Texts From Last Night

Texts from May, 2012

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  (805): View more from California

  It's like a toaster oven for my penis

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  (805): It's like a toaster oven for my penis http://tfl.nu/6tvc
  Replies (7) Good night (815) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
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  (432): View more from Texas

  She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick

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  (432): She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick http://tfl.nu/csbc
  Replies (10) Good night (980) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt
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  (530): View more from California

  i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.

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  (530): i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina. http://tfl.nu/en62
  Replies (8) Good night (1044) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.

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  (520): This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings. http://tfl.nu/9nj8
  Replies (6) Good night (1638) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out

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  (734): When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out http://tfl.nu/vrth
  Replies (5) Good night (696) Bad night (1235)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.

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  (+61): It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls. http://tfl.nu/jcbb
  Replies (1) Good night (994) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.

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  (540): I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish. http://tfl.nu/1i5o
  Replies (8) Good night (965) Bad night (498)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.

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  (631): Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week. http://tfl.nu/z2q6
  Replies (2) Good night (1013) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.

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  (310): I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient. http://tfl.nu/0squ
  Replies (1) Good night (1141) Bad night (326) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger

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  (+61): The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger http://tfl.nu/x8sq
  Replies (4) Good night (437) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.

  (1-310): View more from California

  You're sick. Take pictures if you can.

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  (310): I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had. (1-310): You're sick. Take pictures if you can. http://tfl.nu/uy3u
  Replies (4) Good night (1694) Bad night (396)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"

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  (304): He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to" http://tfl.nu/krok
  Replies (4) Good night (1376) Bad night (440)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.

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  (303): The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate. http://tfl.nu/zqvn
  Replies (2) Good night (1647) Bad night (327) Order T-Shirt
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.

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  (931): And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara. http://tfl.nu/ndct
  Replies (6) Good night (1501) Bad night (330) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.

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  (401): Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool. http://tfl.nu/duy9
  Replies (7) Good night (1858) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt