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Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
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