Texts From Last Night

Texts from May, 2012

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  (613): View more from Ontario

  He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours

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  (613): He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours http://tfl.nu/8ij2
  Replies (3) Good night (795) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK

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  (248): THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK http://tfl.nu/8so3
  Replies (4) Good night (1062) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?

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  (305): My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become? http://tfl.nu/9kst
  Replies (2) Good night (886) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity

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  (218): He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity http://tfl.nu/7l4i
  Replies (5) Good night (783) Bad night (351) Order T-Shirt
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.

  (1-940): View more from Texas

  Why don't we hang out more often?

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  (940): I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2. (1-940): Why don't we hang out more often? http://tfl.nu/7whw
  Replies (8) Good night (1035) Bad night (349)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication

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  (717): Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication http://tfl.nu/j4oj
  Replies (11) Good night (952) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.

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  (778): He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight. http://tfl.nu/e9s1
  Replies (5) Good night (1049) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.

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  (631): I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation. http://tfl.nu/bilr
  Replies (1) Good night (894) Bad night (338) Order T-Shirt
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.

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  (775): True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob. http://tfl.nu/jwe6
  Replies (8) Good night (938) Bad night (373) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.

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  (206): I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling. http://tfl.nu/5feo
  Replies (6) Good night (1085) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
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  (626): View more from California

  We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40

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  (626): We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40 http://tfl.nu/yjln
  Replies (3) Good night (1384) Bad night (405)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.

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  (252): At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys. http://tfl.nu/070i
  Replies (6) Good night (1150) Bad night (464)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.

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  (215): If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life. http://tfl.nu/9g40
  Replies (2) Good night (995) Bad night (455)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.

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  (440): Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved. http://tfl.nu/v30q
  Replies (3) Good night (1527) Bad night (367)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day

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  (404): I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day http://tfl.nu/nvho
  Replies (1) Good night (708) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt