Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (832)

Last Night in Houston, Texas (832)

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.

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(832): i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week. http://tfl.nu/mv1q

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.

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(832): The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left. http://tfl.nu/7tek

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At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??

(713): View more from Texas

Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.

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(832): At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept?? (713): Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger. http://tfl.nu/oww9

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.

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(832): Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/8o52

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.

(713): View more from Texas

what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.

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(832): my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over. (713): what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper. http://tfl.nu/jxuh

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.

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(832): I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice. http://tfl.nu/6cq1

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.

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(832): Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on. http://tfl.nu/m36i

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.

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(832): I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week. http://tfl.nu/ubxf

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card

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(832): What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card http://tfl.nu/62j9

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(417): View more from Missouri

quadriplegic porn is always funny

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

no. no its not

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(417): quadriplegic porn is always funny (832): no. no its not http://tfl.nu/0tdp

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina

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(832): it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina http://tfl.nu/a6qo

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face

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(832): She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face http://tfl.nu/40gf

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You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry

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(832): You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry http://tfl.nu/vuqf

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.

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(832): I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes. http://tfl.nu/wfe6

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

He's a collector of sorts

(713): View more from Texas

Any cool stuff?

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk

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(832): He's a collector of sorts (713): Any cool stuff? (832): You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk http://tfl.nu/cuoh

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Last Night in Houston, Texas (832)

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