Texts From Last Night

chavaleh22's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day" http://tfl.nu/t1df
  Replies (26) Good night (2048) Bad night (8972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life. http://tfl.nu/sryf
  Replies (8) Good night (5239) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!" http://tfl.nu/xp9i
  Replies (19) Good night (5667) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (152) Good night (65394) Bad night (3441)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
  Replies (491) Good night (133101) Bad night (5772)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it. http://tfl.nu/q4is
  Replies (33) Good night (9324) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel http://tfl.nu/4p3k
  Replies (6) Good night (2904) Bad night (1037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast. http://tfl.nu/dcvd
  Replies (26) Good night (1569) Bad night (3242) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I demand visitation hours with the duck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I demand visitation hours with the duck. http://tfl.nu/cyd2
  Replies (10) Good night (4136) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up http://tfl.nu/rljs
  Replies (2) Good night (835) Bad night (2200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk http://tfl.nu/tgll
  Replies (4) Good night (2779) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not http://tfl.nu/vkjn
  Replies (10) Good night (1195) Bad night (2234) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos... http://tfl.nu/fyfs
  Replies (9) Good night (2848) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out. http://tfl.nu/e9z5
  Replies (4) Good night (1065) Bad night (3486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth http://tfl.nu/ncht
  Replies (13) Good night (1100) Bad night (3106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings. http://tfl.nu/rih3
  Replies (5) Good night (2469) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  There r osticjed everywhere

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): There r osticjed everywhere http://tfl.nu/gpnb
  Replies (12) Good night (1716) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp http://tfl.nu/f0ut
  Replies (32) Good night (1797) Bad night (4288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life. http://tfl.nu/wu6z
  Replies (7) Good night (2853) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am. http://tfl.nu/dyri
  Replies (6) Good night (1819) Bad night (988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage http://tfl.nu/22pw
  Replies (8) Good night (3559) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  then he tried to convert me to islam

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): then he tried to convert me to islam http://tfl.nu/h9gq
  Replies (23) Good night (1344) Bad night (4910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos. http://tfl.nu/o4i1
  Replies (25) Good night (3219) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?" http://tfl.nu/cr38
  Replies (12) Good night (3855) Bad night (1362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I will fight anything that is not spinning right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I will fight anything that is not spinning right now http://tfl.nu/z2tv
  Replies (9) Good night (2528) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you. http://tfl.nu/c5wc
  Replies (24) Good night (4944) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party. http://tfl.nu/3ntk
  Replies (16) Good night (3463) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl". http://tfl.nu/voy6
  Replies (12) Good night (5480) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos? http://tfl.nu/uo60
  Replies (42) Good night (2698) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment http://tfl.nu/9t1d
  Replies (13) Good night (1052) Bad night (4089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right? http://tfl.nu/mfqu
  Replies (5) Good night (712) Bad night (3068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I will also be strapping forties to the puppies. http://tfl.nu/upgh
  Replies (14) Good night (2141) Bad night (1372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real. http://tfl.nu/3nu3
  Replies (32) Good night (2169) Bad night (6289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are. http://tfl.nu/bpgx
  Replies (15) Good night (3243) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE http://tfl.nu/myo8
  Replies (21) Good night (3915) Bad night (1413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho http://tfl.nu/j100
  Replies (3) Good night (2798) Bad night (1147) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (61): View more from Australia

  who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (61): who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class http://tfl.nu/g4lj
  Replies (6) Good night (4318) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school. http://tfl.nu/upz2
  Replies (10) Good night (1509) Bad night (2596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor http://tfl.nu/o59i
  Replies (25) Good night (3958) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it http://tfl.nu/pt50
  Replies (10) Good night (4439) Bad night (1256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened... http://tfl.nu/apd0
  Replies (17) Good night (5778) Bad night (1028)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'. http://tfl.nu/b21s
  Replies (18) Good night (6569) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  ...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): ...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks http://tfl.nu/unmu
  Replies (19) Good night (3285) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies http://tfl.nu/gwy7
  Replies (18) Good night (3811) Bad night (1201) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities http://tfl.nu/vh2c
  Replies (16) Good night (3889) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford http://tfl.nu/pdng
  Replies (108) Good night (4108) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  He likes Jesus. Game over.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): He likes Jesus. Game over. (804): Oooh wait, he just told me he was high. http://tfl.nu/lcdj
  Replies (14) Good night (4736) Bad night (1331)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener. (1-609): Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts. http://tfl.nu/3zgr
  Replies (50) Good night (5520) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer. http://tfl.nu/pliu
  Replies (18) Good night (1351) Bad night (4187) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside. http://tfl.nu/56u9
  Replies (21) Good night (4055) Bad night (1197) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people http://tfl.nu/xhvq
  Replies (28) Good night (1305) Bad night (5189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night http://tfl.nu/mp67
  Replies (7) Good night (2967) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them. http://tfl.nu/a4j7
  Replies (17) Good night (898) Bad night (5972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall http://tfl.nu/12ne
  Replies (3) Good night (2239) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser http://tfl.nu/nnjn
  Replies (3) Good night (2170) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  ... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): ... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea. http://tfl.nu/mdap
  Replies (6) Good night (2232) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life http://tfl.nu/iybt
  Replies (13) Good night (1325) Bad night (2970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes? http://tfl.nu/qlm2
  Replies (22) Good night (5095) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  You're the best girlfriend ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat. (1-913): You're the best girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/imen
  Replies (144) Good night (39910) Bad night (1314) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
  Replies (80) Good night (44157) Bad night (1704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.." http://tfl.nu/yyzh
  Replies (124) Good night (40850) Bad night (2620)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA! http://tfl.nu/7pku
  Replies (348) Good night (43798) Bad night (4566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him http://tfl.nu/pxgw
  Replies (134) Good night (43797) Bad night (1657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Guess she heard her killer coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear. (1-973): Guess she heard her killer coming http://tfl.nu/u45m
  Replies (116) Good night (46426) Bad night (2026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ". http://tfl.nu/tf5y
  Replies (386) Good night (40800) Bad night (3882)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): The ticket read "Found nude in a tree" http://tfl.nu/6rf6
  Replies (47) Good night (47540) Bad night (2092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (184) Good night (51580) Bad night (2264)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (175) Good night (51699) Bad night (5694)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade http://tfl.nu/sv7y
  Replies (63) Good night (56996) Bad night (1222)
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (214) Good night (51244) Bad night (2588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (188) Good night (56850) Bad night (4690)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them http://tfl.nu/zf3d
  Replies (209) Good night (61985) Bad night (2278) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (53) Good night (72066) Bad night (2126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? http://tfl.nu/ppdn
  Replies (116) Good night (65455) Bad night (3904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (248) Good night (66718) Bad night (3007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (200) Good night (80198) Bad night (4310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (508) Good night (86084) Bad night (8380)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How was it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Fantastic, but that's not the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/muuk
  Replies (204) Good night (86466) Bad night (7103)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (301) Good night (100328) Bad night (5712)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (127) Good night (127096) Bad night (2832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944

  (720): View more from Colorado

  and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944 (720): and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate http://tfl.nu/x2vg
  Replies (15) Good night (5415) Bad night (975)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me. http://tfl.nu/y2d7
  Replies (5) Good night (1230) Bad night (2001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness http://tfl.nu/erni
  Replies (12) Good night (4788) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM. http://tfl.nu/yhvq
  Replies (30) Good night (6913) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh http://tfl.nu/jb8q
  Replies (19) Good night (2939) Bad night (1305)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Is it working?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ? (828): Is it working? http://tfl.nu/tjek
  Replies (18) Good night (4637) Bad night (934)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea. http://tfl.nu/cq0m
  Replies (24) Good night (1005) Bad night (3999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3. http://tfl.nu/mf94
  Replies (16) Good night (5808) Bad night (1089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos http://tfl.nu/9tfl
  Replies (14) Good night (5956) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe. http://tfl.nu/ztj4
  Replies (42) Good night (9848) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working... http://tfl.nu/tuy1
  Replies (18) Good night (6529) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover http://tfl.nu/mxp0
  Replies (15) Good night (5034) Bad night (978) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening. http://tfl.nu/zy8e
  Replies (26) Good night (1145) Bad night (7950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle? http://tfl.nu/1h10
  Replies (8) Good night (2584) Bad night (1136) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets. http://tfl.nu/5i0f
  Replies (7) Good night (5972) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success. http://tfl.nu/kq4s
  Replies (8) Good night (2998) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten http://tfl.nu/sl88
  Replies (9) Good night (3278) Bad night (1688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  She just said, "are my livers going to die?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): She just said, "are my livers going to die?" http://tfl.nu/litp
  Replies (12) Good night (3160) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon http://tfl.nu/nm2q
  Replies (14) Good night (4521) Bad night (1281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth http://tfl.nu/ml2x
  Replies (7) Good night (948) Bad night (3749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila? http://tfl.nu/e4mt
  Replies (7) Good night (3279) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno. http://tfl.nu/gxse
  Replies (10) Good night (5660) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign. http://tfl.nu/yitg
  Replies (10) Good night (3068) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place. http://tfl.nu/ev8p
  Replies (17) Good night (1498) Bad night (4408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch. http://tfl.nu/wzxh
  Replies (12) Good night (1008) Bad night (5123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on? http://tfl.nu/pffh
  Replies (54) Good night (9899) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1628) Good night (168288) Bad night (42166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back. http://tfl.nu/kpg0
  Replies (21) Good night (11262) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can. http://tfl.nu/8tit
  Replies (21) Good night (14412) Bad night (1112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you http://tfl.nu/4yxe
  Replies (35) Good night (9111) Bad night (1636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well. http://tfl.nu/h56s
  Replies (8) Good night (5328) Bad night (731)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away http://tfl.nu/qpjo
  Replies (8) Good night (6476) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend http://tfl.nu/4xq5
  Replies (16) Good night (5595) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference... http://tfl.nu/jx5w
  Replies (15) Good night (7055) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt