Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (310)

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  (310): View more from California

  ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.

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  (310): ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude. http://tfl.nu/5a88
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  Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.

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  (310): Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever. http://tfl.nu/fsai
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  Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho

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  (310): Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho http://tfl.nu/chvf
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  I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape

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  wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?

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  why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES

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  (818): I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape (310): wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape? (818): why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES http://tfl.nu/d72u
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  based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment

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  (310): based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment http://tfl.nu/srdh
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  she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.

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  (310): she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category. http://tfl.nu/bs6u
  Replies (55) Good night (657) Bad night (11335)
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  I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.

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  (310): I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen. http://tfl.nu/puzs
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  do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?

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  (310): do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking? http://tfl.nu/6m2c
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  once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there

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  (310): once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there http://tfl.nu/icqv
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  Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?

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  (310): Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck (312): Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to? http://tfl.nu/odqf
  Replies (72) Good night (1937) Bad night (9061)
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  Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING

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  (310): Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING http://tfl.nu/6fv4
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  I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.

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  (310): I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid. http://tfl.nu/amso
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  Obama is so hot when he ends wars.

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  (310): Obama is so hot when he ends wars. http://tfl.nu/7ljv
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  I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.

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  (310): I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/laj1
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  my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.

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  (310): my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings. http://tfl.nu/sarg
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