Texts From Last Night · Smurfy117's Favorites

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Smurfy117's Favorites Texts:

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(573): View more from Missouri

Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals

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(425): View more from Washington

I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(502): View more from Kentucky

Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack

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(614): View more from Ohio

telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.

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(607): View more from New York

Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!

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(650): View more from California

Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens

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