Texts From Last Night

dendion's Favorites Texts:

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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.

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  (309): Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night. http://tfl.nu/9na7
  Replies (1) Good night (981) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".

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  (315): If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one". http://tfl.nu/zydx
  Replies (6) Good night (1690) Bad night (567)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.

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  (740): There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place. http://tfl.nu/9g42
  Replies (6) Good night (1006) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?

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  (201): Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend? http://tfl.nu/zwy0
  Replies (9) Good night (2538) Bad night (463)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.

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  (817): Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car. http://tfl.nu/zuv0
  Replies (13) Good night (2375) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.

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  (941): I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out. http://tfl.nu/omsw
  Replies (7) Good night (1103) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes

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  (315): I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes http://tfl.nu/99as
  Replies (5) Good night (1643) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.

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  (847): Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out. http://tfl.nu/8l4x
  Replies (19) Good night (4433) Bad night (1214)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.

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  (845): Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore. http://tfl.nu/7ot8
  Replies (24) Good night (5544) Bad night (1588) Order T-Shirt
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.

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  (802): OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made. http://tfl.nu/87yq
  Replies (110) Good night (45978) Bad night (2483) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.

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  (310): Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you. http://tfl.nu/vvmp
  Replies (21) Good night (5919) Bad night (1342) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I peed while puking? Even better

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are

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  (503): I peed while puking? Even better (1-503): Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are http://tfl.nu/zcfc
  Replies (23) Good night (2769) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise

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  (216): Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise http://tfl.nu/eify
  Replies (37) Good night (4638) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.

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  (757): some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs. http://tfl.nu/d9oe
  Replies (9) Good night (3322) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.

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  (408): Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities. http://tfl.nu/yskk
  Replies (2) Good night (1734) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...

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  (310): My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope... http://tfl.nu/89fe
  Replies (11) Good night (2881) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.

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  (289): Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger. http://tfl.nu/9mbe
  Replies (17) Good night (5221) Bad night (803)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.

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  (608): A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood. http://tfl.nu/4fl8
  Replies (7) Good night (2008) Bad night (1687) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...

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  (510): In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going... http://tfl.nu/8b0c
  Replies (9) Good night (4961) Bad night (709)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both

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  (919): I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both http://tfl.nu/fi30
  Replies (13) Good night (4138) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.

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  (502): She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her. http://tfl.nu/ymnu
  Replies (36) Good night (4541) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?

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  (910): Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe? http://tfl.nu/5w16
  Replies (6) Good night (1256) Bad night (1724) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape

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  (408): Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape http://tfl.nu/uzlj
  Replies (10) Good night (3860) Bad night (1277) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.

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  (570): He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this. http://tfl.nu/9z6q
  Replies (18) Good night (4142) Bad night (846)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey

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  (859): i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey http://tfl.nu/w11j
  Replies (6) Good night (2985) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
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  (806): View more from Texas

  I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.

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  (806): I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister. http://tfl.nu/4jvf
  Replies (15) Good night (4262) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts

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  (404): don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts http://tfl.nu/dnse
  Replies (13) Good night (4099) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore

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  (906): Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore http://tfl.nu/jxvu
  Replies (17) Good night (2230) Bad night (6174) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??

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  (618): Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking?? http://tfl.nu/g7y8
  Replies (42) Good night (4429) Bad night (1361) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market

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  (919): yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market http://tfl.nu/5w22
  Replies (7) Good night (3593) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.

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  (269): I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you. http://tfl.nu/jro0
  Replies (9) Good night (3481) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays

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  (608): First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays http://tfl.nu/7wbr
  Replies (7) Good night (1795) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.

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  (901): Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives. http://tfl.nu/lbn9
  Replies (29) Good night (4299) Bad night (3294) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  You make shower sex sound like waterboarding

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  (408): You make shower sex sound like waterboarding http://tfl.nu/cy83
  Replies (28) Good night (3349) Bad night (2484) Order T-Shirt
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes

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  (514): you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes http://tfl.nu/cth1
  Replies (21) Good night (7554) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.

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  (563): The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/t1x0
  Replies (10) Good night (4565) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!

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  (913): We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount! http://tfl.nu/fchz
  Replies (7) Good night (8721) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it

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  (541): She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it http://tfl.nu/9pgr
  Replies (3) Good night (1870) Bad night (952) Order T-Shirt
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

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  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (485) Good night (173031) Bad night (6898) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night

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  (404): Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night http://tfl.nu/nrlr
  Replies (12) Good night (6913) Bad night (775)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport

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  (815): I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport http://tfl.nu/v33c
  Replies (22) Good night (9925) Bad night (825)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her

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  (513): you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her http://tfl.nu/dn9c
  Replies (48) Good night (723) Bad night (5338) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.

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  (330): Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like. http://tfl.nu/uplz
  Replies (5) Good night (3427) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends

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  (712): i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends http://tfl.nu/3n1u
  Replies (7) Good night (3676) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt