Texts From Last Night

Texts from March, 2012

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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.

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  (250): I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick. http://tfl.nu/pl6y
  Replies (18) Good night (844) Bad night (1749) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.

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  (973): He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me. http://tfl.nu/2l9a
  Replies (10) Good night (448) Bad night (1407)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  ...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.

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  (425): ...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense. http://tfl.nu/ojne
  Replies (2) Good night (752) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day

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  (617): FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day http://tfl.nu/h5lz
  Replies (8) Good night (2140) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.

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  (303): Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win. http://tfl.nu/txmv
  Replies (7) Good night (1283) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.

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  (763): she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick. http://tfl.nu/by59
  Replies (5) Good night (502) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.

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  (423): They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire. http://tfl.nu/4291
  Replies (1) Good night (525) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.

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  (206): I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again. http://tfl.nu/7eb6
  Replies (6) Good night (1112) Bad night (353) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no

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  (765): I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no http://tfl.nu/iykq
  Replies (11) Good night (1756) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having

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  (607): Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having http://tfl.nu/7a1k
  Replies (7) Good night (1280) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Found 2 Coors, problem solved.

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  (773): Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that??? (773): Found 2 Coors, problem solved. http://tfl.nu/6q5w
  Replies (11) Good night (1583) Bad night (366)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..

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  (203): I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground.. http://tfl.nu/w7v0
  Replies (2) Good night (1023) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.

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  (573): So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs. http://tfl.nu/477y
  Replies (12) Good night (2403) Bad night (459)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.

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  (508): He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is. http://tfl.nu/qf8i
  Replies (8) Good night (725) Bad night (1421) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.

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  (203): what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame. http://tfl.nu/l6g2
  Replies (9) Good night (1188) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt