Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (250)

Last Night in British Columbia (250)

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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?

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(250): Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom? http://tfl.nu/cirg

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If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.

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(250): If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour. http://tfl.nu/xxvi

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Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.

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I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.

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(250): Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you. (1-250): I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this. http://tfl.nu/x6e9

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I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.

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(250): I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you. http://tfl.nu/p3o8

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A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja

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(250): A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja http://tfl.nu/h6o5

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I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.

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(250): I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown. http://tfl.nu/tv3d

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I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way

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(250): I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way http://tfl.nu/xurx

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you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".

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(250): you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday". http://tfl.nu/bzic

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i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.

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(250): i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay. http://tfl.nu/ht4h

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woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .

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(250): woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" . http://tfl.nu/721o

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I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA

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(250): I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA http://tfl.nu/zqva

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tequila makes me forget i have legs

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(250): tequila makes me forget i have legs http://tfl.nu/9rzk

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I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower

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(250): I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower http://tfl.nu/dtnj

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I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.

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(250): I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official. http://tfl.nu/pkh7

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I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.

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(250): I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete. http://tfl.nu/p0ju

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Last Night in British Columbia (250)

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