Texts From Last Night

Texts from January, 2013

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  (845): View more from New York

  It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.

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  (845): It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons. http://tfl.nu/somr
  Replies (3) Good night (386) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.

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  (202): You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself. http://tfl.nu/1zzq
  Replies (11) Good night (438) Bad night (1515)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions

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  (787): antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions http://tfl.nu/y7o6
  Replies (4) Good night (600) Bad night (296) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.

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  (253): He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child. http://tfl.nu/jtoq
  Replies (3) Good night (307) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.

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  (508): He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare. http://tfl.nu/rbhx
  Replies (3) Good night (1072) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.

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  (270): I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right? (1-270): It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking. http://tfl.nu/u0kh
  Replies (5) Good night (1463) Bad night (259)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out

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  (814): Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out http://tfl.nu/2z13
  Replies (2) Good night (242) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...

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  (262): I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf... http://tfl.nu/zbk2
  Replies (4) Good night (327) Bad night (1306) Order T-Shirt
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.

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  (319): I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks. http://tfl.nu/yrtx
  Replies (2) Good night (805) Bad night (252) Order T-Shirt
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.

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  (636): Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present. http://tfl.nu/1iee
  Replies (9) Good night (2311) Bad night (283)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.

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  (612): It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death. http://tfl.nu/1jo8
  Replies (1) Good night (462) Bad night (254) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.

  (281): View more from Texas

  i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.

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  (832): i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice. (281): i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building. http://tfl.nu/bxit
  Replies (2) Good night (581) Bad night (293)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.

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  (604): My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both. http://tfl.nu/t7s4
  Replies (3) Good night (784) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt