Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (956)

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  Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity

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  (956): Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity http://tfl.nu/xcgi
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  is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?

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  no

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  (956): is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge? (210): no http://tfl.nu/pkgs
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  She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.

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  (956): She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy. http://tfl.nu/bi3k
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  The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.

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  (956): The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging. http://tfl.nu/1enr
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  If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?

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  (956): If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you? http://tfl.nu/uuhm
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  And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.

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  (956): And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice. http://tfl.nu/wqun
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  found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.

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  (956): found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint. http://tfl.nu/dk3f
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  while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"

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  (956): while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it" http://tfl.nu/f0so
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  Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .

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  (956): Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . . http://tfl.nu/ha2v
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  I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward

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  (956): I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward http://tfl.nu/ltxx
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  Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."

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  (956): Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..." http://tfl.nu/geex
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  around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...

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  (956): around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people... http://tfl.nu/4vgn
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  im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.

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  (956): im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober. http://tfl.nu/pinp
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  Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.

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  (956): Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs. http://tfl.nu/dv3c
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  You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.

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  (956): You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head. http://tfl.nu/2njk
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