Texts From Last Night

Texts from November, 2011

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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.

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  (318): That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot. http://tfl.nu/7dw2
  Replies (12) Good night (1925) Bad night (899)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.

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  (850): I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school. http://tfl.nu/ocap
  Replies (7) Good night (1562) Bad night (539)
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  (518): View more from New York

  He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.

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  (518): He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on. http://tfl.nu/jgdt
  Replies (6) Good night (3009) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.

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  (480): Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea. http://tfl.nu/s5ct
  Replies (5) Good night (590) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.

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  (317): Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road. http://tfl.nu/vlcv
  Replies (18) Good night (3179) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
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  (695): View more from

  it was like a congratulatory penis slap

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  (695): it was like a congratulatory penis slap http://tfl.nu/qsp5
  Replies (17) Good night (1107) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.

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  (401): The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success. http://tfl.nu/2cay
  Replies (2) Good night (1200) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.

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  (214): My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous. http://tfl.nu/7yfd
  Replies (4) Good night (1739) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  $100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.

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  (508): $100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me. http://tfl.nu/si9y
  Replies (16) Good night (2379) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?

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  (402): What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something? http://tfl.nu/b3em
  Replies (16) Good night (2260) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.

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  (405): No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm. http://tfl.nu/8gfx
  Replies (4) Good night (1919) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.

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  (812): I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator. http://tfl.nu/ijx1
  Replies (21) Good night (2046) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
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  (739): View more from

  The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.

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  (739): The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous. http://tfl.nu/v9ao
  Replies (13) Good night (3220) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD

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  (425): UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD http://tfl.nu/7k7x
  Replies (9) Good night (2394) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?

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  (215): Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you? http://tfl.nu/d57s
  Replies (7) Good night (1411) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt