Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (862)

Last Night in New Jersey (862)

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i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life

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(862): i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life http://tfl.nu/57hm

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nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.

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Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.

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yet...

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(732): nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug. (732): Needless to say there is no second date for this girl. (862): yet... http://tfl.nu/och4

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Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip

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(862): Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip http://tfl.nu/drj8

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Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside

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(862): Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside http://tfl.nu/iwzn

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i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge

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(862): i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge http://tfl.nu/uife

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I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?

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(862): I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this? http://tfl.nu/11gl

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so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?

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(862): so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge? http://tfl.nu/lcjy

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Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.

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(862): Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me. http://tfl.nu/hfa7

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watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin

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doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you

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(862): watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin (1-862): doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you http://tfl.nu/gtrz

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That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light

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(862): That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light http://tfl.nu/4kbw

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textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me

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that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.

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(862): textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me (973): that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world. http://tfl.nu/8ia3

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found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"

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(862): found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later" http://tfl.nu/lryz

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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism

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(862): I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism http://tfl.nu/6czv

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My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job

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(862): My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job http://tfl.nu/i0ci

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win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight

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(862): win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight http://tfl.nu/0j1g

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Last Night in New Jersey (862)

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