Texts From Last Night · 707sm0k3r's Favorites

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707sm0k3r's Favorites Texts:

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(734): View more from Michigan

we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.

(248): View more from Michigan

...that shit cray.

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(734): we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet. (248): ...that shit cray. http://tfl.nu/b6yz

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few

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(617): I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few http://tfl.nu/zw2s

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(574): View more from Indiana

It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me

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(574): It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me http://tfl.nu/pd5w

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(541): View more from Oregon

So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

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(541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?

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(201): Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/of56

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(847): View more from Illinois

My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.

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(847): My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan. http://tfl.nu/ww9p

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(406): View more from Montana

Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor

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(406): Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor http://tfl.nu/fbq6

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(905): View more from Ontario

Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.

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(905): Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass. http://tfl.nu/tco3

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I stole a fireplace last night.

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(201): I stole a fireplace last night. http://tfl.nu/uv7e

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(407): View more from Florida

I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.

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(407): I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom. http://tfl.nu/s7cn

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I'm off the liquor

(1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick

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(403): I'm off the liquor (1-403): You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick http://tfl.nu/sglp

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

you found the shrooms didnt you

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(484): how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time (215): you found the shrooms didnt you http://tfl.nu/rmts

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(937): View more from Ohio

How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.

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(937): How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold. http://tfl.nu/0xc1

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(586): View more from Michigan

I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.

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(586): I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food. http://tfl.nu/52ze

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(406): View more from Montana

just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution

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(406): just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution http://tfl.nu/z6cd

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(785): View more from Kansas

MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.

(207): View more from Maine

HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.

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(785): MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped. (207): HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME. http://tfl.nu/4n05

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.

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(717): Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts. http://tfl.nu/zklc

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(+77): View more from

her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'

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(+77): her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like' http://tfl.nu/jkuk

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything

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(412): And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything http://tfl.nu/uj6p

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(954): View more from Florida

Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.

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(954): Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish. http://tfl.nu/zg18

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober

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(608): so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober http://tfl.nu/y352

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(205): View more from Alabama

Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook

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(205): Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook http://tfl.nu/0mxm

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about

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(505): Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about http://tfl.nu/ldbx

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(216): View more from Ohio

There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.

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(216): There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us. http://tfl.nu/2y42

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(812): View more from Indiana

You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.

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(812): You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation. http://tfl.nu/u8wd

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(205): View more from Alabama

When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'

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(205): When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life' http://tfl.nu/863e

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(410): View more from Maryland

Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!

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(410): Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA! http://tfl.nu/7pku

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(410): View more from Maryland

I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.

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(410): I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral. http://tfl.nu/e026

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(407): View more from Florida

I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.

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(407): I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule. http://tfl.nu/aidv

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(514): View more from Quebec

OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?

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(514): OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea? http://tfl.nu/286d

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(513): View more from Ohio

why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position

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(513): why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position http://tfl.nu/vjj2

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.

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(717): I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets. http://tfl.nu/exmx

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(954): View more from Florida

all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser

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(954): all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser http://tfl.nu/xbi4

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(1-415): View more from California

What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?

(415): View more from California

Irish Spring?

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(1-415): What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey? (415): Irish Spring? http://tfl.nu/ebnx

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