Texts From Last Night

SauceQueen's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!! http://tfl.nu/t5g2
  Replies (15) Good night (1172) Bad night (228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.

  (917): View more from New York City

  can you adopt me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now. (917): can you adopt me? http://tfl.nu/i9vb
  Replies (1) Good night (885) Bad night (170)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs http://tfl.nu/drl4
  Replies (2) Good night (1199) Bad night (159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them (1-616): its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you http://tfl.nu/jk07
  Replies (2) Good night (888) Bad night (302)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night http://tfl.nu/x115
  Replies (4) Good night (759) Bad night (222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob http://tfl.nu/qz5h
  Replies (7) Good night (537) Bad night (326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair http://tfl.nu/v5lw
  Replies (1) Good night (1412) Bad night (184)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming http://tfl.nu/n2ay
  Replies (5) Good night (889) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever. http://tfl.nu/7r8h
  Replies (2) Good night (803) Bad night (170) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard. http://tfl.nu/ybia
  Replies (17) Good night (2293) Bad night (307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Tuesday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you... (860): Tuesday http://tfl.nu/gel8
  Replies (4) Good night (1518) Bad night (213)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  was it you?

  (802): View more from Vermont

  ...yes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store (203): was it you? (802): ...yes http://tfl.nu/br4h
  Replies (7) Good night (2149) Bad night (226)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land http://tfl.nu/d4a5
  Replies (10) Good night (1065) Bad night (201)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room... http://tfl.nu/5owj
  Replies (3) Good night (1113) Bad night (306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them http://tfl.nu/4k2w
  Replies (5) Good night (1648) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain. http://tfl.nu/6bo4
  Replies (1) Good night (311) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear http://tfl.nu/jwyg
  Replies (6) Good night (1370) Bad night (299) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear. http://tfl.nu/e69q
  Replies (2) Good night (583) Bad night (254) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex. http://tfl.nu/brxy
  Replies (3) Good night (908) Bad night (216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.

  (316): View more from Kansas

  And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid. (316): And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming http://tfl.nu/9ifj
  Replies (2) Good night (767) Bad night (237)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle. http://tfl.nu/73xi
  Replies (3) Good night (1027) Bad night (221)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit http://tfl.nu/8mkh
  Replies (4) Good night (509) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now. http://tfl.nu/4au1
  Replies (4) Good night (739) Bad night (244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore. http://tfl.nu/307f
  Replies (12) Good night (985) Bad night (327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you. http://tfl.nu/buqu
  Replies (14) Good night (1324) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer. http://tfl.nu/uwby
  Replies (7) Good night (805) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving? http://tfl.nu/qz6b
  Replies (7) Good night (2125) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point http://tfl.nu/m5fj
  Replies (3) Good night (1017) Bad night (212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday http://tfl.nu/1mqu
  Replies (5) Good night (441) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked. http://tfl.nu/ufw5
  Replies (3) Good night (1147) Bad night (202)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??" http://tfl.nu/7nog
  Replies (6) Good night (733) Bad night (233) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it http://tfl.nu/0g6v
  Replies (4) Good night (2002) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator http://tfl.nu/52sx
  Replies (7) Good night (621) Bad night (291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces http://tfl.nu/ks18
  Replies (6) Good night (871) Bad night (274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step" http://tfl.nu/eora
  Replies (2) Good night (864) Bad night (236) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.

  (845): View more from New York

  I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home. (845): I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip" http://tfl.nu/e0kb
  Replies (7) Good night (1717) Bad night (212)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop... http://tfl.nu/qb0c
  Replies (3) Good night (785) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval http://tfl.nu/htsq
  Replies (4) Good night (564) Bad night (320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/hc91
  Replies (27) Good night (2336) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion? http://tfl.nu/7a2v
  Replies (21) Good night (1504) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny. http://tfl.nu/bodd
  Replies (9) Good night (745) Bad night (299) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you. http://tfl.nu/woyu
  Replies (7) Good night (710) Bad night (232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT http://tfl.nu/3zvj
  Replies (13) Good night (434) Bad night (1393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday http://tfl.nu/obg3
  Replies (10) Good night (1465) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT http://tfl.nu/tfsq
  Replies (4) Good night (780) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?

  (1+44): View more from

  It's a podium place so yeah...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right? (1+44): It's a podium place so yeah... http://tfl.nu/cezg
  Replies (7) Good night (1165) Bad night (271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry http://tfl.nu/mcy0
  Replies (4) Good night (257) Bad night (1093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment http://tfl.nu/se99
  Replies (4) Good night (1537) Bad night (310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I have a surprise for you guys

  (937): View more from Ohio

  What is it?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I have a surprise for you guys (937): What is it? (740): A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS http://tfl.nu/bt31
  Replies (20) Good night (3715) Bad night (333)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason? http://tfl.nu/yqy8
  Replies (7) Good night (618) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS. http://tfl.nu/cwy1
  Replies (7) Good night (890) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message http://tfl.nu/usun
  Replies (1) Good night (1112) Bad night (246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://tfl.nu/bjeb
  Replies (5) Good night (1725) Bad night (338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day... http://tfl.nu/6lgs
  Replies (20) Good night (4013) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI http://tfl.nu/re47
  Replies (1) Good night (662) Bad night (274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed. http://tfl.nu/4uwe
  Replies (7) Good night (2390) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis. http://tfl.nu/77ah
  Replies (5) Good night (756) Bad night (327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH" http://tfl.nu/f18j
  Replies (9) Good night (1869) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza. http://tfl.nu/x0uu
  Replies (7) Good night (685) Bad night (324) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-) http://tfl.nu/aq14
  Replies (8) Good night (1382) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent. http://tfl.nu/f2ox
  Replies (1) Good night (816) Bad night (270) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask? http://tfl.nu/p3wm
  Replies (3) Good night (1185) Bad night (314) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights. http://tfl.nu/9jzc
  Replies (6) Good night (1038) Bad night (336)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm. http://tfl.nu/a20h
  Replies (9) Good night (1599) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him http://tfl.nu/fs9i
  Replies (9) Good night (1047) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th http://tfl.nu/okx6
  Replies (4) Good night (1569) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude http://tfl.nu/fr3g
  Replies (12) Good night (655) Bad night (1272) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Post-sex nachos deserve a song.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Post-sex nachos deserve a song. http://tfl.nu/enl8
  Replies (8) Good night (1149) Bad night (286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry http://tfl.nu/4n0l
  Replies (2) Good night (351) Bad night (1039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested. http://tfl.nu/f61h
  Replies (3) Good night (891) Bad night (237) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Welcome to college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest. (712): Welcome to college. http://tfl.nu/tyv4
  Replies (9) Good night (1712) Bad night (392)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics! http://tfl.nu/lxnu
  Replies (16) Good night (1397) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band. http://tfl.nu/ldj0
  Replies (10) Good night (2489) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party http://tfl.nu/d8h2
  Replies (8) Good night (1340) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love? http://tfl.nu/7zb0
  Replies (19) Good night (4079) Bad night (450)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN. http://tfl.nu/jkdc
  Replies (15) Good night (1469) Bad night (433)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up. http://tfl.nu/qg7h
  Replies (11) Good night (2311) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator? (770): Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life. http://tfl.nu/b6oq
  Replies (7) Good night (1867) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea http://tfl.nu/lnc6
  Replies (8) Good night (415) Bad night (1548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword. http://tfl.nu/gcmk
  Replies (21) Good night (8463) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place http://tfl.nu/xlhx
  Replies (58) Good night (15798) Bad night (823)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea. http://tfl.nu/s5sl
  Replies (4) Good night (2292) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you http://tfl.nu/813g
  Replies (23) Good night (4162) Bad night (412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been? http://tfl.nu/bs5q
  Replies (4) Good night (1241) Bad night (404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  You're the worst gay friend ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like? (1-314): You're the worst gay friend ever. http://tfl.nu/4trc
  Replies (2) Good night (1567) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time. http://tfl.nu/ddkn
  Replies (4) Good night (1930) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating? http://tfl.nu/5bmf
  Replies (2) Good night (957) Bad night (304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is. (1-402): Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors. http://tfl.nu/lcrs
  Replies (6) Good night (1572) Bad night (386)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.

  (434): View more from Virginia

  Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird. (434): Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls. http://tfl.nu/td3o
  Replies (12) Good night (3261) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up! http://tfl.nu/jjmt
  Replies (14) Good night (6232) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth http://tfl.nu/h1gj
  Replies (10) Good night (486) Bad night (1274)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward. http://tfl.nu/8plk
  Replies (33) Good night (2562) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito? http://tfl.nu/3rt4
  Replies (10) Good night (2236) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min. http://tfl.nu/nnq2
  Replies (18) Good night (497) Bad night (1680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers. http://tfl.nu/l0o6
  Replies (9) Good night (381) Bad night (2392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?

  (425): View more from Washington

  Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again? (425): Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing. http://tfl.nu/l4cd
  Replies (11) Good night (4415) Bad night (538)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion http://tfl.nu/g8mo
  Replies (11) Good night (2606) Bad night (406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead. http://tfl.nu/c42w
  Replies (9) Good night (1349) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie. http://tfl.nu/mir1
  Replies (12) Good night (1637) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap. http://tfl.nu/pbje
  Replies (9) Good night (397) Bad night (1563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka http://tfl.nu/edtb
  Replies (8) Good night (1718) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up. http://tfl.nu/5qka
  Replies (14) Good night (1881) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Beautiful, beautiful reality

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality? (208): Beautiful, beautiful reality http://tfl.nu/pfhr
  Replies (3) Good night (1929) Bad night (419)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Do you have any booze?

  (214): View more from Texas

  Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Do you have any booze? (214): Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl... http://tfl.nu/sb57
  Replies (9) Good night (2154) Bad night (418)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before. http://tfl.nu/kra3
  Replies (11) Good night (3551) Bad night (489)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him. http://tfl.nu/pxbo
  Replies (4) Good night (1556) Bad night (394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning. http://tfl.nu/8lph
  Replies (6) Good night (1596) Bad night (404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage http://tfl.nu/vba1
  Replies (5) Good night (1081) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase? http://tfl.nu/h5qz
  Replies (6) Good night (1374) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for. http://tfl.nu/k05b
  Replies (7) Good night (3508) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?

  (+48): View more from Poland

  Poland

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you? (+48): Poland http://tfl.nu/96rz
  Replies (10) Good night (4049) Bad night (510)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max. http://tfl.nu/42dn
  Replies (11) Good night (1078) Bad night (1936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day. http://tfl.nu/y889
  Replies (7) Good night (695) Bad night (1569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME. http://tfl.nu/kpqr
  Replies (5) Good night (1338) Bad night (495)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now. http://tfl.nu/nnuj
  Replies (3) Good night (1751) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair... http://tfl.nu/9cft
  Replies (17) Good night (913) Bad night (1917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis http://tfl.nu/fz62
  Replies (6) Good night (2067) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up? http://tfl.nu/08g9
  Replies (7) Good night (4228) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES" http://tfl.nu/55vp
  Replies (7) Good night (1642) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die. http://tfl.nu/gg2b
  Replies (15) Good night (457) Bad night (1754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial http://tfl.nu/kxls
  Replies (2) Good night (2502) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt