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I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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