Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (516)

Last Night in New York (516)

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onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?

(443): View more from Maryland

he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?

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(516): onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please? (443): he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag? http://tfl.nu/5o6h

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she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".

(917): View more from New York City

I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.

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(516): she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag". (917): I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag. http://tfl.nu/7xie

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I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen

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(516): I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen http://tfl.nu/keq8

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she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen

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(516): she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen http://tfl.nu/pvgu

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A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.

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(516): A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood. http://tfl.nu/uye1

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the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.

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(516): the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother. http://tfl.nu/cizt

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doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine

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(516): doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine http://tfl.nu/5fcf

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i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"

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(516): i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth" http://tfl.nu/n9fj

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She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning

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(516): She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning http://tfl.nu/jaay

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He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.

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(516): He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home. http://tfl.nu/ewc8

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Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.

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(516): Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter. http://tfl.nu/yfry

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i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor

(1-516): View more from New York

did you bang her?

(516): View more from New York

seriously?

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(516): i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor (1-516): did you bang her? (516): seriously? http://tfl.nu/fyme

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we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class

(914): View more from New York

isnt today saturday?

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(516): we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class (914): isnt today saturday? http://tfl.nu/dclk

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Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?

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(516): Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom? http://tfl.nu/hpn8

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i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes

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(516): i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes http://tfl.nu/j5p1

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Last Night in New York (516)

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