Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (714)

Last Night in California (714)

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(714): View more from California

Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me

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(714): Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me http://tfl.nu/5ujc

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we're chasing vodka with high fives

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(714): we're chasing vodka with high fives http://tfl.nu/2m9s

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I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.

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(714): I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky. http://tfl.nu/5xyb

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I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

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I gave it to your brother to give to you.

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(714): I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it? (949): I gave it to your brother to give to you. http://tfl.nu/fwxt

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Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.

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Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."

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(712): Doctor said I have sports induced asthma. (714): Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape." http://tfl.nu/hfcj

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the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester

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(714): the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester http://tfl.nu/u653

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turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker

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(714): turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker http://tfl.nu/o91j

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so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)

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i'm so jealous of you right now.

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(714): so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;) (1-714): i'm so jealous of you right now. http://tfl.nu/egrq

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drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.

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(714): drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well. http://tfl.nu/2mtg

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So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him

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(714): So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him http://tfl.nu/b7ho

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I would go down on you faster than GM stock

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(714): I would go down on you faster than GM stock http://tfl.nu/ai9f

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i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick

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(714): i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick http://tfl.nu/4tuf

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Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.

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(714): Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are. http://tfl.nu/u4g1

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I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.

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(714): I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie. http://tfl.nu/xp3y

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Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful

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(714): Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful http://tfl.nu/3flc

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Last Night in California (714)

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