Texts From Last Night · chaoticfayth's Favorites

chaoticfayth's Favorites Texts:

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(757): View more from Virginia

At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

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(757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091

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(519): View more from Ontario

What color are my eyes?

(1-519): View more from Ontario

Ummmm... 34 C?

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(519): What color are my eyes? (1-519): Ummmm... 34 C? http://tfl.nu/3v5v

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(661): View more from California

1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.

(1-661): View more from California

1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up

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(661): 1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place. (1-661): 1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up http://tfl.nu/wu9m

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(281): View more from Texas

The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.

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(281): The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked. http://tfl.nu/awm7

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(314): View more from Missouri

There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.

(818): View more from California

Punch her baby.

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(314): There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me. (818): Punch her baby. http://tfl.nu/ve2m

Replies (59) Good night (6264) Bad night (862)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.

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(314): I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis. http://tfl.nu/ymag

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(314): View more from Missouri

On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?

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(314): On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you? http://tfl.nu/ocb5

Replies (131) Good night (31765) Bad night (2246) Order T-Shirt
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(314): View more from Missouri

When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..

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(314): When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar.. http://tfl.nu/d5fi

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(314): View more from Missouri

So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.

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(314): So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs. http://tfl.nu/hgyg

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(314): View more from Missouri

You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night

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(314): You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night http://tfl.nu/nbdz

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(314): View more from Missouri

I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.

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(314): I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY. http://tfl.nu/obak

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(816): View more from Missouri

... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.

(314): View more from Missouri

I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.

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(816): ... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night. (314): I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it. http://tfl.nu/jfox

Replies (7) Good night (4104) Bad night (776)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.

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(314): I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger. http://tfl.nu/9k0s

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(708): View more from Illinois

Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?

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(708): Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight? http://tfl.nu/wnvq

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(864): View more from South Carolina

weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.

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(864): weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps. http://tfl.nu/jawa

Replies (51) Good night (17550) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
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(314): View more from Missouri

doooooooo herrrrrrrrr

(504): View more from Louisiana

I'm out of practice. be my yoda

(314): View more from Missouri

put your penis in her you must.

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(314): doooooooo herrrrrrrrr (504): I'm out of practice. be my yoda (314): put your penis in her you must. http://tfl.nu/ti1e

Replies (58) Good night (17890) Bad night (866)

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