Texts From Last Night

RickMoranis's Favorites Texts:

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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported

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  (330): I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported http://tfl.nu/ddun
  Replies (7) Good night (1435) Bad night (2666) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.

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  (215): I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka. http://tfl.nu/sqs3
  Replies (5) Good night (962) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.

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  (713): I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs. http://tfl.nu/2wij
  Replies (10) Good night (1395) Bad night (705)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."

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  (215): i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight." http://tfl.nu/7mfw
  Replies (23) Good night (2081) Bad night (1135) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."

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  (425): He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit." http://tfl.nu/w4dk
  Replies (8) Good night (1996) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.

  (1-845): View more from New York

  she is way to in-touch with her childhood

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  (845): She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside. (1-845): she is way to in-touch with her childhood http://tfl.nu/m5xk
  Replies (11) Good night (2105) Bad night (1018)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Thanks bro

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  (319): Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement? (1-319): Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice. (319): Thanks bro http://tfl.nu/7e10
  Replies (9) Good night (818) Bad night (1523)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.

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  (715): my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina. http://tfl.nu/moie
  Replies (16) Good night (673) Bad night (1557) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots

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  (310): It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots http://tfl.nu/44j2
  Replies (4) Good night (567) Bad night (1484) Order T-Shirt
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  (951): View more from California

  Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.

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  (951): Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team. http://tfl.nu/ve6p
  Replies (9) Good night (2002) Bad night (579)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?

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  (623): Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck? http://tfl.nu/k3jz
  Replies (6) Good night (2299) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up

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  (540): Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up http://tfl.nu/xh5q
  Replies (18) Good night (990) Bad night (2561)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  That's practically a relationship for you

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  (479): Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week. (1-479): That's practically a relationship for you http://tfl.nu/hhkc
  Replies (26) Good night (1883) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.

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  (774): Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18. http://tfl.nu/z1g3
  Replies (14) Good night (3297) Bad night (565)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there

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  (215): i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there http://tfl.nu/r3g3
  Replies (9) Good night (647) Bad night (2331) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.

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  (479): That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story. http://tfl.nu/a5zg
  Replies (2) Good night (1452) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp

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  (410): just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp http://tfl.nu/2fc3
  Replies (4) Good night (677) Bad night (1491) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.

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  (256): Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important. http://tfl.nu/3x1r
  Replies (4) Good night (1674) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?

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  (401): want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure? http://tfl.nu/59m2
  Replies (13) Good night (3666) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.

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  (781): He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory. http://tfl.nu/fp19
  Replies (6) Good night (705) Bad night (1746) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK

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  (412): THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK http://tfl.nu/h557
  Replies (7) Good night (1987) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle

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  (732): we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle http://tfl.nu/y8fm
  Replies (9) Good night (3358) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt