Texts From Last Night

Texts from August, 2012

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  (509): View more from Washington

  I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?

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  (509): I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood. (609): That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do? http://tfl.nu/arvc
  Replies (7) Good night (1527) Bad night (326)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"

  (406): View more from Montana

  Midwestern nice.

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  (608): He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!" (406): Midwestern nice. http://tfl.nu/grmw
  Replies (10) Good night (2815) Bad night (667)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.

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  (231): A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners. http://tfl.nu/ba89
  Replies (11) Good night (2132) Bad night (337) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.

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  (206): Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates. http://tfl.nu/0lrq
  Replies (5) Good night (796) Bad night (376) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches

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  (248): We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches http://tfl.nu/48qq
  Replies (4) Good night (924) Bad night (328) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."

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  (734): Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask." http://tfl.nu/9mhd
  Replies (6) Good night (1154) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project

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  (207): I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project http://tfl.nu/3ddm
  Replies (1) Good night (1039) Bad night (257) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch

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  (813): Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch http://tfl.nu/bywg
  Replies (7) Good night (1283) Bad night (260) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.

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  (336): You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed. http://tfl.nu/8v03
  Replies (3) Good night (800) Bad night (262) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"

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  (203): If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am" http://tfl.nu/kogk
  Replies (5) Good night (526) Bad night (1258)
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  (351): View more from Massachusetts

  I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.

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  (351): I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh. http://tfl.nu/v1ee
  Replies (1) Good night (835) Bad night (286) Order T-Shirt
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  (347): View more from New York

  I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.

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  (347): I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong. http://tfl.nu/uiaa
  Replies (13) Good night (1705) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.

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  (515): I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes. http://tfl.nu/92xn
  Replies (14) Good night (1623) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?

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  (615): I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there? http://tfl.nu/ykvu
  Replies (4) Good night (1125) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.

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  (205): Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up. http://tfl.nu/igo8
  Replies (6) Good night (2276) Bad night (413)