Texts From Last Night

VA_beachbum8's Favorites Texts:

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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors

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  (517): I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors http://tfl.nu/omyr
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.

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  (404): He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful. http://tfl.nu/q2qd
  Replies (21) Good night (9044) Bad night (703)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...

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  (757): she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them... http://tfl.nu/ior4
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...

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  (+61): She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was... http://tfl.nu/7mx1
  Replies (49) Good night (10682) Bad night (2181) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.

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  (443): Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one. http://tfl.nu/dq1o
  Replies (131) Good night (7533) Bad night (1822) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages

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  (978): im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages http://tfl.nu/apfo
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.

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  (601): He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows. http://tfl.nu/pp93
  Replies (15) Good night (6399) Bad night (1576) Order T-Shirt
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.

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  (712): Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be. http://tfl.nu/n7rl
  Replies (8) Good night (5636) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.

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  (917): The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name. http://tfl.nu/eftw
  Replies (5) Good night (2957) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.

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  (715): i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead. http://tfl.nu/xiio
  Replies (14) Good night (1715) Bad night (7198) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.

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  (715): I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting. http://tfl.nu/jzvn
  Replies (26) Good night (4863) Bad night (948) Order T-Shirt
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  (254): View more from Texas

  it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.

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  (254): it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless. http://tfl.nu/hrpm
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  (917): View more from New York City

  M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.

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  (917): M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH. http://tfl.nu/5zhv
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  (646): View more from New York

  I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.

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  (646): I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York. http://tfl.nu/ptqc
  Replies (34) Good night (7396) Bad night (429)
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  (559): View more from California

  So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?

  (1-559): View more from California

  That depends on who this is.

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  (559): So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true? (1-559): That depends on who this is. http://tfl.nu/a6jm
  Replies (42) Good night (13718) Bad night (1579) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls

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  (954): im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls http://tfl.nu/n5en
  Replies (13) Good night (6664) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before

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  (518): I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before http://tfl.nu/9107
  Replies (20) Good night (4962) Bad night (955)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.

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  (972): Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition. http://tfl.nu/d2b2
  Replies (20) Good night (2181) Bad night (508)
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  (914): View more from New York

  tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.

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  (914): tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw. http://tfl.nu/h6gx
  Replies (19) Good night (5334) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"

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  (516): I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?" http://tfl.nu/niuk
  Replies (38) Good night (6560) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics

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  (513): i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics http://tfl.nu/sgxc
  Replies (9) Good night (3943) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  how else could I explain the last few years

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  (703): I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills (262): how else could I explain the last few years http://tfl.nu/wfh1
  Replies (7) Good night (3689) Bad night (710)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.

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  (607): Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave. http://tfl.nu/8ei2
  Replies (12) Good night (1298) Bad night (5514) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.

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  (614): Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/mefj
  Replies (38) Good night (7204) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes

  (905): View more from Ontario

  You're fat. Stop making excuses

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  (647): all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes (905): You're fat. Stop making excuses http://tfl.nu/rdmk
  Replies (69) Good night (12279) Bad night (4889)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.

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  (702): sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick. http://tfl.nu/022f
  Replies (14) Good night (634) Bad night (4122) Order T-Shirt
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.

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  (219): she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade. http://tfl.nu/8ipj
  Replies (11) Good night (3035) Bad night (1112) Order T-Shirt
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  We need to talk about our relationship.

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes

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  (575): We need to talk about our relationship. (403): I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes http://tfl.nu/0ub4
  Replies (20) Good night (8449) Bad night (1068)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.

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  (727): Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think? (1-727): I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again. http://tfl.nu/gesf
  Replies (32) Good night (2380) Bad night (4235)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal

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  (860): Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal http://tfl.nu/x7fc
  Replies (19) Good night (5687) Bad night (1435) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'

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  (949): When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger' http://tfl.nu/z4iq
  Replies (23) Good night (4873) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.

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  (304): He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends. http://tfl.nu/db22
  Replies (7) Good night (851) Bad night (3131) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow

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  (714): when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow http://tfl.nu/3ljm
  Replies (14) Good night (617) Bad night (5089) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.

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  (201): Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well. http://tfl.nu/l70h
  Replies (17) Good night (684) Bad night (5288) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..

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  (425): there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room.. http://tfl.nu/dpny
  Replies (17) Good night (5489) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.

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  (913): sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train. http://tfl.nu/vfk6
  Replies (23) Good night (10986) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.

  (1-312): View more from Illinois

  None of that is ok.

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  (312): Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there. (1-312): None of that is ok. http://tfl.nu/fi6r
  Replies (38) Good night (5132) Bad night (3363)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat

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  (860): I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat http://tfl.nu/ctv0
  Replies (17) Good night (1020) Bad night (4658) Order T-Shirt
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.

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  (901): we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly. http://tfl.nu/dwqa
  Replies (57) Good night (1199) Bad night (13903) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over

  (314): View more from Missouri

  you can't hurt those

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  (314): I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over (314): you can't hurt those http://tfl.nu/gmcq
  Replies (7) Good night (4214) Bad night (690)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend

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  (412): He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend http://tfl.nu/zd33
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.

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  (330): You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox. http://tfl.nu/xeau
  Replies (41) Good night (7990) Bad night (4423) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?

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  (847): I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops? http://tfl.nu/7gnj
  Replies (12) Good night (2755) Bad night (359) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit

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  (773): I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit http://tfl.nu/6wkt
  Replies (12) Good night (9112) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.

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  (757): He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds. http://tfl.nu/ihy8
  Replies (41) Good night (2596) Bad night (4442) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.

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  (601): It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed. http://tfl.nu/yhbt
  Replies (15) Good night (1022) Bad night (5227) Order T-Shirt
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.

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  (501): recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree. http://tfl.nu/wbc5
  Replies (86) Good night (8748) Bad night (4029) Order T-Shirt
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me

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  (647): it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me http://tfl.nu/r4c5
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'

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  (314): Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?' http://tfl.nu/xaro
  Replies (17) Good night (840) Bad night (6063) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.

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  (201): It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling. http://tfl.nu/90ol
  Replies (16) Good night (6875) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.

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  (636): A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it. http://tfl.nu/t9xf
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.

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  (248): If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme. http://tfl.nu/8vj2
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  (518): View more from New York

  She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.

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  (518): She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change. http://tfl.nu/rlg4
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  (214): View more from Texas

  decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?

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  (214): decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!? http://tfl.nu/ozc5
  Replies (30) Good night (9141) Bad night (724)