Mrsim3000's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?

  (713): View more from Texas

  lets deal with that after we figure out where i am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen? (713): lets deal with that after we figure out where i am http://tfl.nu/0phs
  Replies (21) Good night (10813) Bad night (1049)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion. http://tfl.nu/ntse
  Replies (28) Good night (10846) Bad night (1197) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese. http://tfl.nu/65in
  Replies (29) Good night (10590) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar. (1-703): I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up? http://tfl.nu/a4zj
  Replies (55) Good night (11731) Bad night (918)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? http://tfl.nu/ppdn
  Replies (116) Good night (65435) Bad night (3900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure. http://tfl.nu/jrrk
  Replies (21) Good night (698) Bad night (5005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  only room for one pussy in that bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy. (612): only room for one pussy in that bed. http://tfl.nu/8gho
  Replies (9) Good night (724) Bad night (2240)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes http://tfl.nu/cy36
  Replies (33) Good night (641) Bad night (9829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy. http://tfl.nu/r54x
  Replies (8) Good night (682) Bad night (5655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship... http://tfl.nu/725d
  Replies (12) Good night (767) Bad night (1334)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk http://tfl.nu/2s8p
  Replies (13) Good night (769) Bad night (3825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match? http://tfl.nu/fgta
  Replies (24) Good night (750) Bad night (4452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M http://tfl.nu/4y0g
  Replies (34) Good night (765) Bad night (10433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me" http://tfl.nu/rxcz
  Replies (15) Good night (809) Bad night (2267) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??" http://tfl.nu/civz
  Replies (43) Good night (844) Bad night (14622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (560): View more from

  I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (560): I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time? http://tfl.nu/wzlt
  Replies (71) Good night (1052) Bad night (21324) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!' http://tfl.nu/vh00
  Replies (27) Good night (855) Bad night (3116) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe. (1-814): compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible. http://tfl.nu/koli
  Replies (16) Good night (794) Bad night (3812)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I just woke up to me licking the dognuts

  (623): View more from Arizona

  You mean Doughnuts?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  ......No :(

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I just woke up to me licking the dognuts (623): You mean Doughnuts? (602): ......No :( http://tfl.nu/8azm
  Replies (50) Good night (1175) Bad night (17169)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night. http://tfl.nu/91q5
  Replies (7) Good night (823) Bad night (4688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed http://tfl.nu/9co8
  Replies (14) Good night (1017) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf http://tfl.nu/ymjf
  Replies (8) Good night (1021) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK http://tfl.nu/7q0x
  Replies (3) Good night (1227) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account

  (1-216): View more from Ohio

  damn...impressive bar tab

  (216): View more from Ohio

  no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account (1-216): damn...impressive bar tab (216): no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer http://tfl.nu/hyvf
  Replies (13) Good night (1144) Bad night (1851)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me http://tfl.nu/kwsp
  Replies (9) Good night (7315) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville. http://tfl.nu/k1x4
  Replies (6) Good night (7993) Bad night (1460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too. http://tfl.nu/2www
  Replies (42) Good night (1620) Bad night (14109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Haym$ered

  (734): View more from Michigan

  turn off your phone and go to bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Haym$ered (734): turn off your phone and go to bed http://tfl.nu/2w37
  Replies (7) Good night (1344) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again. http://tfl.nu/84mk
  Replies (23) Good night (1018) Bad night (3814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  so im guessing thats a no.....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits." (814): so im guessing thats a no..... http://tfl.nu/rer4
  Replies (25) Good night (1130) Bad night (3487)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house" http://tfl.nu/wkle
  Replies (13) Good night (1183) Bad night (8493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  i woke up with socks on this morning

  (485): View more from

  so?

  (912): View more from Georgia

  i didnt wear socks last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): i woke up with socks on this morning (485): so? (912): i didnt wear socks last night http://tfl.nu/lw6k
  Replies (5) Good night (1425) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am... http://tfl.nu/u07k
  Replies (4) Good night (1490) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.

  (906): View more from Michigan

  so you're not coming in to work today?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops. (906): so you're not coming in to work today? http://tfl.nu/mm6u
  Replies (13) Good night (1246) Bad night (3917)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  well i fucked her too, so yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested? (610): well i fucked her too, so yes. http://tfl.nu/6v2h
  Replies (91) Good night (1326) Bad night (8882)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out" http://tfl.nu/k16a
  Replies (9) Good night (1360) Bad night (5254) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom. (702): Bro... we didn't even hang out last night?? http://tfl.nu/2ylu
  Replies (10) Good night (2041) Bad night (617)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was. http://tfl.nu/uuuj
  Replies (14) Good night (1520) Bad night (5093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas? http://tfl.nu/8ynt
  Replies (5) Good night (2564) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  no jk, not my room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602 ): Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room? (602): no jk, not my room http://tfl.nu/i2zn
  Replies (4) Good night (2937) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol. http://tfl.nu/ssjg
  Replies (11) Good night (3718) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life. http://tfl.nu/x7zq
  Replies (13) Good night (3921) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window. http://tfl.nu/w8zt
  Replies (14) Good night (4343) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night. http://tfl.nu/uyli
  Replies (12) Good night (4626) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat http://tfl.nu/frov
  Replies (24) Good night (4454) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night http://tfl.nu/ddwb
  Replies (30) Good night (4596) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before http://tfl.nu/o5nm
  Replies (29) Good night (4577) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"

  (571): View more from Virginia

  you make me proud to be your friend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe" (571): you make me proud to be your friend http://tfl.nu/nyf8
  Replies (65) Good night (4663) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time. http://tfl.nu/r3pt
  Replies (9) Good night (4783) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube http://tfl.nu/nmda
  Replies (28) Good night (4794) Bad night (1145) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?" http://tfl.nu/ava3
  Replies (52) Good night (4780) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why. http://tfl.nu/rcz3
  Replies (18) Good night (4826) Bad night (943) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet http://tfl.nu/ofc9
  Replies (13) Good night (4778) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse. http://tfl.nu/niyb
  Replies (15) Good night (4927) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok. http://tfl.nu/j1n1
  Replies (7) Good night (5105) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in. http://tfl.nu/z4b8
  Replies (9) Good night (5273) Bad night (2055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+82): View more from South Korea

  You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+82): You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes. http://tfl.nu/6vdw
  Replies (7) Good night (5299) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  she's a dina-saur

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct (973): that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand (201): she's a dina-saur http://tfl.nu/b0aw
  Replies (32) Good night (5279) Bad night (820)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  what you doin?

  (516): View more from New York

  I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?

  (631): View more from New York

  reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): what you doin? (516): I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you? (631): reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life http://tfl.nu/6c83
  Replies (20) Good night (5390) Bad night (1381)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening (508): yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night http://tfl.nu/fae5
  Replies (45) Good night (5358) Bad night (499)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night http://tfl.nu/m366
  Replies (12) Good night (5532) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking. http://tfl.nu/3yj1
  Replies (10) Good night (5481) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in http://tfl.nu/h08n
  Replies (6) Good night (5509) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate? http://tfl.nu/53jf
  Replies (15) Good night (5591) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy http://tfl.nu/04on
  Replies (25) Good night (5782) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" . http://tfl.nu/721o
  Replies (9) Good night (6291) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms. http://tfl.nu/yba6
  Replies (21) Good night (5959) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii http://tfl.nu/9rj5
  Replies (19) Good night (6417) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning

  (1-253): View more from Washington

  because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'

  (253): View more from Washington

  no more ever clear

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning (1-253): because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha' (253): no more ever clear http://tfl.nu/f9lp
  Replies (33) Good night (7256) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening http://tfl.nu/ihge
  Replies (12) Good night (7021) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Is that considered a cock block?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me? (937): Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls. (419): Is that considered a cock block? http://tfl.nu/pjdr
  Replies (48) Good night (8467) Bad night (987)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store http://tfl.nu/eac9
  Replies (10) Good night (7733) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse. http://tfl.nu/0lkw
  Replies (22) Good night (7891) Bad night (1481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night http://tfl.nu/5q0r
  Replies (10) Good night (8219) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry. http://tfl.nu/ss0l
  Replies (13) Good night (8485) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning

  (1-585): View more from New York

  oh god.. jail?

  (585): View more from New York

  better, on the catwalk of the auditorium

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning (1-585): oh god.. jail? (585): better, on the catwalk of the auditorium http://tfl.nu/ulvj
  Replies (22) Good night (8523) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  just woke up in my neighbors garage.

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): just woke up in my neighbors garage. (931): scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage. http://tfl.nu/x40j
  Replies (21) Good night (9210) Bad night (1164)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon. http://tfl.nu/d58s
  Replies (39) Good night (9049) Bad night (1141) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE! http://tfl.nu/0hwt
  Replies (30) Good night (9120) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers (1-205): yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness.... http://tfl.nu/wnn7
  Replies (62) Good night (10427) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN

  (347): View more from New York

  I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN (347): I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN http://tfl.nu/s3su
  Replies (41) Good night (11082) Bad night (2074)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal http://tfl.nu/usjw
  Replies (29) Good night (21697) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa. http://tfl.nu/sbm1
  Replies (91) Good night (30849) Bad night (1041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more http://tfl.nu/zuqw
  Replies (203) Good night (116773) Bad night (3272) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet. http://tfl.nu/i3tf
  Replies (17) Good night (732) Bad night (1807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low http://tfl.nu/wg0q
  Replies (24) Good night (692) Bad night (4130)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low? http://tfl.nu/5hhv
  Replies (29) Good night (771) Bad night (3895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop

  (551): View more from New Jersey

  I really wish I could say this is a new low for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop (551): I really wish I could say this is a new low for you http://tfl.nu/0p1x
  Replies (11) Good night (843) Bad night (3777)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Why are we friends again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out.. (1-973): Why are we friends again? http://tfl.nu/4ygf
  Replies (38) Good night (896) Bad night (3041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home. http://tfl.nu/dmz8
  Replies (49) Good night (5233) Bad night (2097) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row. http://tfl.nu/cyuc
  Replies (9) Good night (1771) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers. http://tfl.nu/za5f
  Replies (37) Good night (2751) Bad night (419)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do. http://tfl.nu/ir0f
  Replies (8) Good night (4553) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville. (202): Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am. http://tfl.nu/fp1i
  Replies (19) Good night (5294) Bad night (860)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago. http://tfl.nu/gs96
  Replies (50) Good night (5359) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie. http://tfl.nu/1hr1
  Replies (25) Good night (5726) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again http://tfl.nu/9mpp
  Replies (34) Good night (6238) Bad night (689)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant. http://tfl.nu/wa98
  Replies (26) Good night (6612) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me http://tfl.nu/jvjy
  Replies (19) Good night (8316) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself. http://tfl.nu/vif9
  Replies (55) Good night (10700) Bad night (1238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner. http://tfl.nu/otz7
  Replies (36) Good night (16587) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him. http://tfl.nu/25q8
  Replies (63) Good night (27866) Bad night (1189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted http://tfl.nu/4p9h
  Replies (20) Good night (788) Bad night (2584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there (217): Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is http://tfl.nu/zrn8
  Replies (2) Good night (1084) Bad night (370)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time http://tfl.nu/uesv
  Replies (8) Good night (972) Bad night (5192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine http://tfl.nu/klxs
  Replies (30) Good night (1014) Bad night (8969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are. http://tfl.nu/a3si
  Replies (10) Good night (1212) Bad night (3624)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay. http://tfl.nu/4bqn
  Replies (12) Good night (1535) Bad night (4376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Tonite tequila might call you

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Be prepared

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone (802): Tonite tequila might call you (802): Be prepared http://tfl.nu/qx1s
  Replies (7) Good night (2407) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  This bar receipt from last night makes no sense

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I wish that would've worked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): This bar receipt from last night makes no sense (573): You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total (870): I wish that would've worked http://tfl.nu/u8a6
  Replies (24) Good night (3189) Bad night (573)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun http://tfl.nu/jcw4
  Replies (16) Good night (4054) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese. http://tfl.nu/mk7p
  Replies (30) Good night (4267) Bad night (997)
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud http://tfl.nu/54kw
  Replies (11) Good night (4747) Bad night (701)
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq. http://tfl.nu/wl24
  Replies (16) Good night (4829) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed http://tfl.nu/4mh9
  Replies (13) Good night (4953) Bad night (1102)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper http://tfl.nu/mqbh
  Replies (13) Good night (5395) Bad night (1802)
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted http://tfl.nu/vebg
  Replies (39) Good night (5108) Bad night (620)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies. http://tfl.nu/c673
  Replies (20) Good night (5128) Bad night (1138) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  are you wasted or are you getting laid?

  (515): View more from Iowa

  ebdebdebdebd

  (641): View more from Iowa

  wow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): are you wasted or are you getting laid? (515): ebdebdebdebd (641): wow http://tfl.nu/m3dh
  Replies (23) Good night (5315) Bad night (528)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world. http://tfl.nu/egr4
  Replies (31) Good night (6067) Bad night (1960)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon? http://tfl.nu/98up
  Replies (20) Good night (6576) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time

  (972): View more from Texas

  i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time (972): i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!" http://tfl.nu/dprb
  Replies (22) Good night (9421) Bad night (748)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd

  (443): View more from Maryland

  wasted?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  im pocohantasssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd (443): wasted? (410): im pocohantasssss http://tfl.nu/gql6
  Replies (109) Good night (43928) Bad night (1992)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear. http://tfl.nu/l3zn
  Replies (40) Good night (5399) Bad night (1136) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good. http://tfl.nu/gykq
  Replies (116) Good night (6297) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked. http://tfl.nu/qprr
  Replies (22) Good night (6837) Bad night (1390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+77): View more from

  her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+77): her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like' http://tfl.nu/jkuk
  Replies (22) Good night (6798) Bad night (1340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house. http://tfl.nu/g0ik
  Replies (12) Good night (7143) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous http://tfl.nu/li9c
  Replies (19) Good night (7290) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit." http://tfl.nu/z2kp
  Replies (64) Good night (7806) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better. http://tfl.nu/c7ty
  Replies (23) Good night (9651) Bad night (2154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture. http://tfl.nu/15y7
  Replies (36) Good night (12413) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help. http://tfl.nu/3amb
  Replies (29) Good night (543) Bad night (3708)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one. http://tfl.nu/z4fm
  Replies (34) Good night (891) Bad night (3362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood" http://tfl.nu/duu9
  Replies (47) Good night (999) Bad night (6970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended. http://tfl.nu/c9ao
  Replies (38) Good night (1334) Bad night (3618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning http://tfl.nu/5v1w
  Replies (17) Good night (2600) Bad night (3255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  if you ask that question again our friendship is over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high" (1-205): if you ask that question again our friendship is over http://tfl.nu/wy8m
  Replies (19) Good night (3600) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again http://tfl.nu/a301
  Replies (7) Good night (3462) Bad night (1276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited.... http://tfl.nu/l21f
  Replies (23) Good night (4002) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon" http://tfl.nu/oypv
  Replies (7) Good night (3896) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed http://tfl.nu/lgzp
  Replies (15) Good night (4489) Bad night (1238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game http://tfl.nu/wh7c
  Replies (10) Good night (4389) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted. http://tfl.nu/d3cr
  Replies (12) Good night (5104) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4. http://tfl.nu/sr4z
  Replies (383) Good night (128368) Bad night (4040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out? http://tfl.nu/q9ps
  Replies (37) Good night (8519) Bad night (2906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you http://tfl.nu/ee4s
  Replies (11) Good night (1384) Bad night (2763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?! (267): This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room.. (609): AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?! http://tfl.nu/dtle
  Replies (37) Good night (604) Bad night (3452)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone. http://tfl.nu/qrrz
  Replies (9) Good night (568) Bad night (3217) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night. http://tfl.nu/8tsr
  Replies (25) Good night (748) Bad night (3320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt. http://tfl.nu/2ukp
  Replies (9) Good night (700) Bad night (3265) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo http://tfl.nu/a19q
  Replies (40) Good night (841) Bad night (3894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands... http://tfl.nu/51q8
  Replies (25) Good night (1259) Bad night (3917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl. http://tfl.nu/c5of
  Replies (14) Good night (791) Bad night (3959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...

  (443): View more from Maryland

  How'd that go?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Hes on his way with a baseball bat...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been... (443): How'd that go? (301): Hes on his way with a baseball bat... http://tfl.nu/x8jv
  Replies (14) Good night (729) Bad night (4052)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker http://tfl.nu/hr9i
  Replies (15) Good night (1110) Bad night (4008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  oh that explains alot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up? (1-702): oh that explains alot. http://tfl.nu/a8xe
  Replies (13) Good night (931) Bad night (4023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up. http://tfl.nu/uswo
  Replies (14) Good night (1176) Bad night (4191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones http://tfl.nu/3i5q
  Replies (16) Good night (1009) Bad night (4199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase. http://tfl.nu/ryxu
  Replies (68) Good night (480) Bad night (4309)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man. http://tfl.nu/h9ms
  Replies (43) Good night (1029) Bad night (4372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass" http://tfl.nu/foy3
  Replies (22) Good night (999) Bad night (4431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like. (303): well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you http://tfl.nu/sccs
  Replies (12) Good night (856) Bad night (4504)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo http://tfl.nu/tgva
  Replies (38) Good night (723) Bad night (4583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten. http://tfl.nu/097z
  Replies (35) Good night (426) Bad night (4712)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this. http://tfl.nu/p44k
  Replies (24) Good night (972) Bad night (4806)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120. http://tfl.nu/oklb
  Replies (19) Good night (1090) Bad night (4886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.

  (1-707): View more from California

  you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her. (1-707): you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you http://tfl.nu/2wdi
  Replies (15) Good night (698) Bad night (5021)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity http://tfl.nu/9sni
  Replies (20) Good night (765) Bad night (5059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs. http://tfl.nu/udb9
  Replies (28) Good night (641) Bad night (5969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  I hate you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face? (1-407): I hate you http://tfl.nu/nn9u
  Replies (30) Good night (954) Bad night (6459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood' http://tfl.nu/xp6j
  Replies (14) Good night (1876) Bad night (6847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping. http://tfl.nu/k03m
  Replies (12) Good night (671) Bad night (7104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing http://tfl.nu/xxuk
  Replies (19) Good night (807) Bad night (8373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit http://tfl.nu/hok4
  Replies (38) Good night (718) Bad night (8510)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it" http://tfl.nu/pya0
  Replies (46) Good night (1794) Bad night (9372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?

  (475): View more from Connecticut

  Yeah?

  (212): View more from New York

  Stuck it in his pooper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year? (475): Yeah? (212): Stuck it in his pooper. http://tfl.nu/y911
  Replies (209) Good night (10457) Bad night (4452)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered. http://tfl.nu/z2cy
  Replies (28) Good night (10766) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat. (1-303): ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent. http://tfl.nu/2smi
  Replies (17) Good night (12364) Bad night (1464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed http://tfl.nu/xhsk
  Replies (28) Good night (20925) Bad night (1028) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I have two black x marks on my hands.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'

  (971): View more from Oregon

  damnit I wish I could remember that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): I have two black x marks on my hands. (503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here' (971): damnit I wish I could remember that. http://tfl.nu/kz4a
  Replies (58) Good night (26502) Bad night (1259)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (508) Good night (86060) Bad night (8370)
• Favorite

  (742): View more from

  What happened last night?

  (1-742): View more from

  You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (742): What happened last night? (1-742): You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth. http://tfl.nu/koqa
  Replies (5) Good night (736) Bad night (4753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay http://tfl.nu/5gp7
  Replies (9) Good night (1281) Bad night (2516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  What happened?....

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): What happened?.... (304): He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm.... http://tfl.nu/j714
  Replies (10) Good night (1530) Bad night (5055)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  what happened last night??

  (518): View more from New York

  everyone saw ******'s vagina

  (518): View more from New York

  and that's just the beginning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): what happened last night?? (518): everyone saw ******'s vagina (518): and that's just the beginning http://tfl.nu/m65w
  Replies (5) Good night (1940) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  What happened to the watermelon?

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  You fucked it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): What happened to the watermelon? (1-314): You fucked it. http://tfl.nu/pk7c
  Replies (15) Good night (2094) Bad night (4404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one. http://tfl.nu/q7a8
  Replies (2) Good night (2630) Bad night (416)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We using my standards or yours?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad? (443): We using my standards or yours? http://tfl.nu/agac
  Replies (7) Good night (2919) Bad night (560)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night. http://tfl.nu/e3vv
  Replies (9) Good night (4009) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again. http://tfl.nu/nufk
  Replies (9) Good night (4178) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock' http://tfl.nu/bqqm
  Replies (12) Good night (4645) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me. http://tfl.nu/06ls
  Replies (21) Good night (5331) Bad night (1878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either. http://tfl.nu/vb3y
  Replies (47) Good night (6207) Bad night (1492)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened. http://tfl.nu/qapw
  Replies (20) Good night (9207) Bad night (629)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  what happened last night?

  (917): View more from New York City

  u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style

  (718): View more from New York

  that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): what happened last night? (917): u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style (718): that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left http://tfl.nu/i3a9
  Replies (39) Good night (13966) Bad night (900)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh

  (1-619): View more from California

  maybe you did when you were drunk

  (619): View more from California

  no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh (1-619): maybe you did when you were drunk (619): no way, i wasn't THAT drunk. http://tfl.nu/a663
  Replies (17) Good night (675) Bad night (2197)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low. http://tfl.nu/fwog
  Replies (60) Good night (1244) Bad night (2432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  is it cool if i come over and use your computer?

  (1-916): View more from California

  what happened to yours?

  (916): View more from California

  i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): is it cool if i come over and use your computer? (1-916): what happened to yours? (916): i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink. http://tfl.nu/idhb
  Replies (6) Good night (560) Bad night (2536)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay http://tfl.nu/pvcx
  Replies (16) Good night (4995) Bad night (3296)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now http://tfl.nu/uxyj
  Replies (5) Good night (701) Bad night (3299) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal. http://tfl.nu/8mte
  Replies (3) Good night (651) Bad night (3420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears. http://tfl.nu/u9sm
  Replies (20) Good night (1930) Bad night (3381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory. http://tfl.nu/jr9q
  Replies (7) Good night (1068) Bad night (3530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying http://tfl.nu/0ccm
  Replies (8) Good night (3140) Bad night (3900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed. http://tfl.nu/ihm6
  Replies (9) Good night (1492) Bad night (3711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  ill bring the camera dont start without me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup (1-215): ill bring the camera dont start without me http://tfl.nu/yr2f
  Replies (26) Good night (1175) Bad night (3878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore? http://tfl.nu/tjz8
  Replies (18) Good night (938) Bad night (3857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal http://tfl.nu/wd7r
  Replies (18) Good night (1227) Bad night (3883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night http://tfl.nu/fbj4
  Replies (18) Good night (987) Bad night (3955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  but fathers day is next sunday

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day (617): but fathers day is next sunday (781): i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet http://tfl.nu/pxvx
  Replies (14) Good night (753) Bad night (4177)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car. http://tfl.nu/jp7a
  Replies (14) Good night (889) Bad night (4199)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought. http://tfl.nu/bahq
  Replies (14) Good night (631) Bad night (4352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons. (267): I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner. http://tfl.nu/vxtv
  Replies (12) Good night (1013) Bad night (4510)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk http://tfl.nu/bu5o
  Replies (18) Good night (931) Bad night (4557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges. http://tfl.nu/kn7k
  Replies (51) Good night (1030) Bad night (4519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better. http://tfl.nu/j6r0
  Replies (17) Good night (914) Bad night (4797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there. http://tfl.nu/qu8f
  Replies (15) Good night (454) Bad night (4857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously http://tfl.nu/dgt5
  Replies (19) Good night (756) Bad night (4885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch. http://tfl.nu/47sj
  Replies (29) Good night (1082) Bad night (4895)
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order. http://tfl.nu/8dgh
  Replies (9) Good night (820) Bad night (5044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on. http://tfl.nu/m36i
  Replies (16) Good night (1176) Bad night (5052)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better. http://tfl.nu/5s87
  Replies (43) Good night (1282) Bad night (5137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  sorry. that wasn't for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep (732): sorry. that wasn't for you http://tfl.nu/2avz
  Replies (31) Good night (1912) Bad night (5080)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.

  (219): View more from Indiana

  You said that last year...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate. (219): You said that last year... http://tfl.nu/7qlf
  Replies (18) Good night (1890) Bad night (5355)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night? http://tfl.nu/7t3i
  Replies (15) Good night (1004) Bad night (5253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk. http://tfl.nu/xfwn
  Replies (8) Good night (615) Bad night (5415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg (1-973): gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something? (973): yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars http://tfl.nu/7tyz
  Replies (18) Good night (1397) Bad night (5540)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet?? http://tfl.nu/wkxa
  Replies (39) Good night (1198) Bad night (5394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me. http://tfl.nu/ks5k
  Replies (22) Good night (647) Bad night (5383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner. http://tfl.nu/u3lx
  Replies (18) Good night (738) Bad night (5396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called. http://tfl.nu/6o7h
  Replies (12) Good night (819) Bad night (5496)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life. http://tfl.nu/o2zn
  Replies (18) Good night (1290) Bad night (5465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have http://tfl.nu/u3xa
  Replies (17) Good night (1056) Bad night (5836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them http://tfl.nu/szer
  Replies (14) Good night (2273) Bad night (6264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad. http://tfl.nu/40qb
  Replies (27) Good night (1399) Bad night (7019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch. http://tfl.nu/y4b9
  Replies (20) Good night (603) Bad night (6790)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night http://tfl.nu/0bmo
  Replies (20) Good night (964) Bad night (6642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left. http://tfl.nu/hrhu
  Replies (36) Good night (940) Bad night (7100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night http://tfl.nu/u1r5
  Replies (29) Good night (1755) Bad night (7077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.

  (1-818): View more from California

  Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night. (1-818): Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit. http://tfl.nu/ras5
  Replies (10) Good night (1065) Bad night (7291)
• Favorite

  (221): View more from

  I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (221): I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE. http://tfl.nu/7n2x
  Replies (20) Good night (1043) Bad night (7326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more. http://tfl.nu/2mzd
  Replies (17) Good night (1249) Bad night (7649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again http://tfl.nu/4hwy
  Replies (16) Good night (710) Bad night (7778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name http://tfl.nu/f3l4
  Replies (26) Good night (672) Bad night (8463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  So did the night end well for you?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): So did the night end well for you? (248): I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text http://tfl.nu/n8vz
  Replies (31) Good night (1044) Bad night (8975)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style. http://tfl.nu/eq3b
  Replies (27) Good night (1258) Bad night (8982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk http://tfl.nu/jmus
  Replies (37) Good night (1430) Bad night (8685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked. http://tfl.nu/g4y8
  Replies (45) Good night (1445) Bad night (9361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit. http://tfl.nu/890j
  Replies (48) Good night (2671) Bad night (9367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god. http://tfl.nu/co52
  Replies (30) Good night (1262) Bad night (10072) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school. http://tfl.nu/cnqq
  Replies (88) Good night (870) Bad night (11014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me. http://tfl.nu/3ypx
  Replies (27) Good night (1022) Bad night (11110)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted. http://tfl.nu/575h
  Replies (136) Good night (7271) Bad night (55218)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move (617): that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame http://tfl.nu/79g6
  Replies (15) Good night (6488) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again http://tfl.nu/srv7
  Replies (21) Good night (6317) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  our generation is not ready to get married

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"? (636): our generation is not ready to get married http://tfl.nu/klk9
  Replies (49) Good night (6704) Bad night (2344)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to. http://tfl.nu/jn1k
  Replies (30) Good night (6395) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said http://tfl.nu/bvpk
  Replies (41) Good night (6507) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you" http://tfl.nu/hln2
  Replies (19) Good night (6853) Bad night (1871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now http://tfl.nu/mm02
  Replies (21) Good night (6916) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me? http://tfl.nu/7eei
  Replies (26) Good night (6780) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?

  (760): View more from California

  You are my hero

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI? (760): You are my hero http://tfl.nu/9mtt
  Replies (36) Good night (7103) Bad night (1011)
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much? http://tfl.nu/jwju
  Replies (23) Good night (7047) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja http://tfl.nu/h6o5
  Replies (30) Good night (7302) Bad night (1038)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese. http://tfl.nu/mdbn
  Replies (10) Good night (7044) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again" http://tfl.nu/ygm1
  Replies (12) Good night (7354) Bad night (1764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles. http://tfl.nu/gk4i
  Replies (12) Good night (7210) Bad night (697)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  im so drunk with asians

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  where?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  always

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): im so drunk with asians (1-614): where? (614): always http://tfl.nu/is91
  Replies (43) Good night (7290) Bad night (617)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America. http://tfl.nu/aex4
  Replies (15) Good night (7383) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response. http://tfl.nu/3ka8
  Replies (16) Good night (7439) Bad night (1266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  This kid is drunk.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): This kid is drunk. (410): I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted. http://tfl.nu/8aqa
  Replies (6) Good night (7808) Bad night (759)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out. http://tfl.nu/skdx
  Replies (18) Good night (7775) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst" http://tfl.nu/u5av
  Replies (16) Good night (7642) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread. http://tfl.nu/62jg
  Replies (18) Good night (7705) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well. http://tfl.nu/2mtg
  Replies (26) Good night (8003) Bad night (1263) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee http://tfl.nu/57zq
  Replies (20) Good night (8386) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here. http://tfl.nu/jyp5
  Replies (14) Good night (7816) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way http://tfl.nu/08qt
  Replies (22) Good night (9027) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot. http://tfl.nu/sr3w
  Replies (19) Good night (9284) Bad night (1159)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one. http://tfl.nu/wrt6
  Replies (34) Good night (9268) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final http://tfl.nu/7b8j
  Replies (18) Good night (9840) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk http://tfl.nu/784w
  Replies (28) Good night (10053) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face" http://tfl.nu/0o08
  Replies (53) Good night (10535) Bad night (1473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  What did u do?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn.. (1-540): What did u do? (540): turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him.. http://tfl.nu/pi8a
  Replies (50) Good night (11034) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk. http://tfl.nu/j1no
  Replies (25) Good night (11658) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/nxz1
  Replies (35) Good night (11778) Bad night (1038) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch. http://tfl.nu/v1iz
  Replies (47) Good night (11884) Bad night (1060) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?

  (1-559): View more from California

  That depends on who this is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true? (1-559): That depends on who this is. http://tfl.nu/a6jm
  Replies (42) Good night (14362) Bad night (1860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Why are my keys in the refrigerator?

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  This explains so much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Why are my keys in the refrigerator? (1-205): You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you. (205): This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/ouwy
  Replies (30) Good night (17894) Bad night (886)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now. http://tfl.nu/wxpj
  Replies (35) Good night (15097) Bad night (1257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!" http://tfl.nu/jby7
  Replies (37) Good night (18480) Bad night (1058) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower. http://tfl.nu/hbb7
  Replies (62) Good night (19378) Bad night (1458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (25455) Bad night (1340)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp. http://tfl.nu/a6do
  Replies (40) Good night (20977) Bad night (982)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever. http://tfl.nu/526w
  Replies (48) Good night (28545) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  dude. I'm so drunk.

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is bryce's mom

  (214): View more from Texas

  I can't wait to have my cock in your ass

  (972): View more from Texas

  pete, this is still bryce's mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): dude. I'm so drunk. (972): pete, this is bryce's mom (214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass (972): pete, this is still bryce's mom http://tfl.nu/lat0
  Replies (180) Good night (36458) Bad night (4989)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time. http://tfl.nu/767v
  Replies (59) Good night (35498) Bad night (961)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (51679) Bad night (2730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  who is this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me. (248): who is this? http://tfl.nu/n5nl
  Replies (4) Good night (849) Bad night (860)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Are you still giving blowjobs?

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Who is this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Are you still giving blowjobs? (1-850): Who is this? http://tfl.nu/iq9v
  Replies (30) Good night (9614) Bad night (2081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?

  (573): View more from Missouri

  IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch (636): Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving? (573): IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation http://tfl.nu/yr3e
  Replies (29) Good night (6889) Bad night (2109)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting http://tfl.nu/x71w
  Replies (13) Good night (2729) Bad night (2778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations http://tfl.nu/sqlo
  Replies (17) Good night (2029) Bad night (3978) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  This gyro tastes like lonliness

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): This gyro tastes like lonliness http://tfl.nu/d72i
  Replies (14) Good night (809) Bad night (3939) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy. http://tfl.nu/n1q0
  Replies (17) Good night (1239) Bad night (5617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen http://tfl.nu/h1qo
  Replies (10) Good night (1163) Bad night (4615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv (1-405): we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina http://tfl.nu/dapc
  Replies (24) Good night (2309) Bad night (5186)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting... http://tfl.nu/4ynh
  Replies (23) Good night (1852) Bad night (5221)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish" http://tfl.nu/scbq
  Replies (21) Good night (1460) Bad night (5438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant http://tfl.nu/i402
  Replies (25) Good night (1119) Bad night (10602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish http://tfl.nu/f18y
  Replies (17) Good night (8230) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around http://tfl.nu/e0gz
  Replies (14) Good night (2046) Bad night (5757) Order T-Shirt