Texts From Last Night

Texts from January, 2013

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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.

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  (678): Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to. (404): We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit. http://tfl.nu/4kzw
  Replies (2) Good night (1014) Bad night (523)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.

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  (304): Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed. http://tfl.nu/uiwu
  Replies (4) Good night (936) Bad night (179) Order T-Shirt
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all

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  (434): It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all http://tfl.nu/veuh
  Replies (0) Good night (536) Bad night (190) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.

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  (410): You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club. http://tfl.nu/mn4e
  Replies (3) Good night (497) Bad night (222) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.

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  (240): I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber. http://tfl.nu/iuw9
  Replies (4) Good night (483) Bad night (198) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.

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  (267): Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal. http://tfl.nu/sw1l
  Replies (5) Good night (221) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I believe they call that patchouli.

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  (631): Whatever she smells like compost and feathers. (508): I believe they call that patchouli. http://tfl.nu/ql5w
  Replies (7) Good night (463) Bad night (581)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love

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  (847): I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love http://tfl.nu/ldev
  Replies (3) Good night (263) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i think the last part kind of negates the first part there

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  (773): I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off. (847): i think the last part kind of negates the first part there http://tfl.nu/g7hy
  Replies (3) Good night (807) Bad night (226)
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  (415): View more from California

  Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.

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  (415): Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN. http://tfl.nu/d27u
  Replies (5) Good night (392) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.

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  (561): I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/c2xb
  Replies (10) Good night (202) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.

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  (860): Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers. http://tfl.nu/ep00
  Replies (7) Good night (314) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.

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  (715): The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots. http://tfl.nu/aoap
  Replies (6) Good night (799) Bad night (206) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.

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  (406): I have better things to do with my life than be faithful. http://tfl.nu/xz80
  Replies (8) Good night (440) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?

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  (443): There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut? http://tfl.nu/irwu
  Replies (3) Good night (214) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt