Texts From Last Night · JulieO's Favorites

JulieO's Favorites Texts:

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(828): View more from North Carolina

yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store

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(818): View more from California

remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,

(702): View more from Nevada

Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Don't worry. I has chaperone.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(816): View more from Missouri

She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?

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(714): View more from California

walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined

(714): View more from California

he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day

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(248): View more from Michigan

I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...

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(310): View more from California

thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!

(1-310): View more from California

you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?

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(248): View more from Michigan

She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.

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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Read it at the TFLN blog
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

he even offered to make my bed in the morning.

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(214): View more from Texas

someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex

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(503): View more from Oregon

One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.

(503): View more from Oregon

By 8 I mean 9.

(503): View more from Oregon

And by 9 I mean 10.

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(404): View more from Georgia

They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.

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(518): View more from New York

I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.

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(813): View more from Florida

he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there

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(503): View more from Oregon

Hey man your outta milk

(541): View more from Oregon

How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!

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(203): View more from Connecticut

The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.

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(240): View more from Maryland

I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.

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(602): View more from Arizona

Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.

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(425): View more from Washington

i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.

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(561): View more from Florida

You drink too much

(1-561): View more from Florida

No, I drink just the right amount - too often.

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(212): View more from New York

her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum

(212): View more from New York

i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls

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(225): View more from Louisiana

True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us

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(575): View more from New Mexico

We need to talk about our relationship.

(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?

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(631): View more from New York

So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"

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(813): View more from Florida

Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.

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(937): View more from Ohio

[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]

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(734): View more from Michigan

I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that

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(734): View more from Michigan

; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up

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(410): View more from Maryland

I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me

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(314): View more from Missouri

My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"

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(775): View more from Nevada

she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.

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(512): View more from Texas

what did gay clubs do before lady gaga

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(847): View more from Illinois

Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life

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(785): View more from Kansas

i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up

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(216): View more from Ohio

I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

i live my life in a constant state of hangover.

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(801): View more from Utah

please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.

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(706): View more from Georgia

Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.

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(970): View more from Colorado

ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"

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(510): View more from California

I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting

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(310): View more from California

can your parents tell?

(310): View more from California

i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know

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(303): View more from Colorado

im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.

(1-303): View more from Colorado

that was a mass text, wasnt it?

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(613): View more from Ontario

Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.

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(509): View more from Washington

Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?

(860): View more from Connecticut

Becoming a productive member of society?

(509): View more from Washington

Sam. Come on.

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(819): View more from Quebec

Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?

(604): View more from British Columbia

Each and every day.

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(714): View more from California

Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.

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(630): View more from Illinois

wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?

(816): View more from Missouri

yes. helicopter.

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(337): View more from Louisiana

Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.

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(301): View more from Maryland

did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.

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(323): View more from California

I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...

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(908): View more from New Jersey

My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.

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(516): View more from New York

remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.

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(985): View more from Louisiana

when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"

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(216): View more from Ohio

We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber

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(518): View more from New York

just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her

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(256): View more from Alabama

Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk

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(847): View more from Illinois

How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?

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(972): View more from Texas

Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?

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(206): View more from Washington

What should our trivia night team be named?

(925): View more from California

Define Statutory

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(302): View more from Delaware

I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.

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(361): View more from Texas

I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.

(1-361): View more from Texas

Def the best call fo sho

(361): View more from Texas

That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.

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(419): View more from Ohio

Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?

(216): View more from Ohio

Turn them off?

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(281): View more from Texas

So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.

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(209): View more from California

Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.

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(323): View more from California

I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning

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(518): View more from New York

Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?

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(214): View more from Texas

Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.

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(310): View more from California

Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?

(770): View more from Georgia

b/c u have herpes

(310): View more from California

No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her

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(312): View more from Illinois

i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee

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(630): View more from Illinois

If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.

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(325): View more from Texas

how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit

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(541): View more from Oregon

This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out

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(623): View more from Arizona

were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

wanna hang out tonight and remember it?

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(951): View more from California

So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.

(909): View more from California

dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face

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(314): View more from Missouri

Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.

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(551): View more from New Jersey

i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me

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(765): View more from Indiana

let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.

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(207): View more from Maine

i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship

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(302): View more from Delaware

I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course

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(630): View more from Illinois

Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?

(1-630): View more from Illinois

Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.

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(858): View more from California

we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.

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(630): View more from Illinois

it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.

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(205): View more from Alabama

I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month

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(708): View more from Illinois

This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.

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(207): View more from Maine

so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.

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(404): View more from Georgia

you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.

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(740): View more from Ohio

Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.

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(315): View more from New York

His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.

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(443): View more from Maryland

party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there

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(440): View more from Ohio

Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."

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(307): View more from Wyoming

North Korea, Best Korea!

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(209): View more from California

what is college for if not random hookup sex?

(951): View more from California

learning.

(209): View more from California

i would literally fuck learning if i could.

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(303): View more from Colorado

God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.

(720): View more from Colorado

And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.

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(319): View more from Iowa

addddeeerrraaaallll.

(641): View more from Iowa

ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.

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(772): View more from Florida

I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.

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(510): View more from California

he said he didn't have a condom.

(415): View more from California

and you said?

(510): View more from California

that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.

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(216): View more from Ohio

Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

(440): View more from Ohio

Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

(216): View more from Ohio

Holy shit r u serious? How?

(440): View more from Ohio

Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.

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(310): View more from California

i fucked a milf yesterday.

(619): View more from California

i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.

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(810): View more from Michigan

Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs

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(806): View more from Texas

We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.

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(519): View more from Ontario

i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over

(314): View more from Missouri

you can't hurt those

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(734): View more from Michigan

How was the bike ride?

(1-734): View more from Michigan

Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.

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(530): View more from California

There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them

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(661): View more from California

new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.

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