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Last Night in Texas (903)

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her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.

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(903): her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top. http://tfl.nu/4up5

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I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes

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(903): I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes http://tfl.nu/cr2r

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One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.

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(903): One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down. http://tfl.nu/7y05

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I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.

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(903): I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better. http://tfl.nu/5s87

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I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!

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What does that even mean?

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(903): I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude! (1-903): What does that even mean? http://tfl.nu/qhna

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u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?

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Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?

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(903): u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird? (214): Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb? http://tfl.nu/cbow

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pop tarts are not kleenex

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(903): pop tarts are not kleenex http://tfl.nu/wjj4

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He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...

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(903): He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered... http://tfl.nu/skgw

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....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."

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(903): ....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot." http://tfl.nu/zqj2

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Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.

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(903): Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/yv47

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Your vagain smells worse when im sober.

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sorry, worng number

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(903): Your vagain smells worse when im sober. (903): sorry, worng number http://tfl.nu/xznv

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And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either

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(903): And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either http://tfl.nu/k8z3

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I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.

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That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.

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(903): I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative. (903): That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame. http://tfl.nu/rh6l

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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.

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(903): I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk. http://tfl.nu/07kh

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I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"

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(903): I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition" http://tfl.nu/bud7

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Last Night in Texas (903)

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