Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New Jersey (551)

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  She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does

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  (551): She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does http://tfl.nu/519t
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  the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit

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  (551): the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit http://tfl.nu/ma7y
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  1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.

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  (551): 1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one. http://tfl.nu/vtrz
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  Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva

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  (551): Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva http://tfl.nu/0m5z
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  Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead

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  NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"

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  (551): Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead (201): NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it" http://tfl.nu/4pzt
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  Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK

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  (551): Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK http://tfl.nu/f4xz
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  do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??

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  (551): do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse?? http://tfl.nu/m371
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  And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...

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  (551): And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries... http://tfl.nu/h7d9
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  The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.

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  (551): The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet. http://tfl.nu/8f2g
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  I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week

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  (551): I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week http://tfl.nu/k48u
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  Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.

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  (551): Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win. http://tfl.nu/l1vw
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  Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners

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  (551): Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners http://tfl.nu/77j3
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  i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me

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  (551): i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me http://tfl.nu/tacv
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  No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.

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  (551): No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours. http://tfl.nu/8sve
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  Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop

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  I really wish I could say this is a new low for you

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  (201): Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop (551): I really wish I could say this is a new low for you http://tfl.nu/0p1x
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