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Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
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