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just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
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