Texts From Last Night

clinbri's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you" http://tfl.nu/y1sq
  Replies (6) Good night (596) Bad night (2552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing. http://tfl.nu/xvl1
  Replies (24) Good night (513) Bad night (4104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet. http://tfl.nu/ug81
  Replies (5) Good night (3106) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.

  (360): View more from Washington

  It was me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who. (360): It was me. http://tfl.nu/kgk9
  Replies (3) Good night (2525) Bad night (346)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it. http://tfl.nu/2ax3
  Replies (12) Good night (2753) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM http://tfl.nu/jp0v
  Replies (6) Good night (2564) Bad night (337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now. http://tfl.nu/0rnz
  Replies (4) Good night (2611) Bad night (445)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours. http://tfl.nu/5jwu
  Replies (10) Good night (3250) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.

  (426): View more from

  So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy. (426): So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee. http://tfl.nu/cx81
  Replies (12) Good night (2975) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance http://tfl.nu/d5xa
  Replies (14) Good night (2850) Bad night (436)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem http://tfl.nu/ll71
  Replies (6) Good night (3037) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress. http://tfl.nu/ibp9
  Replies (17) Good night (3065) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks. http://tfl.nu/r45q
  Replies (20) Good night (3450) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me? http://tfl.nu/yci0
  Replies (16) Good night (3678) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH

  (1-805): View more from California

  budget cuts

  (805): View more from California

  YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS

  (1-805): View more from California

  budget cuts are serious business

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH (1-805): budget cuts (805): YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS (1-805): budget cuts are serious business http://tfl.nu/xrnj
  Replies (14) Good night (3821) Bad night (681)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.

  (1-213): View more from California

  best text I've received ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon. (1-213): best text I've received ever. http://tfl.nu/3obm
  Replies (16) Good night (4704) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  do we own a ladder

  (206): View more from Washington

  We do not.

  (360): View more from Washington

  then how am i on the roof

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): do we own a ladder (206): We do not. (360): then how am i on the roof http://tfl.nu/xqbq
  Replies (18) Good night (5439) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I'm stealing this baby.

  (1-719): View more from Colorado

  Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I'm stealing this baby. (1-719): Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it? http://tfl.nu/p4hu
  Replies (5) Good night (1193) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out. http://tfl.nu/k7xk
  Replies (8) Good night (4496) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him. http://tfl.nu/gszx
  Replies (4) Good night (2937) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  He's yummy.

  (613): View more from Ontario

  HE'S GAY. AND 40.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Irrelevant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): He's yummy. (613): HE'S GAY. AND 40. (802): Irrelevant. http://tfl.nu/3zsj
  Replies (9) Good night (2019) Bad night (836)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult http://tfl.nu/fk5u
  Replies (14) Good night (887) Bad night (2193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong http://tfl.nu/3blf
  Replies (10) Good night (4161) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko. http://tfl.nu/s10e
  Replies (4) Good night (2725) Bad night (1021) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  That was the greatest thing i have ever read.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping. (314): That was the greatest thing i have ever read. http://tfl.nu/0exi
  Replies (34) Good night (6790) Bad night (1723)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome. http://tfl.nu/laeb
  Replies (21) Good night (7849) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice http://tfl.nu/qhk7
  Replies (3) Good night (2446) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police. http://tfl.nu/zopt
  Replies (9) Good night (1466) Bad night (4327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet." http://tfl.nu/ru2n
  Replies (5) Good night (3767) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  we need ur ladder

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume (612): we need ur ladder http://tfl.nu/n9qh
  Replies (19) Good night (7018) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really. http://tfl.nu/ok73
  Replies (11) Good night (3419) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl" http://tfl.nu/cqzd
  Replies (12) Good night (2345) Bad night (1095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome. http://tfl.nu/65yv
  Replies (15) Good night (4739) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday... http://tfl.nu/nvs1
  Replies (10) Good night (3088) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus. http://tfl.nu/d22v
  Replies (20) Good night (9063) Bad night (1184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100. http://tfl.nu/5iyq
  Replies (12) Good night (2338) Bad night (1197) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same http://tfl.nu/ozek
  Replies (40) Good night (2207) Bad night (6733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car http://tfl.nu/8812
  Replies (18) Good night (1389) Bad night (2900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me. http://tfl.nu/wt0v
  Replies (9) Good night (1875) Bad night (3323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon http://tfl.nu/nm2q
  Replies (14) Good night (4521) Bad night (1281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover http://tfl.nu/mxp0
  Replies (15) Good night (5034) Bad night (978) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass http://tfl.nu/mkro
  Replies (10) Good night (2622) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome http://tfl.nu/tb2u
  Replies (4) Good night (1404) Bad night (2075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on? http://tfl.nu/pffh
  Replies (54) Good night (9898) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall... http://tfl.nu/m552
  Replies (3) Good night (3170) Bad night (758)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie. http://tfl.nu/3ijz
  Replies (18) Good night (7476) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS. http://tfl.nu/7vfy
  Replies (10) Good night (9499) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself. http://tfl.nu/ur25
  Replies (16) Good night (9987) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can. http://tfl.nu/8tit
  Replies (21) Good night (14410) Bad night (1111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD. http://tfl.nu/21ls
  Replies (30) Good night (11681) Bad night (1156) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun http://tfl.nu/t9ze
  Replies (20) Good night (823) Bad night (4640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it" http://tfl.nu/tnve
  Replies (40) Good night (5192) Bad night (4957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT! http://tfl.nu/n28b
  Replies (22) Good night (1638) Bad night (5796)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage. http://tfl.nu/bqw6
  Replies (22) Good night (1715) Bad night (8354)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it. http://tfl.nu/eanx
  Replies (24) Good night (1005) Bad night (11682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him. http://tfl.nu/rbp8
  Replies (13) Good night (4774) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that http://tfl.nu/zg2p
  Replies (4) Good night (3550) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life. http://tfl.nu/zm5g
  Replies (12) Good night (7546) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours. http://tfl.nu/n5xc
  Replies (4) Good night (3917) Bad night (1119) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off? http://tfl.nu/40hd
  Replies (9) Good night (4191) Bad night (699)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..' http://tfl.nu/mj73
  Replies (6) Good night (2786) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat http://tfl.nu/m0wi
  Replies (11) Good night (4210) Bad night (1331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey man your outta milk

  (541): View more from Oregon

  How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Hey man your outta milk (541): How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?! http://tfl.nu/1x3m
  Replies (17) Good night (10182) Bad night (1340)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows. http://tfl.nu/2kv7
  Replies (17) Good night (4568) Bad night (1037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  i think i left my bra at your place

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): i think i left my bra at your place (1-901): It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there. http://tfl.nu/dg7a
  Replies (22) Good night (10560) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (184) Good night (51569) Bad night (2261)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs http://tfl.nu/dxeo
  Replies (13) Good night (8518) Bad night (1160)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss

  (301): View more from Maryland

  OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?

  (518): View more from New York

  Doritoesssssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss (301): OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with? (518): Doritoesssssss http://tfl.nu/528p
  Replies (41) Good night (13047) Bad night (1172)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother. http://tfl.nu/97xz
  Replies (20) Good night (6075) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left. http://tfl.nu/7tek
  Replies (22) Good night (1652) Bad night (10302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever" http://tfl.nu/wsl5
  Replies (41) Good night (8085) Bad night (1300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again. http://tfl.nu/ocrt
  Replies (67) Good night (8005) Bad night (2175)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i think i scared a bird with my dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): i think i scared a bird with my dick http://tfl.nu/1tdx
  Replies (20) Good night (4474) Bad night (981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  you'll never guess what i found when i got home...

  (928): View more from Arizona

  a cake, in the toilet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): you'll never guess what i found when i got home... (928): a cake, in the toilet http://tfl.nu/md4l
  Replies (25) Good night (5547) Bad night (993)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already http://tfl.nu/u230
  Replies (4) Good night (1826) Bad night (2365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never. http://tfl.nu/g58g
  Replies (27) Good night (8715) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright. http://tfl.nu/328h
  Replies (17) Good night (7128) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora http://tfl.nu/wtuh
  Replies (19) Good night (4528) Bad night (1630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over. http://tfl.nu/mky5
  Replies (13) Good night (892) Bad night (5751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns. http://tfl.nu/xebd
  Replies (56) Good night (13467) Bad night (1337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy http://tfl.nu/u5b8
  Replies (51) Good night (8150) Bad night (1437) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Heyyyy darlin are you busy?

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Heyyyy darlin are you busy? (1-319): Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night. http://tfl.nu/pwb0
  Replies (34) Good night (25188) Bad night (1605)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre http://tfl.nu/3hgx
  Replies (20) Good night (6879) Bad night (1366)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up. http://tfl.nu/0i7a
  Replies (14) Good night (4515) Bad night (2532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away http://tfl.nu/dlah
  Replies (30) Good night (1593) Bad night (7561)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half. http://tfl.nu/enxi
  Replies (13) Good night (6318) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I have another pimple on my ass cheek.

  (420): View more from

  I'll be there in 10 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I have another pimple on my ass cheek. (420): I'll be there in 10 minutes. http://tfl.nu/3vda
  Replies (25) Good night (994) Bad night (7859)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house http://tfl.nu/8rln
  Replies (18) Good night (850) Bad night (5156) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done. http://tfl.nu/o8ax
  Replies (22) Good night (7167) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier http://tfl.nu/xjeu
  Replies (6) Good night (7852) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me. http://tfl.nu/9e4p
  Replies (6) Good night (724) Bad night (3708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!' http://tfl.nu/lcp1
  Replies (14) Good night (4787) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142145) Bad night (9312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine. http://tfl.nu/s4y5
  Replies (25) Good night (10039) Bad night (1307)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life. http://tfl.nu/o2zn
  Replies (18) Good night (1290) Bad night (5468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them http://tfl.nu/8aam
  Replies (40) Good night (16421) Bad night (2034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it. http://tfl.nu/t9xf
  Replies (30) Good night (19818) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock. http://tfl.nu/8w5i
  Replies (13) Good night (1225) Bad night (6490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Why am I in a dog kennel?

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  It was for your own safety

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Why am I in a dog kennel? (1-803): It was for your own safety http://tfl.nu/w7ni
  Replies (27) Good night (12869) Bad night (1331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.

  (260): View more from Indiana

  He probs deserved it.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Every good man does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell. (260): He probs deserved it. (317): Every good man does. http://tfl.nu/4ma5
  Replies (32) Good night (5457) Bad night (1620)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this? http://tfl.nu/za6z
  Replies (18) Good night (5884) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  fair is fair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it (484): fair is fair http://tfl.nu/tm5x
  Replies (20) Good night (5989) Bad night (953)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States. http://tfl.nu/t1qp
  Replies (16) Good night (6359) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him http://tfl.nu/2ppo
  Replies (23) Good night (5774) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it. http://tfl.nu/mzwz
  Replies (40) Good night (5259) Bad night (1344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again. http://tfl.nu/nv5y
  Replies (28) Good night (13053) Bad night (1834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now. http://tfl.nu/wxpj
  Replies (35) Good night (15100) Bad night (1258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks http://tfl.nu/nonu
  Replies (21) Good night (7006) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon. http://tfl.nu/tzl9
  Replies (57) Good night (20174) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny http://tfl.nu/a88g
  Replies (17) Good night (6342) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (118) Good night (26871) Bad night (4291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned. http://tfl.nu/elt7
  Replies (38) Good night (2436) Bad night (6066)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway... http://tfl.nu/qwxo
  Replies (53) Good night (12000) Bad night (1198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (50) Good night (29868) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  All of them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want? (1-812): All of them http://tfl.nu/mhdi
  Replies (42) Good night (9693) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.

  (917): View more from New York City

  I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God. (917): I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice. http://tfl.nu/jdh1
  Replies (122) Good night (3061) Bad night (15116)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (53) Good night (72045) Bad night (2124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): 4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens. http://tfl.nu/m8yq
  Replies (55) Good night (10519) Bad night (3044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  dont start drinking without me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor? (609): dont start drinking without me http://tfl.nu/ofdx
  Replies (47) Good night (4883) Bad night (824)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...

  (917): View more from New York City

  no it doesn't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere. (720): ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning... (917): no it doesn't. http://tfl.nu/6x89
  Replies (34) Good night (18192) Bad night (1176)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies. http://tfl.nu/c673
  Replies (20) Good night (5128) Bad night (1139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night http://tfl.nu/f5gl
  Replies (92) Good night (32256) Bad night (1604)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow http://tfl.nu/ea94
  Replies (235) Good night (64835) Bad night (2522)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow

  (1-269): View more from Michigan

  Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow (1-269): Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10 http://tfl.nu/n472
  Replies (63) Good night (14891) Bad night (737)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!" http://tfl.nu/ttkj
  Replies (99) Good night (26274) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt