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I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
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