was i wearing? (203): nothing http://tfl.nu/2bg6
  Replies (22) Good night (14711) Bad night (1087)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick. http://tfl.nu/3ndf
  Replies (15) Good night (1588) Bad night (5899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened. http://tfl.nu/ncfk
  Replies (46) Good night (6356) Bad night (1204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Actions speak louder than pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): Actions speak louder than pants. http://tfl.nu/3ga3
  Replies (12) Good night (4928) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash. http://tfl.nu/pn5n
  Replies (31) Good night (5650) Bad night (1384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up. http://tfl.nu/i0an
  Replies (21) Good night (923) Bad night (7887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities http://tfl.nu/habk
  Replies (30) Good night (7311) Bad night (2660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex http://tfl.nu/v3ok
  Replies (25) Good night (5773) Bad night (1680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron." http://tfl.nu/0r6l
  Replies (26) Good night (5926) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (420): View more from

  So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (420): So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth http://tfl.nu/5fuc
  Replies (18) Good night (873) Bad night (6371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): 2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine http://tfl.nu/wmh7
  Replies (46) Good night (4707) Bad night (2697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight] http://tfl.nu/2cq7
  Replies (29) Good night (11313) Bad night (2384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though http://tfl.nu/u94q
  Replies (16) Good night (7053) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had http://tfl.nu/e6dk
  Replies (16) Good night (4717) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds http://tfl.nu/p9wa
  Replies (26) Good night (11709) Bad night (1634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle (1-306): Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other http://tfl.nu/7xcc
  Replies (9) Good night (5197) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst? http://tfl.nu/5xe1
  Replies (67) Good night (1539) Bad night (25631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox http://tfl.nu/t30w
  Replies (38) Good night (8271) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted. http://tfl.nu/tz2e
  Replies (41) Good night (16635) Bad night (2176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end. http://tfl.nu/e1gy
  Replies (56) Good night (8849) Bad night (1428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  What did I say?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why. (847): What did I say? (636): Don't ask me questions while I have an erection, http://tfl.nu/e9w1
  Replies (11) Good night (7724) Bad night (1044)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before. http://tfl.nu/b7oy
  Replies (22) Good night (13984) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious http://tfl.nu/eea3
  Replies (19) Good night (3311) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight http://tfl.nu/kopz
  Replies (14) Good night (1124) Bad night (4113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present. http://tfl.nu/aj43
  Replies (16) Good night (5509) Bad night (1035)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch. http://tfl.nu/88o7
  Replies (20) Good night (10181) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much. http://tfl.nu/ucje
  Replies (7) Good night (1404) Bad night (5585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom. http://tfl.nu/95nr
  Replies (18) Good night (2044) Bad night (3915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too. http://tfl.nu/d0fo
  Replies (24) Good night (7465) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight. http://tfl.nu/8039
  Replies (7) Good night (4870) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge http://tfl.nu/b456
  Replies (10) Good night (879) Bad night (6720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase http://tfl.nu/jdu6
  Replies (25) Good night (9157) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me http://tfl.nu/mrrk
  Replies (25) Good night (1653) Bad night (5967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?

  (806): View more from Texas

  i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him? (806): i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem. http://tfl.nu/wekp
  Replies (13) Good night (4532) Bad night (1138)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up. http://tfl.nu/oiun
  Replies (10) Good night (4530) Bad night (846)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking. http://tfl.nu/3qfc
  Replies (22) Good night (7186) Bad night (1143) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky http://tfl.nu/igrt
  Replies (26) Good night (4288) Bad night (1800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat. http://tfl.nu/ln17
  Replies (28) Good night (5841) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake http://tfl.nu/w9rn
  Replies (8) Good night (2348) Bad night (5359) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away http://tfl.nu/s83j
  Replies (6) Good night (3739) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win. http://tfl.nu/rx98
  Replies (15) Good night (3445) Bad night (1440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic. http://tfl.nu/5aat
  Replies (35) Good night (6147) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home. http://tfl.nu/ffng
  Replies (34) Good night (5920) Bad night (2929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water http://tfl.nu/ivkw
  Replies (14) Good night (5273) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though http://tfl.nu/8e43
  Replies (10) Good night (1428) Bad night (4195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?" http://tfl.nu/juih
  Replies (11) Good night (5722) Bad night (1345)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out. http://tfl.nu/5n9v
  Replies (37) Good night (798) Bad night (6247) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person. http://tfl.nu/uqdv
  Replies (54) Good night (1658) Bad night (5735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch http://tfl.nu/8f48
  Replies (12) Good night (4248) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008. http://tfl.nu/vkb0
  Replies (9) Good night (4596) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment. http://tfl.nu/novi
  Replies (17) Good night (6976) Bad night (881)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop. http://tfl.nu/zx6t
  Replies (31) Good night (5388) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings http://tfl.nu/clzp
  Replies (13) Good night (2823) Bad night (4694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire http://tfl.nu/ncts
  Replies (10) Good night (4942) Bad night (1475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it. http://tfl.nu/m8zx
  Replies (13) Good night (5192) Bad night (1236) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am http://tfl.nu/wxgn
  Replies (7) Good night (3985) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life http://tfl.nu/jc1p
  Replies (13) Good night (3549) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week http://tfl.nu/99uq
  Replies (26) Good night (6390) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them http://tfl.nu/szer
  Replies (14) Good night (2283) Bad night (6275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now. http://tfl.nu/goi4
  Replies (16) Good night (5608) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption. http://tfl.nu/47c6
  Replies (24) Good night (6020) Bad night (1079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops. http://tfl.nu/javd
  Replies (23) Good night (5210) Bad night (1072) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me. http://tfl.nu/z6ig
  Replies (20) Good night (9461) Bad night (1533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee. http://tfl.nu/dm1b
  Replies (44) Good night (1579) Bad night (6592)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout? http://tfl.nu/0knj
  Replies (24) Good night (5657) Bad night (2267) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist http://tfl.nu/26ue
  Replies (6) Good night (4838) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'. http://tfl.nu/kkmi
  Replies (12) Good night (5738) Bad night (1177) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter. http://tfl.nu/87g5
  Replies (53) Good night (1872) Bad night (13671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/4mwl
  Replies (18) Good night (4779) Bad night (1919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient. http://tfl.nu/2q61
  Replies (22) Good night (5119) Bad night (983) Order T-Shirt