Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Arkansas (501)

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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....

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  (501): so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened.... http://tfl.nu/g3ve
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.

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  (501): Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check. http://tfl.nu/gtpb
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.

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  (501): Turns out vomit takes off spray tan. http://tfl.nu/8hd7
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.

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  (501): I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home. http://tfl.nu/r4qk
  Replies (46) Good night (1023) Bad night (4771)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.

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  (501): My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship. http://tfl.nu/h697
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.

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  (501): recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree. http://tfl.nu/wbc5
  Replies (86) Good night (9062) Bad night (4236) Order T-Shirt
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.

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  (501): Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure. http://tfl.nu/9bef
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.

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  (501): i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever. http://tfl.nu/sfg3
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  ok you need to stop NOW

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  (479): okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters (501): ok you need to stop NOW http://tfl.nu/gm1r
  Replies (46) Good night (1107) Bad night (3999)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...

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  (501): So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike... http://tfl.nu/h9ar
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  So my game is weak??

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.

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  (318): So my game is weak?? (501): If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes. http://tfl.nu/3tou
  Replies (10) Good night (971) Bad night (3412)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.

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  (501): I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to. http://tfl.nu/jfhh
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.

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  (501): So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again. http://tfl.nu/au9d
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?

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  (501): My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class? http://tfl.nu/2kq9
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.

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  (501): One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/77ib
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