Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (508)

Last Night in Massachusetts (508)

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guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.

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Haha, bad night?

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(617): guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS. (508): Haha, bad night? http://tfl.nu/huzs

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Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk

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(508): Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk http://tfl.nu/jmus

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dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.

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(508): dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced. http://tfl.nu/9kh7

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Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay

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(508): Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay http://tfl.nu/rfq4

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I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.

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(508): I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch. http://tfl.nu/jvw8

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Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag

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I need new friends

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(508): Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag (508): I need new friends http://tfl.nu/z8hc

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well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us

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(508): well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us http://tfl.nu/w698

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she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.

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(508): she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it. http://tfl.nu/mcxs

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no, didnt close...

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What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...

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(508): no, didnt close... (978): What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic... http://tfl.nu/lkpf

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this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"

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(508): this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes" http://tfl.nu/1j0f

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the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.

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(508): the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell. http://tfl.nu/o2wo

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The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken

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(508): The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken http://tfl.nu/dqor

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the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.

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(508): the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful. http://tfl.nu/u6l8

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seriously i just wanna be friends

(1-508): View more from Massachusetts

pass

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(508): seriously i just wanna be friends (1-508): pass http://tfl.nu/b8w4

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I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE

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(508): I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE http://tfl.nu/54pd

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Last Night in Massachusetts (508)

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