Texts From Last Night

NPH9384's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police? http://tfl.nu/pr1m
  Replies (5) Good night (976) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend http://tfl.nu/2vrs
  Replies (24) Good night (641) Bad night (1530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno http://tfl.nu/05ob
  Replies (8) Good night (708) Bad night (326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow... http://tfl.nu/1e3j
  Replies (8) Good night (3047) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.

  (972): View more from Texas

  Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift. (972): Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking. http://tfl.nu/jm0q
  Replies (23) Good night (2509) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight (814): I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in http://tfl.nu/2u0u
  Replies (17) Good night (688) Bad night (1442)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order http://tfl.nu/7p7j
  Replies (14) Good night (5112) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door. (215): Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go. http://tfl.nu/76is
  Replies (12) Good night (3591) Bad night (1589)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm. http://tfl.nu/al4b
  Replies (8) Good night (6942) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me.. http://tfl.nu/zo74
  Replies (9) Good night (659) Bad night (1230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT. http://tfl.nu/zq8a
  Replies (203) Good night (40011) Bad night (3198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls http://tfl.nu/dudn
  Replies (14) Good night (2227) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (442): View more from California

  While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (442): While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage. http://tfl.nu/yi73
  Replies (74) Good night (1247) Bad night (5220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax. http://tfl.nu/m9dz
  Replies (3) Good night (1108) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.

  (512): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I feel like someone had their period in my eyes. (512): I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night. http://tfl.nu/gefs
  Replies (8) Good night (518) Bad night (1933)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible http://tfl.nu/tr7j
  Replies (1) Good night (1366) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No. http://tfl.nu/243w
  Replies (15) Good night (2110) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that. http://tfl.nu/fwoy
  Replies (1) Good night (1012) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.

  (941): View more from Florida

  it was a krispy kreme

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut. (941): it was a krispy kreme http://tfl.nu/o743
  Replies (15) Good night (4874) Bad night (1043)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door? http://tfl.nu/0vtl
  Replies (5) Good night (1355) Bad night (508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese. http://tfl.nu/dujc
  Replies (6) Good night (2647) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator http://tfl.nu/goje
  Replies (18) Good night (2395) Bad night (1379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife. http://tfl.nu/3wb9
  Replies (11) Good night (712) Bad night (2199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure? http://tfl.nu/59m2
  Replies (13) Good night (3666) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  what do you have against ST

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): what do you have against ST (1-540): DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS. http://tfl.nu/zpvl
  Replies (11) Good night (3129) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I'm trying to make a sex playlist

  (916): View more from California

  record yourself crying and put it on a loop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I'm trying to make a sex playlist (916): record yourself crying and put it on a loop. http://tfl.nu/f4y5
  Replies (12) Good night (3124) Bad night (1100)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.

  (1-304): View more from West Virginia

  Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us. (1-304): Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat? (304): No there was a goat. I gave it a donut. http://tfl.nu/bds8
  Replies (15) Good night (6263) Bad night (770)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends http://tfl.nu/16wy
  Replies (11) Good night (3159) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen

  (845): View more from New York

  That would be so convenient

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen (845): That would be so convenient http://tfl.nu/c28s
  Replies (12) Good night (2908) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge. http://tfl.nu/26oy
  Replies (14) Good night (4825) Bad night (1133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there. http://tfl.nu/44mo
  Replies (12) Good night (6882) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp". http://tfl.nu/1x9v
  Replies (17) Good night (2890) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway? http://tfl.nu/m1uu
  Replies (11) Good night (2752) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast. http://tfl.nu/dcvd
  Replies (26) Good night (1569) Bad night (3242) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world. http://tfl.nu/6f3f
  Replies (52) Good night (1252) Bad night (7981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Porn is love you can see.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Porn is love you can see. http://tfl.nu/c5qh
  Replies (9) Good night (975) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point http://tfl.nu/celc
  Replies (40) Good night (1820) Bad night (7020)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success. http://tfl.nu/y8ni
  Replies (15) Good night (5073) Bad night (545)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test http://tfl.nu/616n
  Replies (130) Good night (20271) Bad night (2107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight http://tfl.nu/99ir
  Replies (11) Good night (2626) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night http://tfl.nu/h77m
  Replies (3) Good night (3008) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj. http://tfl.nu/1t4c
  Replies (23) Good night (5457) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you? http://tfl.nu/w1xa
  Replies (12) Good night (6276) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  We just shotgunned beers for America

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): We just shotgunned beers for America http://tfl.nu/dv8f
  Replies (31) Good night (3997) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me. http://tfl.nu/119t
  Replies (10) Good night (3096) Bad night (1365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers. http://tfl.nu/lte3
  Replies (7) Good night (3030) Bad night (961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  i wish you could fill a pinata with booze

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): i wish you could fill a pinata with booze http://tfl.nu/eyoz
  Replies (49) Good night (4899) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now... http://tfl.nu/ndt5
  Replies (15) Good night (2121) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again. http://tfl.nu/iwek
  Replies (31) Good night (4199) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life" http://tfl.nu/0dy4
  Replies (5) Good night (5156) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet. http://tfl.nu/u8l3
  Replies (12) Good night (1167) Bad night (3439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment http://tfl.nu/2in4
  Replies (7) Good night (2927) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me. (1-402): Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it? (402): Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point. http://tfl.nu/yxzg
  Replies (62) Good night (975) Bad night (2847)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8
  Replies (109) Good night (39854) Bad night (1922)
• Favorite

  (348): View more from

  Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (348): Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment... http://tfl.nu/ldjn
  Replies (5) Good night (2718) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well.. http://tfl.nu/jvza
  Replies (8) Good night (961) Bad night (1901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed. http://tfl.nu/gx4g
  Replies (33) Good night (2950) Bad night (2204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake. http://tfl.nu/yic9
  Replies (24) Good night (1387) Bad night (2629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns. http://tfl.nu/g37i
  Replies (28) Good night (4631) Bad night (1364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half. http://tfl.nu/u2dc
  Replies (10) Good night (864) Bad night (2657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  "lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): "lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning" http://tfl.nu/szov
  Replies (16) Good night (7230) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake http://tfl.nu/tx6v
  Replies (10) Good night (1844) Bad night (1543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me. http://tfl.nu/tasz
  Replies (22) Good night (1277) Bad night (4082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house http://tfl.nu/3ff4
  Replies (40) Good night (7727) Bad night (1127) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it. http://tfl.nu/6bjl
  Replies (6) Good night (2154) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration. http://tfl.nu/akwa
  Replies (20) Good night (3340) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  look no pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): look no pants http://tfl.nu/j078
  Replies (4) Good night (1432) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew http://tfl.nu/ocbg
  Replies (45) Good night (23478) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all http://tfl.nu/t0uz
  Replies (11) Good night (3048) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons http://tfl.nu/vc4y
  Replies (10) Good night (1161) Bad night (2106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?! http://tfl.nu/ajcv
  Replies (16) Good night (1088) Bad night (4625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Hoooooo maaaaan

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Yes?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm retarded. Again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Hoooooo maaaaan (313): Yes? (248): I'm retarded. Again. http://tfl.nu/k0ba
  Replies (2) Good night (1282) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here. http://tfl.nu/e0yb
  Replies (6) Good night (3145) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!

  (812): View more from Indiana

  ?

  (646): View more from New York

  Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE! (812): ? (646): Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that? http://tfl.nu/5o1s
  Replies (37) Good night (3393) Bad night (603)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan http://tfl.nu/xldl
  Replies (14) Good night (5224) Bad night (1280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  what happened last night?

  (917): View more from New York City

  u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style

  (718): View more from New York

  that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): what happened last night? (917): u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style (718): that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left http://tfl.nu/i3a9
  Replies (39) Good night (13969) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?

  (904): View more from Florida

  Both

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): What are you talking about? And how drunk are you? (904): Both http://tfl.nu/7q6w
  Replies (18) Good night (6088) Bad night (623)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light. (1-206): Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had. http://tfl.nu/n63r
  Replies (8) Good night (1080) Bad night (1744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her http://tfl.nu/t8zc
  Replies (90) Good night (2381) Bad night (22893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Dude, just got a bummer.

  (1-502): View more from Kentucky

  What??

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  A blow job from a homeless chick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Dude, just got a bummer. (1-502): What?? (502): A blow job from a homeless chick. http://tfl.nu/uf37
  Replies (27) Good night (786) Bad night (1768)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference... http://tfl.nu/jx5w
  Replies (15) Good night (7055) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt