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Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
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