Texts From Last Night

Bebexlove's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went. http://tfl.nu/fpvf
  Replies (16) Good night (6109) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+45): View more from Denmark

  Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+45): Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired. http://tfl.nu/rbaa
  Replies (9) Good night (4914) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender. http://tfl.nu/ts7y
  Replies (8) Good night (1070) Bad night (3857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason? http://tfl.nu/33o5
  Replies (7) Good night (2732) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight". http://tfl.nu/suji
  Replies (5) Good night (4033) Bad night (1133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success. http://tfl.nu/kq4s
  Replies (8) Good night (2998) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle? http://tfl.nu/1h10
  Replies (8) Good night (2584) Bad night (1136) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job http://tfl.nu/i0ci
  Replies (56) Good night (4781) Bad night (1326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat. http://tfl.nu/yzbr
  Replies (19) Good night (12373) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night. http://tfl.nu/6i6d
  Replies (20) Good night (1026) Bad night (4890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight http://tfl.nu/z6vl
  Replies (22) Good night (4254) Bad night (1407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.

  (360): View more from Washington

  I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch. (360): I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina. http://tfl.nu/x3ve
  Replies (92) Good night (4572) Bad night (826)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes http://tfl.nu/2sgp
  Replies (14) Good night (4457) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes http://tfl.nu/55qw
  Replies (22) Good night (2132) Bad night (4273) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it http://tfl.nu/0her
  Replies (11) Good night (5332) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  will power is for people who don't want to get laid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): will power is for people who don't want to get laid http://tfl.nu/uala
  Replies (22) Good night (3904) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own http://tfl.nu/ot8v
  Replies (27) Good night (8477) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms http://tfl.nu/1qb7
  Replies (27) Good night (11725) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night http://tfl.nu/f5gl
  Replies (92) Good night (32259) Bad night (1604)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat" http://tfl.nu/ukas
  Replies (14) Good night (4281) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job. http://tfl.nu/htiz
  Replies (32) Good night (5137) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status. http://tfl.nu/kzoi
  Replies (43) Good night (14865) Bad night (1134) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  this will be a night to untag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): this will be a night to untag. http://tfl.nu/f6xw
  Replies (6) Good night (7644) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock... http://tfl.nu/tura
  Replies (15) Good night (5505) Bad night (1210)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship. http://tfl.nu/tvch
  Replies (8) Good night (730) Bad night (3137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night. http://tfl.nu/4bxb
  Replies (10) Good night (4690) Bad night (1489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks. http://tfl.nu/lsv9
  Replies (12) Good night (5909) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall http://tfl.nu/brex
  Replies (11) Good night (4209) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy. http://tfl.nu/kmxm
  Replies (36) Good night (1660) Bad night (4728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again http://tfl.nu/xxfj
  Replies (67) Good night (12671) Bad night (2171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be. http://tfl.nu/n7rl
  Replies (8) Good night (5859) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you." http://tfl.nu/7a3m
  Replies (55) Good night (26468) Bad night (2254) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you. http://tfl.nu/aegn
  Replies (10) Good night (3077) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive. http://tfl.nu/e1l9
  Replies (10) Good night (4668) Bad night (1181) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things http://tfl.nu/ommx
  Replies (30) Good night (2027) Bad night (3666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible. http://tfl.nu/pxku
  Replies (19) Good night (4632) Bad night (1160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous http://tfl.nu/iens
  Replies (15) Good night (5212) Bad night (1146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Umm you met him three days ago....

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I said what I said

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for (215): Umm you met him three days ago.... (267): I said what I said http://tfl.nu/18h0
  Replies (30) Good night (7340) Bad night (1398)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  tequila makes me forget i have legs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): tequila makes me forget i have legs http://tfl.nu/9rzk
  Replies (25) Good night (5985) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations http://tfl.nu/cpf7
  Replies (19) Good night (8139) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay http://tfl.nu/145k
  Replies (12) Good night (3989) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  when i was alone, his dick was there for me...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): when i was alone, his dick was there for me... http://tfl.nu/g7ma
  Replies (32) Good night (4906) Bad night (1079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  so when am I gonna get some from you?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  when you dick grows 3 inches

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): so when am I gonna get some from you? (617): when you dick grows 3 inches http://tfl.nu/rd2p
  Replies (74) Good night (1830) Bad night (8732)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes http://tfl.nu/mnz7
  Replies (10) Good night (1221) Bad night (2573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16 http://tfl.nu/rugk
  Replies (17) Good night (1046) Bad night (3377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final http://tfl.nu/3a2h
  Replies (11) Good night (5117) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement

  (510): View more from California

  big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement (510): big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault. http://tfl.nu/lnx0
  Replies (11) Good night (6383) Bad night (988)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  You got in a fight last night?

  (818): View more from California

  Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.

  (323): View more from California

  Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): You got in a fight last night? (818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since. (323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you? http://tfl.nu/hf09
  Replies (131) Good night (8268) Bad night (23695)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs http://tfl.nu/4ami
  Replies (26) Good night (6254) Bad night (1304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat http://tfl.nu/ast4
  Replies (56) Good night (15633) Bad night (1475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts... http://tfl.nu/9w6o
  Replies (22) Good night (2483) Bad night (6596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): All I need in life is some dick and a big mac. http://tfl.nu/2v25
  Replies (65) Good night (6313) Bad night (1267) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work. http://tfl.nu/vmme
  Replies (15) Good night (981) Bad night (3333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution. http://tfl.nu/sbqf
  Replies (21) Good night (5937) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out http://tfl.nu/0mnv
  Replies (13) Good night (8549) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong. http://tfl.nu/rar8
  Replies (20) Good night (3752) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves. http://tfl.nu/q9n8
  Replies (26) Good night (4664) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  ugh. my soul tastes like vodka

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): ugh. my soul tastes like vodka http://tfl.nu/d0v0
  Replies (9) Good night (4280) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account

  (1-216): View more from Ohio

  damn...impressive bar tab

  (216): View more from Ohio

  no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account (1-216): damn...impressive bar tab (216): no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer http://tfl.nu/hyvf
  Replies (13) Good night (1144) Bad night (1851)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis http://tfl.nu/8w9k
  Replies (82) Good night (11057) Bad night (1457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  They have edible shot glasses at target.

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  There really is a God.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): They have edible shot glasses at target. (1-812): There really is a God. http://tfl.nu/0gpe
  Replies (24) Good night (5917) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  my being single is dangerous.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): my being single is dangerous. http://tfl.nu/5ief
  Replies (24) Good night (4911) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed. http://tfl.nu/fhfj
  Replies (33) Good night (5956) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me. http://tfl.nu/ash4
  Replies (21) Good night (1593) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose. http://tfl.nu/niu3
  Replies (23) Good night (688) Bad night (2646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices. http://tfl.nu/qbzj
  Replies (5) Good night (1247) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts. http://tfl.nu/x2s5
  Replies (18) Good night (4707) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You can't wash away shame.

  (1-781): View more from Massachusetts

  I can try.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): You can't wash away shame. (1-781): I can try. http://tfl.nu/os07
  Replies (8) Good night (1239) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks

  (917): View more from New York City

  this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed

  (917): View more from New York City

  he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?

  (718): View more from New York

  messed up. what color are the wings?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks (917): this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed (917): he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF? (718): messed up. what color are the wings? http://tfl.nu/7ui0
  Replies (11) Good night (2070) Bad night (434)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer. http://tfl.nu/jibz
  Replies (52) Good night (36661) Bad night (1642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened http://tfl.nu/7n12
  Replies (8) Good night (4217) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down. http://tfl.nu/xg1z
  Replies (7) Good night (5464) Bad night (1606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal" (501): Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him... http://tfl.nu/wsps
  Replies (15) Good night (5971) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  dude are you serious?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I know you already have a pic on your phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave (617): dude are you serious? (978): I know you already have a pic on your phone http://tfl.nu/k6lt
  Replies (95) Good night (2433) Bad night (2955)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning? http://tfl.nu/tqik
  Replies (11) Good night (4090) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever. http://tfl.nu/526w
  Replies (48) Good night (28548) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq. http://tfl.nu/wl24
  Replies (16) Good night (4830) Bad night (537)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later. http://tfl.nu/i15d
  Replies (41) Good night (777) Bad night (6882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now. http://tfl.nu/52n8
  Replies (19) Good night (3408) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation! http://tfl.nu/fp0i
  Replies (13) Good night (4524) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  You should dream of me :)

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm going to dream of single life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): You should dream of me :) (402): I'm going to dream of single life. http://tfl.nu/hb9m
  Replies (24) Good night (785) Bad night (2662)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street. http://tfl.nu/fk7f
  Replies (35) Good night (8391) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  just woke up in my neighbors garage.

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): just woke up in my neighbors garage. (931): scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage. http://tfl.nu/x40j
  Replies (21) Good night (9212) Bad night (1164)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Potential corruption. He's 19.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Get them while they're young!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Potential corruption. He's 19. (1-248): Get them while they're young! http://tfl.nu/cezi
  Replies (2) Good night (1324) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible http://tfl.nu/my4k
  Replies (17) Good night (8229) Bad night (1089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?

  (1-559): View more from California

  That depends on who this is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true? (1-559): That depends on who this is. http://tfl.nu/a6jm
  Replies (42) Good night (14365) Bad night (1861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back. http://tfl.nu/2rvp
  Replies (24) Good night (7040) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?

  (713): View more from Texas

  lets deal with that after we figure out where i am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen? (713): lets deal with that after we figure out where i am http://tfl.nu/0phs
  Replies (21) Good night (10814) Bad night (1050)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take. http://tfl.nu/lajr
  Replies (24) Good night (4445) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart. http://tfl.nu/liah
  Replies (22) Good night (6842) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again. http://tfl.nu/ehlu
  Replies (20) Good night (6014) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels. http://tfl.nu/rynp
  Replies (10) Good night (5199) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I'll start drinking again when I know where I am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I'll start drinking again when I know where I am http://tfl.nu/a7gj
  Replies (24) Good night (4778) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  please don't ever take me to a strip club again...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals... (1-217): please don't ever take me to a strip club again... http://tfl.nu/2ds8
  Replies (29) Good night (5839) Bad night (1539)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!

  (253): View more from Washington

  Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night! (253): Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out. http://tfl.nu/4dtb
  Replies (68) Good night (1083) Bad night (3104)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother http://tfl.nu/qg9n
  Replies (14) Good night (4905) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do. http://tfl.nu/0i65
  Replies (13) Good night (6491) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings. http://tfl.nu/pz3m
  Replies (44) Good night (6633) Bad night (1552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Too many margaritas?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog. (321): Too many margaritas? http://tfl.nu/18gt
  Replies (9) Good night (3952) Bad night (878)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate. http://tfl.nu/wnho
  Replies (90) Good night (596) Bad night (3478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Some milfs here doing some blow

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  Dad?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Some milfs here doing some blow (1-203): Dad? http://tfl.nu/14p7
  Replies (64) Good night (3646) Bad night (8079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge. http://tfl.nu/9q10
  Replies (24) Good night (3943) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step. http://tfl.nu/yq43
  Replies (14) Good night (4896) Bad night (1034)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying. http://tfl.nu/rtdk
  Replies (42) Good night (8173) Bad night (1747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  that makes sense.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you... (1-850): that makes sense. http://tfl.nu/5jmk
  Replies (16) Good night (7134) Bad night (639)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany http://tfl.nu/9r3u
  Replies (22) Good night (480) Bad night (2396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here. http://tfl.nu/rnyh
  Replies (16) Good night (10721) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked. http://tfl.nu/h1xn
  Replies (17) Good night (3795) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home

  (419): View more from Ohio

  move.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home (419): move. http://tfl.nu/91am
  Replies (19) Good night (902) Bad night (7202)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago

  (404): View more from Georgia

  so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago (404): so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me? http://tfl.nu/o0wy
  Replies (30) Good night (8535) Bad night (960)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B. http://tfl.nu/2oen
  Replies (38) Good night (4935) Bad night (1870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never. http://tfl.nu/g58g
  Replies (27) Good night (8715) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.

  (1-646): View more from New York

  what. the. fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now. (1-646): what. the. fuck. http://tfl.nu/rzew
  Replies (55) Good night (5466) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (131) Good night (60845) Bad night (1891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this. http://tfl.nu/da6y
  Replies (48) Good night (506) Bad night (3824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing http://tfl.nu/99kd
  Replies (17) Good night (10681) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU? http://tfl.nu/gpmz
  Replies (8) Good night (430) Bad night (3177) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (25463) Bad night (1341)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight. http://tfl.nu/vmod
  Replies (23) Good night (4736) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (485) Good night (173038) Bad night (6898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1628) Good night (168261) Bad night (42159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would do horrible things to your vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I would do horrible things to your vagina. (978): Prove it. http://tfl.nu/qld3
  Replies (182) Good night (93468) Bad night (4595)
• Favorite

  (600): View more from

  I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (600): I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans http://tfl.nu/5cg9
  Replies (6) Good night (3590) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister. http://tfl.nu/fqyo
  Replies (26) Good night (8898) Bad night (1135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x http://tfl.nu/g18f
  Replies (110) Good night (1212) Bad night (4648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive http://tfl.nu/gj7g
  Replies (4) Good night (1250) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you. http://tfl.nu/pcz9
  Replies (16) Good night (766) Bad night (3486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations. http://tfl.nu/i5jg
  Replies (12) Good night (1400) Bad night (3838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill http://tfl.nu/6vp9
  Replies (148) Good night (3401) Bad night (12191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  can I come stay the night

  (217): View more from Illinois

  yeah, but no sex tonight

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'll stay home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): can I come stay the night (217): yeah, but no sex tonight (810): I'll stay home http://tfl.nu/tu8g
  Replies (34) Good night (2196) Bad night (7962)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you. (1-214): that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary http://tfl.nu/469f
  Replies (36) Good night (7634) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times http://tfl.nu/h14v
  Replies (12) Good night (4454) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much? http://tfl.nu/y3h1
  Replies (23) Good night (3147) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  i jhust puked up my retainher.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): i jhust puked up my retainher. http://tfl.nu/zdlf
  Replies (3) Good night (540) Bad night (1203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer. http://tfl.nu/r6k4
  Replies (17) Good night (548) Bad night (6919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you? http://tfl.nu/2ont
  Replies (24) Good night (627) Bad night (2696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  who is this?

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  jesse's little brother

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good (651): who is this? (612): jesse's little brother http://tfl.nu/8x0e
  Replies (42) Good night (1489) Bad night (4598)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!? http://tfl.nu/ocr3
  Replies (69) Good night (1709) Bad night (9748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  This is not my ceiling

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): This is not my ceiling http://tfl.nu/p46e
  Replies (11) Good night (1560) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up http://tfl.nu/ti5i
  Replies (20) Good night (2147) Bad night (4370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot. http://tfl.nu/tkrk
  Replies (19) Good night (866) Bad night (4295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  succeeding

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives? (910): succeeding http://tfl.nu/avwv
  Replies (10) Good night (5067) Bad night (878)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories http://tfl.nu/tcvk
  Replies (7) Good night (2831) Bad night (1664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number http://tfl.nu/nl2y
  Replies (20) Good night (6479) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (226): forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions. http://tfl.nu/kw3s
  Replies (15) Good night (7646) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha http://tfl.nu/wuor
  Replies (21) Good night (3622) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Operation Purity has been aborted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): Operation Purity has been aborted http://tfl.nu/jf4h
  Replies (24) Good night (6370) Bad night (1132) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in. http://tfl.nu/ql5b
  Replies (15) Good night (3617) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist http://tfl.nu/e75m
  Replies (19) Good night (6765) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  i want you now

  (916): View more from California

  you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): i want you now (916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this http://tfl.nu/8egt
  Replies (148) Good night (6886) Bad night (69196)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome. http://tfl.nu/21pe
  Replies (22) Good night (28715) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (188) Good night (56841) Bad night (4687)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands http://tfl.nu/c6ww
  Replies (83) Good night (49044) Bad night (2041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (152) Good night (65386) Bad night (3436)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? http://tfl.nu/ppdn
  Replies (116) Good night (65449) Bad night (3903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it. http://tfl.nu/hzy8
  Replies (33) Good night (12479) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours

  (816): View more from Missouri

  outstanding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like. (1-816): Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours (816): outstanding. http://tfl.nu/qtfw
  Replies (15) Good night (4289) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  did we at least go back and get it?

  (208): View more from Idaho

  how else do you think we got jack in the box...?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too. (1-208): did we at least go back and get it? (208): how else do you think we got jack in the box...? http://tfl.nu/t8wq
  Replies (21) Good night (6394) Bad night (806)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed http://tfl.nu/eq1c
  Replies (89) Good night (9013) Bad night (1506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting. http://tfl.nu/foam
  Replies (7) Good night (4184) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C. http://tfl.nu/06rr
  Replies (23) Good night (6913) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud. http://tfl.nu/wi0l
  Replies (18) Good night (6920) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened http://tfl.nu/tpah
  Replies (13) Good night (6128) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is sufficient.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living (1-412): bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug (412): This is sufficient. http://tfl.nu/p15m
  Replies (72) Good night (12110) Bad night (815)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it

  (206): View more from Washington

  youre the best friend ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it (206): youre the best friend ever http://tfl.nu/6oyc
  Replies (46) Good night (20360) Bad night (910)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get. http://tfl.nu/c3cp
  Replies (10) Good night (4704) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby. http://tfl.nu/f0c2
  Replies (96) Good night (16538) Bad night (1193)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels (1-603) Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know http://tfl.nu/7nn4
  Replies (33) Good night (2858) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  he wasnt completely random

  (914): View more from New York

  you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i get things done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): he wasnt completely random (914): you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont (201): i get things done. http://tfl.nu/5ew9
  Replies (14) Good night (1175) Bad night (425)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog http://tfl.nu/fdsx
  Replies (27) Good night (1389) Bad night (7154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door. http://tfl.nu/090e
  Replies (29) Good night (2068) Bad night (6869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I just saw the nastiest chick.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Where?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I just saw the nastiest chick. (1-603): Where? (603): woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you http://tfl.nu/hbsk
  Replies (43) Good night (1180) Bad night (8146)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants http://tfl.nu/4e8k
  Replies (61) Good night (743) Bad night (8307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out. http://tfl.nu/ndw1
  Replies (50) Good night (1433) Bad night (18290)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud http://tfl.nu/p0vi
  Replies (44) Good night (1436) Bad night (18549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that. (717): I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother... http://tfl.nu/ehm3
  Replies (153) Good night (1889) Bad night (25533)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me? (1-949): are you seriously doing this over text message (949): hahaha no, but i am dumping you. http://tfl.nu/2zd7
  Replies (353) Good night (7745) Bad night (48311)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety. http://tfl.nu/meos
  Replies (9) Good night (2941) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?

  (1-920): View more from Wisconsin

  no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  he wasn't. neither were you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss? (1-920): no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom? (920): he wasn't. neither were you. http://tfl.nu/3ltg
  Replies (16) Good night (6901) Bad night (1025)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces. http://tfl.nu/5t2e
  Replies (11) Good night (3464) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings. http://tfl.nu/mgul
  Replies (26) Good night (9317) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.

  (906): View more from Michigan

  so you're not coming in to work today?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops. (906): so you're not coming in to work today? http://tfl.nu/mm6u
  Replies (13) Good night (1248) Bad night (3917)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero? http://tfl.nu/iroh
  Replies (31) Good night (6032) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not. http://tfl.nu/eg76
  Replies (54) Good night (2859) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk http://tfl.nu/09b7
  Replies (6) Good night (4124) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while. http://tfl.nu/9oye
  Replies (8) Good night (3819) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home. http://tfl.nu/dmz8
  Replies (49) Good night (5236) Bad night (2098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise. http://tfl.nu/s84e
  Replies (7) Good night (6576) Bad night (545)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste... http://tfl.nu/n6mj
  Replies (12) Good night (3555) Bad night (553)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  please tell me if i'm home and in my bed

  (1-310): View more from California

  negative

  (310): View more from California

  come find me please

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): please tell me if i'm home and in my bed (1-310): negative (310): come find me please http://tfl.nu/3ca4
  Replies (29) Good night (2087) Bad night (4505)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'm laying in your front yard are you home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I'm laying in your front yard are you home http://tfl.nu/8whw
  Replies (4) Good night (1241) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner. (615): That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right http://tfl.nu/5ajr
  Replies (15) Good night (2249) Bad night (430)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store... http://tfl.nu/z9dc
  Replies (50) Good night (7745) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place. http://tfl.nu/0x49
  Replies (39) Good night (743) Bad night (6786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.

  (281): View more from Texas

  No. Just liquor. Time's no good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time. (281): No. Just liquor. Time's no good. http://tfl.nu/1yv7
  Replies (14) Good night (2774) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night. http://tfl.nu/n564
  Replies (22) Good night (5623) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me. http://tfl.nu/m7oc
  Replies (14) Good night (4857) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt