Texts From Last Night

bjaminable's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic. http://tfl.nu/cwdw
  Replies (10) Good night (3221) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that. http://tfl.nu/i43f
  Replies (24) Good night (4610) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  they call him Oral-B. enough said

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): they call him Oral-B. enough said http://tfl.nu/vhzo
  Replies (12) Good night (2654) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test. http://tfl.nu/znwq
  Replies (4) Good night (4664) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose. http://tfl.nu/41p8
  Replies (35) Good night (8548) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card http://tfl.nu/10du
  Replies (15) Good night (3908) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college? http://tfl.nu/03bi
  Replies (13) Good night (4319) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to? http://tfl.nu/e636
  Replies (22) Good night (5135) Bad night (1060) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life. http://tfl.nu/cn7c
  Replies (15) Good night (6070) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do. http://tfl.nu/0tan
  Replies (18) Good night (5644) Bad night (1064) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Thats like the definition of a good friend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me. (630): Thats like the definition of a good friend http://tfl.nu/1tf7
  Replies (4) Good night (4660) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring. http://tfl.nu/vd81
  Replies (14) Good night (4151) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  The pine trees are waving at me.

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Put the pipe down honey.

  (253): View more from Washington

  Hi trees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): The pine trees are waving at me. (907): Put the pipe down honey. (253): Hi trees. http://tfl.nu/6b23
  Replies (16) Good night (7569) Bad night (1246)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1... http://tfl.nu/ehgf
  Replies (21) Good night (8131) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+33): View more from France

  how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+33): how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men? http://tfl.nu/4scz
  Replies (59) Good night (6600) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant. http://tfl.nu/zp63
  Replies (28) Good night (1105) Bad night (9782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point. http://tfl.nu/zypj
  Replies (21) Good night (8075) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/8o9v
  Replies (11) Good night (3145) Bad night (1635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever http://tfl.nu/iy56
  Replies (51) Good night (10406) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there. http://tfl.nu/1v1m
  Replies (4) Good night (3068) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him http://tfl.nu/a0ny
  Replies (14) Good night (3718) Bad night (1493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true http://tfl.nu/y8hf
  Replies (404) Good night (100831) Bad night (8665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (124) Good night (122145) Bad night (2206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1607) Good night (161099) Bad night (40043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (468) Good night (165090) Bad night (6009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (816) Good night (136612) Bad night (8389) Order T-Shirt