Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Wyoming (307)

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  I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.

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  (307): I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American. http://tfl.nu/4si2
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  this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.

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  (307): this is worse than the time i threw up a condom. http://tfl.nu/98sx
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  if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.

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  (307): if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself. http://tfl.nu/s9we
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  So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"

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  (307): So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that" http://tfl.nu/5p37
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  Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.

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  (307): Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt. http://tfl.nu/gd2e
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  Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done

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  (307): Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done http://tfl.nu/wa0d
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  Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry

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  I'm hurrying

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  Dude. She just shit herself.

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  (307): Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry (1-307): I'm hurrying (307): Dude. She just shit herself. http://tfl.nu/4o8b
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  i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was

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  (307): i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was http://tfl.nu/vjju
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  Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night

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  (307): Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night http://tfl.nu/tl6b
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  Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care

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  (307): Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care http://tfl.nu/5v6y
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  The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.

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  (307): The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though. http://tfl.nu/bysz
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  We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy

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  (307): We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy http://tfl.nu/folr
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  He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.

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  (307): He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment. http://tfl.nu/tvxk
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  All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet

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  (307): All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet http://tfl.nu/uky8
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  there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence

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  (307): there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence http://tfl.nu/drkc
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